90 Minute session delivered to 5-8 grade students. What is conflict? How can you address it in a healthy way? What is bullying, and how is it different than conflict? How can you stop bullying?
3. Working Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• Others?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
4. How do Boys and Girls
Act in Conflict?
• Turn to a neighbor and
talk about how you know
when a boy is having a
conflict.
• Talk about how you know
when a girl is having a
conflict.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
9. Working Definition of Frenemies
• One who pretends to be a
friend but is actually an
enemy (Merriam Webster)
• A friend who often behaves
in ways that cut you down
or make you feel bad
• Others?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
10. What are the Differences?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
11. Why Keep Them Around?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
12. Sound Familiar?
• I don’t want to make it worse.
• Maybe I am doing something to
make them treat me this way.
• They’re my connection to other
friends.
• My other friends won’t support me.
• When they’re not being awful, they’re
actually awesome, fun, and nice.
• I don’t want to be alone.
• There’s nothing I can do about it.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
13. Why Women Say They’d Rather
Stay in an Abusive Relationship
• I don’t want to make it worse.
• Maybe I am doing something to make
him treat me this way.
• He’s my source of income, home, and
support for our kids.
• My family and friends tell me I should
stay and work it out.
• When he’s not being awful, he’s kind,
nurturing, and wonderful.
• I don’t want to be alone.
• There’s nothing I can do about it.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
14. Are We Training Ourselves?
• I don’t want to make it worse.
• Maybe I am doing something to
make him treat me this way.
• He’s my source of income, home,
and support for our kids.
• My family and friends tell me I
should stay and work it out.
• When he’s not being awful, he’s
kind, nurturing, and wonderful.
• I don’t want to be alone.
• There’s nothing I can do about it.
• I don’t want to make it worse.
• Maybe I am doing something
to make them treat me this
way.
• They’re my connection to
other friends.
• My other friends won’t support
me.
• When they’re not being awful,
they’re actually awesome, fun,
and nice.
• I don’t want to be alone.
• There’s nothing I can do about
it.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
15. How are “Good Girls”
supposed to act in a
conflict?
Remember
Girls and
Conflict
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
17. Relational Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt relationships (or
threaten to hurt relationships) or make
someone feel not included or accepted.
Relational Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
18. Indirect Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt someone through
rumors or other indirect ways hurt
and/or you say you didn’t mean it.
Indirect Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
19. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is when your
words/actions make someone feel bad
about themselves or feel like they’re
less popular in a group.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
26. When It’s Bullying
• Power is uneven
• Intent to harm
• Repeated and
Sustained
• Social Bullying
• Indirect Bullying
• Relational Bullying
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
27. Bullying Intervention
• Know when it is
bullying
• Stand up for
yourself
• Ask them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy
support
• Tell an adult
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
28. Ally Skills
• Don’t bully
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
assumption make you silent
• Ask questions to clarify and to educate
• Don’t make the person who is bullying into
someone who is getting targeted
• Actively include those who are easily left out
• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an
adult at school or at home
• Keep the climate healthy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
29. Debrief
• What information
was new, useful, or
interesting to you?
• What other
questions do you
have? Who in your
life can help you figure
out the answers?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
30. “The thing that is really
hard, and really amazing, is
giving up on being perfect and
beginning the work of
becoming yourself.”
Anna Quindlan
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
32. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
33. Resources
• Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning
and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003
• Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology
Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion
• Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf
• “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District,
http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network)
www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.
• Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org,
http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind and
power.
• Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of
Color,” Independent School Magazine,
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=144307&sn.Ite
mNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
34. Gender Specific Resources
• JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous
Daughters, How Girls Thrive
• Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America.
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender
differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.”
• Northwest Girls Coalition, Protective Factors for Middle School Girls - What can
Parents Do?
• The Ophelia Project http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/index.htm
• Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls
• Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse of the Good
Girl, http://www.rachelsimmons.com/
• Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and the Brain
Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003.
• Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive
Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence, Queen Bee Moms
and Kingpin Dads, http://rosalindwiseman.com/
• Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth, Promiscuities
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)