1. Mr. Taylor
Sample Play
The Long Distance Break-up/ The Lover’s Telephone Revenge
JANE: Packing up her belongings from ex-boyfriend’s apartment.
SUE: Jane’s friend.
Setting: Ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Items thrown around the room.
JANE
I can’t believe that jerk.
SUE
Well, I don’t want to say “I told you so....”
JANE
So don’t.
SUE
I’m just saying, he left his last girlfriend for you.
JANE
I know, I know. And now he left me for someone else.

2. SUE
But did you have to move in with him? I mean, it was just so fast.
JANE
Love works like that, I guess.
SUE
So do hormones.
JANE
What’s that supposed to mean?
SUE
Nothing.
JANE
Yeah, I’m sure. Are you going to help me pack this up or not?
SUE
Um, not.

3. JANE
Guess again.
SUE
Um, sure?
JANE
I knew I could count on you.
SUE
What are friends for, if not to help pack up their best friends belongings
after foolishly rushing into living with a guy she barely knows.
JANE
I knew him. Or at least I thought I did.
SUE
Have you talked to your sister yet?
JANE
As far as I’m concerned she can rot.
SUE
Come on, she’s your sister.

4. JANE
And he was my boyfriend, but that didn’t seem to stop them.
SUE
If it’s any consolation, they said they were drunk.
JANE
That just the excuse they’re giving to justify being jerks.
SUE
You could take her to Jerry Springer.
JANE
But then she’d get a free trip to Chicago and stay at a nice hotel. And
they pay for everything.
SUE
Really?
JANE
Tonya went on there last year. She partied all weekend, and they drove
her around in a limo. My sister doesn’t deserve that.
SUE
A limo? Really? Man, they want to make their guests feel comfortable. I
wonder if Oprah does that for her guests. It’s probably better than the

5. people who go on Divorce Court. Maybe the People’s Court or Judge
Judy has better hotels.
JANE
Can we focus?!
SUE
Sorry, I just never thought that Jerry’s guests would be treated so nicely.
JANE
(sarcastically)
Yeah, it’s great. Now help me finish loading up this box.
SUE
Fine. You know how to ruin all the fun out of these things.
JANE
What things?
SUE
Break ups.
JANE
I didn’t think they were supposed to be fun.
SUE

6. They can be. With the right motivation.
JANE
What’s that supposed to mean?
SUE
We could break his TV?
JANE
No, I wouldn’t feel right. He loves that TV.
SUE
Like he loved your sister?
JANE
Still....
SUE
We could take a knife a cut up his mattress.
JANE
Wouldn’t that be illegal?
SUE

7. We could microwave a DVD. That would be fun. The sparks flying
everywhere.
JANE
But that’s my microwave.
SUE
Oh.
JANE
Let’s not do anything. I just want to get out of here.
SUE
We could call China.
JANE
China?
SUE
Yeah, China.
JANE
Who’s in China?
SUE

8. Who cares? Someone, I’m sure.
JANE
I don’t know.
SUE
Think about it. Why not make him pay for every minute of his affair.
You were hurt, it’s time to hurt him.
JANE
Maybe.
SUE
You know you want to. It’s better than Jerry Springer.
JANE
Okay, let’s do it.
Sue dials a number.
SUE
How long will he be gone?
JANE
Until tomorrow.

9. SUE
Perfect!
JANE
By the way, how do you know the number to China?
SUE
I have a sister, too.