Mark is a social entrepreneur who likes to plan things That’s till he became an UnPlanned Dad Unplanned Dad is a down to earth guide to future parents and fathers in particular from someone who has joined the parenthood club, addressing issues such money, breastfeeding and birthing, why you should beware the 9th day! And why men need a man cave.

1. unPlanned
DAD
Your Guide from the Other Side

2. This is an extended presentation of a talk I gave at Pecha Kucha
Cape Town in May 2013
If you want to book me for other talks (so that I can pay for my
‘unplanneddadness’) or contact me for further information, my
contact details are at the end
Kind thanks to the countless sites from whom I borrowed images
I hope you will understand my eagerness to spread a goodwill
message
MARK VELLA, CAPE TOWN, MAY 2013

3. Hands up if you are not yet a parent?
Then this presentation is for you

4. If you are a parent…
Then I hope it provides some nostalgia and entertainment

5. This is my family. My Name is Mark. I work in the field of
Lifestyle Medicine, I am a social entrepreneur and 2 years ago I
became an unplanned Dad. I’d like to thank my family for the
content and permission for this presentation

6. So in 2010, 3 days before the World Cup in South Africa, we
scored our own opening goal.
We were both in our 40’s and pretty much clueless

7. But Nature in its wisdom
gave you 9 months
to prepare
So don’t panic…

8. Ladies, when you come home with that pink strip on your
pregnancy test and tell you partner he’s going to be a dad,
here’s how he might react…
(On the inside)

10. Part of him inside is more like No.10 than No.1
Its not because he doesn’t love you or doesn’t want to be dad
Instead here’s why…

11. 1st: “I wont be a good Dad”
He’s worried he won’t be a good dad
He seen bad examples, maybe even in his own life
He’s see how difficult it can be, even with the best of intentions
He’s worried he doesn’t know the first thing about being a dad

12. 2nd: I won’t be able to provide
He see’s the long term extrapolation of what that pink strip
means in financial terms
He sees the seriousness and the scale of it all

13. Cost of raising child in SA?
R1,681,470.00
(Psst that’s…R7,784.49 a month)
1. Birth to 18yrs
2. Av middle income family
3. Excludes college, university.
4. Not inflation accounted
5. SA Government 2009

14. To save for University ?
R 6000.00
(So I can send her to Uni in 2030)
1. Born in 2011
2. Inflation accounted
3. Sunday times News Paper 2011, article

15. But men, be grateful for that new budget item
Have some perspective because…

17. The issues will stem from
1. Differing values
2. Differing expectations
3. The division of labour
Get these 3 right and you’ll be fine

18. 7 factors to chat about
1. Relationship
Stability
2. Future career
3. Financial fitness
4. Support
5. Birth philosophy
6. Health of you and
partner
7. Nutrition

19. On the following issues:
1. Birth method
2. Breastfeeding
3. Co-sleeping
Chat and agree.
But know that
ultimately it’s a women's prerogative

20. Use Pinterest
1. To learn from others
2. To create vision board
of your new
parenthood

21. There will be times she will
wish you were pregnant

22. Imagine
Carrying this rucksack on
your front for 9 months:
Sleeping with it,
Showering with it,
Going to work with it,
Having sex with it
Go ahead , try it for a full
24 hours

23. And imagine it made you
puke, fart and gave you
heartburn amongst other
things
Imagine you at times felt
like this guy,
Or that sometimes you felt
your body is going to end up
like this guy

24. Imagine coping with the
horror stories,
The fear of the unknown
Knowing constantly about
the possible risks,
And feeling the weight of
expectation upon you
All the while trying to be
pretty, a great friend, lover,
co-worker, future mom and
perfect partner for you

25. And then there’s the birth..
Which I have heard one woman describe as ‘pushing this
watermelon through a pinhole’

26. Make no mistake birth is a beautiful miracle
But it is also the one of the most physically challenging,
transformative events of a woman's life

27. It’s not like the movies which distort and ridicule birth

28. /
Real birth is a much more down to earth, real,
immediate experience
http://naturalbirthinkitsap.blogspot.com

29. All I can say to the men is be there
I pulled my daughter out and cut her chord
Ill never forget that moment and what it meant
http://mamabirth.blogspot.com/2012/07/natural-birth-isnt-big-deal.html

30. Natural Medical Side Note:
As a Naturopath, I favour:
1. Natural Birth
2. Breastfeeding
3. Co-sleeping
4. Informed nutrition
FACT:
Natural Births
In USA 5%
In SA 8-10% (elective)
I am troubled by the medicalization of birth

31. I am troubled by the commercialisation of our children

32. Beware the
DAY

33. Why?
She has just run a marathon giving birth
She could be in pain.
She is doubting her ability to cope
She is feeling the full weight of responsibility bearing down on
her. Will baby ever stop crying?
Is it the end of life?

34. And you forget…
that this started 9mo ago: loosing her figure, the discomfort and
lifestyle changes, whilst you carry on as normal.
By Day 9 the euphoria of the birth hormones abate and
exhaustion sets in, often leading to postnatal depression.
So you need to have 2 Laws in place from Day 1

35. Law 1
Its crucial from Day 1 to rest
Rest is above all else in
the list of priorities

36. Law 2
The focus is on the baby and your partner for first 12 weeks
Everyone else comes
second by a country
mile.

37. In the first 3 months
Do what ever you can
to support her
She will really need it
Get support in if you
need it
Division of labour is
necessary

38. The Rule
of 3
In the first 3 months,
babies cry for 3 main reasons:
1. They are hungry
2. They have wind
3. They have a full nappy
PS, guys changing a nappy
is easy

39. Establish Routine
1. Predictable work and rest
patterns
2. Helps you to know what cry
means what?
3. For baby, they become secure in
the pattern

40. 1. The healthier option
but she must want to
breastfeed
2. It’s a woman's
decision
3. Women have fear
that they will not
produce milk, they
will have pain,
cracked nipples
4. It’s a huge issue for
them re failure or
success as mom
PS Realise that at least 6 months her
boobs will not be yours

41. At some point you will
think of yourself as this
guy
But often you will be
this guy

42. The great thing though is you join a new club called fatherhood
All those fathers with kids look at you, and instantly you
understand each other’s lives. They know your truth

43. DAD…
A sons first hero
A daughter’s first love
an example to both
Your life will be the foundation for your child's
Your child will model their behaviour on your actions, not your
words

44. Connection
Really be
with me,
Dad
Forget ‘quality time’,
What they want most to
feel stable and secure is
TIME with you

45. The Real Connectors
Touch
Reading
Tone
Babygazing
Time

46. Finally,
Ladies…an Cave
If your man starts showing signs
of wanting to hide in his cave
everyonce in a while
He is not trying to avoid
fatherly responsibilities
He is showing very
normal behavior
Let him,
he will be a better dad for it

47. Wishing you best of an amazing journey…
Want to book me, or know more?
“Unplanned Dad”
mark@lifestyelemedicine.com
082 940 7465