oregon yes

1. look we’ve got a whole store and everything
this is considered the metropolitan area
that’s how many trees we have ok
OREGON
THE LAND OF TREES AND FISH
fishing is a fucking art form here

2. BASIC FACTS
•OK first of all
•it’s pronounced ORE-uh-gun
•not ore-EE-gone
•pronounce it like that and we’ll stab you with a tree branch
•founded in 1859 on motherfucking
Valentine’s Day
•our flag is two-sided and has a
goddamn beaver on the back
•population: 3,899,353
•we’re the reason for the Oregon
Trail video game you played in
elementary school
•enjoy your dysentery

3. SPORTS
our mascots suck
OMG ducks and beavers so scary
especially the college ones
at least one’s a disney character
we’ve got like two professional teams
the Timbers in soccer
and the Trail Blazers in basketball
and frankly with all our teams either they suck or nobody cares

4. PORTLAND
•a bunch of hipsters, bridges, and bicycles
•place where that show “Portlandia” is based
•a fuck ton of weird shit
•like there’s a naked bicycle riding event
•and people dressed up on unicycles
•also VooDoo Doughnut which serves food like this-->
•basically the big city
•oh and one time someone tried to bomb the Christmas
Tree lighting
•“friendly” rivalry with the city of Seattle
•basically they try to see who has more hipsters and water
<--see this? this is normal

5. EASTERN OREGON
•UH??
•UHHHHH???????//????
•COWS AND FARMS AND
SHEEP IM PRETTY SURE?????
•AND A COLLEGE?????
•yeah
•it’s pretty much the ignored
middle child of the entire
state

6. COASTLINE
there’s so much fishing and crabbing you don’t understand
so much
“no don’t eat me pretty please”
we’ve got a balls-rocking aquarium that hosted Shamu for a while
oh and Mo’s
fucking Mo’s
y’all haven’t tasted true clam chowder until you hit up Mo’s

7. NATURE
WE’RE FUCKING HARDCORE ABOUT OUR ENVIRONMENT HERE BRO
LOOK AT THE BEAUITFUL WATERFALL DO YOU SEE IT
AND THIS IS OUR PRIDE AND JOY
MOUNT MOTHERFUCKING HOOD
OUR OCEANS ARE MIRACULOUS
FUCKING FREEZING
BUT MIRACULOUS

8. THERE’S A LOT OF FUCKING WATER
oh my god it rains here so much
you forget what the sun looks like halfway through fall
<--normal weather here in oregon
I can’t count how many rivers we have here
we have the deepest lake in the USA right here-->
guess what it’s all made of?
rain water
all 1,946 feet of it
that’s how much it fucking rains here

9. FAMOUS PEOPLE FROM OREGON
•the creator of nike
•we love our nike
fuk u adidas go home
•UH
•UH???
•UH?????????????
•we don’t have any more people
•but we do have Gravity Falls and Tillamook Ice Cream so suck it
•OH YEAH AND THE CREATOR OF THE SIMPSONS

10. IN CONCLUSION
•there’s a lot of water
•and a lot of crazy shit
•the state is practically made of trees and rain
•and if you pronounce Oregon wrong we will strangle you with our
strong lumberjack hands