Apply these 7 steps to your relationships and I guarantee you success.

1. LOWENFIELD ALLEYNE
GRANVILLE SEVENTH-DAY
ADVENTIST CHURCH

2. 7 STEPS TO HAPPILY EVER AFTER
1. AVOID ADDICTION, ADULTERY AND ABUSE
2. NO FRICTION, NO HEAT
3. PUT THE CROCUS BAG DOWN
4. STOKE THE FIRE
5. THE 60:40 RULE
6. DON’T MISS A THING
7. NUFF RESPECT

3. AVOID ADDICTION,
ADULTERY, AND ABUSE
• WHAT ARE SOME OF THE
REASONS/CAUSES OF ADDICTION,
ADULTERY OR ABUSE?
• CAN A MARRIAGE SURVIVE IF A SPOUSE
IS AN ADDICT, ADULTERER OR ABUSER?
• ARE PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENTS OK FOR
SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTISTS?
“IF YOU’RE FACING A MOUNTAIN,
FOCUS ON THE NEXT HAND-HOLD
AND SOON YOU’LL BE AT THE TOP.”

4. AVOID ADDICTION,
ADULTERY, AND ABUSE
• THESE THREE A’S ARE THE CULPRITS THAT ARE
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FAILURE OF A LOT OF
MARRIAGES.
• THE EXISTENCE OF ANY OF THESE A’S DOES NOT
HAVE TO ULTIMATELY LEAD TO A FAILED MARRIAGE.
• NEVER ENTER MARRIAGE WITH DIVORCE ON YOUR
MIND!
“IF YOU’RE FACING A MOUNTAIN, FOCUS ON
THE NEXT HAND-HOLD AND SOON YOU’LL BE
AT THE TOP.”

5. NO FRICTION, NO HEAT
• ARE CONFLICTS HEALTHY?
• WHAT IS THE BEST ANGER MANAGEMENT
PRACTICE?
• HOW SHOULD ONE REACT IF HIS/HER SPOUSE
HAS A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW ON AN ISSUE?
• HOW SHOULD YOU TREAT YOUR SPOUSE IF
HE/SHE HAS A WEAK AREA?
“MARRIAGE IS A BED OF ROSES, THORNS AND
ALL.”

6. NO FRICTION, NO HEAT
• MARRIAGES SHOULD HAVE CONFLICT
• NEVER LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR
ANGER
• APPRECIATE EACH PERSON’S POINT OF VIEW
ESPECIALLY IF IT IS DISSIMILAR TO YOURS
• ACCEPT AND ASSIST WITH EACH OTHER’S
WEAKNESSES
“MARRIAGE IS A BED OF ROSES, THORNS
AND ALL.”

7. PUT THE CROCUS BAG DOWN
• IS IT HEALTHY TO HOLD A GRUDGE?
• HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO FIND AN OUTLET FOR
YOUR FRUSTRATION?
• WHAT TECHNIQUES CAN YOU EMPLOY IF YOUR
SPOUSE DOESN’T ALLOW YOU TO AIR YOUR
VIEWS
• DO YOU THINK COMMUNICATION SHOULD BE A
PRIORITY IN RELATIONSHIP?
“HOLDING RESENTMENT IS LIKE DRINKING
POISON AND EXPECTING THE OTHER PERSON
TO DIE.”

8. PUT THE CROCUS BAG DOWN
• DON’T HOLD GRUDGES
• HAVE AN OUTLET FOR YOUR FRUSTRATION
• ALWAYS CLEAR THE AIR – IT MAKES IT EASIER
TO BREATHE
• HAVE OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATION
“HOLDING RESENTMENT IS LIKE DRINKING
POISON AND EXPECTING THE OTHER
PERSON TO DIE.”

9. STOKE THE FIRE
• HOW OFTEN SHOULD COUPLES “GET-AWAY” TO
BE TOGETHER?
• WHAT ARE THE DANGERS OF FLIRTING?
• DO YOU THINK SPOUSES SHOULD KEEP THINGS
(SECRETS) FROM EACH OTHER?
• IS IT IMPORTANT TO HAVE FUN IN ONE’S
RELATIONSHIP?
• WHAT SHOULD ONE DO IF THE MARRIAGE ISN’T
GOING AS EXPECTED?
“IT IS THE QUANTITY OF QUALITY TIME THAT
LEADS TO A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.”

10. STOKE THE FIRE
• HAVE FREQUENT – DO NOT DISTURB MOMENTS
• HAVE A “SINGLE-EYE”
• SHARE EVERYTHING – THERE ARE NO GENDER
SPECIFIC TASKS
• LET YOUR HAIR DOWN – EVEN IF YOU DON’T
HAVE ANY
• TURN FLATTERING INTO FLOURISHING
“IT IS THE QUANTITY OF QUALITY TIME THAT
LEADS TO A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.”

11. THE 60:40 RULE
• SHOULD EVERYTHING IN A MARRIAGE BE DIVIDED
50:50 – CHORES, ETC.?
• WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN TO ‘ME’ IN A MARRIAGE?
• IS IT IMPORTANT TO PUT YOUR SPOUSE’S NEEDS
OR OUR COLLECTIVE NEEDS ABOVE YOUR OWN?
• CAN THE INNOCENT PARTY ALSO BE AT
FAULT/GUILTY?
“ME GETS EVERYTHING IT NEEDS WHEN IT
PUTS WE FIRST.”

12. THE 60:40 RULE
• MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE 50:50, IT SHOULD
BE 60:40 FOR EACH PERSON. GIVE 60 AND TAKE
40.
• SQUASH THE “ME-ME-ME” MENTALITY
• CHOOSE SELFLESSNESS
• BE PERSONALLY ACCOUNTABLE
“ME GETS EVERYTHING IT NEEDS WHEN
IT PUTS WE FIRST.”

13. DON’T MISS A THING
• HOW LONG DO YOU THINK THAT YOUR MARRIAGE
WILL LAST?
• HOW CAN ONE AVOID HAVING REGRETS?
• IS IT NECESSARY TO BALANCE WORK, SCHOOL,
CHILDREN, CHORES AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
• HOW CAN YOU ENJOY THE COMPANY OF YOUR
SPOUSE ALL THE TIME?
“IF THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN IS 77 YEARS, THEN
THAT MEANS WE ONLY HAVE 77 SUMMERS…77
WINTERS…77 CHRISTMAS MORNINGS…77 NEW
YEARS, AND THAT’S IT.”

14. DON’T MISS A THING
• LIFE IS FINITE AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHEN IT
WILL END
• LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS
• STRIVE FOR BALANCE
• ENJOY EACH OTHER’S COMPANY ALL THE TIME
“IF THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN IS 77 YEARS, THEN
THAT MEANS WE ONLY HAVE 77
SUMMERS…77 WINTERS…77 CHRISTMAS
MORNINGS…77 NEW YEARS, AND THAT’S IT.”

15. NUFF RESPECT
• WHAT STRATEGIES CAN ONE EMPLOY TO DEAL WITH A
DOMINEERING/DISRESPECTFUL SPOUSE?
• WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT AND WHY: THE ISSUE OR YOUR
SPOUSE?
• DID YOU KNOW THAT SILENT AND LISTEN ARE SPELT WITH
THE SAME LETTERS? WHY?
• SHOULD ONE ALLOW HIS/HER SPOUSE SOME ALONE TIME?
• IS IT EVER OK TO SPEAK NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE?
“YOU CAN HAVE RESPECT WITHOUT LOVE BUT YOU
CAN’T HAVE LOVE WITHOUT RESPECT.”

16. NUFF RESPECT
• ALWAYS RESPECT, NEVER REJECT
• VALUE THE PERSON MORE THAN THE ISSUE
• LISTEN TO EACH OTHER
• ALLOW SOME “ALONE TIME”
• NEVER SPEAK ILL OF YOUR SPOUSE
“YOU CAN HAVE RESPECT WITHOUT
LOVE BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE LOVE
WITHOUT RESPECT.”

17. QUESTIONS