As a professional editor I identified 11 things to improve writing. Take note of these while writing and in your final edit, and you have a better chance to wow a publisher.

1. One professional editor’s most prevalent changes,
and how to avoid them in your writing.
Ann Narcisian Videan • anvidean.com
Feb. 22, 2014

2. Inspiration
“Let the reader find that he cannot afford
to omit any line of your writing
because you have omitted every word
that he can spare.”
Ralph Waldo
Emerson...
What’s not
to love?

3. Inspiration
“‘Got’ is never
a word!”
—Your highschool English
teacher
Image courtesy of Omega 1982/FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

4.  Pre-editing
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Use active voice/verbs
Use deep point-of-view (POV)
Show, don't tell.
Avoid "as if," "like," or "seem”
Use punctuation correctly
Minimize "that,” "then,” and “got”
Use action tags
Position characters/action clearly
1st Aspect of
Editing
Some people
would call
pre-editing...
“writing” 

5. 2nd Aspect
of Editing
 Post-writing review
9. Search/replace
10. Read in small chunks
11. You are not your own best editor
Some people
would call
post-writing...
“editing”

6.  Inactive/"to be" verbs =
 is, was, has, have, be, been
 Passive voice often uses inactive
verbs followed by words ending in
“-ed” or “-ing”
 Passive voice =
 is jumping, are shouting, have enticed
 Active voice =
 jumps, shout, enticed
Pre-editing
1a.
Active voice
Do:
Use active voice
and active verbs
Don’t:
Use passive
voice and
passive verbs

7.  Passive: The voice was mesmerizing to the
student.
 Active: The voice mesmerized the student.
 Passive: The young girl was overwhelmed
by the depths of the woman’s presence.
 Active: The woman’s deep presence
overwhelmed the young girl.
Pre-editing
1b.
Active voice
In active voice,
you start your
sentences with
the subject and
use an active
verb to describe
what the subject
does.

8. Sample call to action
 Passive: Click here to complete our short
project assessment form so we are able to
better assist you.
 Active: Need personal help to move you to
the next level? Complete our short project
assessment form and someone will respond
quickly.
Pre-editing
1c.
Active voice
Learn more
(see handout):
Words.Music.
Village blog
"Writing”
and
FutureNow.com

9. Pre-editing
 Sensory-engaging media for readers
 Deep POV isn't active voice or showing
rather than telling.
 Stay in the action. Climb into a character's
skin and taste, feel, hear, and smell what
they do.
2.
Write in deep
POV
Tips A–D
from Michelle
Massaro,
assistant editor,
Clash of the
Titles

10. Pre-editing
 Just state the action. ”She saw" phrases
distance the reader.
 No: She saw the lights come on in the
kitchen.
 Yes: The lights came on in the kitchen.
2.
Deep POV
A. Delete the
phrases:
“she saw,”
“she heard,” “she
realized,” etc.

11. Pre-editing
 What would you say in the situation where
someone points a gun at you?
 No: She was terrified.
 Yes: He planned to kill her.
or
She expected to die.
2.
Deep POV
B. Use realistic
internal
dialogue

12. Example: Anger
 No: He felt angry.
Pre-editing
2.
Deep POV
 Yes: He narrowed his eyes, curled his lip, and
restrained his tensed muscles from hurling his
fist into the wall.
Example: Love
 No: He realized he was in love with her.
 Yes: He closed his eyes and heard her gentle
voice calming him. Felt her in his arms. Her
lavender scent made his head spin and filled him
with the belief he could do anything if it meant
being with her.
C. Don’t label
emotions

13.  Describe:
 Knees buckling
 Chest tightening
 Throat clamping
 An adrenaline rush
 Goose bumps
 Nausea
 Dizziness
 Sweating
 Etc.
Pre-editing
2.
Deep POV
D. Provide
physiological
responses to
pull the reader
deep into the
story

14. Pre-editing
 No: Steve was clearly angry. (telling)
 Yes: Steve clenched his hands until his
knuckles whitened and a tight muscle ticked
along his jaw. (showing, fits deep POV)
 No: Preparations for the meal were
underway. (telling)
 Yes: She pulled out the pot, filled it with
water she'd pumped from the well, and
dumped in the pre-peeled potatoes. (showing)
3.
Show,
Don’t Tell
Beauty is in the
details. No
broad brush
strokes telling
the action.
Show how it
happens!

15. Pre-editing
 Avoid “as if”
 No: It was as if the floor shook beneath her
feet.
 Yes: The floor shook beneath her and
paintings rattled on the walls. A low rumble
echoed through the apartment.
4a.
Nix
nebulous
phrases
Usually,
something either
happens or it
doesn’t.
Think Yoda:
"Either do or do
not. There is no
try." 

16. Pre-editing
 No: He seemed to want to say something.
 Yes: He studied her for a moment, opened
his mouth and took a breath. Just as quickly,
he snapped his mouth shut, huffed, and
turned away.
4b.
Nix
nebulous
phrases
Do not overuse
“seemed to”
phrases

17. Pre-editing
 No: It was like they had known each other
their entire lives.
 Yes: She felt comfortable with him, two old
friends sharing lunch even though they'd
only met that morning.
4c.
Nix
nebulous
phrases
Don’t use “like,”
unless it’s a
simile.

18. Pre-editing
 Comma use. Typically, used to show a pause
or change in thought, and in lists.
 No double space after period.
 "Always include punctuation inside
quotation marks!”
5a.
Correct
punctuation
Most common
punctuation
edits:
• comma
• spacing
after (.)
• quotation
punctuation

19.  Semicolons equals an equal sign, or
introduces a list with commas
 Ellipsis (...) = indicates pause, drifting off
 Dash = shows interruption
 Hyphen (-), en (–) and em (—) dashes
 Example:
"Wha— I... I don't know what you
mean. Could you—”
“Quiet!”
Pre-editing
5b.
Correct
punctuation
Most common
punctuation
edits:
• semicolons
• ellipsis vs.
dash

20. “THAT”
 No: I see that you wondered the same thing.
 Yes: I see you wondered the same thing.
 No: He shadowed the creature that stalked
him in the night.
 Yes: He shadowed the creature stalking him
in the night.
Pre-editing
6a.
Avoid
useless
words
Delete
“THAT/which,”
“then” and “got”
whenever
possible

21. Pre-editing
“THEN”
 No: I opened the bus door just wide enough
for Fred to squeeze outside, and then
quickly closed it.
 Yes: I opened the bus door just wide enough
for Fred to squeeze outside, and quickly
closed it.
6b.
Avoid
useless
words
Delete
“that/which,”
“THEN” and
“got” whenever
possible

22. Pre-editing
“GOT”:
Another word can always replace it.
 No: He got the check from the mailbox.
 Yes: He retrieved the check from the
mailbox.
6c.
Avoid
useless
words
Delete
“that/which,”
“then” and
“GOT”
whenever
possible

23.  No:
Brad dropped on the couch with a
groan. "When was the last time we ran that
far?" he asked.
Emily walked past him into the kitchen.
"Do you want a drink?" she asked.
"Sure," he replied.
 Yes:
Brad dropped on the couch with a
groan. "When was the last time we ran that
far?”
Emily walked past him into the kitchen.
"You want a drink?
"Sure.”
Pre-editing
7a.
Use action
tags
Use as few
dialog tags as
possible, replace
with action tags

24. Pre-editing
 No: He said, "I'm investigating this crime, one
way or another. You in?”
She replied, "Of course.”
He stood and said, "Then, let's go.”
 Yes: "I'm investigating this crime one way or
another. You in?"
"Of course."
He stood and headed to the door. "Let's go."
7b.
Use action
tags
The main point
is variation. Less
can be more
with traditional
tags. Prefer end
dialog tag, if
used.

25. They rolled toward the edge. The demon
creature shoved his weight to the right, and
they started to fall until Michael grabbed
onto the edge, the creature squeezing his
ankles together.
 No:
 Yes: They rolled toward the edge. The
demon creature shoved his weight to the
right, and they started to fall until Michael
grabbed onto the edge. The creature's bony
hands squeezed around Michael's ankles as
they both dangled from the roofline.
Pre-editing
8.
Positioning
and flow
Wording must
clarify
movement and
positioning.

26. Post-writing
 Search for:
 “As if”
 “Seem”
 Double spaces after periods
 Inactive verbs
 Homework:
 Search, especially for “is,” “was,” “had,”
“been,” and other “to be” verbs.
 If you have more than five such words on a
page, rewrite in a more active voice.
9.
Search and
replace
Use your word
processor’s
global search
and replace
function to look
for items we’ve
talked about.

27.  Backward by section
 Read out loud, and listen for:
 Flow
 Dialog
 Edit for one thing at a time:
 Consistent headers
 Specific trouble words
 Spelling
Post-writing
10.
Line edit
Edit in small
chunks.

28. Post-writing
 Your manuscript needs fresh eyes.
 Professional editor (content and line edits)
 A co-worker in your marketing department
 Several fellow authors or editors
(beta readers)
 A critique partner or group
 Not solely your mother or good friends, even
if they are avid readers.
11.
No selfediting
You cannot edit
your own
writing. No
exceptions!

29. Get Support...
Words.Music.Village blog
http://anvidean.com
avidean@videanunlimited.com

30. See you...
Sa., March 8
"Market Outside the Books:
Outrageous Ideas to Entice Readers to Talk You Up”