1. BUILDING A STRONG
MARRIAGE
11 June 2013
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2. I. The Scripture is clear on how we
are to build our marriages.
 Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-33
 “Out of respect for Christ, be
courteously reverent to one
another. Wives, understand and
support your husbands in ways
that show your support for Christ.
The husband provides leadership
to his wife the way Christ does to11 June 2013
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3.  ……………… …..And this provides
a good picture of how each
husband is to treat his wife, loving
himself in loving her, and how
each wife is to honor her
husband”.(MSG)
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4.  A. A wife is to UNDERSTAND and
SUPPORT her husband.
B. A husband is to provide
LEADERSHIP by CHERISHING his
wife.
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5. C. A wife should SUBMIT to her
husband like the church submits
to Christ.
D. A husband is to do
EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to love
his wife and may your love be
marked by giving and not getting.
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6.  * With that in mind it is easier to
understand this thought, “Even if
marriages are made in heaven, we
have to be responsible for the
maintenance.
 * But when you have a good or happy
marriage it will help everything else
in your life.
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7.  I want to share with you some
building blocks that if used can
help you have a strong
marriage which can stand the
test of time.
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8. II. Here are six building blocks for
a strong foundation.
 1. A COMMITMENT TO MY
COMPANION IS THE FIRST BLOCK
.
 What are you committed to first?
Where do you spend most of your
time? What do you talk about the
most?
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9.  The motto of successful marriages
is “FAMILY FIRST”. Most marriages
that fall apart do not do so
because of huge problems but
because of the lack of HUGE
COMMITMENT.
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10.  When there is commitment first to
the family, then other things can
be successfully added. The key
word is to work at it.
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11.  The second building block for a
strong foundation is:
 2. A WILLINGNESS TO TALK TO MY
COMPANION.
 I hope this is not true for you, but
someone said, „We forgot how to
cooperate, we forgot how to
associate, and we forgot how to
communicate.‟ 11 June 2013
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12.  Sad to say, but too many brides
become widows after the wedding
because they fail to communicate.
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13.  Intimacy may be defined here as:
“The degree to which we share
vulnerabilities (our weaknesses)
in words.”
 How can I know that I am intimate
in my communication? Here‟s
how:
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14.  We can know we are intimate if
each of us can say anything, no
matter how silly or frightened or
immature or helpless it makes us
look, and the other person will
treat it with respect, and not use it
against us.
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15.  The third building block for a strong
foundation is:
 3.A WORKING TOWARDS
COMPATIBILITY.
 I hope you understand that no
couple is completely compatible. But
may it be understood that in a strong
marriage couples work together
becoming more and more
compatible. 11 June 2013
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16.  A. There are certain criteria you must
have or work toward in order to
accomplish good compatibility.
 i. VALUES
 Values are what is important to you.
 Our children pick these up often
without us teaching them. When we
have the same values we have
freedom with each other. 11 June 2013
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17.  ii. SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS
 Friends are an important part of
our social relationships. Your
friendships should be shared
together, not separate.
 Be careful how close you get to
other individual couples.
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18.  iii. INTELLECTUAL GROWTH
 Learning and growing together
will assure both partners a good
future in their marriage.
 If both partners are not growing
the marriage will either fail or only
be average.
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19.  iv. LEISURE INTERESTS
 Understanding your companions
interests are important to your
being compatible.
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20.  v. SEXUAL COMPLETENESS
 This refers to the total male-
female relationship, not just 15
minutes of sexual intercourse.
 Sex is a special look, a special
touch, the special way you relate
as male and female.
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21.  This includes a unique behavior
between a husband and wife that
is not shared with anyone else.
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22.  The fourth building block for a
strong foundation is:
 4. AN UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR
LEADERSHIP ROLES.
 a. Marriage is the only union that
can‟t be organized. Both sides think
they are in management.
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23.  b. Four possible relationship styles:
 i. RETALIATION - Moving against
each other.
 ii. DOMINATION - Moving one over
another.
 iii. ISOLATION - Moving away from
each other.
 iv. COOPERATION - Moving with
each other. 11 June 2013
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24.  c. The less respect in a marriage, the
more one controls. The less respect
for oneself lets the other one control.
 The less respect in a marriage the
more one runs over the other.
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25.  The fifth building block for a
strong foundation is:
 5. A SPECIAL CONSIDERATION
FOR YOUR COMPANION.
 a. You can tell a man‟s character
by the way he treats his wife.
 A man‟s job is to spoil his wife.
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26.  b. How to properly spoil your
companion:
 i. Think from their PERSPECTIVE.
 ii. Make a list of little things they
LOVE.
 iii. DO the little things they love.
 iv. DO the little things they love
CHEERFULLY.
 v. AFFIRM your spouse
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27.  The sixth building block for a
strong foundation is:
 6. A WILLINGNESS TO WORK
TOGETHER SOLVING PROBLEMS.
 a. We need to clearly understand
that whenever you have 2 or more
people having a continuing
relationship there will be conflict.
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28.  b. Whenever there is conflict
there can only be one of two
outcomes.
 i. We will either hurt and even
destroy each other.
 ii. Or we will build up each
other and benefit from the
experience.
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29.  c. How should we solve problems
in our marriage?
 i. Do not underestimate your
problem.
 To illustrate this you can think of
problems kind of like a
pregnancy, things will keep
growing until somebody will
notice. 11 June 2013
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30.  When there is a conflict look to
resolve it, ignoring it will not make
it go away.
 ii. Do not underestimate your
potential to recover from these
problems.
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31.  You must remember that the problems
you have encountered in your
marriage have already been
encountered by millions of other
people of which millions have been
successful in them.
 You and your problems are not unique
just to you. Be encouraged, others
have gone through it successfully.11 June 2013
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32.  iii. Do not exaggerate your
problem.
 Please quit making them bigger
than life. Too often a small problem
is fueled and it ends up being a lot
bigger than you could ever dream it
to be.
 iv. Consider all the possible
solutions for your problem and pick11 June 2013
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33.  v. If your problems are not being
progressively solved be willing to
seek help if really needed.
 Asking for help is not a sign of
defeat but a sign of hope.
 Asking for help is a definite sign of
your desire to solve your
problems.
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34.  There are some problems which
need a third party to help each
side see themselves as they really
are.
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35.  d. Let me encourage you with this:
One thing you really need to know
is if you really do have a problem.
 There are some things in a family
that are just not going to change.
 Don‟t take this in a negative way
or to give up the problem.
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36.  Remember, we are all different
people and all have our different
ways and different personalities.
 It is not really a problem for
different personalities to never see
things in the same way or like the
same things.
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37. FINALLY
 Prayer: Let‟s pray a prayer of
commitment to acknowledging and
confirming and resolving the
conflicts in our marriages. They
will not resolve on their own.
Prayers are key.
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