1. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Kim and Kyle’s Wedding |
Love and Knuckles

2. YOLANDA
Yolanda threw back another glass of wine and adjusted her Baywatch bathing suit. There was nothing she
could do for her daughter right now because she was floating in the middle of the ocean with someone else’s
family. Bella had just been like any other kid her age enjoying one glass of chilled Chablis with her friends in
a Malibu beach mansion when it dawned on her that she needed to fill her Porsche up with gasoline. The police
officer had pulled her over and now she was heading off to college in the fall with a DUI arrest. Not ideal
circumstances for the child of a real estate development mogul and Holland’s first supermodel. “Are you looking
forward to going home,” Mauricio asked Yolanda over dinner? “Yeah I want to go home. I want to get off this
disco cruise because shits going down and I can’t rely on Mohammed or David to fix things. Listen, David can
write songs for Barry Manilow all day long, but the guy can’t get my kids out of a jam.” And honestly Mauricio
was happy to have her go home. How many conversations can you have about juice cleanses and tulips?

3. EILEEN
Eileen was happy to go back to work on the soaps because money was starting to run low. Those sprinkler
systems and pool toys don’t pay for themselves. The great thing about working on a daytime soap opera is you
can bring your kids to set. So, for example, if you are a lactating mom you can bang out a sex scene with your
co-star in the shower and then nourish your infant with your mother’s milk in the privacy of the cast makeup
trailer.
LISA LISA
Lisa invited Lisa Rinna, her housekeeper Rocio, and the executive members of the Clay Aiken Fan Club to
attend her star presentation on the Palm Springs Walk of Fame. “Do I deserve it,” Lisa asked herself? “I
suppose I do if 14 members of the panel of Palm Springians voted unanimously to name me.” (They also voted
unanimously to get a pedestrian walkway and an Applebee’s on the main street). “This is wonderful for me, and
I deserve it and I am glad people understand what a significant person I am,” she explained. “But I don’t want to
make this about me. Just kidding. Can we talk about me some more?” Pandora and her husband J’son gladly
sat front row to admire her as she stood braless on a street corner in 115-degree weather heat. Son Max made
it too, but without his 36 year old girlfriend who was too busy waiting tables back at Sur. Lisa’s friend Lance
Bass of song and sing sensation N’ Sync gave a stirring address to an audience of two fans and 6 Korean
tourists about Lisa’s role as a television personality, author, and humanitarian. “She is a beautiful person and
you can see that in the way she dresses her small dog in bejeweled satin pantsuits.”

4. BRANDI
Brandi invited Viveca A. Fox to stop by her podcast so they could dish on romance, working in the
entertainment business (catch Viveca in Chocolate City on Pay-Per-View), and competing on Celebrity
Apprentice and in the Plastic Surgery Olympics. Although she had wanted to make extra cash by agreeing to
make her show more “family friendly” for advertisers she found it too difficult to avoid every day subjects like
lube and whips.
KYLE AND KIM
Kyle reluctantly returned from her European boat vacation so she could attend the wedding of her niece, Kim’s
daughter, at the Kathy Hilton estate. It was a struggle wrangling four daughters fighting over Chanel eyeliner
and Herve Leger dresses into a limousine to drive down the street to her sister’s house. Mauricio was still
unsure what he would wear so Kyle called Kim in the moments before her daughter’s wedding ceremony
began. “So what are we supposed to wear to this thing,” she asked? Should Mauricio wear a suit or meatball
huggers and some flip-flops? Kyle had notably put more thought into buying a Chanel dog bowl for her canines
than what to wear for what she described as she and her sister’s big moment. “Kim did it. We had all been
waiting for our daughters to get married and she won. She’s first. I don’t know how it is in normal families, but in
ours the celebration of someone else’s life accomplishment is really a reflection of the extraordinary women we
Richards sisters are.”
Next week: Lisa Rinna’s mother sells her house and Brandi and Lisa have an eyeball fight at Kyle’s pool party.