1. viii Sunday September 5, 2010
limelight THE FREE PRESS JOURNAL
much as it is about sadistic sexual pleasures. The
Innocence is a virtue that abuse needn’t always be physical or painful, even
children are naturally verbal (erotic blabber), visual (exposing ones pri-
vate parts or showing porn to a child) tanta-
endowed with. But what if mount to child sexual abuse.
Chandni Parekh, a social psychologist is
this is violated? Child involved in designing modules and conducting
Sexual abuse is a trauma, workshops that ensure that the child is educated
about sexuality. Her stress is on the need for
which propels children to trained counsellors to help affected children deal
with the trauma. Speaking specifically about the
make friends with dark- lack of psychological support system she says,
ness and silence, some- “Most schools grapple with not knowing how
exactly to deal with a child sexual abuse case.
times forever, says Many counselors too feel ill-equipped to work
HARISH IYER, a survivor with such issues since their Master’s programme
does not really address trauma work. Several
of child sex abuse schools are unaware of the NGOs that work on the
issue of CSA in their city or of the bunch of psy-
I
have been through it, and today have man- chologists in Bombay that started an intensive
aged to put it in my past and move for- study circle to specialise in trauma healing.”
ward. Today I speak of it openly and Besides trauma healing, as a survivor myself, I
brazenly embrace the many truths that understand that had I been aware of what was
were lost in the ebb of silence. I was just in happening with me and my body I would have
primary school when I was sexually abused. The been able to muster the courage to say a firm
abuser was a close male relative of mine. He used “NO” earlier and save myself more years of youth.
to give me a bath often. My family didn’t object, as But I had no sex education in school till I actually
they dint think there was anything objectionable joined college and was taught reproductive biolo-
in someone giving me a bath at that age. And one gy, as is the case with many children.
of these days when we were naked in the bath- Chandni agrees with the need for sex educa-
room, he demanded that we have oral sex. I tion. She asserts “If we continue to disallow sexu-
refused, and wanted to run away, he gagged me ality education by withholding information about
and then what followed was 11 years of continu- sex and the possibility of sexual abuse, as well as
ous mental, physical and sexual abuse, from the information about reproduction and disease, we
age of 7 till 18. put all children at risk. Refusing to talk about sex
Dipika Lal, an aspiring documentary filmmak- does not mean that children are safe, that nothing
er, directed a film on the issue of child sexual bad will happen to them. Only by opening up the
abuse, which is very aptly, titled ‘Speak Up! It’s Not discussion about sex, and beginning to talk to
Your Fault’. This student graduate film of hers children from a young age, will we ever be able to
touched upon the issue of child sexual abuse in protect them from abuse. Ultimately, it will only
depth and also won the best student documen- be when sex and sexual abuse are commonplace
tary award at the Kashish International Film Fes- topics of conversation will perpetrators be held
tival. The documentary featured her speaking accountable. Only then will our society ever truly
about the trauma she went through as a child. The be able to prevent one of the most traumatic
perpetuator was her tutor. He was respected and but this was far from the truth. Nicholas is 23 now, abuse, and have managed to put our past in the people who can speak up, speak up for the cause things that a human being can experience.”
no one suspected that he would be the one who and his mother still treats him like he used to treat past and move forward. They didn’t mind sharing and are willing to share their stories so that this Indeed, there are some secrets that are best
could be involved in this ghastly crime. He would his toddler brother. She has been giving him a bath their story as they have dealt with the monsters of myth of child sexual abuse being an alien phe- hushed in the closets or under the carpet, sex
touch and ‘feel’ her inappropriately often under every day as one would a young child, from the age their past and understand the importance of nomenon could soon be washed by the realm of abused isn’t one of those. There is an urgency to
the pretext of teaching. She was too small to of 10. Today Nicholas faces serious issues with sharing. Deepika, Nicholas and I are confident reality. One needs to be aware to understand the give up our myopic views about sex and Speak
understand what was happening. She didn’t com- respect to relations. He feels overtly sexual towards and individuals who are successful in our own signs and symptoms we need to beware of. Child Up, How many cases of child sexual abuse would
plain to anybody. woman and at times gets panic attacks and suicidal right who understand that sharing is perhaps the sexual abuse is not restricted to a class, caste, it take for us to realise that closets are most com-
Nicholas (name changed) was raised by a single thoughts due to his incestuous feelings towards his only way to create awareness. Till then, such creed or gender. It is a myth that child sexual fortable, but not one of the safest places to be in.
mother. His father expired when he was very young mother. Both, mother and son, underwent sharing issues would be always considered to be a myth abuse is more common in low-income groups Let’s break the silence and speak up!
in a car accident. He also lost his little brother in to deal with the issue or continue to treated by family members as and that the girl child needs to be protected (For more information on child sexual abuse,
the same accident. His mother appeared to have We are just 3 cases of people who have now something that happens in “their” house, but where as the boy can take care of himself. More and how you could protect/ counsel your child,
coped up psychologically from this huge trauma, come to terms with the issue of child sexual never could happen in “ours”. It is important that often, child sexual abuse is about power play as please visit www.arpan.org.in)
From dedication of church in her
Remembering
name to special train,
commemorative stamp and a film
festival, Kolkata remembers its
Mother
most famous resident – Mother
Teresa- on her birth centenary.
SUJOY DHAR visits Nirmal Hriday
in a south Kolkata neighbourhood
to discover how Mother lives on, in
the city she chose to make
her destiny
K
alighat in south Kolkata is a chaotic quar- birth centenary of the Macedonia born Albanian citing examples. "In our Shishu Bhavan (Chil- According to long time associate of Mother, outskirts of Kolkata.
ter known for the famous Kali Temple. nun with special prayers, film festivals and even dren's Home run by MoC) in Kolkata, we had a Father Orson Welles of the Church of Christ the "I am happy that after 30 years of building up of
Kiosks of cheap merchandise spill out dedication of a church in her name, the nuns of severely handicapped girl who lived to 39 years King in central Kolkata's Park Circus, the sisters faith, hope and charity of our people in the dio-
onto the streets, opportunist priests look out for the order in their trademark blue-bordered sari of age. Her name was Sundari, which means can work in the same spirit because they can draw cese, now we are able to present a Cathedral ded-
the gullible devout with a loose purse string while work tirelessly for the poorest of the poor. Mother beautiful. "She owned nothing, and could do from Mother's life. icated to Immaculate Heart of Mary and Blessed
in another patch garishly made up sex workers had embraced as her own. nothing with her completely gnarled body but lie "Her philosophy survives because her inner Teresa of Kolkata," says Bishop Salvadore Lobo of
haggle with prospective customers. Amid this A second miracle is eagerly awaited for confer- in bed. But there was one thing she did well - she strength is exemplary. The sisters draw from that Baruipur diocese, set up in 1978.
bedlam of every day, lives the spirit of Mother ment of the sainthood on the 1979 Nobel Peace could give a big smile with great joy lighting up strength," says Father Welles who worked with "On Mother Teresa's birth centenary we have
Teresa in one yellow building housing Nirmal Hri- laureate but the Missionaries of Charity (MoC) is her whole face, communicating all the love that Mother in India and Italy. "I think the most befit- decorated the cathedral with pictures and relief
day (Pure Heart). work based on her activities and philosophy," says
While Kolkata, the city Mother Teresa chose as Subrata Ganguly of Church Art - a Kolkata-based
her karmabhoomi, celebrates the birth centenary firm which has done the sanctuary, interior deco-
of the late Nobel laureate, only a visit to Nirmal ration and artwork of the Cathedral.
Hriday reveals how the self-effacing nuns of her The pictures show Mother in a myriad moods -
order work indefatigably to tend the poor, infirm, ranging from a smiling Mother blessing the Sisters
sick and the abandoned. to her being immersed in deep thoughts at the
Inside Nirmal Hriday (Pure Heart), set up 58 sight of a suffering child. She is seen cradling a
years ago, devoted workers comprising volunteers small child in her arms, a symbol of her giving
across the world join the austere Missionaries of shelter to the countless orphans' left to die. "The
Charity (MoC) sisters to care for the needy. pictures depict the qualities of love, care and hope
As you enter inside the house, you become that are associated with her work," Ganguly adds.
sombre but you realise simultaneously what the Kolkata also hosted a film festival from Aug 26 to
late Nobel laureate meant when she said she was 29 on the Mother. Disabled people in Kolkata will get
helping the poor die with dignity, something that their own special screenings during the Mother Tere-
pitted her against ruthless critics, even one calling sa International Film Festival, the organisers say.
her Hell's Angel. "We're looking to have residents from leading dis-
The faceless inmates inside the hall have not in a hurry. The sisters, who work tirelessly, ting way of paying a tribute to her is by doing what abled centres as well as those from MC homes, in the
nowhere to go in this unforgiving city of 15 million believe the god "will choose his own time" for a she did," he added. audiences," says Sunil Lucas, director of the festival.
people, many of whom live and die on the squalid second miracle. Mother was beatified in 2003. "So I still go to the MoC' Prem Dan [Gift of Love] Mother Teresa, born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu at
streets. At Nirmal Hriday the inmates' festering "Her life and work continue to be an inspiration centre and work there for the poor every Thursday. Skopje in Macedonia on Aug 26 in 1910, was an
wounds are not squirmed at by the volunteers and for young and old, rich and poor from all walks of Even my first memory of Mother was of 1959 when Albanian nun who came to Kolkata in 1929 after
the sisters of the MoC, order the late Nobel laure- life, religions and nations," says Sister Prema, the she got an ambulance for the lepers in Howrah [a she heard a call from God to serve the poorest of
ate founded in 1950. present Superior General of MoC. She says the sis- town adjoining Kolkata] here," Welles says. the poor. She set up schools for street children and
Krisna Das, a 55 year-old male inmate of the ters live by Mother's message: "We are called for Meanwhile, a film festival and dedication of a medical clinics for slum-dwellers. In 1950, she
home for over three decades, is grateful to the sis- something infinitely greater than riches, talent, cathedral to Mother Teresa also mark the celebra- founded the MoC. When she died on Sept 5, 1997,
ters. "I am cared for with same compassion as it fame or passing pleasures." she had in her heart. tions. On Aug 23, the Birth Centenary celebrations the MoC had nearly 4,000 nuns and ran around
was in the time of Mother," he says. Mother Teresa "Let us celebrate Mother's birth centenary by "She knew that she was loved and cared for, that began at Cathedral Immaculate Heart of Mary and 600 orphanages, homeless shelters and clinics.
is no more, but her spirit of compassion lives on in sharing the joy of loving and being loved. Let us she was precious to many. Sundari was not very pret- Mother Teresa - the first cathedral dedicated to Today there are 766 convents with over 4500 nuns
Kolkata. As Kolkata joins the world to celebrate the pray to know better God's love for us," she says, ty, but she was very beautiful," recalls Sister Prema. Mother Teresa in the world, at Baruipur, on the spread in 137 countries.
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