2. We have just concluded our
annual congregation meeting in
which there was much to cele-
brate! One is that our finances
have improved so that it looks
like we will end the year, June
30, with income exceeding ex-
penses by about $ 60,000. This
will be set aside to use for work
on some of the capital improvements that this
compound needs. There is still a need to encour-
age an increase in giving by our members and to
give according to how you have been blest by
God.
Many things have been happening—some
that are very obvious like the landscaping in the
front. Others not as obvious like new lighting
for the church signs in the front, and extending
the sprinkler system to the front of the parson-
age. Some that would be hard for you to see, but
are important—replacing windows in the par-
sonage that have continually given us a leaking
problem. With the replacement the leaks have
finally been stopped, and repairs have been made
on the inside from the damage.
We are still working on upgrading all of the
lights in and outside the buildings. With the
money we have set aside we can work on some
other projects that need doing, some of which
can help us be more energy-efficient. The par-
sonage driveway needs to be replaced before
next winter; more window need replacing in the
parsonage, and some doors. We have formed a
new committee, Major Property Review Committee
to replace the Energy Conservation Task Force
so that its work will include all the needs to
bring our property up to snuff. Some of them
that we will most likely tackle first are insula-
tion for the north and south walls of the school
and the south side of the church along with win-
dow replacement in the choir loft and restrooms.
The new committee will work to create and pri-
oritize all the needs for the next five years or
longer to upgrade our compound. This commit-
tee will work with the Property Committee and
assist with bringing recommendations to the
Council and School Board for action and means
of funding.
My last two items are that the Carillons will be
replaced so that the hours again will be chimed and
music will play. The other is that we are in the plan-
ning stage for a 60th
anniversary celebration in the
fall.
Love, Peace and Joy,
On Saturday, May 5, Pastor Eric joined Monsignor
Domenick Graziadio and Bishop John C. Dunne for
the blessing of the statue of St. Pius X. Answering the
call of a neighbor
in need, Pastor
Eric played an im-
portant role in
their acquiring
this statue.
For the longest
time, Monsignor
D o m e n i c k
Graziadio wanted
a statue of the
church’s patron
saint. It wasn’t
exactly on top of St. Pius’ needs list or something in the
church’s budget, just something that might be nice to
have displayed on its grounds. Monsignor Domenick
prayed for a while, and then one day in February, his
prayers were answered. He received a phone call from
a Knights of Columbus hall in Brooklyn. The gentleman
told Monsignor Domenick that their building was be-
ing sold, and would he like to have their 1,200 lb.
statue? No charge—All he had to do was move it!
Knowing that Pastor Eric once had a freight busi-
ness, Monsignor Domenick asked Pastor Eric for some
assistance. Pastor Eric called upon his former busi-
ness partner, Andy Steffans and on February 11, St.
Pius X finally received its statue.
3. Like most days this past May, Wednes-
day, May 9th, was dreary, gray, and rainy, a
morning that brought an even longer rush hour
to the Long Island Expressway, Cross Island
Parkway, the bridges to the Bronx,—essentially
the route Pastor Eric needed to take from Good
Shepherd Lutheran Church to the ground-
breaking ceremony at the Wartburg.
The likelihood of a smooth morning did not
look very promising; however, Pastor Eric did ar-
rive on time; the rain stopped; and the ceremony
proceeded unimpeded by weather with the
blessings of God clearly visible to all.
At a time when high-quality senior services
and healthcare reform are converging, Wartburg–
recently distinguished by U.S. News & World
Report as
one of
New York
S t a t e ’ s
― B e s t
N u r s i n g
H o m e s
b r o k e
ground on
this day to construct a state-of-the-art Rehabili-
tation & Adult Day Center on their beautiful 34-
acre Mount Vernon campus, that will include 50
bed in-patient rooms for short-term rehabilita-
tion, and a significantly expanded adult day ser-
vices center.
In describing this new facility, David J. Gent-
ner, President & CEO of Wartburg and Wart-
burg Foundation, said, “this increased emphasis on
rehabilitative services will help more people return to their
homes safely after an injury or illness. The spacious new
Adult Day Center will provide day-to-day medical thera-
pies and social programs so caregivers can work outside
the home knowing that their loved ones are receiving health
services, socialization and supervision.”
This will be the second major groundbreak-
ing this year for Wartburg. In January, the non-
profit organization broke ground on the Frie-
drich’s Residence, a 4-story building of 61 afford-
able senior apartments. These two new facilities
are part of a $50 million capital repositioning
plan being funded in part by a $27,590,000 grant
award. In October of 2010, the New York State De-
partment of Health announced that The Wartburg
had won a Healthcare Efficiency and Affordability
Law of New York (HEAL NY 20) grant.
Gentner added, “In the past 20 years, there has been
significant change in
the way senior
healthcare services
are delivered. Ex-
pectations have
changed with a focus
on hospitality and
t e c h n o l o g y -
supported clinical services.’
‘Our goal is to promote recovery and a return to independ-
ence for the residents, with the ultimate goal of returning home.
In addition, this facility is part of Wartburg’s vision for post-
acute healthcare reform. We are mindful of the trends and in-
centives to become better integrated with acute care providers
and medical groups. This design will link quality and outcomes
with value-based reimbursement, increasing our ability to part-
ner with these providers.”
According to Ryan Herchenroether, the Wart-
burg’s Director of Planning, “Most Westchester County
seniors, 79 percent according to a recent AARP survey, prefer to
remain in the community of their choosing. Both components of
this building will support seniors by allowing them remain inde-
pendent for as long as possible.”
The May 9th groundbreaking program begins
with a gathering in the historic Wartburg Chapel
then moved outside for the ceremony, followed by
remarks & refreshments back in the Chapel.
About Wartburg
Wartburg is a not-for-profit Lutheran ministry, serv-
ing people of all faiths with a full range of residential
options and health-related services for older area
adults and their families. Wartburg offers skilled
nursing care, rehabilitation, Alzheimer’s and demen-
tia care, assisted and independent living, adult day
services, home care, pastoral care and monthly care-
giver support groups.
4. The primary purpose of the Communications & Technol-
ogy Team is to support the church and school offices and other
ministry teams in using technology to better reach the mem-
bers of the congregation and spread the message of Good Shep-
herd to the wider community.
The church’s database is used extensively by Pastor Eric
and the church office, and is the primary source of information
about our members, both former and current, as well as poten-
tial new members. Over time the database gets out of date as
members change email addresses, telephone carriers, or move
without notifying the church office. In other cases, dates of
birthdays, baptisms, confirmations, or anniversaries have never
been entered. We are, therefore, giving members with Internet
access the ability to check and update their own personal data
in the database. Access is granted through a secure logon to
allow households to update their data as well as view their
records of contributions.
Emails have been sent to members for whom we have an
email address providing an initial username and password
(both individual eight digit numbers) to use. You may follow
the instructions in the database generated email, or you may go
to the “MEMBERS” tab of the website and follow the instruc-
tions found there. If you have not received an email you may
call the church office, and Maureen will be able to help you.
As you may have read in the last newsletter and have
heard in church announcements, we have been working with
the Evangelism Team to develop a new Pictorial Member Tele-
phone Directory for the congregation. Many new pictures have
been taken and more opportunities will be available in June. If
you have not had a new photo taken you may provide your
own or the picture in the old directory will be used. If you
wish to provide your own photo bring it to the church office or
email it to rrickmeyer@gmail.com.
The directory will be published later this summer after a
review of addresses and phone numbers has been made, but it
is already up and available online. It is constantly revised as
new photos are entered and member information updated. A
bonus to having a logon (see above) is the ability to view the
new directory from the church website,
www.ourshepherdlives.org (you might even want to book-
mark or save it in favorites! Better yet, you might even want to
make it your Homepage!) Just login from the “MEMBERS”
tab!
Submitted by Bob Rickmeyer
I have just spent the three days in
May at the NY Metro Synod Assembly. It
was very inspiring to see so many people
of different ethnic backgrounds working
together for the Glory of God. It was
amazing to see how the larger church
works together with the congregations
and how different issues get debated back
and forth until everyone reaches agreement.
Good Shepherd was recognized for saving 37 percent in
energy costs due Odd Sangesland’s diligent efforts. In addition,
our school also was recognized for the work and cooperation
between Judy Hinsch and Pastor Olsen.
Mission Statement: Marked with the cross of Christ forever we are claimed,
,gathered and sent for the sake of the world.
There was consideration and votes on new procedures in
determining The Viability of a Congregation when a member of
a congregation or the Synod feel they can no longer function to
fulfill the purposes for which it was organized.
There were also decisions, debates, and a vote on how to
elect a new Bishop. A Bishop-Election Committee comprised of
ten members (six lay and four clergy) will be selected and in-
stalled at the Synod Assembly preceding the Assembly at which
the election for the Bishop will occur. There will be up to seven
nominees (including the current Bishop if he or she wants to be
re-elected). The committee will have background checks and
will be screened in accordance with Synod and Church-wide
guidelines.
If you are interested in learning more about the discussions
and decisions, you may consult the Synod’s website and/or con-
sider subscribing to their e-newsletter at the following links:
http://www.mnys.org/who_we_are/annual_assembly/ or http://
www.mnys.org/media/eletter/
- submitted by Virginia Schroeder
All current and former choir membersAll current and former choir membersAll current and former choir membersAll current and former choir members
along with your spouses are invited to aalong with your spouses are invited to aalong with your spouses are invited to aalong with your spouses are invited to a
Surf & TurfSurf & TurfSurf & TurfSurf & Turf dinner at Jim & Lori Mason’sdinner at Jim & Lori Mason’sdinner at Jim & Lori Mason’sdinner at Jim & Lori Mason’s
house (14 Briggs Street, Hicksville) athouse (14 Briggs Street, Hicksville) athouse (14 Briggs Street, Hicksville) athouse (14 Briggs Street, Hicksville) at
6:30 p.m. on Wednesday, June 13.6:30 p.m. on Wednesday, June 13.6:30 p.m. on Wednesday, June 13.6:30 p.m. on Wednesday, June 13.
$15 per person/BYOB$15 per person/BYOB$15 per person/BYOB$15 per person/BYOB
Please RSVP to Lori Mason (516Please RSVP to Lori Mason (516Please RSVP to Lori Mason (516Please RSVP to Lori Mason (516----551551551551----4292) by Friday, June 8.4292) by Friday, June 8.4292) by Friday, June 8.4292) by Friday, June 8.
5. On behalf of the Plainview-
Old Bethpage Memorial
Day parade committee, Mr.
Leonard B. Symons, invited
Beginning the last week in June, our weekly Bible
Study will be moving to Wednesdays for the summer
months.
Our morning session locations will alternate between
the bay (Theodore Roosevelt Park in Oyster Bay) or the
beach (Tobay), or, in the event of rain, our Prayer
Chapel on Wednesday mornings at 10:00 a.m.
Our evening session will be a
pot-luck dinner on Wednesday
evenings at someone’s house
(perhaps yours?) at 6:30 p.m.
Please choose a week to open
your door and sign up on the
sheet on the bulletin board in the
narthex. Please consider hosting— y o u
need to do nothing but lend us your
home! Everyone else does the
bringing!
What a fun, festive summer
experience this promises to be if
we all participate!
Reverend Olsen to be an honored guest at the
ceremonies in POB Community Park and to
give the benediction, Following are the words
that our Pastor shared with the community:
“The prophets Isaiah and Micah tell us of a day
when God shall be the judge between the na-
tions and shall arbitrate for people; when all of
God’s children shall beat their swords into
plowshares and their spears into pruning
hooks; when nation shall not lift up sword
against nation; and when all of God’s children
will not learn war any more.
This future is what we and nearly every soldier
prays for. Today this is what we, the residents
of Plainview – Old Bethpage pray for as we
remember our brothers and sisters who faced
the suffering and horror of war so that we
could and can enjoy the freedom to live apart
from such terror. We especially remember
those who loved us to the point of laying down
their life for our sake- our dearly departed ser-
vice men and women.
Benediction
God of love and peace, Inspire us by the exam-
ple of selfless giving which our departed
brothers and sisters have modeled for us and
grant them eternal peace with you. Let us not
waste your precious gift of love, but empower
us to use it to bring life to others. We pray for
the safe return of our service men and women
who are currently serving throughout the
world as well as all who protect us here at
home including all police, fire and emergency
service personnel. Free your creation from evil
and envelope it with love. Show us your
peaceable future- we humbly pray. In your
mighty name, Amen”
6. LUTHERAN SCHOOLS ASSOCIATION
2012 STANLEY J. KRAMER SPIRIT AWARD
Presented to
GOOD SHEPHERD
LUTHERAN SCHOOL
FOR THEIR CREATIVE AND JOYFUL MINISTRY,
ENCOURAGING EDUCATIONAL EXCELLENCE AND
SPIRITUAL FORMATION IN TOMORROW’S LEADERS
Creative, dedicated, innovative and inspiring – these words describe Stan Kramer, the man and his ministry
of more than 40 years in the Lutheran Community of greater New York. At the time of his death, he was a
faithful member of LSA’s Board of Directors. LSA has chosen to honor our friend by establishing the Stanley
J. Kramer Spirit Award to be given to a school, organization or in-
dividual who most demonstrates their joy in ministry and the crea-
tive use of resources in pursuit of educational excellence and the
proclamation of the Gospel.
This year, LSA is pleased to highlight the Ministry of Good Shep-
herd Lutheran School in Plainview and its director, Judy Hinsch,
with the Stanley J. Kramer Spirit Award. As a Christian community
of learning, deeply committed to its mission, Good Shepherd Lu-
theran School strives for excellence in providing a developmentally
appropriate curriculum for toddlers, nursery and prekindergarten
age children. Good Shepherd seeks to give each child an enriched
learning experience in an atmosphere of Christian love, and encourages the development of a positive self-
concept and a genuine concern for the feelings and needs of others. The teachers and staff are dedicated,
warm, welcoming and loving; they value all children, strive to meet their needs, and accept them for who
they are. They are dedicated to providing a well-rounded curriculum that is safe, fun and rooted in the love
of Jesus. Good Shepherd Lutheran School is laying the foundational blocks for their children to be life-long
learners and servant leaders in the 21st
century.
For over 50 years, Good Shepherd Lutheran School has been an integral part of Good Shepherd Lutheran
Church. The church’s mission is "Loving, Living, and Sharing Christ,“ and Pastor Eric Olsen is committed to
bringing that mission to school families. He helps create an atmosphere where children feel appreciated,
loved and know they are special gifts of God. His children’s chapels and Sunday morning talks are times for
them to learn and talk about God's love, to ask questions, to laugh and claim their rightful place in the
community of faith, just by being themselves.
The Stanley J. Kramer Spirit Award presented by Linda Mitchell and Jane KramerThe Stanley J. Kramer Spirit Award presented by Linda Mitchell and Jane KramerThe Stanley J. Kramer Spirit Award presented by Linda Mitchell and Jane KramerThe Stanley J. Kramer Spirit Award presented by Linda Mitchell and Jane Kramer
to Good Shepherd Lutheran School, represented by Judy Hinsch and Pr. Ericto Good Shepherd Lutheran School, represented by Judy Hinsch and Pr. Ericto Good Shepherd Lutheran School, represented by Judy Hinsch and Pr. Ericto Good Shepherd Lutheran School, represented by Judy Hinsch and Pr. Eric
7.
8. Page 8
T H O S E P R E P A R I N GT H O S E P R E P A R I N GT H O S E P R E P A R I N GT H O S E P R E P A R I N G
F O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T RF O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T RF O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T RF O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T R YYYY
T H O S E I N N E E DT H O S E I N N E E DT H O S E I N N E E DT H O S E I N N E E D
O F H E A L I N GO F H E A L I N GO F H E A L I N GO F H E A L I N G
WE PRAY FOR...
Jamie Perkins (Arlene Wittwer’s friend);
Lillian Richmond, Carlos & his mother
(Karin Kienle’s friends), Dorothea Spadaro,
Carol Berardino, George Meyers and Roy
Hoffman (Sue Devine’s friends), Odd
Sangesland, Harry Baierlein (Deborah Stein’s
father), Marion Tucker (Nancy’s mother),
Maureen Wilers, Emma Lynn Eisele, John
Pietrofere, Martin Boltizar (Louise Lamont’s
cousin), George Pieper (Eleanor Pearson’s
cousin), Laura Krenkel (Terry Miccio’s
cousin), William Beach (Bonnie Beach’s fa-
ther), Loraine Muñoz (Marta Scherer’s
friend) Leon Thompson (Lisa Olsen’s father),
Rebecca Bahr and her family (Viena
Ludewig’s friend), Glenn Schabel, Max
Ludewig, Lori & Meghan Ortega (Lisa Ol-
sen’s sister & niece), Clara Keeney (Beverly
Strack’s mother), Ann Araco (Lori Tollefsen’s
mother), Susan Dowd (Maisch family friend),
Bea McCabe, Peggy Taylor (Amy Pietrofere’s
friend), Eleanor Davis, Warren Wiegert,
Justin Rogers (Karin Kienle’s nephew) and
Christine & Tom Greenwood, his parents,
Jason Damiano (Anna’s grandson), Chris
Cucci and his family, Joan & Mike Adams
(Maureen Cooke’s in-laws), Ed Simmons
(Pastor Eric’s friend), Ruth Odwazny, Ryan
Faret & his family, Genevieve Sounia, Susan
Boettcher (John McGowan’s sister), Maureen
Araujo, Joy Parisey (GSL teacher Cindy Can-
nizzaro’s sister), Dr. Stanley Bartkow, Paul
Hinsch, John Binsfeld (Benner family friend),
Jay Boryea (Paul Hinsch’s friend), Ken Dixon
(Pastor Eric’s friend), Sven Faret (Gunhild
Schabel’s son), Diane Lisa (Cathy Vollono’s
friend), Janice Ridings (Rickmeyer family
friend), Francis Lee (Helen Kopf’s son),
Lynne Carlson (Irma’s daughter-in-law),
Mary Ellen Moyse (George’s wife), Don and
Francine Unger (Katalina Paterakis’s grand-
parents), Joyce Tare, Jake (Maisch family
friend) and his family, Ian Spadaro (Dottie’s
grandson), James Fields (Vincent and Doro-
thy Cronin’s nephew), Mary Gessing
(Dorothy and Vincent Cronin’s cousin), and
Rita Cunningham (Cronin family friend).
T H O S E S E R V I N GT H O S E S E R V I N GT H O S E S E R V I N GT H O S E S E R V I N G
I N T H E M I L I T A R YI N T H E M I L I T A R YI N T H E M I L I T A R YI N T H E M I L I T A R Y
CPT. Paul Rickmeyer, USMC Lance Corporal
Nicholas Ventrelli-O’Connell (Patty Larson’s
family friend), David Jacobs (Joyce Tare’s
nephew, Alec & Madison’s cousin), LTC.
Phillip Sounia, Christopher Zito (Mary
Knotek’s friend), Sgt. Vincent Mezick, Spe-
cialist Sean Hassett (Lori Mason’s cousin).
Roger Griffith
The Tollefsen family and the friends and
family of Henry Kirschbaum; the Ehl family
and the friends of Al’s grandson, John Ehl;
Nancy Stingelin and the friends and family
of Virginia Odem, The McGowan and
Hickey families and the friends of Dennis
Hickey.
T H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V IT H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V IT H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V IT H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V I N GN GN GN G
T H O S E W H O A R ET H O S E W H O A R ET H O S E W H O A R ET H O S E W H O A R E
C E L E B R A T I N GC E L E B R A T I N GC E L E B R A T I N GC E L E B R A T I N G
Jesse & Victoria Jansky, the Janskey family &
their friends & Declan Patrick Jansky, baptized
on June 10. Jeanne & Charles Walsh, the walsh
family & their friends & Christin Walsh, con-
firmed on May 27.
9. GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN
CHURCH & SCHOOL
99 Central Park Road, Plainview, NY 11803
Phone: 516-349-1966
E-mail: church@ourshepherdlives.org
Website: www.ourshepherdlives.org
Ministers: The Members of Good Shepherd
Reverend Eric O. Olsen, Pastor
Judy R. Hinsch, A.I.M., School Director
Teresa Ratkowski, Director of Choir and Organist
Maureen Cooke, Church Secretary/Newsletter Editor
Lindsay Kuefner, School Secretary
Ed Indellicati, Accountant/Bookkeeper
John E. Menig, Jr., Sexton
Bobby Lang, Sexton
Please e-mail all articles for inclusion in the combined
July/August newsletter no later than
Monday, JUNE 18Monday, JUNE 18Monday, JUNE 18Monday, JUNE 18 to church@ourshepherdlives.orgchurch@ourshepherdlives.orgchurch@ourshepherdlives.orgchurch@ourshepherdlives.org
THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!
10.
11. IIF WE HAD A PENNY FOR EVERY FOOT OF MOUNT KILAMANJARO...
...maybe we could help cure malaria!
12.
13.
14. 140 Manetto Hill Road, Plainview
On April 9th, Joe Sadowski, the 13 year old boy from Plainview who
was battling leukemia since last summer, died unexpectedly. Joe
was a strong boy with a beautiful smile who liked to make people
happy.
In memory of Joe, the Schatt Family of Family Bagels will be host-
ing a fundraiser on Saturday, June 9thSaturday, June 9thSaturday, June 9thSaturday, June 9th. They would like to join to-
gether with the community and show support for the Sadowski
family. Fun activities, including tattoos and face painting, as well
raffles will be planned between 9am9am9am9am---- 4pm4pm4pm4pm.
Please join us on this special day!
15.
16.
17. JUNEJUNEJUNEJUNE
ETHEL BATCHELDERETHEL BATCHELDERETHEL BATCHELDERETHEL BATCHELDER
MATTHEW FOXMATTHEW FOXMATTHEW FOXMATTHEW FOX
LINDSAY GIACOBBELINDSAY GIACOBBELINDSAY GIACOBBELINDSAY GIACOBBE
DANIEL HAYESDANIEL HAYESDANIEL HAYESDANIEL HAYES
JONATHAN HAYESJONATHAN HAYESJONATHAN HAYESJONATHAN HAYES
DEAN KELLINGTONDEAN KELLINGTONDEAN KELLINGTONDEAN KELLINGTON
MAXIMILLIAN LUDEWIGMAXIMILLIAN LUDEWIGMAXIMILLIAN LUDEWIGMAXIMILLIAN LUDEWIG
EMILY MICCIOEMILY MICCIOEMILY MICCIOEMILY MICCIO
GEORGE SAUERACKERGEORGE SAUERACKERGEORGE SAUERACKERGEORGE SAUERACKER
JACK SAUERACKERJACK SAUERACKERJACK SAUERACKERJACK SAUERACKER
DOROTHEA SPADARODOROTHEA SPADARODOROTHEA SPADARODOROTHEA SPADARO
PAUL WENGERPAUL WENGERPAUL WENGERPAUL WENGER
BelatedBelatedBelatedBelated————
Happy BirthdayHappy BirthdayHappy BirthdayHappy Birthday
Judi & Charlie MirandaJudi & Charlie MirandaJudi & Charlie MirandaJudi & Charlie Miranda————June 1June 1June 1June 1
Diane & Ron MaischDiane & Ron MaischDiane & Ron MaischDiane & Ron Maisch————June 5June 5June 5June 5
Genevieve & Major Phillp SouniaGenevieve & Major Phillp SouniaGenevieve & Major Phillp SouniaGenevieve & Major Phillp Sounia————June 13June 13June 13June 13
Gail & Stephen HauptGail & Stephen HauptGail & Stephen HauptGail & Stephen Haupt————June 15June 15June 15June 15
Eric & Andrea HansenEric & Andrea HansenEric & Andrea HansenEric & Andrea Hansen————June 25thJune 25thJune 25thJune 25th
We extend our heartfelt sympathy to Al Ehl and his family
on the passing of his grandson, John.
Sadly, John Ehl left behind a two-year
old daughter, Olivia. If you would like
to make a donation in his memory to
Olivia Ehl’s college fund, you may do so
in two of the following ways:
1. You may write a check payable to
her grandfather, Alan Ehl, who will col-
lect all checks and deposit them into
the account on Olivia’s behalf, and send
it to Mr. Alan Ehl, 19 Evergreen Avenue,
Middle Island, NY 11953.
2. You may use the form on the next page to send a check
payable to “New York’s 529 College Savings Program
Direct Plan.”
18.
19. UPDATE FOR JUNE 2012
WITH COUNSELING SITES LOCATED IN:
NASSAU SUFFOLK MANHATTAN QUEENS WESTCHESTER
Prepared especially for LCC Association Congregations & Schools
For millennia, the practice of forgiveness
has been central to the religious and spiritual life of
the Christian community. The words of Jesus in the
Pater Noster or Lord’s Prayer remind us that we are
forgiven our trespasses even as we forgive those
who trespass against us. While all people of faith
would certainly embrace this teaching in theory, we
must also acknowledge that in practice it is some-
times easier said than done. Why? What we
are learning from neuroscience and from ac-
tual brain scans is that the brain, yours and
mine, has a built-in negativity bias that re-
minds us of previous painful and hurtful
situations and alerts us to potential ones in
the future. A rule of thumb is that our brain
is like Velcro with negative and painful ex-
periences and like Teflon with those that are
more positive and even joyful. We remember
the hurtful words and actions more power-
fully than we do any uplifting words of affir-
mation and appreciation. In the context of
human relationships, and more specifically in
the area of marital and family life, the find-
ings have a particular relevance.
John Gottman, the psychologist and
noted researcher of marriage notes that the nega-
tivity bias of the brain, when it involves couples, is
so often manifested in what he refers to as the
“four horseman of the apocalypse:” criticism, con-
tempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Every cou-
ple, of course, even those with the best of mar-
riages, will see traces of the “horsemen” from time
to time throughout their married life. Not a prob-
lem unless the negativity becomes chronic and cal-
cified, when the situation crosses a certain point of
no return.
How do we as pastoral counselors help a
couple in our care to avoid this unfortunate trajec-
tory, where the built-in negativity bias is mani-
fested rather powerfully in the so-called four horse-
men? For Gottman, even if the horsemen make oc-
casional appearances, there is no cause for alarm if
certain instances of negativity are offset by ongoing
expressions of love and intentional acts of forgive-
ness. Indeed, this is not a one-to-one ratio, with
one positive expression of love and care balancing
one negative expression from any of the particular
horsemen.
Gottman, in his forty years of research, has
come up with a positive-to-negative ratio but be-
cause of the powerful effect of even a single nega-
tive word or hurtful action, a couple must work to-
ward a ratio surpassing one to one. If from time to
time there is a certain amount of negativity in a
martial relationship, it will not signal the
end of the marriage if positive interac-
tions and overt expressions of forgive-
ness are outweighing the negative ones.
This is how Gottman puts it in his book,
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage
Work: “As long as there is five times as
much positive feeling and interaction be-
tween husband and wife as there is
negative, we found the marriage was
likely to be stable”.
Keeping in mind the 5 Positive-
to-1 Negative ratio, Jesus’ response to
the disciple Peter takes on greater sig-
nificance for our lives and our marital
and family relationships. Recall that
when asked by Peter if he should forgive
his brother or sister up to seven times, Jesus an-
swered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy
times seven.”
(Matthew 18:21-22).
Rev. Kirk Bingaman, Ph.D.,Rev. Kirk Bingaman, Ph.D.,Rev. Kirk Bingaman, Ph.D.,Rev. Kirk Bingaman, Ph.D., is Associate Professor of Pastoral Coun-
seling and the Director of the Pastoral Counseling Program in the
Graduate School of Religion & Religious Education at Fordham Uni-
versity. An ordained Presbyterian minister, he is a licensed mental
health counselor in New York and a Fellow with the American Asso-
ciation of Pastoral Counselors. He holds a Ph.D. in Psychology &
Theology from the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, CA and a
Master of Divinity degree from Princeton Theological Seminary. He is
working on his third pastoral counseling book. The upcoming book
is about the connection of prayer and forgiveness to changes in the
brain. Dr. Bingaman sees teens, couples and adults at LCC’s
Mineola site.
If you or someone you know is in need of counseling sup-
port for this or any other mental health issue, please call
the Lutheran Counseling Center at 516-741-0994 or 1-
800-317-1173 or e-mail us at Center@lccny.org. Visit our
website at www.LCCNY.org. We have eight sites over the
NY area.
The Importance of Forgiveness in Relationships
By: Rev. Kirk Bingaman, Ph.D., LCC Pastoral Counselor
When asked
by Peter if he
should for-
give his
brother or sis-
ter up to seven
times, Jesus
answered, “I
tell you, not
seven times,
but seventy
times seven.”
(Matthew 18:21-22).
