Interview with Waterford News & Star about impact of suicide

1. ���� �� ��� ���� �� ���������� �������� ���� ��� ����� �������
������
�������� ����� ������ ����
���������� ������ �� ���
��� ���� �� ��� ��� ����� ������� ���������
����� ������ ������� ������ ������� ������ ����� ���� � ��������� ����� ����
���� ����� ���� �����
������ ���� ����� ��� ��������� ��������� ��� ������������ �����
������ � ��������� ������
��� ��� ����� ���� ������ ��� ������� ���� ������ ������ �� ������ ���� �� ��� ��� �����
�� ��������� ��� ������ ��� ���� ��� �����
Waterford United begin
search for new manager
WATERFORD SPORT
Tuesday, May 21st, 2013 Price €2/UK£1.90
35
May 21, 2013
WELL!WELL!
Street Style
Health
What’s Hot/What’s Not
Entertainment
ARTS
Food & Movies
Gardening
Travel
p2
p3
p4..5
p6
p7
p8
p10
p11
streetstyle
WithAGNES STENCEL
ofVintage Trig
PAGES 4 & 5
PAGE 2
Grace Fox and Robyn Flynn, at the
unveiling of the community mural
at Kilcohan organised by the
Sacred Heart Community Action
Group. Photo: Joe Evans
WellWell
Magazine
FREE
INSIDE
• Food
• Mum’s
the Word
• Movies
COMMUNIONS &
CONFIRMATIONS
Pages 30, 31, 76, 77 and 94
Road
back
from
Addiction
Page 15
YOUTH
AWARDS
pgs 34 & 71
Noctor’s
Word
PAGE 82
By Mary Ellen Breen
MMAAGGSS DDuurraanndd OO’’CCoonnnnoorr
wwaass bbeerreeaavveedd bbyy ssuuiicciiddee
ttwwiiccee iinn tthhee ssppaaccee ooff 1122
mmoonntthhss.. HHeerr hhuussbbaanndd,,
DDoonnaall,, aanndd hheerr bbrrootthheerr,,
KKeenn,, wweerree bbootthh jjuusstt 3322
wwhheenn tthheeyy ddiieedd..
Theyarejustafractionof
the number of Waterford
people, men in particular,
who die by suicide on an
annualbasis,withthemost
recent CSO figures reveal-
ing that 15 people from
Waterford ended their life
in2011,anincreaseon2010
figures.Thesuddendeaths
of these two men, so loved
byher,hasleftMagswitha
gnawinggriefandanambi-
tion to stop other people
from going down the same
route.
“Thedevastationitleaves
behind,Idon’tthinkanyone
who takes their life realises
that,”shesaid.
“For people who are
thinking of suicide I beg
them to talk to someone
and try and get past it.
Things will always get bet-
ter.”
SPECIAL REPORT
PAGES 12 & 13
WRH FUTURE - Coverage and Analysis
of Higgins Report - Pages 4 to 6
Left behind
Mags and Donal on
their wedding day.
THE DEVASTATION OF SUICIDE

2. 12 SPECIAL REPORT: SUICIDE Waterford News & Star
May 21, 2013
��������� �������
���� ����� ���� ����������
����� ���������������������
�� ����� �� ��� ��� �������
��������������������
��� ���� �� ��� ��� ������� ���������� ��� ������� ��� ������� �����
���������
��� ��������� ��� ��������������
� ���� ������ � ����������� � ��������
��������
� �������� �������� � ������ �����
� ����� � ������ ����� � ���������� �����
� ���� � ������ � ������
���� ����� �������� �����������
��������� ����� � ����� ��� ����������
��������� ����� � ��� ���� �������� ����������
����
������ � �������� � ���������
�����
���� �� ������ ������� ���������
�� ��� ��� ����
��������
SUICIDE knocked on the
doorofMagsDurandO’Con-
nor’slife,notonce,buttwice,
in the space of one year.
Tragedyfirststruckwhenher
brotherKenDuranddiedjust
seven days before Christmas
in 2010. In November 2011
she found her beloved hus-
band Donal dead in the
housetheyshared,shattering
herlifeforasecondtime.
Mags, from Ballybeg, met
Donal in 2004 through her
brother Ken, affectionately
known as Nen. They were at
a party and connected
immediately, and soon after
becameacouple.
“DonalandNenhadacou-
ple of qualities in common.
They were both huge big
men, both over 6ft. But they
were both big cuddly men,
loversnotfighters.Theywere
really generous, irreverent
andverydirect.Apartyliter-
allydidn’tstartuntiltheboys
arrived.Thethreeofusdida
lot together,” Mags recalled
withasmile.
Donal, originally from
Dunmore East, suffered
heartachein2007,whenthe
PereCharlessankandhelost
hisfatherBilly.
“That was a very difficult
timeforhimastheynevergot
his body back,” Mags
recalled.However,therewas
happinessforthecouple,asa
year after the tragedy Donal
proposedandathrilledMags
accepted.
“At that stage he had got-
tenovertheworstanditwas
areallyhappytimeforus.We
actually had our first foreign
holiday that year. While we
were away he disappeared
one morning and he rang
me. He was after getting my
initials tattooed on his neck.
It was lovely because we
couldn’taffordtogetmarried
straight away and that was
his way of showing his com-
mitment,”shesaid.
TRAGEDY
OneMay15,2010thepair
tied the knot. Seven months
later, on December 17, Mags
younger brother Ken was
found dead in his home in
Ballybeg.Hehaddiedbysui-
cide.
“Itwasashockbecausehe
had been such a ball of life,”
Mags said, recalling her
brother’s love of motorbikes
andsenseoffun.
“He was having some
problems, was under a lot of
pressure and in a toxic rela-
tionship that was very dam-
aging. Now it was just for a
periodofsixweeks,itwasn’t
an extended period of
depression. It was six weeks
where we all knew he was
down.
“Theweekbeforehedied,
I remember saying to Donal,
I think he’s turned a corner
because he seemed more
upbeat. Now, through the
research I’ve done, I’ve
learned that he had come to
his decision. The research
says it’s because that person
is at peace with their choice
(that they appear positive),
but everyone around them
thinksthey’regoingtobeok.”
NO INDICATION
Itwouldbelessthanayear
before Mags found her hus-
band dead upstairs in their
houseinClonardPark,Bally-
beg.
“There wasn’t a period of
him being down. There was
no real indication,” she said,
althoughsherecognisesthat
there were some pressures
thathewasfacing.
“Hewasworkinginsecuri-
tyandhelosthisjob.Hewas
probably feeling the loss of
Nenanddidn’twanttoputit
over on me. I do think there
was a strain from that and
obviouslyfromhisfatherand
losinghisjob,butIdothinkit
was a spur of the moment
thing. It’s like something
snapped. There was nothing
differentintermsofhisusual
routine. It’s not like it was
planned.
“My birthday is at the end
ofNovemberandhehadput
awayapresentforme.When
I first started going out with
himIhadthisreallynastylit-
tlewatchandhefeltsorryfor
me so for every birthday we
were together he bought me
awatch.Weusedtojokethat
bythetimewewereoldwe’d
havethishousethatjustwent
‘ticktock’.Hehadbeenplan-
ningonbeingaroundformy
birthdayandIstilltothisday
can’t get my head around
that.”
Not only that but Mags
had been offered a job in
Dungarvan Enterprise Cen-
tre, where she is currently
employed,justbeforehedied
andthecouplehaddiscussed
movingtoDungarvan.
“Wehadbeenplanningfor
the future,” she said, as she
held onto an anniversary
card given to her by her hus-
band earlier that year, in
whichhesaidhewaslooking
forward to many more years
together.
With emotion weighing
heavily on her voice, she
recalled the morning she
foundDonal.
“He’dhadafewdrinksthe
night before. I was down-
stairsinthelivingroomandI
hadabadfeelinginmystom-
ach.ItkillsmetothisdayasI
was watching television,
thinking I’ll leave him sleep.
It went past 2pm and I
thought he would always be
upbynow.Ifinallyventured
in and found him. I tried to
get him to wake up but he
was obviously dead,” she
said, her eyes filling with
tears.
The rest is much of a blur
for Mags, but the impact
remainsclear18monthson.
“I was stunned. It’s like
you’re after getting hit by a
truck. It’s very hard to
believe, and the first feeling
that hits you is guilt, straight
overyou.
“Donal had such a great
relationship with his mother
and I kept saying to the Gar-
dai, no, he wouldn’t do that
to her. I could not compute
and to this day I still can’t
compute,”shesaid.
Mags said the pair spoke
constantly and she felt she
kneweverythingabouthim.
“We used to make people
sick. We went into our own
bubblewhenweweretogeth-
er. I thought we told each
other everything, we spoke
everyday. From October 7 to
October 31 I had 1,288 mes-
sagesonthephonefromhim.
That’s a lot, considering that
we were living with each
other. We spoke all day,
everyday.”
DEVASTATION
She said the bereavement
experienced following a sui-
cideisdevastating.
“The devastation it leaves
behind, I don’t think anyone
who takes their life realises
that. It’s a different bereave-
ment to losing someone by
an illness. The fact that they
chosetodieissohardtoswal-
lowanditleavesyouwithso
manyquestions.
“You replay every conver-
sation that you ever had.
Could I have done more?
Should I have done more?
Couldn’thetalktome?Could
I have made more time for
him?CouldIhavestoppedit,
basically?
“You want to think you
couldhavemadeadifference
and the guilt is very hard to
carry. Sometimes it literally
eatsatyou.
“There’s also the shock,
thesheerhorrorofitandthe
sadness that they couldn’t
stay. You know they loved
you but it’s hard to get into
theirstateofmind.”
From speaking to those
who have made attempts at
their life, Mags has learned
thatinmanycasestheydon’t
thinkaboutthefinalityofthe
act.
“I spoke to one man who
had six failed attempts and I
asked him what he was
thinkingofatthetimeandhe
said just getting away from
the pain. He said he didn’t
think of living or dying, but
just stopping the pain that
takesoverhisbody.”
PLEA
“Forpeoplewhoarethink-
ingofsuicideIwouldjustbeg
themtotalktosomeoneand
tryandgetpastit.Thingswill
alwaysgetbetter.Lifegoesin
cycles.There’sanexpression,
thingswillneverbeasbadas
this and things will never be
as good as this. Life is made
up of cycles. You need to be
resilient enough to get past
thebad.Iknowit’snoteasyif
your mind is not set for it.
There’s something out there
foreveryone.
“The devastation it leaves
behind, I don’t think anyone
who takes their life realises
that.Researchshows,thatfor
everypersonthatdiesbysui-
cidethere’ssixpeopleaffect-
ed, deeply affected. That’s
sevenlives,ifyouincludethe
person who’s gone, that’s
sevenlivesdevastated.
“People need to under-
stand that they are valued.
Peopleneedtothinkofthose
around them, I know people
in that state of mind don’t
thinkthatway,theyprobably
think people will be better
off.Ifyoucouldgetpeopleto
be mindful enough before
they get depressed that may
help.
“I do think I learned a lot
fromhim.Hegavemealotof
thingswhenhewashereand
Left behindMAGS Durand O’Connor was bereaved by suicide twice in the space of 12 months. Her
husband and her brother were both just 32 when they died some months apart. Here
she talks to reporter MMaarryy EElllleenn BBrreeeenn about the sheer horror of finding a loved one who
has died by suicide, coping with the devastating loss and urges those feeling suicidal to
seek help or simply talk.
Donal O’Connor and Ken (Nen) Durand

3. By Mary Ellen Breen
HELP is there is the message
of the Resource Officer for
SuicidePreventioninWater-
ford to those contemplating
suicide as a solution to life’s
problems. With statistics
showing an annual increase
in death by suicide in Water-
ford, Sean McCarthy is
imploringthosewithdifficul-
ties to avail of the services
locally, with new supports
alsoduetocomeonstream.
The latest CSO statistics
show that 15 people in
Waterfordendedtheirlifeby
suicide in 2011, 13 of these
were males. The previous
year 11 men died by suicide
and two females, with
national statistics also con-
firming that males are most
likelytodieinthismanner.
Mr McCarthy praised the
efforts of Tralee’s Donal
Walsh, a teenage cancer suf-
ferer who prior to his death
campaigned against suicide,
forhisdeterminationtoraise
awarenessonthesubject.
“Hewasayoungmanwho
made a lot of effort to raise
awareness of the issue, par-
ticularlyamongstyoungpeo-
ple. I support all of that, and
particularly his message for
people to reach out and get
help. That help is there.
There’s a number of services
that were not here previous-
ly, now coming on stream,”
hesaid.
Outlining those services
available locally, Mr
McCarthy said a new service
thathascomeintoWaterford
istheSelfHarmIntervention
Programmeforpeopleexpe-
riencing suicidal ideation or
the impulse to self-harm.
PilotedinWexford,itproved
to be working well and has
since been rolled out in
Waterford.
A Counselling in Primary
Care service, available by
doctors’ referral, will be up
and running this summer,
whileSquashyCouch,situat-
ed on the Mall, is a service
directly aimed at teenagers
and offers a relaxed setting
whereby young people can
drop in and speak about any
issuestheymayhave.
A suicide bereavement
support group also meets
every second Tuesday at the
St John’s Pastoral Care Cen-
treat7.30pm.
Mr McCarthy said, “There
areawiderangeofservicesin
the Waterford area and peo-
ple need to reach out and
seekhelp.Thenumberofsui-
cidesweseethroughtheCSO
figures are remaining up
around the 500 figure annu-
ally.Eachoneisatragedyand
we are concerned about the
impact that figure is having
onapersonbeforetheydie.”
He said a death by suicide
has a huge impact in a com-
munity,“Ithasahugeimpact
on a wide range of people,
from family to friends, col-
leagues and people in the
widercommunity.Itcantake
years for people to come to
termswiththat;thenegative
impactofasuicideishuge.
“Over the last number of
months the message has got
outtherethatit’soknottobe
ok. Everyone has problems
and difficulties and if you
reachoutandgetsupportyou
maynotneedtogodownthat
roadofstruggling.Alltheini-
tiativesputinplacearethere
to try and alleviate and to do
something about the contin-
uing high figures in relation
tosuicide,”hesaid.
FFoorr mmoorree iinnffoorrmmaattiioonn oonn
aannyy ooff tthhee sseerrvviicceess aavvaaiillaabbllee
ccoonnttaacctt tthhee RReeggiioonnaall SSuuiicciiddee
PPrreevveennttiioonnOOffffiiccee,,JJoohhnn’’ssHHiillll,,
oonn((005511))887744001133..
SPECIAL REPORT: SUICIDE 13Waterford News & Star
May 21, 2013
it’s a shame, more than that,
it’s devastating that he’s not
here anymore. I wish he
knew how much he gave to
meandhowmuchhegaveto
hisfriendsandhowmuchhe
willneverbeforgotten.”
BEREAVEMENT
Her wedding anniversary
fell last week and Mags said
it renewed her grief once
more.
“There is an element of I
shouldn’t have to do this. I
brought a plant out to his
graveforouranniversaryand
IfeltIshouldbegettingflow-
ers for my anniversary, not
bringing them to his grave.
People do go through such a
wide range of emotions. It
canbetwostepsforwardand
one step back. On Wednes-
day I was a gibbering wreck
and I’m very wobbly this
week. You wonder will you
be pulled back all through
yourlifeandIthinkIwilland
I think people need to be
awareofthat.Thisparticular
typeofgrief,thequestioning
itbrings,ishardtodealwith.
“I have a pain in my heart
since December 2010. It
never goes away. It flares up
worse on certain dates and
goes between my heart and
stomach. It’s always there
and I carry it all the time. All
ittakesisasong,orsomeone
to say something. My broth-
er’s expression was “Stand
your ground” and someone
said that the other day and I
burst out crying. It’s little
thingsthattriggeramemory.
COPING
Mags sought the help of a
professional counsellor to
cope with her bereavement
and she writes in a gratitude
diary every week. She is
determinedtolivethelifeshe
has in memory of those that
aregone.
“I’m very lucky in that my
default state is happy. I can
stay positive. When Donal
died I decided I would try
somethingneweverymonth,
I’d never turn down an invi-
tation and I raise awareness
for suicide and try and help
peopleifIcan.
“My whole life was him.
My social circle was him and
Nen and they are both gone.
I could have ended up very
lonely.Ihadachoice.Icould
sit and rot or I can choose to
live.Theboyswouldwantme
tolive.AndsoIdo.”
She continued, “Life is a
gift.Regretisanemptyemo-
tion,it’snatural,butyouhave
tofightthatandtheguiltorit
willeatyouup.Thebestway
torememberthatpersonisto
live your life and keep their
memoryalive.”
While she accepts that
whatworksforhermightnot
work for someone else, she
asks people not to discard a
method of help before they
tryit.
“I didn’t find a solution
straight away. I had to tinker
withit.Justbecauseitworks
for one person doesn’t mean
itworksforeveryone.It’sjust
to get you back on an even
keel.”
SUPPORT
Mags, who will run the
second Donal O’Connor
Memorial Cycle on Septem-
ber 14 this year to continue
on her quest to raise aware-
ness, also speaks to those
whoareonasimilarjourney
and those feeling suicidal.
She has completed a Safe
TalkprogrammeandSuicide
Assist Programme, which
helpsherrecognisethesigns
of someone feeling suicidal
andalsoequipsherwithhow
totalktothatperson.
Sheiscontactablethrough
the Facebook page Water-
ford555, which she is
involvedinwithShirleyMor-
rissey, who also lost a family
membertosuicide.
Donal Mags and Donal on their wedding day
HELP IS AVAILABLE
Caredoc (Out of hours GP): 1850 334999
Samaritans: 1850 60 90 90
1Life Suicide Help: 1800 247100
Console: 1800 201890
Aware: 1890 303302
Farm & Rural Stress
Helpline: 1800 742645
MABS: 1890 283438
New services to tackle growing number of suicides
Sean McCarthy, Suicide
Prevention Resource Officer
Life’s challenges
can be conquered
By Mary Ellen Breen
ANEWserviceavailabletothosewithsuicidalideationshas
“saved lives”, according to feedback received from partici-
pants.AtholHenwick,Co-ordinatoroftheSelfHarmInter-
vention Programme (SHIP), said 69 people in Waterford
werereferredtotheserviceduringitsfirstyearinWaterford
in2012,andfeedbackfrommanyhasbeenverypositive.
“We have got feedback from people and a lot of it is
extremelypositive.Somepeoplesaidithassavedtheirlives,
that’saverystrongstatementtomake,”hesaid.
The programme became available in Waterford and the
South East in 2012 and participants are referred by a rele-
vant health care professional. The person must opt into the
programme and once they indicate their willingness, they
areseenbyacounsellor.Upto12sessionsareavailableand
ifongoingworkisrequiredtheindividualwillbereferredto
anotheragency.
Speakingabouttheissuesthatcanaffectpeople,MrHen-
wick said, “The current economic climate presents people
withalotofchallenges.Relationshipissuesandselfesteem
issuescanalsopresentdifficulties.”
Hesaidthesessionshelppeopletodealwiththeirpartic-
ular issue, through working on self-esteem, finding a new
copingstrategyotherthanself-harmandworkingoutfinan-
cialdifficulties.
“A problem can seem overwhelming if you are dealing
with it alone. We encourage people to work through their
problems and find that solution. I know people think what
good will talking do, but you won’t know until you give it a
try.Helpisavailableandcanbeavailablereasonablyquick-
ly.” For more information on this service you can contact
Atholon0872586028duringworkinghours.
Counselling in Primary Care is a new service, which will
be up and running in Waterford this summer. It is aimed at
medical cardholders and people must be referred through
their GP. Miriam Barrow, Counselling Co-ordinator for the
South East, said it has been recognised that the service is
needed. “It has been in operation in North Dublin and has
beenverysuccessful.ThereisageneralneedforthisandGPs
feel there is a need to have a counselling service available
andaimedatmedicalcardholders.”
She said the service, which will offer an assessment ses-
sionfollowedbyuptoeightcounsellingsessions,willbeup
andrunningacrosstheSouthEastsoon.
“Weareatthestageofrecruitingtherapistsandtalkingto
GPs and the service will be up and running nationally over
thesummer.”