1. Dying On The Inside - A Child's Grief
The impatient tooting of the car horn startled us into awareness. No one experienced thought beyond
making it through the grievous night. Now the sun was up, and it required a moment to realize that
this only agreed to be like any other school day for everyone else. Horrible tasks always fall to the
youngest child, so I was pushed, unceremoniously, out the door.
Hurrying down the driveway, my personal childish mind searched frantically for the proper words to
express. Taking a deep breath, I caught my head in the car eye-port. Mother woncapital t be needing
a trip to work today. Shes dead.
I vaguely recall the look of shock on the neighbors face as I turned and walked slowly back to the
house.
A gaping hole separated last night from today, and I was left clinging to the edge within bewilderment.
At eleven years old, I was extremely shy... As well as mortified by the sudden, overwhelming attention
of morbid spectators who drove slowly after dark house to glimpse the face area of grief. I didnt know
how to deal with this traumatic event.
For me, time had stopped; however life doesnt cease simply because a dear a person taken away. I
only understood I was lost without mother, while everyone else appeared to be dealing just fine. I
tucked my feelings behind a facade, and did not emerge from my grief for more than a 10 years.
Today, I realize these circumstances are not unusual. NEarly one-third of my young students have
already experienced the passing away of a parent or brother ! School counselors and psychological
health professionals stand ready to assist in times of crisis. Yet, the folks most qualified to help all of
us through the grieving process are those who love us most - our closest family members, friends and
church loved ones.
Most of us feel too awkward to spend much time with a child who is grieving. All of us visit the funeral
home; in the event that he doesnt seem too badly shaken, we convince ourselves that he wouldn't
appreciate our meddling. All of us give his hand a sympathetic squeeze, utter the sincere, Ill be
praying for you, breathe a quick prayer for his emotional healing, and get on with our own lives.
How very wrong is that response ! Quite often, those closest to the youngster are too distracted by
their own grief to notice him floundering. As Christians, we should administer healing, even at the risk
of rejection.
Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in
their stress... (James 1:27)
Therefore, I am afraid your obligation to a grieving child in your family or church will go way beyond a
visit to the actual funeral home. It requires an investment of your life, over the next few months, or
maybe years. Allow me to offer these suggestions:
1. Start with a hug. A handshake is strange to a child, and a pat on the mind is degrading. However, a
loving hug can split through the toughest armor, and often makes the tears of recovery flow.
2. With the parents permission, spend time with the kid. Encourage him to talk about his loss, his
loved one, and the feelings. If he will not talk, YOU talk. Share your own experiences. Leave your self

2. wide open for ANY questions or even concerns.
3. Assure the child that it is normal to charge l
disoriented, overwhelmed, embarrassed, afraid,
angry, depressed, abandoned, hurt and anxious.
4. Dont be afraid to laugh and share a sense to f
humor. Spending too much time in a sad, morbid
atmosphere can lead a child into deep depression,
triggering a multitude of new difficulties.
5. Help the child to envision a worthwhile future. Help
him or her find a reason to be enthusiastic about the next day, about next week, and about the
coming year.
Finally, use this opportunity to reveal the hope that
is within you.
For I know the plans I have for you, states the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to damage you,
plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will make use of me and come and hope to me, and I
will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your coronary heart.
(Jeremiah 29:11-13)
Why else does god allow suffering, if not to attract us closer to Himself? your own loving touch and
your testimony can mean the difference between a child coming to Christ, or dealing with a decade of
unresolved grief.
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An extended illness, for example cancer, often triggers some grieving, depending upon the prognosis
of the disease. It is very natural to want to protect a young child from the fears and uncertainties
involved. But is it wise to hide the fact that oneutes mother, father or brother has a life-threatening
illness? probably not. Even when the prognosis looks very bleak, both the united states Cancer
Society and the nationwide Cancer Institute agree which honesty and openness are important. By
sharing openly with others in the family, a child is better in a position to deal with the stress and
anxiety felt within the home.
Here are some excellent web-sites that offer encouragement in dealing with kids and the emotional
side of most cancers :
http://www.kidskonnected.org
http://cancernet.nCi.nIh.gov/coping.html
[http://kidscope.org/kids.htm]
http://www.cancercare.org
Jeremiah 29