This document discusses speaking the truth in love when having conflict or issues in a relationship. It says conflict is inevitable but how we respond is crucial, and we should respond by speaking the truth in love. It then provides steps for speaking the truth in love, which include checking your motives, choosing the right timing, planning what to say gently and with illustrations, giving affirmation, and risking rejection. The goal is for the truth to be spoken with tact and timing in order to transform relationships and allow growth into Christ.

1. SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

2. Icebreaker: Tongue Twisters
“Whether the weather is cold, or
whether the weather is hot. We’ll be
together whatever the weather,
whether you like it or not.”

3. Speak the Truth in Love
Read Ephesians 4:15
but speaking the truth in love, we
are to grow up in all aspects into
Him who is the head, even Christ.

4. When We have Conflict in a
Relationship
 Conflict is inevitable and necessary in establishing
deep and meaningful relationships.
 How you respond then is crucial. Jesus commands us
to respond by speaking the truth in love. “But
speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all
aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.”
(Ephesians 4:15)

5. What Comes Out of the Mouth Came
from the Heart
 Matthew 12:34-35
The words you speak reflect the real
condition of your heart.
 Matthew 15:11
An angry person speaks hateful words; a
hurting person speaks hurting words. In
the same way, the tongue also impacts the
heart.

6. We have to Control Our Tongue
 Both cursing and blessing can come out of
the same mouth (James 3:8-10).
 For we all stumble in many ways. If
anyone does not stumble in what he says,
he is a perfect man, able to bridle the
whole body as well (James 3:2).

7. Let’s be Careful with Our Words
Matthew 12:36-37
“…for every careless word that people speak, they
shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment,
for by your words you will be justified, and by your
words you will be condemned.
Proverbs 18:21
Our words are bound to impact the lives of others
either negatively or positively. They play an important
role in our relationships so let us choose our words
wisely. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

8. Let’s Speak the Truth in Love
Speaking the truth in love means
you are willing to humble yourself
and to address the issue at hand.

9. Nathan and David
Read 2 Samuel 12: 1-14
Who is your Nathan?
Nathan the prophet
Nathan means "He gave", or "gift of
God."

10. How to Speak the Truth in Love
1. Mind
Do not be quick to react. Process
the situation first.

11. How to Speak the Truth in Love
2. Heart
Check your motive
 If you want to correct the person out
of anger, envy or selfishness, don’t
speak at all
Your heart must be motivated by love
in restoring the person

12. How to Speak the Truth in Love
Timing
 Make sure the timing and the
environment are appropriate.
 Do it when both of you are relaxed
and are not pre-occupied with other
agendas.

13. How to Speak the Truth in Love
Tone of voice. Choose your words
carefully and deliver them in a gentle
and loving manner. Do not be on the
defensive; do not raise your voice. “A
gentle answer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger.”

14. The foundation of love is TRUST.
Therefore say what you mean and mean what you say.
Prov. 20:19; 29:5
Avoid flattery, gossip and slander
Ephesians 4:29
Show love by speaking words that are true and that
build others up in Christ-likeness. “Let no unwholesome
word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as
is good for edification according to the need of the
moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

15. Steps in Speaking the Truth in Love

16. 1. Check your motives
• What is the right motive? to help not to hurt
• 2nd Corinthians 12:19 “We tell you this as Christ’s
servants...Everything we do, dear friends, is for
your benefit.”

17. 2. Think Before You Speak and
should be out of Love
• Proverbs 16:23 “intelligent people think before they
speak; what they say is then more persuasive.”
• 2nd Corinthians 2:4 “For I wrote you out of great
distress and anguish of heart and with many tears,
not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of
my love for you.”

18. 3. Plan the Right Timing
• Don’t say it when the person is:
• Tired
• Under Pressure
• In a hurry

19. The best Time is When….
• Plan when to say it
• Say it when...
• it is the best timing for the person
• the person is rested and ready to hear it
• you both are at your best
• you have privacy

20. 4. Plan What You Will Say
• Proverbs 25:11 “the right word at the right time is
like precious gold set in silver.”

21. Start with Humility and Gentleness
• Introduction: how you introduce a touchy subject
will determine whether it’s going to be received well
or rejected.
• Don’t start with sarcasm and anger
• Do start with humility and gentleness

22. Choose Illustrations that will make
the Person Understands
Illustrations: help the person picture what you want
to say
• choose illustrations the person understands
• don’t choose illustrations you like

23. 5. Plan How You will Say it
• Plan how you are going to say it
• Proverbs 12:18 “ thoughtless words can wound as
deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can
heal.”
• Proverbs 15:1 “a soft answer turns away wrath”

24. Don’t Say it in this Manner
• say it thoughtlessly, or it will hurt the person
• say it offensively or it will be received defensively

25. Do Say it in this Manner
• lower your voice
• say it in a gentle and a humble way

26. Your Word Can Transform
Truth +Tact + timing = Transformation

27. 6. Give Affirmation
• Proverbs 12:25 “a word of encouragement does
wonders!”
• Affirm that:
• you deeply love and care for the person
• you will pray for them and help them
• you believe they can change
• the relationship can be better and that you can be even
closer as a result of this confrontation

28. 7. Risk Rejection
• 2nd Corinthians 7:8-9,12
Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I
did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little
while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but
because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became
sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by
us. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was neither on account of the
one who did the wrong nor on account of the injured party, but rather
that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you
are.

29. Steps in Speaking the Truth in Love
1. Check your motives
2. Think before you speak and should be out of love
3. Plan The right timing
4. Plan what you will say
5. Plan how you will say
6. Give Affirmation
7. Risk Rejection

30. Speak the Truth in Love
Ephesians 4:15
but speaking the truth in love, we
are to grow up in all aspects into
Him who is the head, even Christ.

31. Discussion Questions:
Tongue Temperature. How are you in the area of your
tongue? How can you control your tongue? (Read
Prov. 18:20)
1. True Lies. How does one lie? By exaggeration, silence,
or dishonesty. What is the worst lie you said that
affected your relationship/s negatively? What did you
learn from your experience?
2. Fight or Flight. Is God calling your attention to correct
someone? Do not attack nor withdraw, but speak the truth
in love. How will you apply what you are learning about
speaking the truth in love in this situation? What would
you do differently?