2. “ Well if it doesn’t matter who’s right or
wrong,
why don’t I be right and you be wrong?
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
3. Perspective for Feedback
• Feedback tells you as much about the person giving it as it does
about you. It enables you to better understand what is most
important to someone and the things they see and care about,
(what they value).
• Always remember there is NO right or WRONG only what works
and doesn’t work,in relationship to the outcome,best described
as a behaviour.
• We don’t have the right to make judgements about others, only
the right to comment on their behaviours,we are unqualified as
humans to do anything else.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
27. My emotional Triggers
??
WHAT ARE YOURS
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
28. 6 second STRATEGIES
YOU NEED TO RE-ENGAGE YOUR THINKING BRAIN
Feel six breaths of air filling your lungs and imagine
what it looks like.
Count to six using funny words.
Remember six of the Seven Dwarfs in alphabetical order.
Visualise six details of a beautiful place.
Name six positive emotions.
Find six beautiful qualities of the person with whom
you are talking/fighting.
Sing a song in your head.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
29. Outcome-Context-Behaviour-Impact
• Outcome: What is the purpose of the feedback
• Context: where & when it happened, the environment, who
was there.
• Behaviour what they did, how they behaved
• Impact the behaviour had on you, others, the business
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
30. A mindset for giving Feedback
• Think of feedback as immunising yourself or others against
future harm to themselves or others.
• When a parent takes a child to be immunised, it is often a
upsetting and difficult thing to do. Parents spend a lot of time
considering all the consequences around getting the child the
immunised or not.
• Feedback needs to be thought of in the same way, considered
with a clear understanding of the consequences, for either
giving it or not. Being crystal clear on your intentions and
outcomes for giving the feedback, just like you do when
immunising a child you a clear on the why.
• You are enabling, helping and protecting someone from future
harmful behaviours, and perhaps others by giving the
feedback. Enabling healthy growth and development of them
and the environment they live in.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
31. A mindset for receiving Feedback
What does this feedback tell me about the person giving
me the feedback?
• What’s most important to them, what they value, so there for
some of their motivations?
• What do they focus on?
• What do you believe motivates them?
• Is their perspective of the world the same or similar to
yours?
• How can you use the feedback in a way that enables you to
be more able to communicate and work with this person?
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
32. Useful tips when receiving feedback
• Ask for examples,
• Acknowledge any upset or offence without defending, this is
important,
• Use the word AND never BUT, BUT often comes across as being
defensive, disagreeing and not taking on the feedback.
• Acknowledge their perspective and their upset, apologise when
and if appropriate, you can give them your perspective when
they have finished, make sure you allow them to fully express
how they feel before you start giving your perspective.
• NEVER EVER use content/context to justify poor behaviour or
offending and upsetting someone. The impact is the most
important thing, listen for and drive to understand the impact
you had, it doesn’t matter if it was intended or not.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
33. Giving Feedback Steps
• Ask yourself, what is the impact I want from giving this
feedback, what is the change I want to facilitate?
• Be specific about what worked or didn’t work and why, it helps
if you describe the event, what happened as a behaviour.
• Ask yourself what part am I playing/contributing in this
situation?
• If I am upset, why am I upset?
• Always separate out content, what was said and and
behaviour, how they behaved and the impact it had on you
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
34. Setting up Feedback
• Always be clear on the intent and impact you want from giving the
feedback.
• Always ask before before giving feedback.
• If its not convenient or appropriate time agree when you can give
it. (Never give upset feedback)
• Use the Xccelerate feedback steps when giving
feedback.
• Be clear and agree on the new behaviour you want
to see.
• “Always give the feedback and manage any upset”
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
35. Feedback Preparation
• Why I want to give you the feedback, my intent...
• What inspires or energises me about you and why...
• What behaviour didn’t work for me and why...
• How you felt when IT happened...
• The impact it had on me/you, if appropriate others...
• ( only give examples of others, if it adds value and only when
you have had a specific conversations with others how they
felt).
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
36. Feedback Giving
• Why I want to give you the feedback, my intent...
• What inspires me about you and why...
• What behaviour/content didn’t work for me and why...
• How you felt when IT happened...
• The impact it had on me/you, if appropriate others...
• How you would like them to behave in the future, the standards
of behaviour you expect.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
37. How you will ensure that they stick to the agreement
• You will flag it when you see it.
• They will give you positive examples of new behaviour.
• Both of you will get feedback from others to ensure new
behaviour.
• Ask them to come up with ways of measuring their behaviours
in this area.
• How else would they like you to help them?
• How are they feeling?
• Agree a follow-up to discuss the feedback if appropriate.
(Always with direct reports).
• For direct reports ask them to bring you every time you meet
examples of new behaviour, they have to be pro-active in this.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
39. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
40. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
41. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
42. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
• We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about
the person, NOT even ourselves.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
43. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
• We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about
the person, NOT even ourselves.
• In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
44. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
• We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about
the person, NOT even ourselves.
• In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated.
• Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour
has.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
45. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
• We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about
the person, NOT even ourselves.
• In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated.
• Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour
has.
• When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good
person.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
46. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
• We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about
the person, NOT even ourselves.
• In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated.
• Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour
has.
• When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good
person.
• The outcome of feedback should never be to upset someone, NORE should it be not to upset someone,
people become upset sometimes and feedback can be upsetting, manage the upset and give the
feedback. Think of the immunisation model it often helps me.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
47. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
• We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about
the person, NOT even ourselves.
• In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated.
• Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour
has.
• When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good
person.
• The outcome of feedback should never be to upset someone, NORE should it be not to upset someone,
people become upset sometimes and feedback can be upsetting, manage the upset and give the
feedback. Think of the immunisation model it often helps me.
• Choose a good environment to give feedback NEVER in a public place and NEVER where you may be at
risk, check you internal guidelines to ensure business compliance.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
48. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes
• Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT
doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...
• Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the
person change the behaviour.
• What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.
• We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about
the person, NOT even ourselves.
• In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated.
• Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour
has.
• When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good
person.
• The outcome of feedback should never be to upset someone, NORE should it be not to upset someone,
people become upset sometimes and feedback can be upsetting, manage the upset and give the
feedback. Think of the immunisation model it often helps me.
• Choose a good environment to give feedback NEVER in a public place and NEVER where you may be at
risk, check you internal guidelines to ensure business compliance.
• Never give Tough feedback by email and if possible always face to face.
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
50. Behaviour
Passive
withdrawn
Patterns What you
observed
Behaviour
Tone
Body
Volume
Language
Intonation
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
51. Outcome
Why you You need to see a
are giving step change in
the feedback behaviour
positive intent Outcome
You want Because you care
to enable Positive
about them, the
change & feedback
business, your
support relationship
them
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
52. Context
Who Where
Content
what was Context
When
said
Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
