Dating, from a western perspective, ignores all biblical guidelines and standards. This Bible study offers an alternative to traditional dating that glorifies God and emphasizes biblical standards for finding a godly mate.

1. Biblical Courtship
God’s Matchmaking Method

2. Biblical Courtship
Overview
Successful Singleness
The Ministry of Marriage
Dating and Courtship
Courtship Principles
Godly Marriage God’s Matchmaking Method

3. Successful Singleness

4. A Single Focus
• 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (NLT)
• I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his
time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to
think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are
divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married
can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has
to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying
this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help
you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.
• The single should be concerned with pleasing God rather than seeking to
be married, which is to be distracted from complete surrender to the
Father and the work of the Kingdom

5. Marriage is NOT a Universal Ministry
• Matthew 19:11-12
• But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is
given.For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and
there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which
have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to
receive it, let him receive it.
• 1 Corinthians 7:7-9
• For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God,
one after this manner, and another after that.I say therefore to the unmarried and
widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.But if they cannot contain, let them
marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

6. The Ministry of Marriage

7. It’s Just Not Good
• Everything God created was good (Genesis 1)
• Yet, before the debut of sin, God noted one thing that was NOT good
• Genesis 2:18, 24
• And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an
help meet for him. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
• Marriage was created for purpose
• Fruitfulness, multiplication
• Companionship, partnership
• Dominion

8. Think it through before you say “I do”
WRONG Reasons to Get Married
• Biological clock ticking; getting
older
• Pressure from family
• Friends are getting married
• Financial security
• Loneliness; desperation
• Lust; desire for sex without guilt
RIGHT Reasons to Get Married
• To avoid burning with passion (2
Corinthians 7:8-9)
• For a man, with purpose and vision,
not to be alone (Genesis 2:18)
• To labor for the Kingdom of God
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
• To multiply and subdue(Genesis
1:28)
• Ministry – to mirror Christ and the
Church (Ephesians 5:25-27; 31-32)

9. Dating and Courtship

10. Check Your Vision
• Holy Scriptures originated within an Eastern culture
• The Bible is applicable to western believers, but doesn’t always “fit” into
our existing way of life, from an historical perspective
• An adjustment to “world view” is often necessary
• True adherence requires death to self
• Deny that which is not biblical, though culturally accepted
• 1 Corinthians 6:12
• All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for
me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

11. Courtship
• The western concept of dating is not biblical in term or principle
• Like dating, the word “courtship” is not in the Scriptures
• Biblical courtship is conceptual
• Most marriages, in biblical times, were arranged
• The roles of men and women in society are drastically different than what was
accepted during biblical times
• Courtship merges biblical principles with our modern world and western culture,
stressing Scripture over culture wherever feasible and lawful
• Biblical courtship is defined by
• Application of biblical principles in preparation for marriage (principal defines
practice)
• Biblical examples of relationships blessed by God

12. Dating and Courtship Compared
Dating
• A feeling of “love” is stressed,
while spiritual health is
deprioritized
• Physical attraction prioritized
• Self-centered approach
(Philippians 3:18-19; 1 John
2:15-17)
• Casual (based upon
circumstances and emotions) and
temporary
Courtship
• Discipleship and godly character
are first considerations (2
Corinthians 6:14-15)
• Spiritual attraction prioritized (1
Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:1-4)
• God-centered approach (Romans
6:11; 2 Cor 5:15)
• Purposeful and eternal (Malachi
2:16a; Matthew 19:4-6; 1
Corinthians 7:39)

13. Dating and Courtship Compared
Dating
• Driven by the flesh and soul -
emotions (Proverbs 3:5-7)
• Cultural standards – try before
you buy
• Lustful (Matthew 5:28)
• Uses others
Courtship
• Spiritually driven after God’s will
(Psalm 119:105; Proverbs 3:5-7;
11:14; 20:18)
• Biblical standards – obedience
(commitment) through faith
(Matthew 7:24)
• Pure (1 Thessalonians 4:7-8)
• Edifies others (Philippians 2:3-4)

14. Dating and Courtship Compared
Dating
• Physical emphasis – holding
hands, hugging, kissing, idle
conversation, etc.
• Regarded as the couple’s decision
• Privacy encouraged (Proverbs
6:27-28)
Courtship
• Spiritual emphasis – prayer, word
study, fellowship with believers,
ministry discussions, etc. (1
Corinthians 7:1; 1 Timothy 2:9)
• Regarded as a community
decision (Exodus 22:16-17; 1
Corinthians 7:38; Mark 7:10-13)
• Public gathering encouraged
(Proverbs 14:16; Romans 13:14;
1 Thessalonians 5:22)

15. Dating and Courtship Compared
Dating
• Encourages dependence, as
needed
• Lead by the “stronger”
personality; flexible leadership or
“equality” encouraged
• Results in immorality,
misunderstandings, broken
hearts, division, confusion, etc.
Courtship
• Encourages godly preparation,
order and independence (Mark
10:7; 2 Thessalonians 3:10; 1
Timothy 5:8)
• Led by the man (1 Corinthians
11:3; Ephesians 5:23-24)
• Results in unity, purity,
fellowship, solid family
foundation, etc.

16. Biblical Courtship Principles

17. Let the Search Begin…
• Proverbs 18:22
• Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
• Proverbs 19:14
• House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent [sensible, understanding,
supportive] wife is from the LORD.
• The “search” for a mate intrinsically belongs to the man
• The “hope” and wait for a mate is natural for a woman
• No biblical examples of women actively seeking a mate
• The only legitimate object of courtship is holy matrimony (Colossians 3:5-6)

18. Friendship – Relationship Foundation
Proverbs 18:24 • True friends are limited in number and must be earned
John 15:13 • Friends serve one another
John 15:15 • Friends are intimate confidants
Proverbs 17:17 • Friends are loyal
Proverbs 27:9 • Friends give good advice
Proverbs 27:6 • Friends give correction and guidance
Job 6:14 • Friends encourage
Proverbs 27:17, 19 • Friends are honest
Proverbs 17:9 • Friends are trustworthy

19. What is he looking for?
• v3 – believer
• v14 – kind
• v16 – beauty
• v16 - purity
• v18 – servant’s heart
• v20 – hard working
• v20 - diligent
• v24 – relatable, shared vision
• v25 – hospitable
• v28 – energetic, strong in faith
• v58 – decisive
• v58 - obedient
• v65 – discreet, modest
• v67 – gentle, compassionate
The Search for Isaac’s Wife (Genesis 24)

20. Favor has Value
• v11 – trustworthy
• v12 – complimentary
• v13 – good with hands
• v14 – business savvy
• v15 – home maker
• v16 – resourceful
• v17 – hard worker
• v18 – diligent, determined
• v19 – useful, busy
• v20 – compassionate, outreach
• v21 – prepared
• v25 – dignified and strong
• v26 – wise
• v27 – watchful, never lazy
• v28 – praised by children and
husband
• v30 – fears God
The Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31:10-31)

21. The Wrong Woman = Destruction
• Brawling; opinionated; argumentative (Proverbs 21:9)
• Angry, attitudinal (Proverbs 21:19)
• Nagging and irritating; cannot be tolerated or controlled (Proverbs 27:15-
16)
• Strange, immoral (Proverbs 2:16)
• Whore, adulterer (Proverbs 6:26; 23:28)
• Promiscuous, flattering, sweet-talking (Proverbs 7:4-5; 25-27)
• Don’t let a woman be your downfall! (Nehemiah 13:26)
Solomon Knows Best

22. Don’t Try What You Can’t Buy!
• 2 Corinthians 6:14
• Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
• Amos 3:3
• Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
• Marriage brings two to one (Genesis 2:24)
• A spiritual union cannot be complete without agreement

23. The Courting Process
Prayer Acquaintance
Waiting on
God
Godly Counsel
Parental
Permission
(Spiritual
and/or
Natural)
Invitation
(Male to
Female)

24. The Fruit of Courting
Abandon
Relationship
(Mutual Agreement)
Engagement

25. The Legal Process
Prayer Work/Ministry
Developing
Friendship
Confirmation by
Witnesses
EngagementMarriageConsummation

26. Godly Marriage

27. Pre Marital Counseling
• Men should not touch a woman;
no physical contact
• One husband, one wife for life
• Sexual intimacy between the
husband and wife only
• Intimacy is not to be denied; both
bodies belong to both spouses
• Singleness is better, particular for
those who have the grace to
remain
• Marriage is better than suffering
due to unfulfilled desire
• Leaving a spouse is not permitted
• An unbelieving spouse must be
loved, kept and covered by the
believing spouse
• Once divorced or separated,
neither spouse should marry
again, but may only return to the
same that was left
Paul’s Apostolic Guidance (1 Corinthians 7)

28. Godly Marriage Like Christ and the Church
• Ephesians 5:22-33
• Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.For the husband
is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the
body.Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own
husbands in every thing.Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave himself for it;That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by
the word,That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle,
or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.So ought men to love
their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.For no man ever
yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:For
we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.For this cause shall a man leave
his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one
flesh.This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.Nevertheless let
every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she
reverence her husband.

29. Marriage Duties
• 1 Peter 3:1-7
• Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the
word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;While they
behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.Whose adorning let it not be that
outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of
apparel;But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the
ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.For after
this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves,
being in subjection unto their own husbands:Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him
lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any
amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving
honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace
of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

30. Holy Sex has Purpose
• Knowledge (Genesis 4:1)
• yada, Hebrew
• "to lay; to know"
• Unity (Genesis 2:24)
• Comfort (Genesis 24:67)
• Procreation (Genesis 1:28)
• Relaxation and play; enjoyment (Song 2:8-17; 4:1-16)
• Avoiding temptation (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)

31. Intimacy in Marriage
• Song of Solomon
• The picture of intimacy
• Passion
• Purpose
• Hebrews 13:4
• Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers
God will judge.
• 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
• Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the
husband.The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the
husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.Defraud ye not one the other, except
it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come
together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

32. Biblical Courtship
God’s Matchmaking Method

33. Biblical Courtship
References
Calligraphy for God Bible Studies
www.calligraphyforgod.com
Solid Rock Church Bible Study
“Character and Courtship”
www.SolidRockFaith.com God’s Matchmaking Method

34. Biblical Courtship
Latreia Bible Study
July 2013