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FamilyHealthEducation
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www.HispanicTimesUSA.comHispanic Times MAGAZINE
MY KIDS
WANT TO
TALK ABOUT...
Help!
Sex!
As the Hispanic American community continues to grow,
so do the challenges that it faces in its march towards
social progress. According to the U.S. Census Bureau,
Hispanics are the youngest age group of all groups with a
median age of 27 years old. As a natural companion to the
youngest median age, our community also has the highest
fertility rate. Historically, U.S. Hispanics have led in
owning one of highest teen pregnancy rates in the United
States. The good news is that U.S. teen pregnancy rates
have been declining. The bad news is that Hispanics have
not improved these rates at the same rates as the rest of
our society. While all groups have experienced declines in
teenage pregnancy since 1999, the rates for Hispanic teens
are still highest compared to Black and White non-Hispanics.
Specifically, among Black women aged 15-19, the rate
declined by 32% between 1999 and 2000, 28% among White
teens during the same period of time and only 15% among
Hispanic teens for the same period. As a community, one
of our critical challenges facing us today is to reduce the
teen pregnancy rates. Our young people need to become
educated, economically empowered, and simply allowed
to be teens without the incredible pressures of becoming
premature parents. How do we do this? Do we simply stay
quiet and pray for the best? Do we talk about sex with our
children? If we do, what do we talk about? Here is a fact
that should awaken us into action; there are a total of 177,
164 Hispanics living with HIV/AIDS in the USA and the next
wave of our young generation is about to come face to face
with the HIV monster. Will it be your teen? Hispanic Times
is proud to feature the below article and in the so doing, we
hope we can help in making a positive difference.
How many times we hear parents say that their child finally
asked “the” question only to reply: “Go and ask your mother/
By
Monica Grajales

2. www.HispanicTimesUSA.com Hispanic Times MAGAZINE
"As sexual
beings that we
all are, we have
the birth right to
learn and acquire
tools that will
affect one of the
most important
aspects of our
l i v e s . . . O U R
SEXUALITY."
Family Matters A
father”. It seems as if no one wants to take on the responsibility to equip their child with
information that one day may even save their child’s life.
Young children are curious about sex, and they're apt to ask blunt questions. Answer them
honestly. They'll let you know when they've heard enough. It's never too early to start talking
to your children about sexual matters. Openness, even with young children, will show that
sex is an acceptable topic of conversation, and a natural part of life. Teach your child that
you are available to discuss sexual issues, and establish a comfort level — for both of
you — with the topic. Don't feel like you have to include everything in one big discussion.
Instead, talk about questions and behaviors as they occur.
As sexual beings that we all are, we have the birth right to learn and acquire tools that will
affect one of the most important aspects of our lives – our sexuality.
But at what age is it proper to talk to kids about this topic? What is appropriate to say? Will
it indeed encourage sexual activity at a very young age?
Because we are born as sexual beings, any age is an appropriate age to talk about sex with
your child. What needs to be taken in consideration is your child’s maturity level, what they
already know and what they really want to know.
By the age of two, children begin to be curious about their own bodies. They will
compare their bodies to yours and to their peers. By this time, every parent must be
prepared to answer questions about the body parts and their functions. Using proper names
for all “private” parts is important because they will develop a sense of personal ownership
with their whole body. All children have a possessive attitude toward what they know is
theirs, i.e. their hands hold a toy and therefore the toy is theirs – they will fight to keep that
toy that was in their hands. If you use words such as “down there” to talk about their penis
or vagina, they may not develop the body-mind connection they may eventually need to
protect themselves from a child molester, for example. Whereas if they have a possessive
attitude toward their penis or vagina, they could say: “hey, wait a minute, this is mine, don’t
touch!” Teach your child that the parts of the body covered by a bathing suit are private, and
that no one should be allowed to touch them.
By the age of 3 or 4, children are ready to know that boys and girls have different genitals.
At this age, many children ask the dreaded question: "Where do babies come from?" Try
to give a simple and direct response, such as: "Babies grow in a special place inside the
mother." As your child matures, you can add more details.
By age 5 or 7, questions about sex will become more complex, as your child tries
to understand the connection between sexuality and making babies. Their advanced
questions will be triggered by information they receive at school from their peers, TV or
even their own family. To prevent being taken aback and display the wrong body language
that could communicate to the child that what s/he is asking is “bad”, and therefore feel
intimidated from asking you again, always reply with another question. For example, if your
child asks directly: “Mom, what is sex? Your normal reaction and reply should be to ask your
child where they heard that word, what do they know about it, what do they think it is or
what did they hear about it? Because children can pick up faulty information about sex and
reproduction, it may be best to ask what your child knows about a particular topic before
you start explaining it. Maybe your child is referring to gender, i.e. feminine or masculine sex.
If you don’t know where your child stands with respects to his maturity level and what they
know, you may go off on a tangent and possibly lose your child with baffled words that they
were not ready to understand.
Between the ages of 8-10 is the perfect time to talk to kids about puberty, body
changes, menstruation, and procreation, depending on their maturity level. Some children
can comprehend all this information by age 6; yet others will not be ready until past the age
of 10. Only you know if your kid is capable of understanding this information.
By age 11, when a child could be either pre-pubescent or post pubescent (some girls
reach menarche – their first menstruation – at age 9), it is time to talk to them about
birth control methods and sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) including HIV/AIDS. It is
important to talk to them about your set of values regarding the topic, but keep in mind that
children do have values of their own which are highly influenced by society, the media, their

3. "The federal
government
has invested
more than $1
BILLION OF
TAX-PAYERS
DOLLARS
to develop
“Abstinence-
until marriage”
programs in
the nation’s
schools."
school peers and now the Internet, and you as a parent must keep abreast of what is going
on in their world to support them in making the right decisions by method of reasoning and
not by instilling fear. After all, they are curious about the world they live in and they will do
a lot of experimentation in order to experience that world.
What children should know before they reach puberty
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that before they reach puberty, children
should have a basic understanding of:
• The names and functions of male and female sex organs
• What happens during puberty and what the physical changes of puberty mean — movement
into young womanhood or young manhood
• The nature and purpose of the menstrual cycle
• What sexual intercourse is and how females become pregnant
• How to prevent pregnancy
• Same-sex relationships
• Masturbation
• Activities that spread sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), in particular AIDS
• Your expectations and values
You have probably heard the controversial issue on sex education in schools. The federal
government has invested more than $1 billion of tax-payers dollars to develop “Abstinence-
until-marriage” programs in the nation’s schools. As parents, we would like our children to
delay onset of sexual activity as late as possible. After all, we are the adults and we know
the great responsibility that sexual relations entail and the dangers of not being sexually-
responsible with one’s body. However, it has been proven again and again, research after
research, that these abstinence-only programs have caused an increase in STIs and HIV
infection and unwanted pregnancies & abortions among teens. It has also been proven
over and over again that teaching comprehensive sexuality education which includes a
wide variety of choices ranging from abstinence to birth control methods, condom use, and
alternatives to sexual intercourse does not encourage early sexual activity; on the contrary,
it has helped teens decide to delay the onset of sexual activity to the age of 18. In addition,
it has helped decrease the incidences of infections and unwanted teen pregnancies in those
states which have decided to push back against federal dictates that disregard accurate
scientific research. As a matter of fact, the United States has the highest teen pregnancy
rate in the western world despite the fact that American teens are just as sexually active
as European or Canadian teens. That is because other countries teach about sexuality as
another normal life process; it is discussed at home and teens are provided with resources
to protect themselves.
I would have to add that “sheltering” children from learning about one of the most important
aspects of human life is to disallow them from gaining the tools necessary to save their own
lives. I personally consider this as child negligence and a crime. Sexuality needs to be
taught as a normal process that we all will experience at some point in our lives and so we
must be prepared for it in a responsible, careful and intelligent fashion.
Just as parents teach their children to wash vegetables and fruits before eating to wash off
bacteria, or to cook certain vegetables or meats very well to prevent food poisoning, parents
should also teach their teenage children that birth control methods, if used consistently
when they are ready to be sexually active will increase their chances of success in life. Teen
childbearing is socially, educationally, and financially disadvantageous to the individuals
involved and can have serious health consequences for the teen mother.
A
www.HispanicTimesUSA.comHispanic Times MAGAZINE

4. Social research suggests that:
• The poorer the woman, the more likely with she will become a mother.
• Almost half of all teen mothers end up on welfare.
• Less than one-third of teens that have babies before the age of 18 finish high school.
• Approximately one third of pregnant teens have spontaneous miscarriages.
Parents should also teach their teenage children that using a condom every time they engage
in sexual activity will keep them from becoming infected with life-threatening infections and
will enable them to enjoy sex longer during their lifetime and not just a few times while living
“the moment”. There is an estimated number of 1,185,000 people living with HIV/AIDS in
the USA. Of these, 177,164 are Hispanics. By 2004, 959 teens between the ages of 13-14
had AIDS. The number of cases increased by age: 4,936 for age group 15-19 and 34, 164
for age group 20-24. What people still do not realize is that it takes about 10 years for the
HIV virus, to incubate in a human body. That means that those between the ages of 20-24
were infected at age 13 in average. In addition, of the 15 million new cases of sexually-
transmitted infections each year in the USA (excluding HIV), approximately 25% of these
new infections occur among teenagers! What are we doing to protect them?
Be honest, open and matter-of-fact. Talking about sexual matters with your child can make
you both feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Let your child guide the talk with his or
her questions. Don't giggle or laugh, even if the question is cute. Try not to appear overly
embarrassed or serious.
If you have been open with your child's questions since the beginning, it is more likely that
your child will come to you with his or her questions in the future. The best place for your
child to learn about relationships, love, commitment and respect is from you. So, go ahead,
talk to your kids about sex. Let them talk to you about sex. Talk about it at dinner time. Talk
about it when watching TV. Talk about it at bed time. Talk about it in the car. Talk about sex!
Ask questions. Get involved in their lives. Involve them in extracurricular activities. Develop
closeness and connectedness with them. Encourage them to study and go to college.
Help them build their self-esteem. Show them that you love them. And lastly, talk to them
about sex again!
Resources to Get You Started:
Here are some resources to help you begin the conversation about sex with your kids:
• Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character, by Pepper
Schwartz, Ph.D., and Dominic Cappello (New York: Hyperion, 2000).
• Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex, by Deborah
Roffman, M.S. (Cambridge: Perseus Publishing, 2000).
• Changing Bodies, Changing Lives, by Ruth Bell (New York: Times Books, 1998).
• Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids: Where You Came From, How Your Body Changes, and What
Sex Is All About, by Dr. Ruth Westheimer (New York: Aladdin Paperbacks,
1998).
• Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States
http://www.siecus.org
• Scarleteen - http://www.scarleteen.com
• SEX, etc.- http://www.sxetc.org
• Teenwire - http://www.teenwire.com
“What people
still do not
realize is that
it takes about
10 years for the
HIV virus, to
incubate in a
human body."
"THAT MEANS
THAT THOSE
BETWEEN
THE AGES OF
20-24 WERE
INFECTED AT
AGE 13 IN
AVERAGE."
Family Matters A
www.HispanicTimesUSA.com Hispanic Times MAGAZINE
HT