1. Finding the Leader in You
SSDP Annual Summit, Washington, D.C.
September 15, 2012
2. Embodied leadership
To learn how we shape ourselves in order to let
leadership come through us. In other words, giving
leadership the best chance it can to come through
you.
The goal is to give you more awareness of your body
and more choice about what you embody.
Effective leaders embody who they are at their core.
I want to pause here to give credit to this work. I am here
presenting it, but the origin of this work is a man named Richard
Strozzi Heckler. I was taught this method in my executive
fellowship with the Center for Progressive Leadership.
4. WE EXPECT OUR LEADERS TO SHINE
LEADERS ARE HELD TO DIFFERENT STANDARDS, THUS YOUR SURPRISE AT THIS SLIDE
Not surprisingly, this is an out-of-context photo (Mr. Rogers is
counting).
5. “Mood” defined
We all have general inclinations or
leanings. Some of us are shy. Some of
us are eternal optimists.
But here’s the scary thing. Most of the
time, your mood is invisible to you.
Others can see it, however.
6. Goal here is to get alignment
Intention (HEAD)
Body language (PRESENCE)
Emotions (HEART)
We start by asking people about remembering a time of conflict in their lives, since conflict stands out
in the memory. What we hope to do is gain alignment among head, heart, and presence. This is also
NOT a class in how to fool people with some tricks of body language. We review body language in
order to figure out how to be aware of how we unconsciously wear our emotions and intentions on our
sleeves.
7. LEADERSHIP COMES THROUGH YOU
DEFAULT RESPONSES TO STRESS BY LEADERS — CAN YOU SPOT THE TWO RELAXED PEOPLE HERE?
Gov. Nicki Hailey (top left) is showing a genuine smile. Former Gov. Palin, on the other hand (same photo) shows
an indication of disgust by the way her mouth is formed. Bashar Al Assad makes a low-confidence display,
which is highly unusual for a leader in his position. Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy and German
Chancellor Angela Merkel in a tense moment. Same for Putin and Obama. Putin engaging in classic pacifying
activity (the neck has lots of nerve endings that respond to touch — men will often stroke this area when nervous
or uncomfortable). Merkel in a high-confidence display (bottom left). A Duchenne smile involves contraction of
both the zygomatic major muscle (which raises the corners of the mouth) and the orbicularis oculi muscle (which
raises the cheeks and forms crow's feet around the eyes). A non-Duchenne smile involves only the zygomatic
major muscles.
8. FEET: THE MOST HONEST PART OF THE BODY
BE AWARE DURING CONVERSATION OF WHICH WAY YOUR FEET POINT
When you're having a conversation with someone but her feet are angled toward the door, she may be
unconsciously saying that she's ready to cut the talk short and move on. On the other hand, crossed legs indicate
comfort (since when you are standing with legs crossed, you are more vulnerable to being pushed over). The
point is here that you should listen to your own body. Are you crossing your legs in comfort? Are you pointing your
foot toward the door? TIP: If someone approaches you and a friend in the middle of a conversation and you want
to give the newcomer a nonverbal invitation to join in, angle your bodies outward by 45 degrees. This subtle sign
of inclusion shows the person that she is welcome.
9. Exercise One
Slump in your chair. Act like you are tired.
Now say, “I feel powerful.”
10. MOST HUMANS ARE BAD FAKERS
THE BODY’S LIMBIC SYSTEM IS HARD TO FOOL. CAN YOU SPOT THE FAKER HERE?
Taylor Swift on the left is exhibiting fake surprise (and it looks
like NPH can tell). This is evident by the lack of raised eyebrows
and lack of widened eyes. Adele’s body language (on the right)
shows genuineness.
11. Exercise One
Now stand up and center yourself. Feel connected to the
ground. Stand up straight. Pull your shoulders back.
Now say again, “I feel powerful.”
Notice the difference?
Now cross your arms. Now cross them the other way. [Pause]
Did you notice that I gave you a choice, but you didn't notice?
You had to think about it to change the way you crossed your
arms because you've embodied doing it one way — you didn't see
that you had a choice. Our goal today is to figure out what are the
other default responses we have.
12. Exercise Two
After life grabs you, try to recenter. The goal is to be:
Present: We’re living fully in each moment by bringing our attention to our sensations.
Open: To possibilities; Our heart is open; compassion and love are more available to us.
Connected: We embody what guides our life. We are genuinely connected to others.
Instructions: For this first grab, we will simply ask the grabbed person to close
their eyes, and focus on what is happening inside of them.
13. EXERCISE TWO: THE GRAB
GOAL HERE IS TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS OUR DEFAULT RESPONSE TO STRESS-INDUCING EVENTS
ABC centering practice: How do we get ourselves away from the sharp, tense state and
back to a relaxed posture where we have a greater array of coping mechanisms
available to us. Once you are grabbed, ask the question to yourself, “What I am now
incapable of that I may have been able to do in a relaxed state? What possibilities
might be closed to me now? Which way am I leaning?” Rules for “The Grab”: (1) the
person being grabbed is in charge; (2) always ask first, “can I grab you?”
14. Exercise Two
After life grabs you, try to recenter. This involves
several steps. You can practice this every day of
your life!
Aware: Of what our response to a stressor was and to our sensations.
Balanced: Think of your body as a tree trunk reaching up from the ground.
Center-line relaxed: Feel your breath move through you to your diaphragm. Relax your muscles.
Connected: We embody what guides our life. We are genuinely connected to others.
15. DEFAULT RESPONSES TO STRESS
PROJECT
FREEZE, FIGHT, FLIGHT, OR APPEASE
DATE CLIENT
SEPTEMBER 15, 2012 SSDP ANNUAL SUMMIT
Here are two dogs in distress. One is in fight mode, and one is in
flight mode. Neither of these states are ideal for leading people
and yet every day, leaders make decisions while in a stress-
induced state. What is your default survival strategy?
16. Exercise Two
Now record on paper how you felt. What is your
default narrative? When life grabs you, do you:
Move away (flight)
Move toward (appease)
Move against (fight)
Not move (freeze)
17. Exercise Three
Find a new partner. Now talk with your partner for
two minutes about the last grab. What did you write
down as your default response?
Now we will do another grab. This time, after the
grab, the grabbed will close eyes, take as long as
they need to refocus, and then turn toward the
grabber, making eye contact and trying to
connect to the grabber.
Take a few minutes following this to talk with your partner about
how you felt. How did you recenter? Were you able to?
18. Exercise Four
Sit alone for a few minutes (no talking!) and write
down your intention/commitment for moving
forward. Here is what mine was when I first did
this course:
“I am a commitment to promptly engaging difficult
tasks or people for the sake of respecting the time
and attention of others who may contact me or need
my help.”
19. Exercise Four
Now try to write your commitment as a newspaper
headline that includes measurables. Here is how
mine translated:
“Ninja Knowledge Worker Responds to All Calls and
Emails Within 24 Hours.”
20. RE-CENTERING: REPETITION IS THE KEY
300 REPETITIONS = COMPETENCY 3,000 REPETITIONS = EMBODIMENT
We know from sports science that 300 repetitions will form a
competency in an activity. 3,000 repetitions will cause you to
embody an activity.
21. FINAL EXERCISE: THE “EXTREME GRAB”
NOW FIND A NEW PARTNER. TELL THEM SOMETHING TO TELL YOU WHILE THEY GRAB THAT WILL INDUCE STRESS IN YOU
Keep in mind that it’s not the situation itself that is stressful. It
comes down to our own degree of tolerance of the emotions
generated by the situation.
