1. Guiding Your
Strong Willed Child
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2. Not-A-Test
• Krista believes that the best way to parent is
described in the book:
• The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori
• Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay
• The Attachment Parenting Book by William & Martha
Sears
• French Kids Eat Everything by Karen LeBillion
• On Behavior by BF Skinner
• None of the above
Review

3. Not-A-Test
• Krista believes that the best way to parent is
described in the book:
•
•
•
•
•
• None of the above
Parenting is personal! The plan you make at your HAT is the best way for YOU to
parent. Harnessing the science of learning can make parenting easier.
Review

4. Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an
“operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
Review

5. Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an
“operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
• Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not
objective descriptions of behavior
Review

6. Not-A-Test
• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can
best be described as:
• what happens after a behavior occurs
• what happens before a behavior occurs
• what causes a behavior to occur
• how a child feels before she engages in a behavior
Review

7. Not-A-Test
• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can
best be described as:
•
• what happens before a behavior occurs
•
•
Answer: An antecedent comes before a behavior but does not cause operant
behavior contrary to popular opinion
Review

8. Not-A-Test
• Which of the following could be described as
a consequence? Select ALL that apply.
• politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit
her brother
• passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”
• talking with your child about how it makes you feel when
she hits her brother
• giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after
she hits her brother
• giving your child a big hug after she falls down
Review

9. Not-A-Test
• Which of the following could be described as
a consequence? Select ALL that apply.
• politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit her brother
• passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”
• talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother
• giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother
• giving your child a big hug after she falls down
ALL ARE CONSEQUENCES. A consequence is simply what
happens as a result of a behavior, it could be reinforcing or
punishing or have no effect.
Review

10. Not-A-Test
• All behavior serves a __________________.
Please write in your single word answer. If you
don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers
will earn partial credit ☺
Review

11. Not-A-Test
• All behavior serves a __________________.
Please write in your single word answer. If you
don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers
will earn partial credit ☺
FUNCTION!
Answer: And the key to changing a behavior is to understand its function.
Review

12. Not-A-Test
• Reinforcement has occurred in which of the
following examples:
a) Your child completes a chore & receives a sticker on
her daily chore chart
b) Your child is being too loud at a restaurant so you
say, “If you don’t quiet down, I will take away your
ipad” and he quiets down
c) Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please” so
you free her. She starts asking for help more often as
a result.
Review

13. Not-A-Test
• Reinforcement has occurred in which of the
following examples:
(c) Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please”
so you free her. She starts asking for help more often as
a result
This is the only example in which we know that the
probability of behavior increased in the future as a
result of the consequence!
Review

14. Not-A-Test
• Behavior of both children and adults _________
be reinforced or punished.
• probably should
• probably should not
• will
• will never
Review

15. Not-A-Test
• Behavior of both children and adults WILL be
reinforced or punished.
No matter our preferences or actions, the natural world and our
social communities WILL dole out consequences serve to
reinforce and punish our behavior. It serves us best to
understand how they work so that they can be employed to
help strengthen “good” behavior, and transparently so that
“good” is democratically defined.
Review

16. Week 5. A New Way
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17. Week Five
Community Micro Demands
Content A New Way
Collaboration Negotiables
Extension Super Kid Meeting

18. Junk Demands Summary
• Question Demands
– Are you ready for bedtime?
• Unnecessary Demands
– No running (when it is actually safe)
• Vague Demands
– Be careful
• Unenforceable Demands
– Come here (from across the room)
Photos via awordywoman.com, amazon.com, mysafetysign.com, & telegraph.co.uk
Community

19. A Quest for Good Demands
• Assertive
– Polite but firm tone says, “This is not a question. When I make a
demand, you can trust that I will always follow through calmly.”
– Explanations belong outside the context of the demand. Either
before you give it or after its been obeyed.
• Necessary
– Spend your “investment” only on important demands
• Instructive
– Tell child exactly what to do instead, not what to stop doing
• Enforceable
– Ask for something you can follow through on
Community

20. Desensitization: Micro Demands Game
• Old message. If I resist hard enough or ignore
long enough, demands go away
• New message. My parents only make assertive,
necessary, instructive & enforceable demands
• Old message. Demands are things to be resisted
or ignored
• New message. All demands aren’t bad
Community

21. Making Life Easier… Eventually!
Community
• If every time you issue a demand, your child
currently raises his boxing gloves to prepare for a
fight…
– Decrease your junk demands
– Increase fun demands & simple demands
– Make sure all demands are ASSERTIVE, NECESSARY,
INSTRUCTIVE & ENFORCEABLE
– Commit & stick no matter the demand

22. SWC Survival Guide to Demands
Community
BEFORE PROBLEM ONE SOLUTION
Go get ready for school GIANT CHAIN
Micro Demand Game
Fly like a bird! (Yahoo!)…
Bring me your backpack!
It’s time to leave the park COMPLIANCE = END OF FUN
Sure Y! First X, Then Y
Would you like a piggyback
ride? Sure! First bye park.
Then, piggyback ride.
We need to hurry up VAGUE
Micro Choices Game
Would you to put on your rain
boots or jacket first?
Don’t touch anything NOT INSTRUCTIVE Hands in pockets please
Come here (from upstairs) UNENFORCEABLE Come here (from 1 ft way)
Remember to be careful UNNECESSARY
If not in peril, allow natural
consequences to teach

23. Community Group Reflection
• Did you notice yourself issuing junk demands?
– Was there a particular category of junk demands that
you noticed yourself making most often?
• How did you experience the Micro Demand
Game?
– If positively, what worked for you?
– If not, what was the most difficult part?
• Do you feel ready to start using Good (Real)
Demands in addition to Micro Demands?
Community

24. Week Five
Community Micro Demands
Content A New Way
Collaboration Negotiables
Extension Super Kid Meeting

25. Nuts & Bolts of Behavior
Operational
Definitions
Antecedent
Original
Behavior
Replacement
Behavior
Consequence
Content

26. Today’s Gift from Science
Operational
Definitions
Antecedent
Behavior
REPLACEMENT
Consequence
Content

27. A New Way
• The Million Dollar Questions:
– What is the function of the challenging behavior?
– What can he or she do instead that will work just as well
or better than the old behavior?
– How can I help him or her to take the new way BEFORE
they start going the old way?
– How can I increase the probability that he or she will
take the new way more often in the future?
Content

28. Not-a-Test
• While attempting to quickly pick up a few things for dinner with you,
your child pointed to the candy aisle and said, “I need candy now!”
You said, “Sorry, no candy today pal. We are having your favorite
lunch though right when we get home! Macaroni & cheese!” Your
child was not impressed. He threw himself to the ground and in a
Broadway-style performance screamed, “You are a terrible parent! I
am so hungry! CANDY!” You said, “Stop screaming. If you ask
nicely, then you can have one piece of candy. Just one piece.” He
stopped screaming and asked nicely. You let him pick one piece of
candy. He was pleasant the whole ride home.
Content

29. Not-a-Test, Part One
• You are now preparing to go grocery
shopping with your child again. (You tried to
trade the chore with someone else but to no
avail ☺) What would you expect to happen if
you do nothing differently?
Answer: (one point) Groundhog’s Day – The behavior was reinforced so science tells
us that the future probability of it occurring will increase
Content

30. Not-a-Test, Part Two…
• There are many ways you could probably get
a better outcome. Please write ONE specific
idea you have and WHY you think it would
work (you may wish to consider making
changes to the antecedent, behavior, or
consequence).
Content

31. Step One: Identify Challenging Behavior
• Pick a challenging behavior to replace
– He threw himself to the ground and in a Broadway-style
performance screamed, “You are a terrible parent! I
am so hungry! CANDY!
Content

32. Step Two: Pick Functional Replacement
• Pick a new behavior to replace the old one that
will SERVE THE SAME FUNCTION
– Function: Access to tangible (candy)
– Functional Replacement Behavior: Grocery helper finds
all 5 items on list. Trades list in for a piece of candy at
check-out.
Content

33. Step Three: Un-Set the Stage
• Make candy less valuable by grocery shopping
on a full stomach
• OLD: We are having your favorite lunch though
right when we get home! Macaroni & cheese!”
• NEW: Have lunch before grocery shopping
Content

34. Step Four: Re-Set the Stage
• Choices before, consistency during, changes later
• OLD: Your child pointed to the candy aisle
• NEW: Before entering the store, invite your child to
pick how many items she wants on her list (5 or 10)
& then take her to candy aisle to pick out her
favorite piece when you enter the store
Content

35. Step Five: Stop, Celebrate & Document
• When your child finds an item on her list…
• Stop the shopping cart
– Upside Down Principal: Adults often give bad behavior
their full attention, flip this paradigm
• Celebrate their participation
– Name the Good: “You found the butter! Now we will
be able to make our pie crust.”
• Document their success
– Invite child to cross it off the list and to count how many
more items she needs to find
Content

36. Step Six: Super Kid Meeting Follow-Up
• At the end of the day, rather than meet to discuss
the tantrum that your child had at dinner, invite your
child to join you for a Super Kid Meeting
• Using a notebook, diagram (with or for, depending
on age of child) WHAT WORKED WELL including
the antecedents, behavior & consequences. I like
to call it “The Road that Worked.”
– You may wish to include the road that they didn’t take
(that would not have worked!) in the diagram but if so,
don’t make it a big deal
Content

37. Week Five
Community Micro Demands
Content A New Way
Collaboration Negotiables
Extension Super Kid Meeting

38. Your Negotiables…
No
NEGOTIABLE
Invest with YES!
(Freedom within limits)
Collaboration

39. That is Negotiable!
Collaboration
• CHOICES BEFORE, CONSISTENCY DURING,
CHANGES LATER (key!)
– If it is a choice (where shall we go to dinner?) or a
possibility (you might be allowed to have a friend over)
– offer it as one proactively
• Make sure child doesn’t “earn” choices through challenging
behavior
• Only choice that may be appropriate in context of
challenging behavior is a “you or me” choice

40. Your Turn: Negotiable
Collaboration
• Make a list of what you currently negotiate with
your child about.
• Review the list by asking the following questions:
– Does this belong on our Yes or No lists instead?
• If you are okay with it remaining negotiable, then ask...
– How can we begin this negotiation proactively?
– What would make it okay today but not tomorrow?
» If it is a conditional Yes or No, is there a way to write down the
conditions so that they can be communicated consistently?

41. For Example… Dessert Night
Collaboration
• What are you negotiating about?
– We often end up negotiating about dessert after dinner.
• Does this belong on our Yes or No lists instead?
– Sometimes we have dessert & sometimes we don’t. It is negotiable!
• What would make it okay today but not tomorrow?
– We want to be able to have dessert a few nights a week but we don’t want
our child to expect it every night.
• If it is a conditional Yes or No, is there a way to write down the conditions so that
they can be communicated consistently?
– What if we made a calendar at the start of each week & let our child put a
“Dessert Night” post-it on three nights?
• How can we begin this negotiation proactively?
– What if we did the scheduling every Sunday night & then checked the
calendar BEFORE dinner each night?

42. Week Five
Community Micro Demands
Content A New Way
Collaboration Negotiables
Extension Super Kid Meeting

43. Super Kid Meeting
Community
KEY: Turn the
principal office
upside down!
Attention for
good, boring if
bad, create a
new way
Extension

44. Why?
“Research has shown that the most effective way to
reduce problem behavior in children is to
strengthen desirable behavior through positive
reinforcement rather than trying to weaken
undesirable behavior using aversive or negative
processes.”
• Sidney W. Bijou, Ph.D.
Extension

45. Super Kid Meeting Notebook
• After your child using a replacement behavior,
consider drawing a road map with him or her as a
celebration
• Your child can bind many of these road maps
together to make a book
• Spend most of your time diagramming the “road
that works”
• Make the “road that doesn’t work” boring!
Extension

46. Road That Works
Content

47. Road That Works
Content

48. At-Home Extension: Super Kid Meeting
• By Sunday night, please email me a 30-sec clip
of you having a Super Kid Meeting with your child
– Work with your child to draw a behavior map
highlighting the Road that Works!
– Send the video clip & bring your Road that Works map
to the workshop next week
Extension

49. Questions, Comments?
• Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com
• Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com
Extension