This is the second of a four part workshop on parenting practices for a peaceful home.

1. FIVE
PARENTING
PRACTICES
FOR
A
PEACEFUL
HOME
Welcome
to
Week
Two.
Photo,
Sian
Richards

2. WORKSHOP
TWO
OVERVIEW
• Introduc2ons
• Revisi2ng
Prac2ces
#1
&
#2
– Create
a
HAT
Habit
– Take
Hard
Things
Out
of
Hard
Times
• The
Science
of
Paren2ng
• Paren2ng
Prac2ce
for
a
Peace
Home
#3
– Build
a
Solid
Frame

3. REVISITING
PARENTING
PRACTICE
1
CREATE
A
HOW
ARE
THINGS
HABIT
Create
a
system
that
will
allow
you
to
pro-­‐ac2vely
make
decisions
about
the
life
of
your
family
&
reflect
on
what
prac2ces
work
for
you

4. REVISITING
PARENTING
PRACTICE
1
Create
a
HAT
Habit
• Weekly
Mini
HATs
in
March
Scheduled?
• Quarterly
Off-­‐Sites
Scheduled?
• BabysiQng
calendar
reminder
for
your
Quarterly
Off-­‐Sites?
• Any
ques2ons
now
that
you
have
one
Mini
HAT
under
your
belt?

5. REVISITING
PARENTING
PRACTICE
1
Why
Display
Them?
• What
did
you
do
this
weekend?
How
many
can
remember?
• [micro
prac>ce]:
“Write
it
Down
&
Post
it
Up”
otherwise
known
as
“Tape
is
Your
Friend!”
snackna>on.com,
etsy.com,
&
indulgy.com

6. REVISITING
PARENTING
PRACTICE
1
Next
Steps
• Begin
to
integrate
your
values
into
the
DAILY
language
of
your
family
–
especially
when
you
see
the
value
DEMONSTRATED!
• Prac2ce
saying:
“In
our
family
we…”
– Use
kind
words
to
spread
sunshine.
– Use
our
strength
to
defend
&
protect.
– Say,
“You
can
play!”

7. REVISITING
PARENTING
PRACTICE
1
Why
use
“In
our
family
we…”?
• “First,
we’re
orien2ng
them,
and
nothing
orients
beaer
than
an
authen2cally
stated,
deeply
held
value.
And
second,
we’re
crea2ng
a
family-­‐values
pillar
around
which
they
can
orbit.
We
are
clarifying
for
them
what
our
family
does
not
do,
what
our
family
does.”
– Kym
John
Payne,
The
Soul
of
Discipline
(pp.
15)

8. ART
OF
PARENTING
Paren>ng
Partner
Time
• Pick
one
of
your
values
• Select
one
posi2ve
SPECIFIC
behavior
that
you
consider
an
example
of
this
value
– Your
children
should
currently
demonstrate
this
(even
if
only
occasionally!)
• Write
a
“script”
of
what
you
will
say
when
you
see
that
behavior
occur
at
home
• This
is
a
Caught
You
Being
Good
exercise!

9. REVISITING
PARENTING
PRACTICE
2
TAKE
HARD
THINGS
OUT
OF
HARD
TIMES
Remove
the
unnecessary
and
move
the
mobile
out
of
hard
2mes
Not
an
example
☺

10. REVISITING
PARENTING
PRACTICE
2
Take
Hard
Things
Out
of
Hard
Times
1) Iden2fied
one
difficult
2me
of
the
day
2) Made
a
list
of
all
of
the
tasks
we
are
aaemp2ng
to
accomplish
during
that
2me
3) Asked
two
ques2ons:
• Is
the
task
necessary?
(Does
it
have
to
be
done?)
• Is
the
task
mobile?
(Does
it
have
to
be
done
now?)
4) Iden2fied
one
hard
thing
to
move
or
remove
from
a
hard
2me

11. TAKE
HARD
THINGS
OUT
OF
HARD
TIMES
Some
of
Your
Ideas
Moved
prepara2on
of
clothes,
winter
gear
&
lunches
out
of
AM
to
PM
Moved
puQng
jackets
on
upstairs
rather
than
downstairs
Moved
loca2on
of
bath
2me
to
facilitate
independence
Moved
offer
to
help
to
put
on
jacket
BEFORE
problem
behavior
rather
than
wai2ng
for
it
to
occur
Moved
AM
dressing
before
breakfast
instead
of
ajer
Moved
vocal
2me
reminders
out
of
bed2me
and
replaced
with
a
song

12. ART
OF
PARENTING
Community
Time
• Group
1:
Preparing
to
leave
for
school
• Group
2:
Meal
2mes
• Group
3:
Bed2me
Ques>ons
for
Discussion
What
hard
thing
did
you
take
out
of
a
hard
2me?
Was
it
difficult
to
make
the
change?
Have
you
reaped
any
benefits
yet?

13. THE
SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Meet
the
Premack
Principle

14. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
The
Premack
Principle
• A
principle
of
reinforcement
• (What
is
reinforcement
again?)
– Consequence
results
in
increased
probability
of
the
behavior
in
the
future!
• Which
states
that….
• An
opportunity
to
engage
in
more
probable
behaviors
• Will
reinforce
less
probable
behaviors!

15. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
More
Probable
(FUN!)
Less
Probable
(LESS
FUN!)

16. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
Less
Probable
(LESS
FUN)
More
Probable
(FUN!)

17. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
Child
plays
with
legos
Child
puts
on
coat
&
boots

18. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
• Which
is
more
probable?
• Child
plays
with
legos
• Child
puts
on
coat
&
boots
• WHEN
POSSIBLE,
LET
FUN
FOLLOW!

19. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
Child
puts
on
coat
&
boots
Child
plays
with
Legos

20. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
Child
eats
dinner
Child
plays
with
Dad
Child
brushes
teeth
for
bed

21. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
• Which
is
more
probable?
• Child
brushes
teeth
for
bed
• Child
plays
with
Dad
• WHEN
POSSIBLE,
LET
FUN
FOLLOW!

22. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Are
you
leVng
Premack
help
you?
Child
eats
dinner
Child
brushes
teeth
for
bed
Child
plays
with
Dad

23. SCIENCE
OF
BEHAVIOR
Order
MaXers
I
have
no
objec2on
to
using
individually-­‐
determined
reinforcers
to
strengthen
new
behavior
but
this
is
even
easier!
Re-­‐arrange
your
already
occurring
events
&
put
The
Premack
Principle
to
work
for
you!
[micro
prac>ce]:
When
possible,
let
fun
follow!

24. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
BUILD
A
SOLID
FRAME
Otherwise
known
as
Put
your
Waffles
in
a
House.
Building
our
House
by
Jonathan
Bean
Image
via
us.macmillian.com

25. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
POP
Quiz
• Is
structure
good
for
children?
• Is
structure
good
for
parents?
Signs
point
to
YES!
MaXel.com

26. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Personal
preference
• Where
do
you
fall
on
the
“love
of
structure”
con2nuum?
Structure
is
suffoca2ng
&
bland
Structure
is
the
key
to
peace
&
joy

27. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Why
build
a
solid
frame?
• Slot
machines
employ
variable
ra2o
schedules
to
maintain
high
levels
of
game
play
• As
parents
we
ojen
accidentally
do
the
same!
• Build
a
Solid
Frame,
not
a
Slot
Machine
Classroomclipart.com

28. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
The
Waffle
War
• Let’s
say
your
son
loves
frozen
waffles
• He
ojen
asks
for
them
when
he
passes
by
the
freezer:
– Some2mes
you
say
“Okay”
&
give
him
one
– Some2mes
you
say
“No”
&
he
flops/cries
• It
drives
you
crazy
because
he
usually
asks
around
meal
2me
but…
– When
you
give
him
waffles
he
doesn’t
eat
a
proper
dinner
– When
you
don’t
he
throws
a
tantrum
while
you
are
preparing
dinner!
A
lose-­‐lose!

29. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Winning
the
Waffle
War
• Right
now,
because
the
waffles
are
available
on
a
variable
schedule
it
is
YOU
vs.
HIM
in
the
waffle
war!
• It
doesn’t
have
to
be
that
way!
• You
take
that
highly
preferred
item
and
you
PLACE
IT
IN
AN
UNMOVEABLE,
SOLID
FRAME
• You
keep
it
in
that
exact
frame
un2l
it
is
no
longer
a
hot
buaon
issue!

30. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Put
Your
Waffles
a
House
Earthsbest.com

31. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Three
Useful
Types
of
Frames
• Moment
Frame
– “Sure
you
can
have
a
waffle.
First
we’ll
eat
supper
&
if
you
are
s2ll
hungry
you
can
have
a
waffle.”
• Daily
Frame
– “Sure
you
can
have
a
waffle.
We
always
brush
our
teeth
in
the
morning
&
then
we
eat
waffles
for
breakfast.”
• Weekly
Frame
– “Sure
you
can
have
a
waffle.
We
ALWAYS
have
waffles
on
Saturday
morning
in
our
family!”

32. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
A
Solid
Frame
• A
Solid
Frame
will
triumph
over
denied-­‐access
based
challenging
behavior
(which
may
look
like
nego2a2on,
whining
&
tantrums)
• It
takes
a
lot
of
work
to
build
a
solid
frame
so
just
build
ONE
at
a
2me

33. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Frame
Building
Then
we
do
THAT!
First
we
do
THIS,
Sure
we
can
do
THAT!

34. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Moment
Frame
Examples
• Sure
we
can
read
a
book!
First
put
your
blocks
in
the
basket,
then
we’ll
read
a
book.
• Sure
we
can
go
out
to
play!
First
put
your
lovey
in
your
crib,
then
we’ll
go
out
to
play!
• Sure
you
can
have
bath
crayons!
First
I
will
rinse
your
hair,
then
you
can
have
bath
crayons!
• Sure
you
can
color
with
crayons!
First
set
the
napkins
on
the
table,
then
you
can
color!

35. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Daily
Frame
Examples
• Sure
you
can
have
milk!
We
always
sit
down
for
a
meal
&
then
have
milk.
• Sure,
you
can
go
to
the
park!
We
always
take
naps
&
then
go
to
the
park.
• Sure,
you
can
watch
a
show!
We
always
get
ready
for
dinner
&
then
watch
one
show.
• Sure,
you
can
play!
We
always
get
ready
for
bed
&
then
we
play.

36. PARENTING
PRACTICE
3
Weekly
Frame
Examples
• Sure
you
can
have
a
bath!
We
take
baths
on
Wednesdays
&
Weekends.
• Sure
you
can
have
pizza!
We
have
pizza
on
Friday
nights!
• Sure
you
can
Face2me
with
Grandma!
We
Face2me
with
Grandma
on
Saturday
mornings.

37. ART
OF
PARENTING
Community
Time
• Group
1:
iPad
enthusiast
– Child
asks
to
use
iPad
during
any
free
2me
at
home
• Group
2:
Bed2me
book
lover
– Child
always
asks
for
one
more
book
• Group
3:
Meal
2me
nego2ator
– Child
wants
dessert
but
won’t
eat
real
food
without
a
fight
Your
Task
Decide
if
a
Moment
Frame,
a
Daily
Frame
or
a
Weekly
Frame
is
the
best
fit
for
the
imagined
need.
Build
a
Solid
Frame
to
help
restore
peace
to
the
family!
Sure
That!
First
This,
Then
That!

39. AT-­‐HOME
EXTENSIONS
Send
me
a
picture
of
your
POSTED:
-­‐
Value
in
Ac2on
AND
-­‐
Strong
Frame

40. STAY
IN
TOUCH
Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com
Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com
Consider coming early next week for my office hours
from 5:30 – 6pm here in the library if you have
specific questions or want to review!