1. Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 1
Children 2-12

2. Dale Sundermann MSW
Offutt Family Advocacy
&
Airman and Family Readiness

3. Who can use
1-2-3 MAGIC?
* Parents
* Grandparents
* Nannies
* Sitters
* Teachers
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 3
Children 2-12

4. Part I
Straight Thinking
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 4
Children 2-12

5. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 5
Children 2-12

6. What Is The Problem?
• Kids don’t come with a training manual.
• They are either doing what you don’t want them
to do.
• Or they are not doing what you do want them to
do.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 6
Children 2-12

7. START BEHAVIOR and
STOP BEHAVIOR
When you are having
problems with your kids,
they are either
1) doing something you would
like them to stop
2) not doing something you
would like them to start!
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 7
Children 2-12

8. For STOP BEHAVIORS
Such As:
• Arguing
• Fighting
• Screaming
• Tantrums
• Teasing
• Whining
You will use the “Counting” procedure.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 8
Children 2-12

9. Little Adult Assumption
• Words and reason will not
always work
• Often lead to the Talk-
Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit
Syndrome
• Think of yourself as a wild
animal trainer
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 9
Children 2-12

10. The Wild Animal Trainer
Objective:
• Choose a training method
• Repeat it until it works
• If done correctly, you will get results
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 10
Children 2-12

11. The TWO BIGGEST Mistakes
Parents Make
Too Much Talking
&
Too Much Emotion
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 11
Children 2-12

12. Too Much Talking is a problem
because it either does not work or it takes
.
you through the Talk-Persuade-
Argue-Yell-Hit-Syndrome.
Too Much Emotion is a problem
because the child enjoys the power
that comes with getting
a parent upset.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 12
Children 2-12

13. Too Much Talking Can Be
Destructive
“When children are
little they feel inferior,
because they are. This
lessness bugs them a
lot.”
Dr. Thomas Phelan
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 13
Children 2-12

14. Who Is Responsible?
The child is responsible for his own behavior
But too much talking takes the child’s focus
off of good behavior and places it on the
possibility of a good fight!
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 14
Children 2-12

15. Part II
Controlling Obnoxious
Behavior
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 15
Children 2-12

16. The 1-2-3 Method
First, you will use the 1-2-3, or
counting method, to deal with STOP
behaviors.
The following is a list of some typical
STOP behaviors.
Arguing Fighting Whining
Yelling Tantrums Etc.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 16
Children 2-12

17. The 1-2-3 Method
Second, after you hear how to do the 1-2-3,
you are likely to become skeptical.
• You may say “This is too easy.”
• 1-2-3 is simple, but not always easy.
• It is very powerful if you follow the
“No-Talking, No-Emotion Rules.”
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 17
Children 2-12

18. Using The Counting Method
To Stop Obnoxious Behavior
• Remember: No • When the behavior
Talking and No occurs the parent
Emotion. holds up 1 finger
and says,“That’s 1.”
• Parent waits 5
seconds to see if the
behavior continues.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 18
Children 2-12

19. Using The Counting Method
To Stop Obnoxious Behavior
• Remember: No Talking • If the behavior
and No Emotion. continues, the
parent holds up two
fingers and says
“That’s 2.”
• Parent waits 5
seconds to see if the
behavior continues.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 19
Children 2-12

20. Using The Counting Method
To Stop Obnoxious Behavior
• Remember: No • If the behavior
Talking and No continues, the
Emotion. parent holds up
three fingers and
says.
• “That’s 3, take 5.”
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 20
Children 2-12

21. The Automatic 3
Examples
• When the child does
something very bad Hitting
it becomes an Spitting
“Automatic” 3 Offensive language
Biting
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 21
Children 2-12

22. The Following Problems Require
Some Minor Modifications
Pouting
• Passive behavior designed to
make a parent feel guilty.
• Walk away and ignore the
behavior.
• If the child is an “aggressive
pouter” and follows the parent
around, use counting.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 22
Children 2-12

23. The Following Problems Require
Some Minor Modifications
Sibling Rivalry • Don’t send both
fighting kids to the
• Count both kids same room.
• Never ask “What
happened?” or “Who
started it?”
• Don’t expect the older
child to be more mature.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 23
Children 2-12

24. Counting in Action
1- 2 -3 Practice
• Role Plays
• Video Clips
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 24
Children 2-12

25. What’s Good About The 1-2-3
• Discipline is less exhausting
• Your authority is not negotiable
• The punishment is brief
• It’s easy to learn
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 25
Children 2-12

26. Questions About Time Out
• How long should the • What happens when the
rest period be? rest period is over?
• What if the child does
something right after the
rest period is over?
• What if the child never
stops until I get to the
count of 2?
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 26
Children 2-12

27. What To Do In Public
• Child has a powerful weapon
•If in doubt, don’t take them out.
• Use alternative time out locations:
bathrooms, corner of a store, car,
front of a store etc.
• Set expectations and possible
reward system up front.
• Keep moving if child is
having a tantrum.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 27
Children 2-12

28. Riding in the Car
• Short Trips: What to do at 3
- No talking
- Pull over to side of road
- Money taken off allowance
• Long Trips:
- Earn spending money
- Games
- VCR
• Don’t leave on a long vacation without
putting on your thinking cap.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 28
Children 2-12

29. Frequently Asked Questions
• What do you do if the child counts you back?
• What if there is a problem between children but
you didn’t see what happened?
• How long do you take between counts?
• If a child hits 1 or 2, does he stay at
that count for the rest of the day?
• My child has a fit when I try to drop
him off at preschool!
• Does the room have to be a sterile
environment?
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 29
Children 2-12

30. Frequently Asked Questions
• Can you count different misbehaviors to get to 3?
• Can you ever ignore anything?
• What if you have other people over?
• Can you use a time-out chair instead of a room?
• What if the child won’t stay in his room?
• What if the child won’t come out?
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 30
Children 2-12

31. Frequently Asked Questions
• Help-my kids go nuts when I am on the phone!!
• Does being counted hurt the child’s self-esteem?
• What if the kid wrecks the room during the “rest
period”?
• What if your child urinates on the floor during the
time out?
• Should you ever spank a child?
• Why give kids three chances to misbehave?
• Shouldn’t the kids ever apologize?
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 31
Children 2-12

32. The Kickoff Conversation
Explain the 1-2-3 and what to expect after each
count and what happens after a time-out.
Get ready for the Six Kinds of
Testing and Manipulation.
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 32
Children 2-12

33. Part III
No Child Will Thank You
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 33
Children 2-12

34. The Six Kinds of
Testing Manipulation
1. Badgering
2. Intimidation
3. Threat
4. Martyrdom
5. Butter Up
6. Physical Tactics
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 34
Children 2-12

35. The $64,000 Question
•Does your child have a favorite
tactic?
•What does “it works” mean?
•Do it right
•What to expect
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 35
Children 2-12

36. The Major/Minor System
Major offenses Medium offenses
- Stealing - Coming home less than
- Fighting 3 hours late
- Breaking a valuable - Lying
item Minor offenses
- Playing with fire - Coming home less
- Coming home more than 1 hour late
than 3 hours late - Breaking something
valued at less than $10
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 36
Children 2-12

37. Consequences
Major Consequences Medium offenses
- 7 days grounding - Three days grounding in
- $10 fine or pay back room
double the value of stolen - $5 fine
article - 4 hours of chores
- No TV or computer for two Minor offenses
weeks - One hour grounding in
- 8 hours work around the room
house - $2 fine
- 2 hours of chores
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 37
Children 2-12

38. The Payoff
Now that you know what the 1-2-3 is all
about, you are ready to get started.
You will be in good company!
You can expect RESULTS.
You can expect less arguing and yelling.
The 1-2-3 works… IF YOU DO IT!!
1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for 38
Children 2-12