1. CLASS 12

2. AGENDA
0Surface Revision: Essay #2
0Discussion: QHQ SBB
0In-class writing: SBB
0Review: Kaizena

4. Wordiness
A sentence is not concise simply because it is short; a concise sentence contains
only the number of words necessary to achieve its effect or to make its point.

5. Omit familiar expressions that add
words but not meaning!
0There is/There are
0I feel
0I think
0It seems to me
0All things considered
0Without a doubt
0It is important to note
0In my opinion
0The reason why
0In conclusion
Hint: omit the filler
phrases "it is," "there is,"
and "there are" at the
beginning of sentences;
these often delay the
sentence's true subject and
verb.

6. 0Wordy: There were many factors that influenced his
decision to become a teacher.
0Concise: Many factors influenced his decision to
become a teacher.
0Wordy: It is expensive to upgrade computer systems.
0Concise: Upgrading computer systems is expensive.

7. Omit "which" or "that” when
possible.
0 Wordy: Because the fluid,
which was brown and
poisonous, was dumped
into the river, the company
that was negligent had to
shut down.
0 Concise: Because the
brown, poisonous fluid was
dumped into the river, the
negligent company had to
shut down.
Wordy: They played a
softball game that was
exhausting.
Concise: They played an
exhausting softball game.

8. Eliminate or replace vague nouns and
adverbs denoting degree
Vague Nouns Adverbs denoting degree
0 Thing (something,
anything, everything)
0 Situation
0 Kind
0 Type
0 Aspect
0 Sort
0 Area
0Basically
0Very
0Definitely
0Quite

9. Punctuation
Using commas and semi-colons

17. Checking the Details

18. Miscellaneous Questions
0 Does the paper follow MLA guidelines?
0 Is the page length within assigned limits?
0 Is the font type and size within the assigned guidelines?
0 Does the Header follow the assignment guidelines?
0 Is the professor's name spelled correctly? Kim Palmore
0 Is your name spelled correctly?
0 Does the paper have a title? Is it a good title? Is the title in
the appropriate location?
0 Have you italicized book and movie titles and put stories,
articles, and poems in quotation marks.

19. Writing Tips
0Write about literature in present tense
0Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and
“anything.”
0Avoid writing in second person.
0Avoid using contractions.
0Cut Wordy Sentences
0Fix run-on sentences
0Check for misused words
0Put commas and periods inside quotation marks

20. The Works Cited Page

21. A Work in an Anthology,
Reference, or Collection
0 Works may include an essay in an edited collection or
anthology, or a chapter of a book. The basic form is for this
sort of citation is as follows:
0 Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection.
Ed. Editor's Name(s). City of Publication: Publisher, Year.
Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.
0 Example:
0 Harris, Muriel. "Talk to Me: Engaging Reluctant Writers." A
Tutor's Guide: Helping Writers One to One. Ed. Ben Rafoth.
Portsmouth: Heinemann, 2000. 24-34. Print.

22. Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. (Date of original
publication if applicable). Ed. Editor’s Name(s). City of Publication:
Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.
A Work in a Collection or Anthology
Toni Morrison
“Recitatif”
Source: Confirmation: An Anthology of African
American Women
Publisher: Morrow
Edition: 1983
Editors: Imamu Amiri Baraka & Amina Baraka
Place Published: New York
Pages 243-260
Print
Langston Hughes
“Passing”
The Ways of White Folks
New York
Vintage 1990 1934
No Editor in this case
Pages 51-55
Print

23. Langston Hughes
“Who’s Passing for Who?”
The Collected Works of Langston Hughes: The
Later Simple Stories
Editor: R. Baxter Miller
USA
University of Missouri Press
1952 2002
Pages 163-66
Print.
Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. (Date of
original publication if applicable). Ed. Editor’s Name(s). City of
Publication: Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of
Publication.

24. An Article in a Scholarly Journal
0 Always provide issue numbers, when available.
0 Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal Volume.
Issue (Year): pages. Medium of publication.
0 Example:
Bagchi, Alaknanda. "Conflicting Nationalisms: The
Voice of the Subaltern in Mahasweta Devi's Bashai
Tudu." Tulsa Studies in Women's Literature 15.1
(1996): 41-50. Print.

25. Article in an Online Scholarly Journal That Also Appears in Print
Cite articles in online scholarly journals that also appear in print as you would a
scholarly journal in print, including the page range of the article. Provide the
medium of publication that you used (in this case, Web) and the date of access.
Wheelis, Mark. "Investigating Disease Outbreaks Under a Protocol to the
Biological and Toxin Weapons Convention." Emerging Infectious Diseases
6.6 (2000): 595-600. Web. 8 Feb. 2009.
Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal. Volume. Issue (Year of publication):
pages. Medium of publication. Date retrieved.
Randall Kennedy
“Racial Passing”
Ohio State Law Journal
Volume 62
Issue 1145
2001
1-28
Web
8 Feb. 2013
William Pickens
“Racial Segregation”
Opportunity: Journal of Negro Life
December, 1927
364-367
Web.
8 Feb. 2013

26. Hughes, Langston.
Passing (the poem)
Phylon
Vol. 11
Issue 1
(1950)
15
Web
Article in an Online Scholarly Journal That Also Appears in
Print
Cite articles in online scholarly journals that also appear in print as you would a
scholarly journal in print, including the page range of the article. Provide the
medium of publication that you used (in this case, Web) and the date of access.
Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal. Volume. Issue (Year of publication):
pages. Medium of publication. Date retrieved.

27. Project Submissions
All out of class essays are to be submitted to me
electronically before the class period in which they are
due.
1. Before you submit your essay, please save your file as your
last name and the number 2, like this: Smith 2. This will help
me keep your essays organized. Make sure it is saved as either
a Google document or a pdf File.
Smith 2

28. 2. Submit your essay through Kaizena, a Google
Drive add-on, at
https://kaizena.com/palmoreessaysubmissiong
mail. Or simply use the link on our class website
home page.
This system allows me to respond to your work with both voice
and written comments and to insert helpful links.

29. 3. Sign in to your
Google Account,
and allow Kaizena
access to your Google
Drive.

30. 4. Click on the submission link.

31. 5. Choose your document from your Google Drive (If you
don’t see your paper here, make sure it is saved as either
a Google doc or a pdf).You will be directed to a new page
to choose a delivery box from a drop down menu.

32. 6. Add your essay to the appropriate EWRT 1B box
(Essay 2) from the drop down menu. Then, click the
“Ask for feedback” button again.

33. 7. Once I have commented on your project, Kaizena will
automatically share with you the link to the Google
document in the comments section — located on the top-
right corner of the Google document.
Then you will get the box pictured below. Clicking the link will take
you to your graded paper.

34. 8. Click on the highlighted sections of the paper to find both
audio and written comments concerning your essay and
links to materials that will help you improve your writing.

35. Stone Butch Blues
Group Discussion

36. “I’m sick of people asking me if she’s a boy or a girl,”
I overheard my mother complain to my father.
“Everywhere I take her, people ask me.” (Feinberg
19)
0 I guess these lines stood out to me because if it were
my child I’d tell people to mind their own f$#$#
business and why does it matter what gender my kid
is. I would stick up for my child so it just irks me that
they didn’t stick up for her.

37. “I saw the woman I was growing up to be staring
back at me. She looked scared and sad. I wondered
if I was brave enough to grow up and be her.” (21)
0 Jess trying on her father’s was an act of courage. It
symbolizes that even though she is scared for what the
future may have in store for her she is ready to become the
woman she knows she wants to be.

38. “Two huge men in white uniforms took me off the elevator. My parents
stayed on. Then the men turned and locked the gate barring the elevator.
I read for my parents but they wouldn’t even look at me as the elevator
door closed……….A nurse explained the rules of my stay: I must get up in
the morning and stay out on the ward all day. I must wear a dress, sit
with my knees crossed, be polite, and smile when I was spoken too”
(Feinberg 21).
0 When I was in high school, for a brief moment I entertained the
idea that I was a homosexual. One day, while I was watching the
news, I heard something about behavioral treatment for
homosexuals and what was happening to those people who went
through treatment. My fear of what happened to Jess in the above
quote would have happened to me, if I decided to come out to my
parents at that time. During that time I immediately suppressed
the thought that I was a homosexual and didn’t think much about
it until I was 18, then again at 20.

39. “Just when it seemed like it couldn’t get worse I noticed my
breasts were growing. Menstruation didn’t bother me .
Unless I bled all over myself it was a private thing between
me and my body. But breasts!” (Feinberg 23).
0 I went through that phase once in my life and its hard.
I liked what I saw in the mirror when I cut my hair
and wore tomboy clothes, but the judgment
surrounding me made me scared. I was scared of
myself because I thought I was doing something
wrong.

40. “Bobby unlaced my uniform pants and jammed his penis
into my vagina. The pain traveled up to my belly, scaring the
hell out of me. It felt like something ripped deep inside of
me. I counted the attackers. There were six.” (41)
0 Jess was raped by six different football players at the
same time. It was so difficult for me to comprehend what
she was going through, and how she was able to continue
on with her day after this. It exemplified how strong of a
person Jess can be.

41. “I made a vow to myself before I fell asleep. I promised
myself I would never wear a dress again, and I’d never let
anyone rape me again, no matter what. As it turned out, I
could only keep one of those promises” (51).
0 My heart hurt for Jess as I read this, over and over again. I
cannot imagine the kind of pain and trauma that Jess has
been going through. I always find myself thinking of these
lines as Jess’ life continues to unfold.

42. “It was almost a year before I got up the nerve to call
telephone information for the address of Tifka’s. Finally I
stood on the street in front of the bar, scared to death. I
wondered what made me think this was the place I could fit.
And what if I didn’t” (Feinberg 27).
0 It must [have] been hard for the young Jess not have
anyone to identify with or even communicate with. Her
family does not understand her and pretty much think
she is crazy. Finding this place was just the start for Jess
to get the questions she has been wondering about all
these years answered.

43. Suck my cock, bulldagger.” Someone hit the side of my knee
with a nightstick. My knees buckled more from fear than pain.
Mulroney grabbed me by the collar and dragged me several
feet away to a steel toilet. There was a piece of unflushed shit
floating in the water. “Either eat me or eat my shit, bulldagger.
Its up to you.” I was too frightened to think or move. (62).
0 These lines to me
when reading them
made me feel
disgusted about how
police men acted.
They used their men
and law power to take
advantage of female.
[I] had to stop reading for a moment to
process what I had read. This is the most
explicit book that have ever read and just by
reading this it just made me think that is just
sad how many women have to go through the
nightmare of being abused by higher
authorities.

44. “”You know”, Duffy added, “I don’t think I really realized how hard it is for you. I
know what jerks the guys at work can be sometimes.”……..”But when I went to the
hospital with you, I saw how they treated you, how they talked about you,” he
rubbed his face. When he looked back at me, I saw tears in his eyes. “ I felt so
helpless you know? I kept yelling at them that you were a human being that you
mattered, and it was like they weren’t listening to me.”” (Feinberg 93)
0 This post really stood out for me. Why? It was sad; it is
unbelievable how people are so cruel and selfish. Duffy was right,
Jess was a human being like everyone else, but the doctors didn’t
help Jess just because of the appearance. And was a butch. I liked
how Duffy stood up for Jess, it was brave and a show of
friendship towards Jess. Also how he cried while he was saying it
was touching. I believe that everyone deserves the right as
everyone else; we all should have equal rights. This as many
other parts was sad.

45. “No matter how painful it was to be a he-she, I
wondered what kind of courage was required to
leave the sex you’d always known, or to live so
alone.”(Feinberg 95).
0 I believe this isn’t a necessity in being a he-she and
she should attempt to love herself the way she is man
or female because at the end of the day the only
persons opinion that truly matters is her own. It pains
me to see this woman thinking about changing who
she is to essentially better fit the social norms set that
would make her seem more like a male then a female
personality wise.

46. “I brought Theresa daffodils. When I handed them to her, her
eyes filled with tears. I had a feeling nobody had treated her
like someone special before. I silently vowed to always make
her feel that way.” (122-23)
0 I survived off the romance that Jess finds. Particularly
with Theresa. I don’t know, maybe I am the romantic
type with a cold and “stone” exterior, but these lines
really got me to feel feelings. Very few stories, or even
books get me to feel these feelings.

47. “Theresa sighed, ‘I’m a femme, Jess. I want to be
with a butch’”(Feinberg 159).
0When I read this, I felt really irritated at
Theresa. Why is it such a big deal that Jess be a
butch and not a ‘man’?

48. “I took a hot, soapy shower, enjoying the feel of my hands on
my skin. It had been so long since I’d been at home in my
body. Soon that was going to change” (Feinberg 171).
0 Jess is now on hormones and she is feeling good about
herself and her body. This change, even though it cost
her a relationship, was helping her to cope with her
identity.

49. “At first, everything was fun. The world stopped feeling like a
gauntlet I had to run through. But very quickly I discovered
that passing didn’t just mean slipping below the surface, it
meant being buried alive. I was still me on the inside,
trapped in there with all my wounds and fears. But I was no
longer me on the outside” (Feinberg 173).
0 This part stood out to me because it pretty much
sums up all the pain that those who passed have to
endure.

50. “I didn’t regret the decision to take hormones. I wouldn’t
have survived much longer without passing. And the
surgery was a gift to myself, coming home to my body. But I
wanted more than to just barely exist, a stranger always
trying not to get involved. I wanted to find out who I was, to
define myself. Whoever I was, I wanted to deal with it, I
wanted to live it again. I wanted to be able to explain my life,
how the world looked from behind my eyes.” (Feinberg 224)
0 Throughout the book Jess had the internal struggle with
herself, trying desperately to seek any sense of identity. Was
she a woman? Was she a man? I really liked this thought
from Jess as it summed up her characterization exceptionally
well. Jess is a tragic character that suffered more then
anyone can imagine and yet she perseveres.

51. In-Class Writing
0 Explore a moment when Jess
intentionally passes. How does
this experience change who ze
is? How do you know?
0 Choose one when ze
unintentionally passes. Does
this affect hir in the same way?
How do you know?

52. Teams for Thursday
0 Get into four teams of seven.
0 These will be your teams for Thursday.
0 We will be playing a game of sorts. Arrange your desks
so that you can talk to each other in your rather large
group.
0 Remember, we will have a visitor, so get here early!
0 Remember, this is an opportunity to earn 15 extra
participation points!

53. HOMEWORK
0 Edit Essay #2: Submit your essay through Kaizena before
Friday, week 7, at noon.
0 Read: Stone Butch Blues (196-End)
0 Post #14: Finish in-class writing on Jess’s passing. Use textual
evidence to support your assertions.
 Post #15: Explore an experience Jess has with
a medical professional. Does her gender
identity influence the treatment she receives
or doesn’t receive? Include a quotation with a
citation.
Study: Terms