I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One

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An enterprise software vendor quoted someone on twitter saying "<product> helps solve the DevOps Porblem". Well, I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One. Apologies to Jay-Z

Tecnología

1. ACLs
2. Firewalls
3. Routing Tables
4. SDN
5. VLANs
6. VXLAN
7. Contexts
8. Line Cards
9. iptables

10.File Systems
11.Stale NFS mounts
12.fsck
13.My filesystem developer killed someone
(ReiserFS)
14.selinux

15.Ruby
16.Python
17.PERL (?)
18.PHP
19.register_globals=on
20.JavaScript
21.NaN
22.Node
23.nohup node server.js &

24.MySQL
25.MySQL Replication
26.Corrupt DB table
27.No transactions
28.SQL
29.No SQL
30.No Indexes
31.Oracle
32.Oracle
33.Oracle

34.AWS US-EAST-1
35.Schrödinger’s Instance (up and down at same
time)
36.Forgetting to destroy 2 TB of EBS volumes on
your personal credit card
37.Cloud Bursting
38.Speed of Light

39.Viruses
40.Spyware
41.My Mom’s computer and viruses
42.My Mom’s computer and SpyWare
43.My anti-virus developer is high in Belize and
killed someone

44.Amdahl’s Law
45.Consistency
46.Availability
47.Partitioning
48.Fallacies of Distributed Computing
49.Where I woke up this morning
50.And who’s goat is this?

51.Java
52.JVMs
53.Heap Allocation
54.Stack Allocation
55.Garbage Collection
56.HotSpot Errors
57.Java

58.svn
59.Team Foundation Server
60.Rational
61.Mercurial
62.GitHub (going down)
63.ci

64.Vendors
65.Recruiters
66.LinkedIn
67.Marketing
68.Marketing
69.Marketing
70.Scanning your badge at a conference and
then getting endless emails trying to sell you
something

71.Linux Kernel Panics
72.Mac OS X Kernel Panics
73.Windows Blue Screens
74.Kernel Patches
75.Firmware Updates
76.OS Patches
77.Patch Tuesday
78.Not patching (ever)

79.The CEO
80.Investors
81.Seed Round
82.A Round
83.B Round
84.IPO
85.Stock Options
86.Not getting paid market rate, but “look at all
the options we gave you”

87.DNS
88.Domain Keys
89.Sender Policy Framework
90.Reverse Lookups
91.BIND
92.Pretentious DNS Developers (djbdns)
93.Windows DNS
94.WTF is my IP (wtfismyip.com/json)

95.CloudStack
96.OpenStack
97.Eucalyptus
98.Open Cloud
99.Software Defined Everything

If you’re having code problems I
feel bad for you son, I got
99
problems but DevOps ain’t one

I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One

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I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One

1. I got 99 Problems but DevOps Ain’t One

2. Why? “…helps solve the DevOps problem…”

3. 1. ACLs 2. Firewalls 3. Routing Tables 4. SDN 5. VLANs 6. VXLAN 7. Contexts 8. Line Cards 9. iptables

4. 10.File Systems 11.Stale NFS mounts 12.fsck 13.My filesystem developer killed someone (ReiserFS) 14.selinux

5. 15.Ruby 16.Python 17.PERL (?) 18.PHP 19.register_globals=on 20.JavaScript 21.NaN 22.Node 23.nohup node server.js &

6. 24.MySQL 25.MySQL Replication 26.Corrupt DB table 27.No transactions 28.SQL 29.No SQL 30.No Indexes 31.Oracle 32.Oracle 33.Oracle

7. 34.AWS US-EAST-1 35.Schrödinger’s Instance (up and down at same time) 36.Forgetting to destroy 2 TB of EBS volumes on your personal credit card 37.Cloud Bursting 38.Speed of Light

8. 39.Viruses 40.Spyware 41.My Mom’s computer and viruses 42.My Mom’s computer and SpyWare 43.My anti-virus developer is high in Belize and killed someone

9. 44.Amdahl’s Law 45.Consistency 46.Availability 47.Partitioning 48.Fallacies of Distributed Computing 49.Where I woke up this morning 50.And who’s goat is this?

10. 51.Java 52.JVMs 53.Heap Allocation 54.Stack Allocation 55.Garbage Collection 56.HotSpot Errors 57.Java

11. 58.svn 59.Team Foundation Server 60.Rational 61.Mercurial 62.GitHub (going down) 63.ci

12. 64.Vendors 65.Recruiters 66.LinkedIn 67.Marketing 68.Marketing 69.Marketing 70.Scanning your badge at a conference and then getting endless emails trying to sell you something

13. 71.Linux Kernel Panics 72.Mac OS X Kernel Panics 73.Windows Blue Screens 74.Kernel Patches 75.Firmware Updates 76.OS Patches 77.Patch Tuesday 78.Not patching (ever)

14. 79.The CEO 80.Investors 81.Seed Round 82.A Round 83.B Round 84.IPO 85.Stock Options 86.Not getting paid market rate, but “look at all the options we gave you”

15. 87.DNS 88.Domain Keys 89.Sender Policy Framework 90.Reverse Lookups 91.BIND 92.Pretentious DNS Developers (djbdns) 93.Windows DNS 94.WTF is my IP (wtfismyip.com/json)

16. 95.CloudStack 96.OpenStack 97.Eucalyptus 98.Open Cloud 99.Software Defined Everything

17. If you’re having code problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but DevOps ain’t one

I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One

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