How do you know when you've found a wimpy writer? Thankfully, this handy guide presents the warning signs.

1. WIMPY
WEB WRITERS
DO YOU WORK WITH ONE?

2. PLEASE, KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE...
WUSSY
WORDSMITHIT JUST AIN’T PRETTY.

3. LOOK OUT FOR THIS KINDA’
CRAP IT STINKS.

4. WIMPY WRITERS ARE CRAZY ABOUT...
CLICHES
In today’s highly competitive marketplace....
Nobody beats us. Period. PERIOD
MEANS
User-­‐friendly... mission critical... STOP

5. WIMPY WRITERS NEVER GET ENOUGH OF...
WE & ME Company-­‐centric copy
gets really boring,
really fast.
Really.

6. WIMPY WRITERS SUFFER FROM...
EVERYTHINGITIS
Can’t decide what the point is?
How about make every one
you can think of?
No good.

7. WIMPY WRITERS STRUGGLE WITH...
EMOTION
Don’t dare touch me there,
you heartless bastard.

8. WIMPY WRITERS JACK UP THE...
JARGON
Check me out. I know big technical words.
And I don’t even care that you don’t.

9. A WIMPY WRITER IS A...
YES MAN
Show me a writer that agrees with
every word you say and I’ll show you
a useless, toothless
waste o’ words.

10. WIMPY WRITERS DON’T ASK ENOUGH...
QUESTIONS
Super duper writers don’t come
flying at you with all the answers.
They ask smart questions.
Don’t they?
WELL THAT THERE IS A MIGHTY NICE QUESTION, SON.

11. WIMPY WRITERS SUBSCRIBE TO...
FORMULAS
Effective headline = BS2

12. WIMPY WRITERS ARE PASSIONATE...
PUNSTERS
Use a pun, go to jail.
Sorry, but we have rules here bud.

13. WIMPY WRITERS DON’T HAVE A SENSE OF...
HUMOR
laughing matter.
Marketing ain’t no

14. WIMPY WRITERS LOVE TO FEATURE...
FEATURES
Buy this because...
it’s scalable, affordable, reliable
and many other great things that
end with bull.

15. WIMPY WRITERS ARE REALLY INTO...
RECYCLING
The best ideas are timeless.
And portable.

16. WIMPY WRITERS ARE POSITIVELY OPPOSED TO...
NEGATIVITY
You NEVER want to say NEVER
because nobody never ever buys into
your damn negativity.

17. WIMPY WRITERS CALL THEMSELVES...
INDUSTRY
EXPERTS
Know why?
Because you said you were looking for one.
Bad call.
Find someone who’s an expert at writing.

18. WIMPY WRITERS HAVE WEBSITES THAT ARE...
UNDER
CONSTRUCTION
And the best doctors practice out of their garage.

19. WIMPY WRITERS KILL THE COPY WITH...
KEYWORDS
SEO:
the proven way to appeal to all
those robots in your market.

20. WIMPY WRITERS OFTEN DON’T KNOW...
SEO
Confused now?

21. WIMPY WRITERS ARE A GREAT BIG...
BARGAIN
Attention marketers:
Bluelight special on aisle 11.

22. A REAL WRITER HAS...
HE SHE
EEW. GROSS.
EVEN IF IS A

23. MY NAME IS
Barry
AND I’M NOT AFRAID
TO TELL YOU
I’M NO WIMPY WRITER.
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