Plain Language - the Basics. Presented to the Professional Services Group of Mercer County, October 1, 2010.

1. GreenWords
Plain Language
The Basics

2. GreenWords
The Challenge of Obfuscation
“Obfuscation is the concealment of intended
meaning in communication, making communication
confusing, intentionally ambiguous, and more
difficult to interpret.”
Source: Wikipedia
© GreenWords 2010

3. GreenWords
Obfuscation 1974
“It is a tricky problem to find the particular
calibration in timing that would be appropriate
to stem the acceleration in risk premiums
created by falling incomes without
prematurely aborting the decline in the
inflation-generated risk premiums.”
- Alan Greenspan, testifying before
Congress in 1974
© GreenWords 2010

4. GreenWords
Obfuscation 2009
“Section 682.604 is amended by revising paragraphs (c)(5), (c)(8),
(f), and (g) to read as follows:
§ 682.604 Processing the borrower's loan proceeds and
counseling borrowers.
*****
(c) * * *
(5) A school may not release the first installment of a Stafford loan
for endorsement to a student who is enrolled in the first year of an
undergraduate program of study and who has not previously received
a Stafford, SLS, Direct Subsidized, or Direct Unsubsidized loan until
30 days after the first day of the student's program of study unless--
(i) Except as provided in paragraph (c)(5)(ii) of this section, the
school in which the student is enrolled has a cohort default rate,
calculated under subpart M of 34 CFR part 668, of less than 10
percent for each of the three most recent fiscal years for which data
are available; or….”
Source: Federal Register / Vol. 74, No. 207 / Wednesday, October
28, 2009 / Rules and Regulations, page 55664
© GreenWords 2010

5. GreenWords
Unintentional Obfuscation:
Real Headlines (Really)
• Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
• Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect
Homicide
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
• Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
• Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

6. GreenWords
The High Cost of Murky Language
• Wasted time
• Wasted effort
• Lost productivity
• Eroding customer loyalty
• Lost business opportunities
• Increased liability

7. GreenWords
What To Do About It
“When you wish to instruct, be brief; that
men's minds take in quickly what you say,
learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully.
Every word that is unnecessary only pours
over the side of a brimming mind.”
- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 – 43 BC)
© GreenWords 2010

8. GreenWords
Not That It’s Child’s Play
“Plainness of style seems easy to imitate at first
thought, but when attempted, nothing is more
difficult."
- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 – 43 BC)
© GreenWords 2010

9. GreenWords
A Few More Observations
Albert Einstein "If you can't explain something simply, you don't
understand it well. Most of the fundamental ideas of
science are essentially simple, and may, as a rule, be
expressed in a language comprehensible to
everyone. Everything should be as simple as it can
be, yet no simpler."
William Zinsser, "Executives and managers at every level are prisoners of
Author, “On the notion that a simple style reflects a simple mind.
Writing Well, An Actually a simple style is the result of hard work and hard
Informal thinking; a muddled style reflects a muddled thinker or a
Guide to Writing person too dumb or too lazy to organize his thoughts".
Nonfiction”
Plain Language "Plain language, also called plain English, is language that
Association everyone in your audience can easily understand. Clear
International writing in plain language saves time, money, and lives. You
(PLAIN) need plain language whether you're preparing a legal brief,
writing a procedure, designing a brochure, running a
business, publishing a newsletter, managing a department,
maintaining a Web site, or training workers."
© GreenWords 2010

10. GreenWords
Plain Language
• Speeds understanding for any audience
– Clear
– Complete
– Consistent
– Economical
– Unambiguous
• Emphasizes simplicity and discipline in
– Sentence and paragraph structures
– Vocabulary
– Graphics
• Does not “dumb down” complex business or
technical content
• Allows for exceptions whenever necessary

11. GreenWords
Plain Language Is Not Always “Plain”
• Does not leave out important but complex information
just to make a document easier to understand.
• Includes all information the reader needs to make
informed decisions.
• Requires analyzing and deciding what information
readers need to make informed decisions, before
words, sentences, or paragraphs are considered.
• Uses words economically and at a level the audience
can understand.
– Tight sentence structures
– Simplest practical vocabulary
– Welcoming and direct tone
• Visually appealing.
• Easy to read and looks like it’s meant to be read.

12. GreenWords
Business Benefits of Plain Language
• Makes content easier to understand
• Reduces costs of correcting errors
• Increases customer satisfaction
• Reduces support costs
• Reduces liability insurance costs
• Reduces compliance cost
• Reduces costs of managing information

13. GreenWords
Proven Results
• In a study of jury instructions given orally, plain-
language improved comprehension by about 31%
• In a study of medical-consent forms, plain-language
revisions increased correct answers by about 91%
• In a study of 4 different legal documents, plain-
language techniques cut reader errors on 3 of them
by about half.
• In a study of an office manual for an insurance
product, staff members had a fixed time to answer
questions using an original and a plain-language
version. On the original, they averaged 3.2 questions
right; on the plain-language version, they averaged
6.6 questions right, for an improvement of 106%.

14. GreenWords
Getting Started with Plain Language
• Limit use of passive voice
• Avoid “information-free” jargon
• Use 8th Grade English for most audiences and
topics – including post-doctoral
• Simplify your sentences
• Limit paragraphs to one topic
• Use bullet lists instead of comma-separated
lists
• Eliminate ambiguity

15. GreenWords
Passive vs. Active Voice
• Passive voice
– Weak and unassertive
– Used to disguise or evade accountability
– Usually requires long, complex sentences
– Harder for less educated readers to understand
– Appropriate when a thing and not a person is the actor
• Active voice
– Strong and assertive
– Fixes accountability
– Economical
– More readily understood regardless of the reader’s
education level
– Use whenever a person is the actor

16. GreenWords
Real-Life Examples
Passive Active
Documents were cited to State Department officials
prove that an estimated 12
Active
estimate the number of
to 20 million illegal illegal immigrants at from 12
immigrants have been to 20 million.
admitted to the United
States.
Talks have been conducted President Bush has proposed
on the subject of starting a starting a [guest] worker
worker program for the program
illegal immigrants.
It was communicated to me I heard it through the
through the grapevine grapevine

17. GreenWords
Avoid “Information-Free” Jargon
(It’s not always fewer words)
Instead of saying Say
At this point in time Now
At the end of the day Finally
Let's take a deeper dive Let’s analyze this in more detail
Monetize Make money from
Stay on-message Keep repeating the same thing
Yeah, that would be great. Thanks

18. GreenWords
Use 8th Grade English
• Broadens the audience for most materials
• Better understood by non-native English
speakers AND most business executives
• People with higher than 8th Grade education
rarely object to 8th Grade level materials
• Most business text uses the same 1300 words
we learn by the 8th Grade
• Most words above 8th Grade level have 8th
Grade level synonyms
• You can still use business and technical terms
that have no 8th Grade synonyms

19. GreenWords
Simplify Your Sentences
• Separate compound sentences at “marker points”
– While
– And
– Despite
– Still
• Every comma represents a chance to simplify
• If necessary, add words to maintain clarity

20. GreenWords
Example
Instead of saying Say
“The software-based flight “The software-based flight
control system is thoroughly control system undergoes
tested in the secure facility F67- thorough tests at the secure
B while the aircraft itself is facility F67-B.
tested repeatedly in the air by
being exposed to weather The aircraft itself undergoes
conditions specified in Doc 34B- repeated tests in the air. We
5 and using Cranbolton follow the Cranbolton
methodology despite the fact methodology for these tests.
that no amount of testing can
prepare for all eventualities to These tests expose the aircraft
arise in real-life conditions.” to weather conditions specified
in Doc 34B-5. However, no
amount of testing can prepare
us for all real-life emergencies.”
© GreenWords 2010

21. GreenWords
Cut Out Unnecessary Phrases
Instead of these.. Use these…
• At all times • Always
• At the present time • Now
• At that point in time • Then
• Due to the fact that • Because
• For the purpose of • For
• In connection with • With
• In most instances • Usually

22. GreenWords
Limit Paragraphs to One Topic
Instead of saying Say
“Notice of a bid advertisement 1.“Thirty days before the sale,
shall be published in at least one we will publish a notice
local newspaper and in one trade advertising bids. The notice will
publication at least 30 days in be in at least one local
advance of sale. If applicable, newspaper and in one trade
the notice must identify the publication. It will identify any
reservation within which the reservation where the tracts to
tracts to be leased are found. be leased are located.
Specific descriptions of the tracts
shall be available at the office of 1.We will share information
the superintendent. The about this process in two other
complete text of the ways. We will mail the
advertisement shall be mailed to advertisement to each person on
each person listed on the the appropriate agency mailing
appropriate agency mailing list.” list. We will also provide specific
descriptions of the tracts at the
superintendent’s office.”
Source: “Cover Only One Topic in Each Paragraph”
PlainLanguage.gov
© GreenWords 2010

23. GreenWords
The Challenge of Ambiguity
Funny Examples
• In a Portland, ME parking garage: Tenants not paid by
the 15th of the month will be terminated.
• In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while
you wait.
• In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider
our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
• On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be
prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of
Mercy
• On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38
years on the same spot.
Source: Lexicon of Inconspicuously Ambiguous Recommendations (Jeff
Gray)

24. GreenWords
Ambiguity
Not So Funny Example
1999: In US hospitals alone, medical errors were
responsible for 44,000 to 98,000 deaths annually,
with an estimated annual cost ranging from $17
billion to $29 billion.
The principal causes: system errors, especially
unclear instructions and prescriptions
Source: “To Err Is Human: Building A Safer Health System”
Institute of Medicine (IOM) in November 1999.
© GreenWords 2010

25. GreenWords
Why Commas Matter
“Eats Shoots and Leaves”
Do you think of this?
“Eats, Shoots, and Leaves”
Or this?

26. GreenWords
Web References and Resources
• Plain Language.gov (The first stop)
• Amazingly Simple Stuff
• Effective Communication: Why Plain
Language Is the Way To Go
• Benefits of Plain Language
• The Principles of Readability
• Plain Language at Work Newsletter
• Center for Plain Language
• Answering the Critics of Plain Language
• What Plain Language REALLY Is

27. GreenWords
Final Thoughts
• Be patient. Plain Language takes a few
minutes to learn, a lifetime to master
• Know when to break the rules. Plain
Language is a standard, not a creed.
• Always write with the audience in mind. And
YOU are NOT the audience.
• Plain Language can help you think, not just
write, more clearly.

28. GreenWords
For More Information
Contact:
Rob Benjamin
Rob.Benjamin@GreenWords,net
Tel: 609 587-9069
Cell: 609 977-6214
© GreenWords 2010