After years of seeing large companies commission lousy websites, we decided to ask some designers and developers what really goes on during the process of producing such marvels! Here is a humorous take on the findings, If you relate to this, leave a comment with your experiences.

1. How Not To Build a Corporate Website Part 1 – How not to select the web agency

2. >> How it all begins... That website guru at the airport told me our site was a death maze for visitors! That sounded like a bad thing… Hmm… The guys at the golf club are all talking about their cool websites and social media. I must not be left behind! Head of Business (CEO)

3. >> The very next day... We must have a cool new website that has Twitter and Facebook and er… everything that’s cool. Oh, it must also get us a lot more business… and make sure it's not a maze. Oh no! I knew this day would come! Maybe I can put his video on the homepage and distract him! Sure thing boss. I have attended a 2-hour seminar about this in Vegas. I know all about this web stuff. Head of Marketing

4. >> The journey begins... Ok. I will Google for some web design firms. But, Pinky from 2nd floor did a great caricature of me in pink. Can’t we use her and do it internally? Buddy, we need to identify a web design agency to build a cool site. Find 5 companies & make a comparative excel sheet. Include the guys who built our current site. Also my aunt’s kid’s friend does something with computers. The guys who botched it up last time had a cute account exec. Maybe she still works there! Marketing team guy

5. >> The journey continues... Just quit fancy ad agency! Hi, I found you on Google. How much would it cost for a website? On Google? Really? Wow. Oh sorry... So what kind of site do you want? Super Creative Agency – technology is for nerds and losers! We want a cool site. Our current un-cool site has about 500 pages, I think. How much will it cost? Don’t worry about the cost, we are experts at building cool sites. We will build 500 pages of cool for you. In fact, we can make the whole site in flash! That way we can get really creative! It can change color every 5 seconds! What about SEO? Won't flash hurt us? Oh wait, did you say change color? Including pink? Wow! Send me a proposal, quick! Can I get it in the next 30 minutes?

6. >> And so on... 10 yrs of coding in mom’s basement! Hi, I found you on Google. How much would it cost for a cool website with 500 pages? 500 pages? We have our own CMS package, it's so cool… it’s practically frozen! Geek Agency – So what if we are color blind? We can code! Um… what happens if you guys shut shop? Won’t we be stuck with a software that no one supports? (Smart Alec! We anyway don’t support that junk. Curse the day we decided to build our own CMS!) Don’t worry, we won’t shut shop. We are broke as a joke right now, but have huge plans man… total awesomeness! And everyone (my mom) thinks we are the best. I swear! Pinky swear? Ok then. Send me a proposal.

7. >> And more... Website? What you really need is a seminar from us. Inner peace online can replace software with soft wear. Is your head shaved? 500 pages? Sure we will fly down our expert team from the Arctic along with family and pets. You pay for travel, right? Hi, I found you on Google… Yeah, you can use our software: ‘build it yourself web kit 2012++ pro’. Err... If you succeed with it by some miracle can you train our staff? You are too small for us. Send us a formal e-mail explaining why we should care. BTW, we won't reply to it. Cool duuude, we are on the Amazon cloud. We will code in perl with a little python that has ruby on tails! Hello? Still there? You already called us yesterday!

8. >> Excel sheet nightmare... These proposals are impossible to compare! How do you compare a carrot with an ostrich? Hi, can you send me a document that does not keep changing color? I am practically blind now! You sent me 600 questions to answer! I just want a proposal. How does it matter when our founder was born? I think there are a couple of extra zeros in your final price. No? oh that’s not a mistake? Your proposal seems to be in English, but I don’t know most of the words. Look up Wiki what?

9. >> Evaluating the agencies... Oh, only two of you? We wanted you to bring a ten-member team to make your presentation! We like your proposal. But tell me, are you a men-only team? Two months? We know an agency who can give us our cool site in one week! Can we meet again to discuss what we just discussed today? Yes, we discussed it. But we'd like to discuss it again. Let's touch base over a con-call at 10:00 pm tomorrow.

10. >> The plot thickens… End of Part 1. Part 2 – How not to build the website – Coming soon…