Things you definitely don't want to hear during surgery

Better save that. We'll
Better save that. We'll
Things You need it for the autopsy.
need it for the autopsy.
Definitely Don’t
Want to Hear
During Surgery
Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

Steril, shcmeril. The
Steril, shcmeril. The Someone call the janitor -
Someone call the janitor -
floor's clean, right?
floor's clean, right? we're going to need a
we're going to need a
mop & a bucket.
mop & a bucket.

Oxymorons for the Ages
Oxymorons for the Ages Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

"Accept this sacrifice, Oh
"Accept this sacrifice, Oh Bo! Bo! Come back with
Bo! Bo! Come back with
Great Lord of Darkness"
Great Lord of Darkness" that! Bad Dog!
that! Bad Dog!

Page 1 Cumulative Funnies #1

Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

Wait a minute, if this is
Wait a minute, if this is Hand me that...uh...that
Hand me that...uh...that
his spleen, then what's
his spleen, then what's uh.....thingie
uh.....thingie
that?
that?


Oh no! Has anyone seen
Oh no! Has anyone seen Oops! Hey, has anyone
Oops! Hey, has anyone
my Rolex?
my Rolex? ever survived 500ml of
ever survived 500ml of
this stuff before?
this stuff before?


Damn, there go the lights
Damn, there go the lights "Ya know, there's big
"Ya know, there's big
again...
again... money in kidneys. Hell,
money in kidneys. Hell,
the guy's got two of 'em.
the guy's got two of 'em.



Everybody stand back! II
Everybody stand back! Could you stop that thing
Could you stop that thing
lost my contact lens!
lost my contact lens! from beating; it's throwing
from beating; it's throwing
off my concentration
off my concentration


What the heck is this
What the heck is this II hate it when they're
hate it when they're
doing here?
doing here? missing stuff in here.
missing stuff in here.


That's cool! Now can
That's cool! Now can II wish II hadn't forgotten
wish hadn't forgotten
you make his other leg
you make his other leg my glasses.
my glasses.
twitch?!
twitch?!



Well folks, this will be an
Well folks, this will be an What do mean he wasn't
What do mean he wasn't
experiment for all of us.
experiment for all of us. in for a sex change??!!
in for a sex change??!!


Anyone see where II left
Anyone see where left And now we remove the
And now we remove the
that scalpel?
that scalpel? subject's brain and place
subject's brain and place
it in the body of the ape.
it in the body of the ape.


OK, now take a picture
OK, now take a picture This patient has already
This patient has already
from this angle. This is
from this angle. This is had some kids, am II
had some kids, am
truly a freak of nature.
truly a freak of nature. correct?
correct?



Nurse, did this patient
Nurse, did this patient Don't worry. I’m pretty
Don't worry. I’m pretty
sign the organ donation
sign the organ donation sure it’s sharp enough.
sure it’s sharp enough.
card?
card?


What do you mean you
What do you mean you She's gonna blow!
She's gonna blow!
want a divorce?
want a divorce? Everyone take cover!!!
Everyone take cover!!!


FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get Damn! Page 47 of the
Damn! Page 47 of the
out!
out! manual is missing!
manual is missing!



Act naturally
Oxymorons
for the Ages


Found Resident alien
missing

Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages

Advanced Genuine
BASIC imitation


Safe sex Airline food


Good grief Same
difference


Almost Government
exactly organization


Sanitary Alone
landfill together


Legally drunk Silent scream


British Living dead
fashion


Small crowd Business
ethics


Soft rock Butt head


Military Software
intelligence documentation


California New classic
culture


Sweet sorrow Childproof


Passive Clearly
aggression misunderstood


Twelve-ounce Rap music
pound cake


Synthetic Taped live
natural gas


Clearly Peace force
misunderstood


Cleveland life Temporary
tax increase


Computer Plastic
jock glasses


Terribly Computer
pleased security


Tight slacks Definite
maybe


Pretty ugly Diet ice-cream


Working Exact
vacation estimate


Since my last report,
Actual Job he has reached rock
Evaluations bottom and has
started to dig.

Actual Performance Evaluations

His men would follow I would not allow this
him anywhere, but employee to breed.
only out of morbid
curiosity.

Actual Performance Evaluations Actual Performance Evaluations

This employee is not Works well when
so much of a has- under constant
been, but more of a supervision and
definitely won'tPage 14
be. cornered like a rat in
Cumulative Funnies #1
a trap.


When she opens her He would be out of
mouth, it seems that his depth in a parking
this is only to change lot puddle.
whichever foot was
previously in there.


This young lady has She sets low personal
delusions of standards and then
adequacy. consistently fails to
achieve them.


This employee should This employee is
go far ...and the depriving a village
sooner he starts, the somewhere of an
better. Page 15 idiot.


Actual Change is inevitable,
except from a
Bumper vending machine

Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers

I’m out of my mind. Laugh alone and the
Back in five minutes. world thinks you're
an idiot

Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers

Texas - At least our The gene pool could
cows are sane! use a little chlorine


I didn't fight my Your kid may be an
way to the top of honor student but
the food chain just you're still an IDIOT!
to be a vegetarian


I took an IQ test If we aren't
and the results supposed to be
were negative eating animals,
then why are they
made of meat?

Forget about world Warning: Dates on
peace... the calendar are
...visualize using 17
Page
closer than they
your turn signal appear


Give me ambiguity Make it idiot proof
or give me and someone will
something else make a better idiot


He who laughs last Always remember
thinks slowest you're unique...just
like everyone else


Puritanism: I souport publik
The haunting fear edukasion
that someone,
Page 18
somewhere may be Cumulative Funnies #1

happy

There are 3 kinds of Diplomacy is the art
people: those who of saying 'Nice
can count & those doggie!'... till you
who can't can find a big rock


I like you, but I All generalizations
wouldn't want to are false
see you working
with subatomic
particles

Learn from your I'm not as think as
parents' mistakes - you drunk I am
use birth control 19
Page Cumulative Funnies #1


Time is what keeps The more people I
everything from meet, the more I
happening at once like my dog


Women who seek Few women admit
to be equal to men their age...fewer
lack ambition men act it.


How can I miss you Beauty is in the eye
if you won't go of the beer holder...
away? Page 20 Cumulative Funnies #1


Make it idiot proof We are Microsoft.
and someone will Resistance is futile.
make a better idiot. You will be
assimilated.


Horn broken. Watch I love cats...they
for finger. taste just like
chicken.


As long as there are Happiness is a belt-
tests, there will be fed weapon.
prayer in public 21
Page Cumulative Funnies #1
schools.


It is as BAD as you Friends don't let
think, and they ARE friends drive naked.
out to get us.


Where there's a will, It's lonely at the
I want to be in it! top, but you eat
better.


We’re born naked, Be nice to your
wet and hungry. kids. They'll choose
Then things get 22
Page
your nursing home.
worse.


Sorry, I don't date I don't suffer from
outside my species. insanity, I enjoy
every minute of it.


Hard work has a
future payoff.
Laziness pays off
NOW.

Actual Bumper Stickers


Things you definitely don't want to hear during surgery

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Things you definitely don't want to hear during surgery