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Actual Change is inevitable,
except from a
Bumper vending machine

Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers

I’m out of my mind. Laugh alone and the
Back in five minutes. world thinks you're
an idiot

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Page 1 Bumper Stickers

Texas - At least our The gene pool could
cows are sane! use a little chlorine


I didn't fight my Your kid may be an
way to the top of honor student but
the food chain just you're still an IDIOT!
to be a vegetarian


I took an IQ test If we aren't
and the results supposed to be
were negative eating animals,
then why are they
made of meat?

Forget about world Warning: Dates on
peace... the calendar are
...visualize using closer than they
your turn signal appear


Give me ambiguity Make it idiot proof
or give me and someone will
something else make a better idiot


He who laughs last Always remember
thinks slowest you're unique...just
like everyone else


Puritanism: I souport publik
The haunting fear edukasion
that someone,
somewhere may be
happy

There are 3 kinds of Diplomacy is the art
people: those who of saying 'Nice
can count & those doggie!'... till you
who can't can find a big rock


I like you, but I All generalizations
wouldn't want to are false
see you working
with subatomic
particles


Learn from your I'm not as think as
parents' mistakes - you drunk I am
use birth control


Time is what keeps The more people I
everything from meet, the more I
happening at once like my dog


Women who seek Few women admit
to be equal to men their age...fewer
lack ambition men act it.



How can I miss you Beauty is in the eye
if you won't go of the beer holder...
away?


Make it idiot proof We are Microsoft.
and someone will Resistance is futile.
make a better idiot. You will be
assimilated.


Horn broken. Watch I love cats...they
for finger. taste just like
chicken.



As long as there are Happiness is a belt-
tests, there will be fed weapon.
prayer in public
schools.


It is as BAD as you Friends don't let
think, and they ARE friends drive naked.
out to get us.


Where there's a will, It's lonely at the
I want to be in it! top, but you eat
better.



We’re born naked, Be nice to your
wet and hungry. kids. They'll choose
Then things get your nursing home.
worse.


Sorry, I don't date I don't suffer from
outside my species. insanity, I enjoy
every minute of it.


A day without
Hard work has a
sunshine is like,
future payoff.
night.
Laziness pays off
NOW.


Page 8 When the chips
Bumper Stickers
On the other
are down, the
hand, you have
buffalo is empty
different fingers


Those who live Honk if you love
by the sword get peace and quiet
shot by those
who don't


Nothing is The early bird
foolproof to gets the worm,
a sufficiently but the second
talented fool mouse gets the
cheese

Page 9
I intend to live Quantum
Bumper Stickers

forever -- so far, Mechanics:
so good The dreams stuff
is made of


Support bacteria For every action,
- they're the only there is an equal
culture some and opposite
people have criticism


He who hesitates No one is
is probably right listening until
you make a
mistake


Page 10
Success always The colder the
Bumper Stickers

occurs in private X-ray table, the
and failure in full more of your
view body is required
on it

The hardness of the The severity of the
butter is directly itch is inversely
proportional to the proportional to the
softness of the ability to reach it
bread


To steal ideas To succeed in
from one person politics, it is
is plagiarism; to often necessary
steal from many to rise above
is research your principles

Page 11
You never really The sooner you
Bumper Stickers

learn to swear fall behind, the
until you learn to more time you'll
drive have to catch up


A clear conscience If you must
is usually the sign choose between
of a bad memory two evils, pick
the one you've
never tried before

A fool and his Plan to be
money are spontaneous
soon partying tomorrow


Page 12
Always try to be If you think
Bumper Stickers

modest. And be nobody cares
proud of it! about you, try
missing a couple
of payments

How many of you Everybody
believe in repeat after me...
telekinesis?
Raise my hands... "We are all
individuals."

Love may be Hell hath no fury
blind, but like the lawyer
marriage is a of a woman
real eye-opener scorned


Page 13
Bills travel Borrow money
Bumper Stickers

through the mail from pessimists
at twice the speed - they don't
of checks expect it back


Half the people 99 percent of
you know are lawyers give the
below average rest a bad name


42.7 percent of A conscience is
all statistics are what hurts when
made up on the all your other
spot parts feel so
good

Page 14
Don't marry for I don't worry
Bumper Stickers

money; you can about terrorism.
borrow it I was married for
cheaper two years.


A psychiatrist is a Love is blind but
person who will marriage is an
give you expensive
answers that your
eye-opener.
partner will give
you for free.


I take my wife Filthy, Stinking
everywhere, but Rich - Well, Two
she keeps Out of Three
finding her way Ain't Bad
back.

Real Men15Don't
Page Upon the Advice
Bumper Stickers

Waste Their of My Attorney,
Hormones My Bumper
Growing Hair Sticker Bears No
Message at This
Time

Wrinkled Was Procrastinate Now
Not One of the
Things I Wanted
to Be When I
Grew Up

Rehab is for My Dog Can
Quitters Lick Anyone


I Have PageDegree
a 16 ALL MEN ARE
Bumper Stickers

in Liberal Arts- IDIOTS, AND I
Do You Want MARRIED THEIR
Fries With That? KING


A hangover is STUPIDITY IS NOT
the wrath of A HANDICAP.
grapes Park somewhere
else!


They call it PMS He who dies with
because Mad the most toys is,
Cow Disease nonetheless, dead
was already
taken

Page 17 A PICTURE IS WORTH
Bumper Stickers
Heck Is Where
A THOUSAND WORDS
People Go Who But it uses up a
Don't Believe In thousand times the
Gosh memory


Time flies like an HAM AND EGGS -
arrow. Fruit flies A day's work for a
like a banana. chicken; A lifetime
commitment for a
pig.


Hard Work Will The trouble with
Pay Off Later. life is there's no
Laziness Pays Off background
Now! music.


Page 18
Two rights do not My Wild Oats Have
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make a wrong. Turned Into
They make an Shredded Wheat
airplane.


(Around a picture So Many Men, So
of dandelions): Few Who Can
I Fought the Lawn Afford Me
and the Lawn Won


I Suffer Occasional God Made Us Sisters;
Delusions of Prozac Made Us
Adequacy Friends


Page 19
At My Age, I've Seen My Mother Is a Travel
Bumper Stickers

It All, Done It All, Agent for Guilt Trips
Heard It All - I Just
Can't Remember It All


I Just Do What If It's Called
the Voices Tourist Season,
Inside My Head Why Can't We
Tell Me to Do Hunt Them?


Princess, Having
Remain.com Had Sufficient
Experience with
Princes, Seeks
Frogs.

(Seen on Page 20
(Seen on the back of a
the back of a Bumper Stickers
I Used to be
motorcyclist):
motorcyclist): Schizophrenic, but
If You Can Read This,
If You Can Read This, We're OK Now
My Wife Fell Off
My Wife Fell Off


If I Had Known Being (Over the outline
a Grandparent Was of the state of
So Much Fun, I Minnesota):
Would Have Done It
My Governor
First!
Can Beat Up
Your Governor

Veni, Vidi, Visa: I What if the Hokey
Came, I Saw, I Did Pokey Is Really
a Little Shopping What It's All About?


Coffee,Page 21
Chocolate, Bumper Stickers
Liberal Arts
Men...Some Major...Will Think
Things are Just for Food
Better Rich


Growing Old Is Don't Treat Me Any
Inevitable; Differently Than You
Growing Up Is Would the Queen
Optional


IRS Gravity...It's Not
Just a Good Idea.
Be Audit You Can Be It's the Law.


If You Want 22
Page Breakfast In Dog Years, I'm Dead
Bumper Stickers

in Bed, Sleep in the
Kitchen


Love May Be Blind, If at First You Don't
But Marriage Is a Succeed, Skydiving
Real Eye-opener Isn't for You


The Trouble with the It's Hard to be Nostalgic
It's Hard to be Nostalgic
Gene Pool Is that When You Can't
When You Can't
There's No Life Guard Remember Anything
Remember Anything


Page 23
Dinner Is Ready Bumper Stickers
I'm Going to Graduate
when the Smoke on Time, No Matter
Alarm Goes Off How Long It Takes


Anything Not Worth A Day without
Doing Is Not Worth Sunshine Is Like
Doing Well Night


First Things First, Old Age Comes at a
But Not Necessarily Bad Time
in That Order


I'm not into24
Page working Bumper Stickers
The reason most
out. My philosophy: people play golf is
No pain, no pain. to wear clothes they
would not be caught
dead in otherwise.


Ever wonder if I always wanted to
illiterate people get be somebody, but I
the full effect of should have been
alphabet soup? more specific


Why does Sea World I'm halfway
have a seafood through my
restaurant? fishburger and I
realize, Oh my
Gosh... I could be
eating a slow
Actual Bumper Stickers learner.
Actual Bumper Stickers

Page 25
I can please only Bumper Stickers
I don't have an
one person per day. attitude problem.
Today is not your You have a
day. Tomorrow isn't perception problem.
looking good either.


Everyone has a Young at Heart.
right to be stupid. Slightly Older in
Some just abuse Other Places.
the privilege.


Minds are like Just because you're
parachutes. They smart does not
work best when mean that the other
open. guy is stupid.


Page 26
Indecision is the key Bumper Stickers
I love deadlines. I
to flexibility. especially like the
whooshing sound
they make as they
go flying by.


If swimming is so Am I getting smart
good for your with you? .…And
figure, how do you even if I were, how
explain whales? would you know?


I put the fun in All I ask is that you
dysfunctional. treat me no
differently than you
would the Queen.


I get plenty27
Page of Bumper Stickers
On the keyboard of
exercise -- life, always keep one
jumping to finger on the escape
conclusions, key.
pushing my luck,
and dodging
deadlines. Bumper Stickers
Actual Actual Bumper Stickers

I have not yet begun I'd give my right arm
to procrastinate. to be ambidextrous.


There are two rules for
There are two rules for I'd explain it to you,
ultimate success in life.
ultimate success in life. but your brain would
explode.
1. Never tell everything
1. Never tell everything
you know.
you know.


Page 28
Do not meddle in the Bumper Stickers
Middle age is when
affairs of dragons, you choose your
for you are crunchy cereal for the fiber,
and taste good with not the toy.
ketchup.


The more you If you can remain
complain, the longer calm, you just don't
God lets you live. have all the facts.


When cheese gets Why are a wise man
its picture taken, and a wise guy
what does it say? opposites?


Page 29
If horrific means to Bumper Stickers
Do infants enjoy
make horrible, does infancy as much
terrific mean to as adults enjoy
make terrible? adultery?


Why is a person If love is blind, why is
who plays the piano lingerie so popular?
called a pianist, but
a person who drives
a race car not called
a racist?

When someone asks
When someone asks Why is the man who
you, A penny for your
you, A penny for your invests all your
thoughts, and you put
thoughts, and you put money called a
your two cents in,
your two cents in, broker?
what happens to the
what happens to the
other penny?
other penny?

Page 30
If you mixed vodka Bumper Stickers disbarred and
If lawyers are disbarred and
If lawyers are
clergymen defrocked, doesn't
clergymen defrocked, doesn't
with orange juice it follow that electricians can
it follow that electricians can
and milk of be delighted, musicians
be delighted, musicians
denoted, cowboys deranged,
denoted, cowboys deranged,
magnesia, would models deposed, tree
models deposed, tree
you get a Philips surgeons debarked and dry
surgeons debarked and dry
cleaners depressed?
cleaners depressed?
Screwdriver?

Do Roman paramedics A person who
refer to IV's as 4's? smiles in the face of
adversity probably
has a scapegoat.


It's only unethical if Never put off until
you get caught. tomorrow what you
can avoid
altogether.


Page 31
100,000 sperm and Bumper Stickers
You're just jealous
YOU were the fastest? because the voices
are talking to me &
not you!


You are depriving some Grow your own
poor village somewhere dope, plant a man
of its IDIOT


All Men Are Animals, Some people are only
Some Just Make alive because it is
Better Pets illegal to shoot them.


Page 32
I used to have a handle Bumper Stickers
WANTED: Meaningful
on life, but it broke. overnight relationship.


BEER: It's not just for I need someone
breakfast anymore. really bad...Are
you really bad?


We’re the IRS: We've Reality is a crutch
got what it takes to for people who can't
take what you've got. handle drugs.


Page 33
Consciousness: Bumper Stickers
Ever stop to think, &
That annoying time forget to start again?
between naps.


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