This paper contains the notes needed for teaching the 4 part "Mentoring with a Mission" presentation series.

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TEACHING OTHERS
MENTORING WITH A MISSION
BY
NICOLE MILLER

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Mentoring with a Mission a 4 part seminar
Seminar Description:
This 4 part mentoring seminar is designed for the express purpose of training and
preparing those who will lead a mentoring/discipleship program for girls. The hope of the
content is to not only teach but also to provide times of discussion in order to promote
community learning and vulnerability. The hope is that these sessions will not only aid
leaders in understanding theoretical principles but will also provide opportunity to
experientially partake in them.
Seminar Objectives:
By the end of the 4 part seminar leaders will have:
1. Understood what mentoring is, that mentoring is an expression of the
relationships God designed us for.
2. Understood that mentoring is a way to facilitate the expression of the Image of
God within us and to encourage it in others.
3. Thought through strategies to encourage relationships and the demonstration of
God’s image.
4. Come to understood that security and significance are important to every human,
and that these need to be incorporated into the mentoring relationship and
practically applied these concepts to working with girls.
5. Understood the difference between casual, critical and crucial longings within
each of us and developed a game plan for connecting the crucial longings of girls
to Christ.
6. Understood that trust and confidentiality are an essential part of the mentoring
relationship and practically applied the principles of trust and confidentiality.
7. Learned about the steps to safety and developed a theoretical formula for applying
the steps of safety.
8. Discussed Listening with the ears and heart and understood that there are barriers
to listening and thought critically about how to overcome these.
Audience:
The audience is expected to be the same for all four sessions. The learners will be adult
women involved in or expecting to be involved in mentoring/discipleship groups for high
school girls.

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Mentoring with a Mission Outline:
Session1: Mentoring with Mission
Objectives:
By the end of session 1, Mentoring with Mission, learners will:
1. Come to understand what mentoring is and why it is important.
2. Wrestle with their own definitions of mentoring and learn what others have to
say about mentoring.
3. Understand that Mentoring is primarily about relationships, namely with
Christ, others and with a purpose.
4. Understand that all relationships including the mentoring/discipleship
relationship, is a place God intends us to be his image bearers
5. Interacted with other women on the topic of mentoring, bearing God’s image
6. Come away with an understanding of what expects of them in a mentoring
relationship and feel more equipped for such a relationship.
Session1 Outline:
What is mentoring? 10 min
Let the group have some time among themselves to discuss their ideas of what
mentoring is. Allow 10 minutes for the people to break up in groups and discuss
this with one another. Have the group resemble and one member of each group
share some of the ideas they came up with. Make a list on the board or add them
to the slide so everyone can make a compilation of the ideas of what mentoring is.
What is mentoring?
Once everyone has shared what they think mentoring is. Share with them what
mentoring is as we are talking about it in these four sessions. Use the quotes on
the slides to formulate the understanding of mentoring. Most important emphasis
is relationships, relationships with others, Christ and for the purpose of
connecting the two.
Mentoring built for relationship: 15 min
With others
With Christ
With purpose/mission
Emphasize that mentoring/discipleship is relationally based. The greatest
qualifications are a relationship with Christ and a desire to be in relationship with
others. Allow the women 10 minutes to look up verses that apply to these three
areas of relationship. Take 5 minutes to synthesize a list of verses under each
heading.
Image Bearers: 20 minutes

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We are created in the Image of God. Our relationships should be the place where
we demonstrate his image in us.
3 scenarios
What can you do at this moment to demonstrate God’s image. No right answers
here, emphasize listening, sharing truth, and not having the right answers. 20
minutes
If there is any time left over allow the women to debrief and share with one another any
new insights they have gained.
Session2 Outline:
Objectives:
By the end of session 2, Relationships that matter, learners will:
1. Understand that relationships are important to God and are the foundation of
mentoring/discipleship ministries.
2. Understand that all people need security and significance and that mentoring
is a great place to provide these.
3. Have had the chance to interact with others on the principles of providing a
safe environment with a push for girls to know they are significant.
4. Learn about the three types of longings we have and think through how they
specifically apply to girls.
Relationships that matter: 20 minutes
“Relationship and impact are longings deeply embedded in our hearts that put us in touch
with our dependency”
-Understanding People p. 110
What we seek in relationships:
-Security
Read quotes on this and add any personal insights you may have.
-Significance
Read quotes on this and add any personal insights you may have.
Security
Imagine with those around you providing a safe and secure atmosphere for your
mentoring/discipleship group:
-What does a safe environment look like?
-How can you provide this?
-What are barriers you have to providing this?
Share with those in your group and pick a spokesperson to share with everyone.
Significance
Talk with those around you about what it means to provide an atmosphere where
girls can find significance:

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-What does this look like?
-What does it take to provide this?
- What barriers do you have that make it difficult to provide a message and
feeling of significance?
Share with those in your group and pick a spokesperson to share with everyone.
Longings within: 20 minutes
Diagram and Descriptions from Understanding People by Larry Crabb
Casual Longings: Convenience, comfort, and personal preference
Have the group list things that are casual longings, they can just raise their hands
our shout out thoughts. Also have them list off things that girls tend to focus on in
the casual longings category. Make a list on the white board or on this slide. Ie.
Preferences, nice clothes, no rain on holidays, things “go our way”.
Critical Longings: Legitimate hopes for deep human relationships, visible impact on our
world.
Have the group list things that are critical longings, they can just raise their hands
our shout out thoughts. Make a list on the white board or on this slide. Ie.
Legitimate hopes for deep human relationships that impact our world. i.e.
relatives saved, sick friends made well, ministry that is blessed. Have the women
share insights into how girls can be preoccupied in this arena.
Crucial Longings: Deep thirsts of our inmost being, only Christ can satisfy these-drive us
to Christ in utter dependency no matter what else happens
Have the group list things that are crucial longings, they can just raise their hands
our shout out thoughts. Make a list on the white board or on this slide. Ie. Joy,
peace that comes from Christ. Have them share any insights into how these types
of longings are seen in girls ministry.
The mentoring relationship is about connecting girls to Christ by utilizing our
relationship with Him and our past experiences to get them to a place where they take
their crucial longings to the feet of Jesus.
What can you do to encourage girls to seek Christ to meet these crucial longings? Take
time to discuss this in your groups. Share with the larger group any insights you have.
In this session we talked about the two main things we all long for in relationship. We
discussed what might cause barriers to providing an environment that provides for these
needs. We also discussed what the deep needs are for all of us and how we can connect
girls to the source that meets these needs.
The next session we are going to talk about the keys to successful discipleship
relationships.
Debriefing: 5 minutes

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Allow 5 minutes at the end for the women to debrief with one another and discuss any
new insights they have had or anything they feel that the Lord has taught them through
this session.
Session3 Outline:
Keys to Success: Developing a Community for Growth
Objectives:
By the end of session 3, Keys to Success: Developing a Community for Growth will:
1. Understand how trust and confidentiality are a part of the
mentoring/discipleship ministry.
2. Apply the theoretical principles of trust and confidentiality to their
experiences.
3. Learn about the steps to safety and apply the principles to their personal
ministries.
Trust and Confidentiality: 25 minutes
Quote on Confidentiality
Share thoughts on confidentiality. How harmful sharing things that have been
spoken to you in confidentiality can be.
Discussion
-How confidentiality builds trust and allows for a safe place:
-What are the barriers to confidentiality:
-Work out how these barriers can be overcome:
Make sure to note that anything that has to do with self-harm, harming others or
abuse may need to be noted to authorities or parents.
Quote on trust
Share experiences of being trusted or not being trusted
-What was the experience?
-What steps did you take to be trustworthy?
-What was the end result?
Trusting is a part of mentoring
quote
Steps to Safety: 20 minutes
1. Respect the wall
People build walls because they feel threatened. Approach the wall with sensitivity and
understanding. Don’t bulldoze it. Take the time to understand why the wall is built in the
first place.

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2. Honor others
See every single person you minister to as an Image bearer of God and treat them
accordingly, especially those who push your buttons and try your patience.
3. Suspend Judgment
Express genuine interest in what is being said. Listen with both your ears and your heart.
Be willing to see others point of view.
4. Value Differences
Think about people who irritate you. Think of specific behaviors that bother you. What
are some good things about these behaviors? Sometimes it just takes us time to see how
differences can be a good thing, but diversity helps us all.
5. Be trustworthy
Trustworthy to yourself, act in ways consistent to your own value and vulnerability.
Trustworthy to others treating them in a way consistent with their value and vulnerability
Discuss with those around you how these 5 steps to safety encourage an environment of
trust.
Use any extra time to allow the women to debrief with one another.
Session4 Outline:
Listening with your ears and with your heart
Objectives:
By the end of session 3, Listening with your ears and with your heart, will:
1. Develop an understanding of what it means to listen with their heart and ears.
2. Develop an understanding of the barriers to listening well.
3. Come to an understanding of their personal tendencies to not listening well.
4. Develop a plan to increase their ability to listen well.
Listening with your ears and with your heart: 10 minutes
What does it mean to listen with your ears?
What does it meant to listen with your heart?
How does the Holy Spirit factor into this?
Take some time to talk with those around you about what it means to listen with
your ears and with your heart. Give the ladies 10 minutes to discuss this.
What are barriers to listening? 10 minutes
Allow the ladies around 10 minutes to discuss among themselves and then share
with the whole group. What do they perceive the barriers to listening are.

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Barriers to Listening: 20 minutes
Use the “Listening Well-Overcoming Barriers” hand out at the end of this outline
Hand out the listening well-overcoming barriers handout. Walk through the first
page of this handout statement by statement sharing personal stories and insight as
appropriate. Give the women time to work on the second page alone. Instruct
them to come back together and share with one another what they learned about
themselves. Have the women share with the whole group any new insights they
have had regarding the information in this handout.
5 minutes
Allow some time at the end for the women to debrief and share insights with one
another about this session or the seminar as a whole.

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Listening Well--Overcoming Barriers
From Wakefield, N. (1981). Listening: A Christian’s guide to loving relationships.
Waco, TX: Word Publishing.
Barriers:
1. Defensiveness—
 Trying to think of explanations to rebut what the speaker is saying.
 May be overt or covert
 Defensiveness is learned, therefore openness can also be learned
2. Urge to talk—
 Getting more satisfaction from talking rather than from listening
 Interrupting (a habit we can unlearn)
 Develop a joy to hear another out—learn to value their thoughts,
feelings and opinions.
3. Information overload—
 Speaker’s problem
 Help listener’s out by speaking in digestible units
 Let people interact and respond
 Listener may have to interrupt and clarify
4. Internal/External Pressures—
 Identify internal pressures (worries, demands, concerns)
 Reschedule when you can give adequate energy and focus
 External pressures (distractions in environment)
 Try to minimize the external pressures that you can control
5. Poor Timing—
 Listening feels like an interruption to something else we are motivated
to do
 Need to decide what the priority is
 Try to work at a more suitable time
6. Physical/Mental Fatigue—
 “Know thyself” (be self-aware and protect others from your own times
of volatility)
 Find a good time for all those involved so that listening is not a chore
7. Negative Attitude—
 Prejudice toward certain types of people (gender, ethnicity, age,
personality)
 Tune people out before they have a chance to communicate.

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Overcoming Barriers:
1. Identify the obstacle
 Which of the seven limits me most?
 Who is affected by it?
2. Identify who controls the obstacles
 Rearrange the conditions to develop a more satisfying communication
process
 You/them/both may be responsible
3. Determine level of commitment
 Do I want to change?
 Is it worth the energy?
 Where is it vital?
4. Develop sensitivity in defeating situations
 Evaluate your intrapersonal communication
 When am I fatigued?
 Toward whom do I hold unhealthy attitudes?
 What internal pressures typically erode my listening skills?
5. Work out a practical plan
 Make goals attainable
 Increase expectations incrementally

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Bibliography:
Crabb, Larry. Becoming a True Spiritual Community: A Profound Vision of What the
Church Can Be. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1999.
Crabb, Larry. Understanding People: Why We Long for Relationship. Grand Rapids:
Zondervan, 1987.
Greene, Donna. Growing Godly Women: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Mentoring
Teenage Girls. Birmingham: New Hope Publishers, 2002.
McGee, Robert S. The Search For Significance Student Edition. Nashville: W. Publishing
Group. 2003.