4. Conflict in your relationship must be
managed, not completely suppressed.
Flexible couples are;
Creative in problem solving
Willing to compromise
Adaptable
Able to change when the situation calls
for it
When these attributes exist, Stepfamily
couples have the ability to find solutions
to complex problems.
5. Healthy Couples Unhealthy Couples
91 % resolve problems. 84% are unable to resolve problems.
Over time they weed out unhealthy By avoiding conflict they stockpile
relationship issues. debris in their relationship.
95% feel understood during problem 62% don't feel heard by their partner.
discussion. They have good listening The end result is feeling
skills and affirm each other. disconnected . Fears of another
relationship breakup are real.
79% are able to keep small 83% turn molehills into mountains.
disagreements small.
74% have unity in the process by 86% can't even agree on how to
which they tackle disagreements. disagree.
90% give serious consideration to 44% overlook or invalidate other's
disagreement and the need to resolve concerns. They don't see the potential
issues. hazards of allowing build up.
6.
7. 1. Heat– issue
2. Fuel – Process
3. Oxygen –negative feelings
Two common ways we ineffectively
deal with conflict
1. Blame the other personality
2. Bring up old issues
8. Area of Concern Constructive Approach Destructive Approach
Issues Raises and clarifies issues Brings up old issues
Feelings Expresses both positive and Expresses only negative
negative feelings feelings
Information Gives complete and honest Offers only select
information information
Focus Concentrates on the issue Concentrates on the
rather than the person person rather than the
Issue
Blame Accepts mutual blame Blames the other
person for the problem
9. Area of Concern Constructive Approach Destructive Approach
Perception Focuses on similarities Focuses on differences
Change Facilitates change to Minimizes change,
prevent stagnation increasing conflict
Outcome Recognizes that both win Fails to recognize that
when one wins and one
loses, both lose
Intimacy Increases intimacy by Decreases intimacy by
resolving conflict escalating conflict
Attitude Builds trust Creates suspicion
Overall Humility Prideful, self-focused
Posture
10. Graphics, desktop publishing, sequencing and editing my OCOI Studios
Xhilliwhack, BC OCOI.Studios@gmail.com
Cartoons permission by cartoonstock.com
Tables and graphs courtesy of Baker Publishing group
Notas del editor
The phrase “fight like cats and dogs”, indicates that in general, dogs and cats are deemed mortal enemies. However, given the right conditions, even dogs and cats can foster a good relationship.
Conflict ResolutionSticks and stonesmay break my bonesBut words willnever hurt me.CLICK -- NEXT SLIDE---
NOT TRUE!
Conflict in your relationship must be managed, not completely suppressed.Flexible couples are;Creative in problem solvingWilling to compromiseAre adaptableAble to change when the situation calls for it When these attributes exist, Stepfamily couples have the ability to find solutions to complex problems.'
Healthy Couples91 % resolve problems. Over time they weed out unhealthy parts of their relationship by dealing with issues.Unhealthy Couples84% are unable to resolve problems. By avoiding conflict they stockpile debris in their relationship.HC 95% feel understood during problem discussion.They have good listening skills and affirm each other.UC 62% don't feel heard by their partner.The end result is feeling disconnected.Fears of another relationship breakup become more real.HC 79% are able to keep small disagreements small.UC 83% turn molehills into mountains.HC 74% have unity in the process by which they tackle disagreements.UC 86% can't even agree on how to disagree.HC 90% give serious consideration to disagreement and the need to resolve issues.UC 44% overlook or invalidate the other's concerns.They don't see the potential hazards of allowing debris to build up.
Avoid the Fireplace!
1. Heat-- issue that describes couples disagreements2. Fuel – Process how couple interacts3. Oxygen – Each person's negative feelings that drive how they respond to each other.Two common ways we ineffectively deal with conflictBlame the other personality Bring up old issues
Area of ConcernIssuesConstructive Approach Raises and clarifies issuesDestructive Approach Brings up old issuesFeelingsConstructive Approach Expresses both positive and negative feelingsDestructive Approach Expresses only negative feelingsInformationConstructive Approach Gives complete and honest informationDestructive Approach Offers only select informationFocusConstructive Approach Concentrates on the issue rather than the personDestructive Approach Concentrates on the person rather than the IssueBlameConstructive Approach Accepts mutual blameConstructive Approach Blames the other person for the problem
