This document provides guidance on improving prose style through concise writing. It covers being concise by eliminating redundant words, zero phrases, unnecessary adverbs, and lard-laden prose. It also discusses being correct by differentiating between real grammar rules, social rules of standard English, and invented rules that are not essential. The document emphasizes writing topic sentences to govern paragraphs and provide context for details. It provides examples and strategies for identifying wordiness and revising sentences to be more concise in 3 sentences or fewer while retaining essential meaning.

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How to Improve
Your Prose Style
This lecture covers the following topics:
• Being concise.
• Being correct.
• Writing a topic sentence.
© Karen Thompson, University of Idaho –
Adapted by Ariadne Rooney

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No one wants to read lard-laden prose.
If you have developed this habit, you
need to lose it.

3. About page length requirements.
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 Almost all professors will give you handouts that mention
page lengths.
 We do this to help you understand how to think about
the writing assignment.
 Some assignments require a sustained piece of writing.
For others, something shorter is needed.
 You don’t want to turn in 3 pages when the assignment
asks for ten and vice versa, but if you focus on page
length only, then you are missing the point.

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Most teachers do not insist that you meet a specific number of pages or else.
Okay, well maybe my 8th grade English teacher did, but she was a bit strange.
Ari’s 8th Grade English Teacher
Who are you calling strange?

5. Being concise
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The most valuable of all
talents is that of never using
two words when one will do.
Thomas Jefferson

6. Being concise is a function of clarity.
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 When we clutter our prose with unnecessary words, we create
two problems.
 First, readers have to slog through sentences weighed down by
lard-laden prose and lose interest in reading.
 Second, we may run out of room and leave out those specifics
necessary for meaning to be clearly understood.

7. To be concise, learn to cut the lard in your writing.
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Redundancies
Writing zeroes
Needless adjectives and
adverbs
Needless passive voice

8. Needless words weigh down your prose.
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absolute guarantee
my personal opinion
blended together
bright green in color
guarantee
my opinion
blended
bright green

9. Eliminate redundant words.
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already existing
alternative choices
at the present time presently
basic fundamentals
completely eliminate
continue to remain
currently being
empty space
first began
had done previously
introduced a new
mix together
never before
none at all
now at this time
period of time
private industry
separate entities
start out
still persists
whether or not

10. Zeroes are empty phrases that add lard to your sentences.
They contribute nothing to meaning.
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it is my intent to show that = 0
as a matter of fact = 0
as is well known = 0
it is noteworthy = 0
the presence of = 0

11. Some zeroes can be replaced with words that mean something.
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at this point in time replace with now
at that point in time replace with then
has the ability to replace with can
has the potential to replace with will
in the event that replace with if
in the vicinity of replace with near
owing to the fact that replace with because
the question as to whether replace with whether
there is no doubt but that replace with no doubt

12. Many adverbs are unnecessary
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rather unique
slows down
well demonstrated
unique
slows
demonstrated

13. When you find lard, use the delete key.
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14. Strategy for identifying and eliminating lard-laden prose.
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 Consider this sentence:
 Wordiness is a word that is often used by many people to
express the idea that something that was written by someone in a larger
number of words could have been expressed in a smaller number of
words (38 words).
 It’s not difficult to make this sentence more concise, but I’m using an easy
lard-laden sentence in order to demonstrate a strategy for revising prose to
be more concise.
 Use the following strategy when you have a more complicated sentence
that is filled with lard.

15. Step 1: Identify Repeats (all forms)
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Wordiness is a word that is often used by many people to
express the idea that something that was written by someone
in a larger number of words could have been expressed in a
smaller number of words.
Eliminate what seems easiest.
Wordiness is a word often used by many people to express the
idea that something written by someone in a larger number of
words could have been expressed in a smaller number of words.
We now have eliminated 4 words – it’s a start.

16. Step 2: Substitute Phrases with Words
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Wordiness is a word often used by many people to express the
idea {means} that something written by someone in a larger
number of {more} words could have been expressed in a
smaller number of {fewer} words.
Wordiness means that something written in more words
could have been expressed in fewer.
That move cut 20 words, so we now have 14 total.

17. Step 3: Eliminate Expendable Phrases and Be Specific.
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If the sentences refers to both writing and speech, then no
need to specify writing.
Wordiness means that something written in more words
could have been expressed in fewer. (14 words)
Wordiness means using more words than necessary. (7 words).
Note: be certain the phrase is expendable.

18. Why Stop Now?
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Wordiness means using too many words.
From 38 to 6 words.
 When you first start editing for conciseness, it may be unsettling
because a document you thought was finished may be reduced to
little more than a few paragraphs.
 When that happens, consider what you have not included such as
specific details, examples, analogies, etc. and develop your writing to
fulfill the intended purpose.

19. Being Correct
Real Rules, Social Rules, and Invented Rules
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20. Grammatical Correctness – Three Kinds of Rules
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 Real rules – we don’t think about these
 Social rules – same as above
 Invented rules – rules of the grammar police
How to think about rules

21. Real Rules
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 These are the rules that define English as English.
 Speakers born into English do not think about these rules
and violate them only when they are not paying attention
(i.e. tired or distracted).

22. Real Rules: Examples
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 Mary and John sat by the lake.
Not – in the lake or on the lake.
 She enjoyed the book.
Not: She enjoyed book the.

23. Social Rules
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 Social rules distinguish standard English from
nonstandard.
 None of us speak standard English (okay, maybe my 8th
grade English teacher did, but she was a bit strange).
 Educated people, however, write standard English and
observe social rules.

24. Social Rules: Example
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 We saw the accident.
Not: We seen the accident.
 He has no money.
Not: He ain’t got no money.

25. Invented Rules
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 Invented rules are those rules that think we should
observe.
 As Joseph Williams points out, most of these rules date
from the last half of the 18th century, and most of them
are not worth stressing about.

26. Invented Rules: Example
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 To boldly go where no man has gone before.
 Breaks the never split infinitives rule.
Grammar police insist it should be:
To go boldly where no man has gone before.
To understand why the Star Trek writers broke the rule, see
the next slide.

27. Why the Star Trek writers broke the rule.
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 According to this rule, they SHOULD have said “to go boldly,”
but, honestly, who on earth would prefer that syntax? It just doesn’t
have the same ring to it right?
 In the 20th century, the official gate keepers of English (those who
produce the Oxford English dictionary and who should never be
sneered at) made it official that splitting infinitives was a okay.
 Some die-hard members of the grammar police, however, still hold
onto this rule and find pleasure in trying to enforce it. When you
meet one of these people, and they have power over you, make a
decision about whether you will fight grammatical injustice or cave
to power ).

28. Understanding Punctuation
Punctuation marks are the traffic signs and signals
placed along the reader’s road. They readers when
to slow down and when to stop, and sometimes they
warn them of the nature of the road ahead.
Traffic engineers do not always agree on what signs
should be used and where they should be placed,
and neither do writers or editors.
Theodore M. Bernstein
The Careful Writer
,
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29. Sentences, Fragments, and Run-ons.
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Sentence: A sentence is group of words with a subject and a verb that
expresses a complete thought (like this sentence does).
Fragment: Fragment does not express a complete thought (like this
group of words).
Run-on: A run-on is two or more sentences joined with a
comma, run-ons can create a clarity problem because
readers are not able to identify the most important
information (like this run-on).

30. Not all mechanical errors are equal.
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Errors that create a negative
impression of writer.
run-on sentence
spelling errors (its/it’s)
typos
Errors that distract readers. missing intro comma
faulty parallelism
Errors that few may notice. different from/than beginning
sentences with “and,” “but,” or
“however.”

31. Writing Topic Sentences and Why They are Important
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 Read the paragraph in the next slide (and don’t peek at the
slide after it until you are done).
 It doesn’t make sense right? Well, it will if we add a topic
sentence (see the slide after it).

32. No Topic Sentence
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 Sally first tried setting loose a team of gophers. The plan backfired when a
dog chased them away. She then entertained a group of teenagers and
was delighted when they brought their motorcycles. Unfortunately, she
failed to find a Peeping Tom listed in the Yellow Pages. Furthermore, her
stereo system was not loud enough. The crab grass might have worked,
but she didn’t have a fan that was sufficiently powerful. The obscene
phone calls gave her hope until the number was changed. She thought
about calling a door to door salesman but decided to hang up a clothesline
instead. It was the installation of blinking neon lights across the street that
did the trick. She eventually framed the ad from the classified section.

33. With Topic Sentence
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 Sally disliked her neighbors and wanted them to leave the area. Sally first
tried setting loose a team of gophers. The plan backfired when a dog
chased them away. She then entertained a group of teenagers and was
delighted when they brought their motorcycles. Unfortunately, she failed
to find a Peeping Tom listed in the Yellow Pages. Furthermore, her stereo
system was not loud enough. The crab grass might have worked, but she
didn’t have a fan that was sufficiently powerful. The obscene phone calls
gave her hope until the number was changed. She thought about calling a
door to door salesman but decided to hang up a clothesline instead. It was
the installation of blinking neon lights across the street that did the trick.
She eventually framed the ad from the classified section.

34. Topic sentences and governing detail.
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 Think of a topic sentence as governing the detail that follows
it. All of the details in the prior paragraph hold together in
terms of what they mean as long as we know what Sally was
trying to do.
 A good rule of thumb concerning topic sentences is this: keep
your paragraphs to one topic and be certain to include a topic
sentence.
 Think about where it’s best placed. Most of the time, putting a
topic sentence upfront works best, but other possibilities
exist, so use the rule thoughtfully.

35. How to Think About Rules
Recognize they exist
If writers whom we judge competent
regularly violate some alleged rule and most
careful readers never notice, then the rule
has no force.
Joseph Williams: Style pg. 21
I recommend this book.
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