1. Do You Hear
What I Hear?
How to be a good listener

2. “Take a tip from nature-
your ears aren’t made to be shut, but
your mouth is.”
Unknown
“Nature gave us one tongue and two
ears so we could hear twice as much
as we speak”
Epictetus

3. We listen at 125-250 words
per minute
We think at 1000-3000 words
per minute

4. Payoffs of good listening
• Gain knowledge
• Receive better work and cooperation from
others
• Can help win and keep friends
• Solve problems and resolve conflict
• Reduce tension
• Increase enjoyment in life
• Strengthen family relationships

5. Some interesting statistics
• 85% of what we know, we learned by
listening
• 75% of the time we are
distracted, preoccupied or forgetful
• We recall about 50% immediately after we
listen to someone talk
• We spend about 45% of time listening
• We remember about 20% of what we hear

6. Do you speak like a dolphin or
a
killer whale?

7. Poor Listening Styles
• Spacing out
• Pretend listening
• Selective listening
• Word listening
• Self-centered listening
– Judging
– Advising
– Probing

8. Genuine Listening
1. Listen with your eyes, heart and
ears
2. Stand in their shoes
3. Practice mirroring

9. Genuine Listening
60
50
40
30
20
10
0
Body Tone/Feeling Words
Language

11. History repeats itself because
no one listened the first time.
anonymous

12. A good listener is a silent flatterer.
-Anonymous
A good listener is not someone with nothing to say.
Listen twice before you speak once.
- Scottish Proverb
To appear wise, one must talk;
To be wise, one must listen.
-Anonymous
Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
- Arab proverb

14. What do you mean?
• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem

15. Genuine Listening
1. Listen with your eyes, heart and
ears
2. Stand in their shoes
3. Practice mirroring

16. Genuine Listening
1. Listen with your eyes, heart and
ears
2. Stand in their shoes
3. Practice mirroring

17. Mirroring vs. Mimicking
Mimicking is . . . Mirroring is . . .
• repeating words • repeating meaning
• using your own
• using the same words
words • warm and caring
• cold and indifferent

18. Mirroring Phrases
• As I get it, you felt
• So, as I see it
• I can see that you’re feeling
• You feel that
• So, what you are saying is

19. Avoid phrases like:
1. Are you sure?
2. It's not that bad
3. Sleep on it. You'll feel better
tomorrow
4.Do not be judgemental

20. Reactive vs. Reflective
• Allow own • Concentrate on the
thoughts, feelings or feelings, opinions and
opinions to take over concerns that are being
conversation expressed by the other
• More concerned with person.
what they want to say • Avoid interrupting the
that what the other other person to
person is telling them. comment on what he or
• Focus on their own she is saying
reactions rather than • Focus on what the
the feeling and needs of speaker is saying in
speaker. order to understand it.

21. See First to Understand, and
then be Understood
• Practicing listening is only the first half.
• Share your feelings.
• If you take the time to listen,
chances of being listened to are very
good.

22. A good listener is a good
talker with a sore throat!
Katharine Whitehorn

24. Resources
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean
Covey, Fireside, 1998.
• Teaching Resources for Youth Educators
Communications Source Book:. 4-H Youth
Development Building Bridges
Curriculum, University of Wisconsin
Extension, 877-947-7827
• Life Lists for Teens, Pamela Espeland, Free
Spirit Publishing, 2003.
• The Communications Toolkit, Michigan State
University Extension, 310 Ag. Hall, East
Lansing, MI, 48824, 517-432-1555, $25.00