16658918 indian-matrimonial-process

Search and Match Mechanism of the Market – A
Detailed View of the Indian Matrimonial Process

NILESH OAK

SEPTEMBER 3, 2007

Search and Match Mechanism of the Market – A Detailed View of the
Indian Matrimonial Process

IDENTIFICATION OF THE MARKET MECHANISM

The search and matching mechanism is a fundamental component for serving society’s needs –
whether it be for goods or services. Historically, the search and match mechanism has served to
converge buyers with a set of requirements with sellers with a set of capabilities and features. Along
the same vein, albeit more interesting, is the search and match mechanism’s evolution and rapid
growth in serving another major human need – personal relationships and life partners. Although a
conventional search and match mechanism paper may focus on the mechanism at a very generic level
(i.e., its general use across various categories of transactions), this paper will focus on the
mechanism’s evolution specifically in the partner/mate search and match into an online forum – as its
widespread use warrants a focused analysis.

Perhaps the most renown partner search and eventual marriage “transaction” has historically transpired
in Asian societies; perhaps the best illustration is how the institution of marriage is facilitated across
families, friends, and even match makers in India. Of course, self-identified partner matches are also a
growing and common force in today’s Indian society. Taking this into consideration – the historical
facilitation by families, friends, and other match makers combined with the contemporary generation’s
quest for a self-identified match – it is evident that a powerful enabler has been technology and its
ability to link this web of individuals together in unison. Those who wish to go solo and search for
themselves online may do so; at the same time, those parents, friends, or siblings who wish to give a
helping hand may interface online in any one of the numerous match-making sites.

Marriages may be made in heaven, but they have to be realized on Earth. Before, we in the Western
world dismiss this cyberworld search and match mechanism, let us pause and remember the
relationship enabling sites as eHarmony, and even FaceBook and Friendster for other youths. Even
more, the Indian marriage process is often ostracized as being an “arranged marriage” with no consent;
however, quite the contrary, it is more so a facilitated partner-seeking process that eventually leads to
marriage when agreed to by both parties. Given the population of Indian in the world, the practice of
Indian marriages affects approximately 20% of world population; however, of course, even so, not all
Indian marriages are facilitated by family or friends as more youth seek their own process and
matches.

Therefore, this paper examines the human life partner/mate search and match mechanism and the
possibilities the Internet brings. More specifically, it profiles the Indian matrimonial process to
highlight this mechanism’s evolution and current enablement through the online forum.

HISTORICAL PRACTICE AND KEY ELEMENTS

Traditional Indian arranged marriage involved parents choosing their daughter’s or son’s future spouse
with some key criteria input from the bridegroom or bride to be. In almost all cases if either son or
daughter refuses the choice, the parents tend to respect their wishes and choose another possible
spouse.

Nilesh Oak Page 1


HISTORY OF PRACTICE

In India, arranged marriage is a tradition handed down through many generations. It is true that
ancient literature of India going back to 7700 B. C. recognizes other forms of marriages; Swayam-var
(bride making her own selection), Gandharva-vivah (love marriage), Rakshasa-vivah (marriage by
force), Nisarga-saksha vivah (Nature as witness), and few others. All these forms were considered and
are still considered inferior to an arranged marriage – one that is viewed as worthy and acceptable by
both families as a whole.

ROLES, RESPONSIBILITIES AND PROCEDURES

The essential marriage broker comes in two forms: professional and altruistic, who used to be involved
in most arranged marriages. At some level, members of society as a whole consider their
responsibility to ensure that the proper bride or groom is arranged for someone they know and thus
actively solicit and communicate information.

The professional marriage brokers receive honorary compensation as deemed appropriate by parties
who benefit from their services. Altruistic marriage brokers consider their work as repayment of their
social debt – they are often extended family members, friends, and other well-wishers for the families.

Beginning in 1970, the print matrimonial (requests for suitable match under matrimonial section of
classified ads in newspapers and magazines) became popular. Parallel to print matrimonial was the
development of “marriage bureau.” A marriage bureau was the creation of professional marriage
brokers. A marriage broker, instead of walking from house to house with a huge diary with tucked in
photographs, now sat in his/her office accepting registration for prospective brides and grooms.
Marriage bureaus are operated similar to ‘staffing companies’ and maintain lists of suitable brides and
grooms based on criteria demanded by their clients.

With the Internet boom in India, the concept of a marriage broker walking from door to door is is
slowly fading out, and has given way to online matrimonial sites. The first to jump on this bandwagon
were owners of marriage bureaus, who converted their paper database into computer one. Internet
savvy professional organizations have eliminated the hold of marriage bureaus and now dominate the
business of online matrimonials.

PROCEDURES AND BASIC ELEMENTS OF PRACTICE

Procedures for selection and matching of brides and grooms vary widely across India, especially when
one gets into the details of protocols to be followed. In general, every marriage is its own microcosm
when one takes into account numerous variables: language, religion, caste, sub-cast, education, and
other factors.

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Search

India has always been rooted in tradition and religious beliefs. A marriage in India is both a religious
and social ceremony. The duration of a search may run anywhere from a few months to many years.
Leads are generated through multiple processes: marriage brokers, relatives, friends, well-wishers.
Marriage ceremonies are attractive venues for screening of prospective brides and grooms. As the old
Indian adage goes, “A single marriage sets the stage for dozen additional marriages” can be taken
literally.

Due Diligence

Parents initiate the process of due diligence (the process is elaborate and complex and would not only
rival the process of due diligence exercise carried out by corporations before mergers and
acquisitions, but the latter may look trivial in comparison).

The exercise aims to look at such traits as:
1. Family reputation
2. Prospective bridge/groom’s profession
3. Financial stability
4. Family values
5. Other physically desired characteristics (age, height, etc)

Significant deviation from the desired level in the above characteristics would terminate the process of
furthering any prospects with the groom/bridge under consideration. This due diligence is carried out
in a low-key manner to respect social norms since any decision by one family to not proceed further
with a specific individual of another family, will be seen by the other party (if they come to know
about it) as an insult. Maintaining this confidentiality is critical since Indian society as a whole is well
connected, especially when the target group is screened based on religion, caste, sub-cast, language
and region. Lack of sensitivity may create a disadvantage for future marriage alliances.

If the outcome of this exercise is positive, an informal discussion between the two parties will begin.
Of course at this time the other party would initiate its own due diligence, with roles reversed. If the
other party is satisfied in its own due diligence, the photos of the prospective bride and bridegrooms
might be exchanged.

Matching: Phase –I

An informal meeting is set up between the two parties. The goal is to agree on a high level regarding
compatibilities. The objective of this meeting (never explicitly stated but understood by all) is to
validate the information gathered during due diligence phase. In addition, the goal is to understand
specific matching requirements of both parties. Non-verbal negotiation, judging of mutual family
attributes and values take place during these meetings. This is also an opportunity for the couple to
understand more of their potential partners, by asking questions about their values, likes, dislikes and

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life preferences – basically an opportunity to have a private and informal meeting. This is a free-
flowing discussion and may includes their likes and dislikes of books, movies, vacation destination,
dietary preferences, future ambitions, pet peeves and list is endless.

Families would enlist the additional matching criteria (this assumes what they know so far is
agreeable) which may include horoscope matches, family tree assessments, and other perceptions
regarding the health of the desired individual.

Matching: Phase -II

This step constitutes the negotiation of terms and conditions rather than matching. I have included it as
part of matching because negotiations not covered so far still have flavor of matching the two sides
based on wealth, reputation and social status. This includes the details of the wedding arrangements
and anticipated number of attendees and other special events.

PROFILE OF MARKET PRACTICE

The dominant form of searching and matching among the global Indian community today is via online
matrimonial. All traditional forms of match-making are still in existence and active in India,
especially in rural parts of the country. In Indian cities, the matrimonial style of online dating is
becoming more prevalent, where many websites vie for clients. The larger websites have their own
service centers around India.

CURRENT BEST PRACTICE: ARRANGED MARRIAGES, MINUS THE PARENTS

With the Internet boom in India, online matrimonial is becoming a best practice and one that is highly
profitable. These sites have mushroomed like crazy. There is not a single state in India which does
not have one or more matrimonial sites dedicated to serve the region, apart from the big players who
target the entire nation with the concept of the Indian wedding.

Indian marriage requirements, as described in previous sections can be very specific in religion, cast,
sub-cast, language, and ancestral links. Internet based solution such as online matrimonial fits this
need best. For instance there are 15 sections for different languages on the BharatMatrimony.com and
other similar sites. Potential brides and grooms can select from 10 different languages, 8 religions and
7 different countries.

PERFORMANCE

Among the scores of business ideas out there, online matchmaking has continued to see phenomenal
growth. The global Indian online matchmaking and matrimonial business has carved a niche for itself
in the cyberspace, and alongside, has lead to a small revolution in the way the tech savvy youth of
current Indian generation are contemplating finding a match. The internet-matrimonial and
matchmaking industry is grossing billions of dollars a year and the Indian wedding market is
experiencing a boom. The Economist magazine estimates the market to be around $11 billion with a

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growth rate of about 25% per year. Indian matrimonial sites and portals have created successful
business by blending personal touch with technology, grossing millions for the entrepreneurs behind
the scenes.

“We feel like we are helping Indians and Indian-Americans help qualify or reject potential mates faster
than ever before,” says Nahrain Bhatia, who founded Suitable Match, a heavily visited site with
10,000 registered members.

BharatMatrimony.com, which is actually a collection of regionally focused matrimonial portals with a
similar operational engine, claims that they have matched over 60,000 marriages, including that of
Mrugavel (Muruga) Janakiraman, founder and chief executive officer of BharatMatrimony.com.

ASSESSMENT OF PATHOLOGIES

Moral basis of traditional Indian arranged marriage

I am tempted to compare Indian arranged marriage with carrots and nylon, the comparison I derive
from two of my numerous hobbies – nutrition and science of polymers.

In Indian moral system, ‘Individual’ sits at the top of moral hierarchy. Society is next in line followed
by all organic matter (living world). The inorganic matter sits at the bottom. However ‘individual
freedom’ is nowhere to be seen in Indian society, and the odd occurrence of it is treated with scorn.
The modern western civilization is to be credited with making individual freedom a reality. There is a
clear gap between Indian philosophical thought and actual workings of society. Before we judge this
as hypocritical, and rightfully so, I advise looking at empirical experience of both Indians and the rest
with different marriage systems.

In principle, Indian thought claims to respect Individual good as supreme and thus we should have
observed self-selection of marriage partner. Though this factor has been under-researched, proponents
of arranged marriage attribute near zero percent divorce rates (to somewhere around 4% suspected) to
couple that have arranged marriages (in contrast to a 50% divorce rate for US). The debate surrounds
one main question: can an individual be trusted to make his own or her own decision about choosing a
mate, and if not, can the parents do a better job of it? Elders think that young individuals are prone to
listen to voice of enthusiasm (hormones, external looks) rather than voice of reason (attitude, maturity,
financial stability). The main argument of society over individual refers to immature individual who
may give in to his/her basic instincts (organic and thus inferior to society). Curious readers may want
to read “Lila- An inquiry into Morals” by Robert Pirsig, well known author of ‘Zen and the art of
motorcycle maintenance’ for further exposition of moral hierarchy.

So what does Indian arranged marriage have to do with carrots and nylon! None of them are best
alternatives based on any single criteria, however all of them are second best alternatives when it
comes to multiple criterion: arranged marriage (social stability, lower divorce rate, pre-screening

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leading to increased mutual satisfaction), carrots (second best nutrition after Yams, however readily
available and can be eaten raw or cooked) and nylon (does not offer single best property among
engineering polymers, however second best properties on practically every aspect of polymer
properties – strength, chemical resistance, impact, ease of processing)

Modern Indian Arranged Marriages in the Global Village

The online matrimonial sites are particularly useful for Indians abroad. Every year 40,000-70,000
Indians move to Unites states alone, most of them singles, who turn into potential marriage-worthy
material in a few years. Online marriage sites cater to a technologically sophisticated population.
According to Forrester research, 69% of Asian-American households are online, compared with the
43% of the general population. Most of the Indians in India as well as Indian Americans who are
online are young and educated. Young working Indians in India are earning double digit salary
growth every year and in the United States, Indian-Americans have the highest per capita income, a
financial factors that makes them quite an attractive pool of marriage candidates. They are generally
busy professionals. They need the process to become more efficient and more effective. “If we can
reduce a six-month process to six days, think of how much easier we can make finding a mate,” says
Mr. Manglani, president of Asian Matches (www.asianmatches.com). “Wouldn’t it be better to be up
front whether or not a bride or groom won’t work as quickly as possible? Then our clients could move
on and just get that much closer to finding the right person, get married and get on with their lives.”

Young Indian adults tend to view arranged marriage as an option they can fall back on if they are
unable or unwilling to spend time and effort necessary to find a spouse on their own or even a superior
alternative to seeking a spouse than social dating. The parents then become welcome partners in a
hunt for marital bliss.

The key word is “efficiency” without loosing effectiveness, especially for Indian-Americans. Many
realize that without their parental buffers, it may not be as easy to find another person (Indian or
Indian-American) who is genuinely considering marriage to another Indian-American. Many get tired
of offline meetings with marriage candidates who, after formal introductions with both sets of parents
and other relatives in the same room, would admit that they were only there out of obligation to their
families.

The online option of finding a mate might seem very modern, but it represents an acceptance of the
prejudices of previous generations. Looking for a spouse through such strict criteria as caste or sub-
caste, postgraduate degree or even of the tone of the person’s complexion (common fields on most
matrimonial sites) echoes the same categories that traditional Indian parents and marriage bureaus
have used for centuries. Many feel that they are engaging in a meat hunt, like one would in a bar, even
though that is what one is theoretically trying to avoid, at the same time trying to meet people online
by prescreening them - ironically using the same biases of their parents.

The biggest benefit is the expansion of range of available prospects around the world beyond existing
networks, existing networks being the only traditional method of finding a bride or groom. Indian
parents who are immigrants might not have the network in their chosen country of residence necessary

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to arrange a marriage easily. These portals help because they offer a controlled environment, in terms
of a somewhat screened community.

Online sites have their peculiar vocabulary. If you see ‘Issueless divorce’, you may translate it as ‘no
children’, while ‘innocently divorced’ may mean ‘still a virgin’. Both terms can easily be searched for
on most sites. However do verify since lot can be lost in translation.

Innovative Use of Technology: East meets West

Technology is cutting though traditional avenues of matchmaking for Indians, following the western
trend where dating sites are among the most highly ranked internet portals. Educated urbane
youngsters contemplating matrimony are increasingly using the power of the web to not necessarily
find the “one” but at least to get a few referrals that they can vet. The use of the Internet and the web
is therefore the next evolutionary step in the match making process.

Developing a matrimonial portal is not rocket science per se since the technologies to integrate search,
posting, validating, etc. exists; however, the power of such portal is in the human angle of controlling,
coordinating and managing the operations. Most online portals employ individuals who vet each
posting for photograph, content accuracy to ensure that bad apples stay away.

Competitive Landscape

Before you think of jumping in to rake in the big bucks, let me make you aware of the challenge most
portals face: managing customer expectations. The ‘product’ these portals are dealing with is the
hopes and expectations of individuals. Though most of these websites have automated registration and
payment processes, they try to build manual checks and balances. Says Muruga of Bharat Matrimony:
“Ours is a technology driven company but we manually authorise the profiles to make sure the profiles
are genuine.” Sure, you want to make sure that the Sridevi or Amir’s profile you are looking at does
not have the actor’s picture next to it; that is, Amir is an architect based in Boston, not Amir Khan
from Bollywood. Also, individuals have a wider choice when it comes to online and offline
advertising, and posting one’s details on the Internet is just one of the several medium available.

The big players in this market—including BharatMatimony.com and Shaadi.com—have cornered a
niche for themselves in the cyber world, ranking high in search engines. BharatMatrimony.Com also
has an alliance with MSN.Com so all Indian Hotmail users see ads and text links of this website
whenever they login to their Hotmail account. They also have huge advertising budgets, given that ads
for matrimonial portals regularly appear in TV, radio and print. Alongside, the traditional avenues for
matrimonial advertisements—newspaper classifieds, continue to eat into the overall market share.
Interestingly, most newspapers also post their print adverts free in their online editions, further
competing with pure-play online portals.

Lower barriers to entry have lead to intense competition in this space, especially because of the
number of players who have jumped the bandwagon.

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FORCES OF CHANGE

Individual winning over Society

Global modern influences are having its impact on Indian parents. Indian society is becoming more
open to individuals selecting their partners, at least creating a slate of candidates. This is a win-win
situation, where the individual gets to select who they are comfortable marrying, whereas parents get
to have their say on the “pros” and “cons” of the slate of candidates identified.

Globalization of Indian diaspora

As the population of Indians outside India grows, many Indian marriages are in fact international
marriages, where potential matches may reside half way across the globe, but satisfy the desired
“criteria” for consideration.

Time value of Money

As the earning potential of the Indian singles population continues to increase, time spent looking for a
spouse is more valuable. Thus, the growing Indian youth – primarily the highly educated and earning
segment – desire both efficiency and accuracy in their quest for ideal partner candidates. Therefore,
systems which facilitate criteria-based matching provide a bigger “bang for the buck” by increasing
the probability for meeting better-suited individuals.

IDENTIFY LEADERS AND REFORMERS

Matrimonial web sites seem to strike a compromise between ancient Indian social traditions and the
contemporary attitudes of many Indian Americans by cutting out the intermediary of arranged
marriages: the family! Just as online trading is starting to cut out the middleman in the investing
business, the Web is being used to help arranged marriages without relatives or marriage bureaus.
Most sites offer free services such as letting people search their bride and groom databases (They get
the point – Context is King!), and allow users to post photos and descriptive paragraphs about
themselves for prospective marriage partners. Leaders in the worldwide quest for Indian matches are
Shaadi.com, BharathMatrimony.com, and JeevanSaathi.com. Just These sites offer simple, advanced
and keyword searches. Users enter or search for information in fields like “age” and “caste”, but they
can also search for more detailed information like “vegetarian”, “non-smoker”. Many of these sites
are capable of analyzing horoscopes (either by computer programs or by priests hired by these
businesses).

FUTURE MARKET POSSIBILITIES

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You Tube and Second Life

You Tube and emails are already being explored by key matrimonial sites. The next wave would be
these portals setting their marriage bliss islands on Second life. Let’s say the man is an American of
Indian ancestry and the woman is an Indian living in India who will move to America after the
marriage. The parents of the man will be happier and feel secure knowing that their son is to marry a
person of their own country and culture rather than one ‘corrupted’ by western influences. The parents
of the girl hope that their daughter enjoys a higher standard of living. However couples may be
incompatible due to cultural differences. This can be extremely significant, and sometimes in
surprising ways – many Indian families settled abroad tend to have frozen Indian values and mindsets
while the home country has moved on and adopted more progressive values. It is not rare to find
traditional Indian families in the west that look down upon western values as ‘immoral’, while Indians
in India have become more westernized and permissive.

Online communication (Second Life) can not modify this situation, however the prospective couple
will be able to resolve these issues upfront in a neutral setting and possibly without disclosing their
identity.

Criteria is changing, complexity is not

There are still niches waiting to be explored. For instance there is a marked vacuum when it comes to
sites catering to remarriages. With the changing demographics, divorce and remarriage is on the rise.
There is a void for portals and cyber-entrepreneurs to target this niche by providing a comfortable, safe
atmosphere where those looking for a “second chance” can do so. Concedes Vandana Asija, public
relations manager of Shaadi.com: “Shaadi.com has several members who are divorced or looking to
remarry. We do not explicitly target members who are divorced but do provide fields in our search
engine to make it easier for members to find divorced singles if they are looking for them.”
Interestingly, the management of GaramChai.com has also already identified this as a niche and has
built two niche portals:

• http://www.garamchai.com/BridesForDivorcees.htm
• http://www.garamchai.com/BridegroomsForDivorcees.htm

The emerging tech-savvy generation is definitely considering online portals as a viable option to scan
for suitable alliances. Whether they are made in heaven or not, marriages are definitely getting made
online!

REFERENCES

Lila: An Inquiry into Morals by Robert M Pirsig

http://www.matrimonialsindia.com/

http://merasathi.com/

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http://www.jeevansathi.com/

http://www.nikahsearch.com/

http://www.indiamatch.com/

http://www.walsha.com/

http://www.myforeignbride.com/

http://www.garamchai.com/mohan/

The Economist, October 25, 2006. "Made for each other"

Peeyush Agnihotri. "Shehnai please, it’s Webbing time", The Tribune, 2002-05-06

Gitanjali Sharma. “ The mating Game, The Tribune, 2004-12-18

Mohan Babu. "The business of online matchmaking", GaramChai

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