It is amazing to me how we can put our work out there and get so many people telling us how we inspired them, but it only takes one message of criticism to wound our heart and stop us in our tracks.
The truth is, the opinions of those that aren’t in the arena, don’t matter. Dr. Brown talks beautifully about this...
Ride the Storm: Navigating Through Unstable Periods / Katerina Rudko (Belka G...
Is it Time for a Wholeness Day?
1. 24
MAR
2014
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Is it Time For A Wholeness Day?
categories: Mindful Monday
A Day of Wholeness for Wholehearted Living
I became a fan of Dr. Brown’s work a few years ago when I read The Gifts of Imperfection. I even
mentioned a quote from that book in my own little book, 5 Gifts to Give Yourself.
I’m going to be honest with you here and say that I still struggle
with vulnerability. Feeling like I gotta keep my own stuff wrapped
inside a neat little package.
I’ve worked on it and I have certainly made some improvements,
but vulnerability takes a lot of courage. The price of being
invulnerable, however, is very high. We lose out on real connection.
I can look at my own life and see how I have let loves and relationships go rather than being vulnerable
enough for the “real” talk that was needed. Who lost out? I did and maybe others, as well.
Shame:1 ~ Hil:0Shame:1 ~ Hil:0
If you are finding yourself in a similar place, this is not about a guilt trip. In fact, that is what this post is
about; criticism and the guilt that can ensue or worse the downward spiral of shame…
It is amazing to me how we can put our work out there and get so many people telling us how we
inspired them, but it only takes one message of criticism to wound our heart and stop us in our tracks.
The truth is, the opinions of those that aren’t in the arena, don’t matter. Dr. Brown talks beautifully
about this and I wrote a previous post on it here: Writer’s Let Your Vulnerability Show Through
Anyways, I had an experience like that last week. I put something vulnerable out into the world. It came
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2. from a heartfelt place of wanting to help others, when one criticizing message left me feeling hurt and
shameful. I begin to doubt that even though I was sharing something that had helped me greatly,
maybe it was wrong or not the perfect method. I would certainly not want to lead someone down a
wrong path.
I am telling you all this as a set up to share where I was coming from, but it is really beside the point.
What truly mattered is how much it bothered me and how I just could not seem to shake it. When this
happens, it is a sign to me that I am in need of what I call a “Wholeness Day.” A day set aside to
evaluate any relevance to criticism and to turn inward.
What is my heart saying? If my heart is truly feeling uneasy, is it because I am wrong and need to
change something? Or am I upset and fearful about the vulnerability, criticism, and judgement?
Sometimes, I’m honestly not sure. But, I do know that when you love and care it often hurts and it often
hurts deep.
As Dr. Brown explains, authenticity is a practice and it’s a practice you must choose every day. To get
started with the practice:
Let go of what people think
Cultivate self-compassion
http://youtu.be/_YeulUgWNp8
I watched a Tony Robbins training this weekend where he talked a man out of suicide. It was very
moving, but he also said something that really hit home with me,
“You can’t stop caring because it is now difficult. And, you can’t stop
caring because you made mistakes. And, you can’t stop caring
because someone is hurt. You gotta care more, and caring more has
to start with you. Because if you don’t care for you, there will be no
resource called ‘you’ to care for her, or her, or him, or them, or all of
those…”
If you are in a shame story, you’re not caring for yourself and you certainly can’t care for anyone else.
I have learned over the years to focus on the good things, because my heart just cannot take all the
bad. Maybe, your way of caring or doing what you thought was right at the moment, wasn’t perfect.
That doesn’t mean stop caring.
That’s where a Wholeness Day comes in…
A Wholeness day allows me to reconnect to the part of me that wants to help others live better lives.
The part of me that knows I have to be able to receive and be filled in order to give. The part of me that
works from love not fear of what others think.
So, if you are struggling against criticism and fear, against putting your work out into the world, take
time for a Wholeness Day.
Here are some things you can do on your Wholeness DayWholeness Day:
Read- the poems, the scriptures, the stories and passages that inspire you
Watch some videos like Dr. Brown’s TED Talks
Do some writing and contemplating. Why are you feeling vulnerable? What makes it scary and
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3. what could be the immense reward?
Spend some time in silence and listen to your heart. It can be scary, I know. But, you could also
receive some amazing love and insight.
Read your “friendship love notes.” These are messages of love encouragement that you have saved
up for such a times as this.
Be Gentle with Yourself.
Maybe you cannot take a whole day to do this, but I encourage you to set some time aside. When you
are in a place that being quite by yourself seems scary, that’s probably when you need it the most.
Don’t be afraid to seek out help if you are still feeling unsettled. Dr. Brown talks about how shame
dissipates when we share our story. But, also be careful with whom you share it.
“You share with people that have earned the right to hear your
shame story.”
A person worthy of your shame story:
Loves you because of your vulnerability, rather than in spite of it
And
Shows up ready to wade through the deep
Friends like that are rare, but I hope you have at least one and show them your gratitude. I also hope
the next time a friend needs me to share in their shame story, I can be there with true empathy.
It won’t be perfect and that’s ok.
To live and love with my whole heart, the ultimate goal! I certainly haven’t arrived yet,To live and love with my whole heart, the ultimate goal! I certainly haven’t arrived yet,
but it’s daily practice with one small act of courage at a time.but it’s daily practice with one small act of courage at a time.
XOXO, Hil <3XOXO, Hil <3
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Brene Brown, guilt, inspiration, Mindful Monday, quotes, shame, vulnerability, wholehearted living,
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“wholehearted life!”
For More:For More:
Another one of my “Keep Daring Greatly” posts
You can visit Dr. Brown’s site at: http://brenebrown.com
If you haven’t seen “Vulnerability TED’s” follow up TED talk full of humor, sincerity, and authenticity,
here ya go:
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