1. The Sacrament of Penance
(also known as "Confession" or "Reconciliation")
Matthew 9:3-8 "And behold some of the scribes said within themselves: He blasphemeth.
And Jesus seeing their thoughts, said: Why do you think evil in your hearts? Whether is
easier, to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee: or to say, Arise, and walk? But that you may
know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (then said he to the man
sick of palsy,) Arise, take up thy bed, and go into thy house. And he arose, and went into
his house. And the multitude seeing it, feared, and glorified God that gave such power to
men."
John 20:19-23 "Now when it was late that same day, the first of the week, and the doors
were shut, where the disciples were gathered together, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came
and stood in the midst, and said to them: Peace be to you. And when he had said this, he
shewed them his hands and his side. The disciples therefore were glad, when they saw
the Lord. He said therefore to them again: Peace be to you. As the Father hath sent me, I
also send you. When he had said this, he breathed on them; and he said to them: Receive
ye the Holy Ghost. Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins
you shall retain, they are retained."
"The tears of the penitents are wine for the angels." -- St. Bernard
The Sacrament of Penance is such a gift! It can be very hard to do -- it can be
intimidating, embarrassing -- but once absolution is given, you will walk out of that
confessional feeling like a trillion bucks. Christ, in His most Holy Wisdom, gave us this
precious Sacrament to literally and truly bestow His grace upon us through His priests as
a means of forgiving us and assuring us of His mercy and love for us. This psychological

2. benefit of "feeling assured" and "clean again" stems not only from the supernatural fruits
of the Sacrament, but from our human nature and our need to purge ourselves of those
things that plague our consciences. Christ, the Great Physician, knows us well and knows
that "confession is good for the soul," in both a supernatural and psychological sense. As
G.K. Chesterton wrote:
When a Catholic comes from confession, he does truly, by definition, step out into that
dawn of his own beginning... in that brief ritual God has really remade him in His own
image. He may be grey and gouty; but he is only five minutes old.
I have talked to many people who've been terrified to go to Confession; all I can say is be
a brave soldier and buck up and "just do it." Christ Himself wants this of you, so just
resolve to do the right thing. Millions of Catholics over the course of 2,000 years have
braved the "little dark box" (at least metaphorically; though Confession has been around
since Day 1, the Confessional is a 7th. century Irish gift to the Church); you can, too.
Priests have heard it all, trust me, and nothing you say can ever be repeated to anyone in
any way that could identify you -- not to the police, not to another priest, not to anyone (a
priest is automatically excommunicated if he were to violate the Seal of Confession)!
And if you're worried because you're "new at this," that's okay! It's okay to be nervous, it's
okay to be afraid because this is something new and different to you. And it's okay to tell
the priest how you feel. Just let him know it's your first Confession; he will put you at ease
and help you through it and be so glad you've come to receive the graces our Lord wants
to pour out on you!
It's not as scary as it seems to so many people. Really. But if you're still afraid, take a
deep breath, pray for strength, go to Confession and receive His wonderful mercy! You
will not regret it, I promise you!
If you've just been validly baptized, you don't need Confession, because Baptism wipes
away all guilt of sin (and the temporal effects of sin, by the way). If, however, you were
validly baptized years ago and are just now coming to this Sacrament for the first time,
you might want to schedule an appointment with your priest to make what's known as a
"General Confession," which includes sins of one's entire life, since it might take a bit
longer than usual (do the same if you are a returning Catholic and haven't been to
Confession for many, many years). "General Confessions" are also often made before
before marriage or ordination.
How to Go to Confession
The steps to Confession are:
 Examination of Conscience (detailed procedure at bottom of page)
 contrition
 the actual confessing of your sins to God through His priests
 the assigning of penance
 Act of Contrition
 Absolution
 carrying out your penance
I will go through each of these in detail below.
1. Examination of Conscience
Before we get to the church, we mentally review our sins and determine what needs to be

3. confessed. There are various methods of doing this, but one good way is to consider your
Duties to God, Church, family, society and to yourself to see where you've failed to honor
them. A detailed way of doing this is provided in the "What to Confess: a guide to
Examination of Conscience" section at the bottom of the page.
A Catholic is required to go to Confession once a year (during Lent) and also at any time
of the year he has mortal sin on his soul (is "not in a state of grace"), especially if he
desires to receive the Eucharist. But weekly -- at least monthly -- Confessions are
encouraged.
The Sacrament is usually offered before Mass (see parish or chapel bulletin, parish
website, or call your parish's office), at least on weekends. You can also call your priest to
set up an appointment for the Sacrament (for "just reason" only, you have the option of
receiving the Sacrament face to face, outside of the Confessional, but this is not standard
and should not be treated as though it is). Be warned, though, that because of the
Modernism attacking the Church, many Novus Ordo priests treat this Sacrament as, at
best, "a little chat" (especially in the too common "face to face" confessions) or, worse, as
nothing at all and so simply don't offer it frequently enough or allow only 15 minutes for the
Confessions of an entire parish before Mass. Some fail to follow the proper form so as to
render your Confession invalid! The solution to these problems is: find another parish or a
chapel with a traditional priest and traditional Mass. Fast.
What Penance is: it is the Sacramental pardoning of the eternal effects of our sins for
which we are truly contrite. It is effected by Christ, Who paid their eternal wages with His
Passion, Resurrection, and Ascension, through His priests using proper form. Through the
Sacrament, Christ gives us not only forgiveness, but grace to remain steadfast.
What Penance is not: psychotherapy. While the priest may give you some direction and
advice in the Confessional, if you have general problems or spiritual issues you want to
discuss, you should set an appointment to talk with him. This is especially true at a
Confession before Mass where people are in line behind you and time is short.
2. Contrition
Contrition is willful regret for one's sins. It isn't a matter of one's "feelings" of guilt, but of
conviction of the evil of sin and the resolution to sin no more. In other words, contrition is
rooted in the will, not in the emotions. For example, some people are more emotional than
others: some get a case of the "scruples" and feel shame or guilt over any little thing,
whether it's sin or not; others can have committed murder and never "wallow" in guilt but
are still truly contrite. The one is not necessarily more "holy" or making a better
Confession than the other. What matters is their conviction -- their will to offend God no
more, and their resolution to make reparations as far as possible, do their penance, and
patiently bear the temporal effects of their sins. Without contrition, Confession is not valid.
"Imperfect Contrition" (also called "attrition") is regret out of fear of God's just punishments
for sin; "Perfect Contrition" is regret for having offended God. We must always strive for
the latter, which always absolves sin in itself if it is coupled with the will to also receive the
Sacrament.
One of the keys to confession is the desire to be rid of all of one's sins. If this is your will, if
this is your desire, if you are willing to confess all of your sins and do your penance and
resolve to sin no more, then your sins will be forgiven -- all of them, even those you may
have truly forgotten about. But don't kid yourself, either, and think you can skip mentioning
this sin or that one because you're embarrassed. Don't lie to yourself, to your priest, or to
God, by omission.
3. Confessing Your Sins

4. to God through His priests
When the Sacrament is typically offered: before Masses, Saturday afternoons, and by
appointment.
When you get to the church at the time the Sacrament is offered, you may or may not find
a line of people standing or lined up in a pew outside the Confessional. Just take your
place in line, keeping a wide berth of the Confessional itself if it is occupied by a fellow
penitent. Please note that it is very rude to be near the Confessional when someone else
is using it! Though I've never overheard anyone in the Confessional, it could feasibly
happen. If this were to happen, the one who overhears should take all steps to not hear,
and should never, ever repeat anything he might have heard.
Some confessionals have a green light shining when a priest is ready and available in the
Confessional, and a red light shining when someone is in the Confessional with him,
receiving the Sacrament. Others don't. In any case, when it's your turn, enter the
Confessional and kneel. You may barely see the priest on the other side of the grille (the
screen which separates you).
When you are ready to begin, make the Sign of the Cross and say, in a whisper, but loud
enough so he can hear you:
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It is (X days, weeks, months, years) since my last
Confession. I accuse myself of the following sins.
You then name the sins you need to confess, indicating, in the case of mortal sins, how
many times you've committed them. If you're unsure of exact numbers -- but only if you
are unsure -- tell him "about how many" times you've committed the sin. Ex., "I've lied to
my mother twice, I stole a candy bar from work once, I've had lustful thoughts too many
times to count, etc."
Don't go into a lot of detail, don't name other people who may have sinned with you, but
do tell him what he needs to know in order to understand relevant circumstances of the
particular sins -- that is, circumstances that might mitigate your culpability or make you
more culpable. For example, telling him about stealing a loaf of bread because you were
starving will elicit a different penance and spiritual direction than if you tell him you stole a
stack of money because you wanted to buy some porn. If you are unsure as to whether a
particular act was a sin, tell him. As you speak, he may stop you to ask you questions for
clarification.
When you are finished, indicate so by saying something like the following traditional
words:
For these and all the sins of my past life, I ask pardon of God, penance, and absolution
from you, Father.
Don't panic if you later recall sins you forgot to confess: remember that if you were willing
to confess them but simply forgot, they are forgiven if you will to confess them the next
time you go.
4. Penance
Now the priest will give you penance to help you pay for the temporal effects of your sins.
He might ask you to say certain prayers (the old "Say three Hail Marys"), he may ask you
to read certain parts of Scripture. If there is restitution to be made, he might ask you to do
so. Whatever he asks you to do, accomplish it as soon as possible after leaving the
Confessional.

5. 5. Act of Contrition
Now you will make an Act of Contrition to express your sorrow at having offended God
and resolving to sin no more. The traditional way of doing this is to recite aloud the prayer
called "Act of Contrition":
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and I detest all my sins because
of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all
good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no
more and avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.
If you are comfortable doing so, you may say the prayer in Latin:
Deus meus, ex toto corde poenitet me omnium meorum peccatorum, eaque detestor, quia
peccando, non solum poenas a Te iuste statutas promeritus sum, sed praesertim quia
offendi Te, summum bonum, ac dignum qui super omnia diligaris. Ideo firmiter propono,
adiuvante gratia Tua, de cetero me non peccaturum peccandique occasiones proximas
fugiturum. Amen.
If you have a hard time memorizing (which is OK!), you can pray aloud using your own
words to the same effect -- i.e., expressing your contrition for having displeased God and
resolving to sin no more and avoid the near occasions of sin -- but you should try to
memorize the traditional Act of Contrition and teach it to your children. You can also have
the prayer written out or on a Holy Card to carry with you in the Confessional. (Note: a
"near occasion of sin" is a situation in which you are likely to sin. For ex., going to the mall
might be a "near occasion of sin" for a kleptomaniac who hasn't learned to control his
behavior; keeping company alone with a girl he is extremely attracted to in a sexual way
might be a near occasion of sin for a man, etc.)
6. Absolution
Now comes the good part (it may come as you make your Act of Contrition, so don't be
confused if the priest starts whispering in Latin as you pray): Christ, through His priest,
grants you absolution in a form that includes the words below. Without the words in italics
(the very form of the Sacrament), the Sacrament is not valid:
Dominus noster Jesus Christus te absolvat; et ego auctoritate ipsius te absolvo ab omni
vinculo excommunicationis (sespensionis) et interdicti in quantum possum et tu indiges.
[making the Sign of the Cross:] Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et
Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
English:
May our Lord Jesus Christ absolve you; and by His authority I absolve you from every
bond of excommunication and interdict, so far as my power allows and your needs
require. [making the Sign of the Cross:] Thereupon, I absolve you of your sins in the name
of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
He will pray a prayer for you:
Passio Domini nostri Jesu Christi, merita Beatae Mariae Virginis et omnium sanctorum,
quidquid boni feceris vel mail sustinueris sint tibi in remissionem peccatorum, augmentum
gratiae et praemium vitae aeternae.
English:

6. May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all
the saints obtain for you that whatever good you do or whatever evil you bear might merit
for you the remission of your sins, the increase of grace and the reward of everlasting life.
The Sacrament is now complete. The priest will dismiss you, perhaps with a final blessing.
Thank him, cross yourself, and leave the Confessional. (If it is before Mass and people
were in line behind you, it is kind to give the priest an idea as to how many people are
awaiting Confession).
7. Carrying out your Penance
As soon as possible, carry out the penance you were given. Do all you can to avoid near
occasions of sin, to bear patiently the temporal effects of the sins you've committed, to
make restitution to anyone you've harmed. You may add penances of your own devising
to the one(s) the priest gave you.
(Read a "sample confession" so you can see how easily it all goes)
After Confession
Rejoice and be grateful! Consider what has been done for you! Savor the sweet
knowledge that you are forgiven. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God Who
takes away the sins of the world! He has said the word, and you have been healed!
Now you must imitate Christ by forgiving others as you have been forgiven:
Matthew 6:9-15
Thus therefore shall you pray: Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy
kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our
supersubstantial bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors. And lead
us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. Amen. For if you will forgive men their
offences, your heavenly Father will forgive you also your offences. But if you will not
forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your offences.
Consider the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant:
Matthew 18:21-35
Then came Peter unto him and said: Lord, how often shall my brother offend against me,
and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith to him: I say not to thee, till seven times;
but till seventy times seven times. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened to a king,
who would take an account of his servants. And when he had begun to take the account,
one was brought to him, that owed him ten thousand talents. And as he had not wherewith
to pay it, his lord commanded that he should be sold, and his wife and children and all that
he had, and payment to be made.
But that servant falling down, besought him, saying: Have patience with me, and I will pay
thee all. And the lord of that servant being moved with pity, let him go and forgave him the
debt. But when that servant was gone out, he found one of his fellow servants that owed
him an hundred pence: and laying hold of him, throttled him, saying: Pay what thou owest.
And his fellow servant falling down, besought him, saying: Have patience with me, and I
will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he paid the debt.
Now his fellow servants seeing what was done, were very much grieved, and they came
and told their lord all that was done. Then his lord called him; and said to him: Thou

7. wicked servant, I forgave thee all the debt, because thou besoughtest me: Shouldst not
thou then have had compassion also on thy fellow servant, even as I had compassion on
thee? And his lord being angry, delivered him to the torturers until he paid all the debt. So
also shall my heavenly Father do to you, if you forgive not every one his brother from your
hearts.
Think of those against whom you hold grudges. Consider vengeful feelings you might
have, or any petty ways you strike back at or undermine others. Make peace with those
you've wronged; forgive those who've wronged you. This doesn't mean to be stupid, to
"forget" that you've been wronged, or to allow yourself to be abused. It means simply
letting go of anger and vengeance, and praying that the evil-doers stop doing their evil
and come to Christ.
One other way the grace
of the Sacrament of Penance may be received
As indicated above, perfect contrition absolves sin in itself. Thus, if one is sorry for one's
sins but is trapped on a desert island without a priest, one needn't fear being damned if
unable to confess in the normal way. We are bound by the Sacraments; God is not, and
has many ways of pouring out His grace to us!
Perfect contrition, though, includes the desire to obey God and not offend Him further --
and God wants us to confess our sins to a priest. Therefore, if one can, one must go to
Confession if there is a mortal sin to confess, or at least once a year. If one is unable to
confess in the normal way, but would confess in the normal way if it were possible, then
merciful God provides.
Notes and Tidbits on Confession
The rose is a symbol for many things in
Christianity (Mary, Mystery, Paradise,
martyrdom), the seal of the Confessional
among them. The ancient Romans believed
that Cupid -- the Roman god of love -- gave
a rose to Harpocrates as a bribe for not
letting on what his mother Venus, the
goddess of "love," was up to. Hence, the
rose became a symbol of confidentiality.
This symbolism carried over into Christianty,
and the doors of Confessionals are
sometimes decorated with the rose. From
these Roman and Christian associations

8. "General Absolution" such as is given
in "communal penance services" in
which a priest "absolves" an entire
group of their sins is highly illicit
unless it is a serious emergency
(you're all on the Titanic, you're a group of soldiers getting ready to go into battle, etc.) If
you are in a group that receives such an "absolution," you are still required to go to
individual Confession if it is at all possible.
If, for serious and just reason, you need to make a Confession to a priest outside of a
Confessional, kneel and carry on as above. The priest might lay his stole on your shoulder
as you confess.
Confession of venial sins to laymen is a sacramental and has the same power to remit
sins as does the use of such things as Holy Water. The practice is also healing to human
relationships, so if you've sinned against someone, confess your sorrow to him in addition
to confessing to your priest! There is a beautiful Lenten custom practiced before going to
see the priest for Lenten Confession: one bows before each member of the household
and to any one has sinned against, and says, "In the Name of Christ, forgive me if I've
offended you." The one being asked for forgiveness responds with "God will forgive you."
This lovely practice doesn't have to be for Lent only...
For inspiration, read how Christ forgives from the Cross (Luke 23:33-34), the story of Mary
Magdalen, the Parable of The Two Debtors (Luke 7:36-50), and the Parable of the
Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). See also St. Ephraem's "Homily on the Sinful Woman."
comes the phrase "sub rosa" -- "under the
rose," meaning "secretly" or "confidentially."
What to Confess?
A guide to Examination of Conscience
I John 5:16-17: He that knoweth his brother to sin a sin which is not to death, let him ask:
and life shall be given to him who sinneth not to death. There is a sin unto death. For that I
say not that any man ask. All iniquity is sin. And there is a sin unto death.
As said above, one only needs to confess mortal sins ("sins unto death"), so a good grasp
of what this means is imperative. For a sin to be mortal, it has to meet three conditions:
 grave matter: does it involve breaking one of the 10 Commandments, committing
one of the Sins that Cry out to Heaven, or failing to uphold the 6 Precepts of the
Church?
 full knowledge: did you know or should you have known that the act was sinful?
 deliberate consent: was your consent to this act sufficiently deliberate so as to
be a choice? Were conditions present that influenced your ability to choose?
If you are unclear as to whether a sin meets all of the requirements above for a mortal sin,
be safe and confess it, telling the priest of your lack of clarity.
As to venial sins (sins that don't meet the above requirements), you are free to confess
them or not. Confessing them is definitely encouraged, but do be mindful of the priest's
time and the time others need who may be standing in line behind you. If your Confession
is before Mass, time is running short before Mass begins, there is a long line behind you,
and you are wanting to confess venial sins only, you might want to hold off so that others
who might have mortal sins to confess can see the priest before Mass starts.

9. If you are plagued by feelings of "not being forgiven" or being "unworthy" of the Sacrament
of Penance, don't confess venial sins that you are doubtful
about lest you find yourself with a case of "the scruples." A
"scrupulous" person is one who has "an unfounded
apprehension and consequently unwarranted fear that
something is a sin which, as a matter of fact, is not" (Catholic
Encyclopedia). This doesn't refer to isolated incidents, but to a
habitual way of feeling or thinking, an unwarranted fear, a sort
of emotional obsession; it doesn't refer to true questions as to
whether such and such a behavior is a sin or not. Anxiety is
involved, and often a felt doubt as to the power of confession,
the genuine-ness one's contrition, and the extent of God's
mercy. If you have a good, orthodox Confessor, trust him and
his advice, and tell him about any scruples you needlessly
suffer from; he may be able to help you! And pray to St.
Alphonsus Liguori, the great moral theologian who suffered
from scruples himself and is now the patron saint of the
scrupulous.
Below are some questions to ask yourself regarding our duties in life, the answers to
which might help you in examining your conscience and deciding what to confess. At
least, the answers might help you to know where to focus your energies so you can
become a better servant of God:
Duties to God and to Church:
Do I love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?
Have I given God the honor and time that is His due?
Do I pray?
Do I express my gratitude to God?
Does something or someone -- a material thing, a person, a behavior, an attitude --
come between me and God?
Have I used God's Name as a curse word or cursed God?
Have I broken promises, oaths, or vows to God?
Have I failed to treat sacred things and places with respect?
Have I received the Eucharist while not in a state of grace?
Have I kept Sunday holy by attending Mass and refraining from servile work?
Have I lied to a priest during the Sacrament of Penance or intentionally failed to confess
a sin I should have confessed?
Have I defended God and His Church when it was necessary?
Do I study my faith, according to my abilities, so I can defend the Church when
necessary?
Do I properly value the Church's disciplines and heritage?
Do I pray for the Holy Father and the Church, including those in Purgatory?
Have I experimented with magic, the occult, spiritism, willful psychic phenomena, ouija
boards, etc.?
Do I keep Sundays and Holy Days of obligation?
Have I failed to go to Confession, at least once a year during Lent?
Have I failed to do my Easter Duty (i.e., receive the Eucharist at least once during the
Paschal Season)?
Have I failed to follow the laws of fasting and abstinence?
Have I failed to support the Church as my means allow?
Have I obeyed the Church's marriage laws?
Do I belong to a secret society such as Freemasonry, Skull and Bones, etc.?
Duties to Family:

10. Have I failed to perform my duties to my parents, spouse, or children -- as (mother/
father, daughter/son, wife/husband) and as a Christian whose duty it is to lead them to
Christ and to pray for them and, if possible, with them?
For husbands: Do I treat my wife with the respect and tenderness I would give to Our
Lady? Do I treat her as less than my queen, bride, and friend? Do I strive to provide for
her, protect her, and help her to feel cherished and needed without condescension or
treating her as a child? Do I undermine her in her role as mother? Do I try to make her
happy within the boundaries of God's laws? Do I use my headship as an excuse for
laziness, cruelty, arrogance, or in any manner inconsistent with the way in which I would
treat Our Lady or the manner in which Christ treats His Church?
For wives: Do I treat my husband with less than the respect and tenderness I would give
to Christ? Do I treat him as less than my king, groom, and friend? Do I strive to obey him,
nurture him, and help him feel cherished and needed? Do I undermine him in his role as
father? Do I try to make him happy within the boundaries of God's laws? Do I nag or
provoke him?
Is Christ the King of my household?
Do I pray for my dead ancestors, family members, and friends, and for the souls of those
in Purgatory who have no one to pray for them?
Have I helped cause members of my family to sin?
Do I try my best to empathize with the members of my family and to love them with a
love grounded in Truth?
Do the members of my family know they are loved? If not, is this my fault?
Have I caused any member of my family to get unrighteously angry or to be unjustly
hurt?
Have I failed to apologize to and seek forgiveness from members of my family if there
was need?
Have I forgiven my parents, spouse or children for past faults?
Do I give my family my time and undivided attention when possible?
Do any of my habits -- spending habits, gambling, etc. -- deprive my family of support?
Have I used contraception and failed to keep my marital acts open to life? Have I used
N.F.P. (Natural Family Planning) for frivolous reasons?
Am I too lenient with my children? Do I set standards and boundaries? Do I use fair,
reasonable, and consistent discipline?
Am I too harsh with my children? Do I squelch the joy out of my children's lives with
needless rules, "Pharisaic" attitudes, a lack of mercy, and an authoritarian -- as opposed
to an authoritative -- approach to discipline? Do I discipline them in a way that humiliates
them?
Do my spouse and I sabotage each other with regard to disciplining our children? Do I
"force" my spouse to play the role of "mean parent" while I play "nice parent"?
Have I been a good example for my children and/or the children of others?
Do I have high enough and age-appropriate expectations of my children?
Do I over-praise or under-praise my children?
Do I prize goodness and grace in my children above anything else I prize in them?
Do I teach my children the fullness of the Faith, encourage them to pray to their
Guardian Angels, to their patron Saints, and for the dead?
Do I protect my children's innocence, inspire their imaginations, and do all I can to
encourage healthy curiosity and the ability to marvel by teaching them about God, His
Church, His creation, the lives of the Saints, etc., and by exposing them to good books,
music, and art?
Have I found a good balance between protecting my child's innocence and teaching him
about the world, in an age-appropriate way, so that he is not ignorant and naive or made
to feel stupid or ridiculous about himself when in the company of those who are "of the
world"? Have I given him good weapons with which to fight the evils of the world while
understanding and nourishing his social needs?
Do I treat male children and female children with equal dignity, with respect for their God-
given individual talents and vocations, but also with respect for Natural Law and their God-
given differences as male and female?
Do I allow my children appropriate expression of their emotions and help them to
understand and become masters of their negative emotions?
Do I help my children come to a humble, healthy, true sense of themselves as children of
God, as individuals with unique vocations, and as possessing both virtues and faults?

11. Do I instill in my children a sense of duty to God, to family, to others, and to themselves?
Do I nurture the possibility of religious vocations in any of my children?
Have I taught my children good manners and to be aware of the needs of the elderly, the
infirm, the pregnant, the otherwise challenged?
Are my spouse and I consistent in our discipline of our children?
Duties to Society:
Do I love others as I love myself, with a love grounded in Truth?
Do I evangelize with prudence and intelligence, and without being annoying and
judgmental?
Do I pray for others, including those in authority and for my enemies?
Have I taken anything I had no right to take? Have I failed to return anything I may have
stolen in the past or otherwise make restitution?
Have I cheated anyone out of anything that is rightfully theirs?
Have I been honest in business, including paying my employees a fair wage?
Do I treat my employees or those I supervise with dignity, respect, and consideration?
~and/or~ Do I give my employer his due and perform my job satisfactorily?
Do I treat service personnel (waitresses, waiters, clerks, busboys, maids, doormen, etc.)
with dignity, respect, and consideration, and without condescension? Do I consider their
time and feelings? Do I tip well, given my means, in cultures where tipping is considered
the norm and, in essence, "wages"?
Have I engaged in illicit usury?
Have I given to the poor as my means allow?
Do I betray others' secrets that I had no right to betray?
Have I spoken anything untrue about another (calumny or slander) or, for no good
reason, said things that were true but maliciously or needlessly or unjustly spoken and
that were damaging to another's reputation (detraction)?
Do I engage in malicious gossip?
Do I make promises I do not intend to keep?
Have I cheated on tests or homework at school or otherwise plagiarized the work of
others?
Am I greedy and selfish?
Am I envious of what others have?
Am I too materialistic?
Have I cursed another (i.e., called down physical or moral evil on a rational creature, not
for the sake of a good, such as justice or punishment, but out of malice or for personal
gain)?
If possible, if candidates are available, do I vote responsibly, with the Kingship of Christ,
the dignity of human life, and the principle of subsidiarity in mind?
Given my station in life, my gifts, and vocation, do I care enough for the sick, hungry,
thirsty, poor, and imprisoned?
Do I show good stewardship by treating the earth as God's creation?
Do I treat animals with care and appreciation and refrain from needless cruelty toward
them?
Do I show reasonable patriotism for my country (that is "country," not necessarily
"government," and doesn't mean "blind patriotism")?
Do I use my God-given talents in a wholesome way and for the benefit of others?
Am I mindful of how my behavior or passivity influences others and conditions around
me?
Do I love the sinner while remaining truthful about sin?
Am I forgiving to the contrite?
Have I nurtured unrighteous anger in my heart?
Am I vengeful?
Am I a good, reliable friend to others?
Do I exhibit any racist behaviors or hold any racist thoughts (i.e., thoughts and behaviors
rooted in the idea that God's love and our love for others is or should be conditioned by
ideas of race or genetics)?
Have I murdered anyone, including having an abortion, helping someone have an

12. abortion, or failing to do my best to encourage someone not to have an abortion (abortion
includes in vitro fertlization)? Have I participated in euthanasia? Have I encouraged
embryonic stem cell research? Have I encouraged unjust war?
Have I intentionally and unjustly physically harmed someone?
Have I participated in the sins of others by counseling them to sin, by commandmanding
them to sin, by consenting to their sin, by provoking them to sin, by praising or flattering
them in their sins, by concealing their sins that others have a right to know about, by
partaking in their sins, or by silence even when the cause of charity demands I speak out?
Have I used alcohol or any other drug recreationally to to the point where my judgment
and will were affected?
Have I been chaste according to my station in life (been faithful to my spouse, honored
promises or vows as a religious or priest, not engaged in fornication if unmarried, etc.)?
Have I willfully looked at pornography for no legitimate reason (e.g. law-enforcement) or
supported it financially?
Do I dress and behave immodestly or without concern for how my appearance and
behavior may lead others to the sin of lust?
Have I engaged in solitary sexual sins?
Have I engaged in homosexual/lesbian acts? Have I been kind and charitable to those
who are struggling to overcome homosexual/lesbian temptations?
Have I intentionally lusted after someone? (Note: random thoughts that come to the mind
are not sinful. My priest described them once in a sermon as mere flies that should be
shooed away. What is sinful is deliberately cultivating these thoughts, deliberately giving
them your salacious attention, etc. Know that many great Saints had thoughts like these --
and even worse: it is quite common as one proceeds in holiness for extremely
blasphemous thoughts and thoughts of despair to flash in the mind. Shoo them away, and
know that it is the Evil One trying to make you feel hopeless. It is good at times like these
to call on the Name of Jesus and fall back on the short aspirations to replace those
thoughts with holy ones.)
Duties to Yourself:
Do I trust in God's mercy and love for me as a beloved child, or do I wallow in guilt for
sins I've been absolved of?
Am I too scrupulous and hard on myself, treating myself much more harshly than I would
others I love?
Am I too easy on myself?
Am I honest with myself about my gifts and limitations?
Do I overestimate or underestimate my importance?
Do I treat myself as an icon of God, made in His image?
Do I trust that God is in control or do I worry needlessly?
Am I able to appreciate the fruits of His Goodness?
Do I stand up for myself and my wholesome needs?
http://www.fisheaters.com/penance.html