2. MENTORSHIP (ESPECIALLY AMONG
WOMEN) IS ALL THE RAGE NOW.
But too many people approach mentorship as a black box.
You need to know how the box works to find and benefit from
great mentors.
Mentors aren’t just going to come to you. You have to look
for them.
3. WHAT IS A MENTOR?
Someone that does not have a financial stake in your
success.
NOT investors in your startup – they are advisors, not
mentors. A mentor can become an investor, but at that point
they are no longer purely mentors.
Someone that sees your talent/abilities/potential, perhaps
even more so than yourself.
They must absolutely believe in you; if not then they are not
a mentor, they are someone that gives you advice.
Someone that can give you insight from a non-peer
perspective.
Peer advice comes from friends, not mentors.
4. PUT YOURSELF IN THE
MENTORS SHOES.
Why would someone mentor you? What is the value to the
mentor? Figure out what makes your mentor tick.
Altruism?
You remind them of themselves when they were younger?
Pads their ego?
Future opportunity to hire you?
5. WHERE ARE ALL
THESE MENTORS?
Mentors almost always come from previous work
experiences, but after the fact.
99% of my mentors are people I have worked with in the past,
but didn’t become a mentor until years later.
…so keep in touch with past colleagues, especially the good
ones. Ask them to get coffee once/quarter.
Mentors need to see your full potential. That can be difficult if
you haven’t worked with them…but not impossible.
Mentorship can mirror dating where you never know where
you’ll meet you next mentor. One of my best mentors I kept
running into at various conferences.
6. MENTORSHIP IS NOT
INSTANTANEOUS.
The best mentors are people that you have established
rapport with.
If I don’t think you’re good, then I have no incentive to give
you advice and help.
Before establishing that relationship, you can reach out to
people for advice. This can later lead to mentorship.
I have several go-to people when I need advice about XYZ,
however, they are not mentors.
7. CAN YOU INTRODUCE ME
TO SOME MENTORS?
Because mentorship is based on established respect and
rapport on behalf of both parties, it is hard to get
“introduced” to a mentor.
Intros can work if the mentor/mentee are very well aligned
(this works well for “you remind me of me when I was
younger” mentor relationships).
I have met 2 of my mentees this way, but since they are both
engineers I immediately could gauge how smart/motivated
they are.
8. EVALUATE PEOPLE FOR POSSIBLE
MENTORSHIP MATERIAL.
Look for people 2-3 career moves or less from yourself. More
than 3 is often too much distance.
Example: Junior SWE > SWE > Architect. If you’re a junior
dev don’t email Marissa Mayer to mentor you.
Talk to your peers in your work organization. Who are their
mentors?
If you see someone with a great haircut then you ask who
cuts their hair. Similarly, when peers make career moves, ask
how they made their decisions and if it involved a mentor.
9. WHEN READY, ASK HER/HIM
TO BE YOUR MENTOR!
Remember: women don’t ask often enough. Asking solidifies
the relationship and shapes expectations of both parties.
Set up an informal meeting schedule and ask if that works for
the mentor. Stick to that schedule, even if you feel like you
have “nothing to say”.
10. SHOULD ALL MY
MENTORS BE WOMEN?
All my mentors, except for 1, are male. Statistically speaking
there are less senior women and so the pool is smaller. And
all those senior women are probably overrun with requests
for mentorship.
Thus, it is harder to find female mentors. My 1 female mentor
is completely invaluable. She is the only one who understand
things like imposter syndrome.
My male mentors are also fantastic, but in different ways.
11. YES, THERE ARE BAD
MENTORS.
Don’t just default to asking any senior person in your
organization for advice. Choose carefully. Not every senior
person understands how to provide guidance and advice to
others.
Listening, understanding, then giving advice if you were in
their shoes is not a skill that everyone has, nor do this skills
automatically come with a fancy title.
There are also people who like to hear themselves talk. This
is great if they have awesome things to say. Less so
otherwise.
12. MENTORSHIP RELATIONSHIPS
EVOLVE AND THAT’S OKAY.
As mentors/mentees advance at different speeds to different
levels, the relationship changes.
Sometimes mentors and mentees switch roles over the
course of their careers. That’s perfectly fine.
I have a mentor who is now more of a friend (she’s at a big
company & gave great advice when I was there, but now we
have less career-wise in common). So we drink beer together.
13. KEEP IN MIND…
The best mentors choose great people as mentees, provide
guidance and advice with the ultimate goal of hiring them
(months, years, decades) later.
