A presentation made by Kerrie Hayes-Williams to the parents and friends of St Therese, West Wollongong on "Building Resilient Children
Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety"
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Building Resilient Children Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety
1. Building Resilient Children
Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety
Kerrie Hayes-Williams & Mark Woolley
Catholic Education Office
Diocese of Wollongong
25th March, 2009
2. Some Myths
‘I was bullied and it didn’t do me any harm’
‘He’ll just have to learn to stand up for himself’
‘Tell him to hit back – harder’
‘It’s character building’
‘Sticks and stones . . . .’
‘That’s not bullying! It’s just kids teasing.’
3. Australian Research Results
(Ken Rigby, 2006)
1:6 is bullied on a weekly basis
More frequent in primary school for both
genders peaking in years 4/5
Reports of lack of support, isolation,
absenteeism (1:5 boys, 1:4 girls), feeling unsafe
Health consequences – perceived or real
4. What is bullying??
‘Bullying and harassment happens
when people deliberately and
repeatedly use and abuse their
power to hurt, annoy, torment or put
down other people they see as
weaker or smaller
5. Bullying includes:
Social banter
hurtful teasing
pushing and shoving
malicious gossip
racist comments
exclusion
extortion
phone and internet abuse
sexual harassment
damage to property
physical violence
use of weapons
criminal acts
verbal threats
stalking
cyberbullying
6. Family Bullying
Occurs when a person in a family uses their
power to control those with less power in
ways that are threatening and abusive.
It includes:
spouse/partner abuse,
child abuse and neglect,
parent abuse by adolescents,
sibling threats and aggression, and
abuse of older adults by caregivers
7. Normal Peer Conflict Bullying
Equal power between friends Imbalance or power between friends
Individuals often play together Individuals rarely play together
Happens occasionally Repeated negative actions
Accidental On purpose
Not serious Serious with threat of physical or
emotional harm
Equal emotional reactions Strong emotional reaction from
victim and little or no emotional
reaction from bully
Not seeking power or attention Seeking power, control, or material
things
Not trying to get something Attempt to gain material things/power
Remorse – will take responsibility No remorse – blame victim
Effort to solve problem No effort to solve problem
8. Ratting vs…
Ratting is a child
telling about another
to get them into…
TROUBLE
9. …Reporting
Reporting occurs to
protect one’s
SAFETY
10. Creating Caring,
Connected and Safe Homes
Negative Positive
Home Home
Environment Environment
Bullying and Teasing, Tolerance Caring,
Coercion Harassing consideration Supportive
• Teach social skills What happens when . . .
• Cooperative learning experiences • Expectations/consequences
• No ‘put-down’ zones • Opportunities for ‘healing the
• Develop empathy for others harm’ done to others
• Restore relationships
11. Girls Bullying Boys Bullying
Starts in year 1-2 Typically use physical aggression
or by threatening to use it
Typically use ‘put-downs’
Usually about clothing, hair, or overall Quick jab, push or shove, elbow
appearance or knee or head thrust into a wall
or locker
Years 3-4 tactics change
Isolation from group Whatever it is – hurts and over
Promise of inclusion for favours quickly before anyone sees.
Cliques or groups taunt or harass at Size and strength is intimidating
recess or lunch
Years 5-6 situation worse Create fear and a present threat
of harm from physical abuse
Intimidating or threatening notes
warning of things to happen
Boys see bullies as large, strong
Gossiping and spreading damaging and powerful
and embarrassing stories
commonplace
Can peak in year 4/5
12. Victim Profile
Generally tend to lack friends
and social support
More cautious, sensitive, quiet
and non-aggressive
Often lack confidence in their
abilities
If a boy –tend to be smaller
and physically weaker
Considered by others as
‘different’
13. Possible signs of bullying
Not wanting to go to school
Avoiding certain activities
Cuts and bruises
Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced
‘Losing’ lunch money
Falling out with previous friends
Being moody and bad tempered
Being quiet and withdrawn
Refusing to talk about what happens at school
Loss of appetite, bedwetting
Aggression with brothers and sisters
Doing less well at schoolwork
Insomnia, anxiety
Talking about not having friends
14. Persistent bullying can result in:
Anxiety and depression
Low self-esteem
Shyness or lack of confidence
Humiliation & mental anguish
Poor concentration
Poor academic achievement
Avoidance or absenteeism
Rejection and isolation
Thoughts, threats or attempts
of self-harm or suicide
15. A typical bully is a person who:
Values power and the rewards aggression bring
Has a desire to hurt and expressed in action
Someone is hurt
Lacks compassion and empathy for others
Lacks guilt for his or her actions
Believes it is OK to treat others in a cruel fashion
Likes to dominate and be in charge
Thinks it’s OK to be abusive in order to get something
Avoids adults and plays/spends time out of adult sight
Is verbally convincing
Projects problems onto others
Enjoys the interaction
16. The Bully’s Target
Eyes: red, teary, weepy, Verbal retaliation: blabbering,
narrowed, looking down or away criticising back, blaming
Head: down
Face: white, red,
tense muscles
Voice: very quiet, angry,
Upset, muffled, a grunt
Lips: tight or mouth open
Shoulders: slumped, Demeanour: doing
bent over, pulled back Nothing or being
powerless
Body movements: Feelings demonstrated: fear, anger,
Frozen, stuck, paralysed, rigid, fidgeting, hurt, hate, embarrassment, teariness
walking away
(HO)
17. Impact on the Bully
Learned behaviour Escalated aggression
Becomes a ‘way of life’ Suffer higher rates of
Limited social skills depression
Poor relationships As adults treat their own
Higher chance of children in a dominating
and emotionally abusive
juvenile delinquency
manner
More likely to turn to
criminal activity as adult Acts as role models for
their children
18. Impact on Bystanders
Lowered self-esteem
Loss of control
Feeling of powerlessness
Often scared and isolated
‘ He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it’
(Martin Luther King)
19. What stops children?
Common urge at times that can involve:
A sense of shame (motivational force)
Worry about parents’ reactions/disapproval
Concerned about the peers judgments
It is not cool in their group
Witnessing the pain and hurt of victims
Learning social and emotional skills for
managing relationships
20. Steps to Help Your Child. . .
Listen . . .
Talk to your child about why some people act like bullies/
victims
Empower and teach your child to be part of the solution
Build resilience & interpersonal skills (communication skills,
conflict resolution & encourage friendships)
Focus developing attitudes (unprejudiced, cooperation, empathy, resisting
negative group pressure, self-acceptance
Work collaboratively with school to solve it
21. Faulty beliefs/ attitudes to change
I’m not good enough
Being different is bad
I am to blame
I have the right to be sensitive
I can’t accept the truth
I can do it my own way
People should be fair
Nothing works
No-one can help
I think it is a waste of time
23. I’ll never get help, I’m tired and
I’ll just keep paddling and eventually
someone will come to help me I can’t do this anymore!
24. The Secrets of Relating
for Children
Secret 1: Understand why you are bullied
Secret 2: Build your self-esteem
Secret 3: Become a confident communicator
Secret 4: Create your own ‘power pack’
Secret 5: Develop a support network
25. Creating Caring,
Connected and Safe Homes
Negative Positive
Home Home
Environment Environment
Bullying and Teasing, Tolerance Caring,
Coercion Harassing consideration Supportive
• Teach social skills What happens when . . .
• Cooperative learning experiences • Expectations/consequences
• No ‘put-down’ zones • Opportunities for ‘healing the
• Develop empathy for others harm’ done to others
• Restore relationships
26. Safe environments
Everyone should be treated with respect.
Children need to be held accountable and
responsible for their actions.
When actions occur that affect safety, quick
intervention is needed.
We must work together to stay on target!
27. Talking with staff at St. Therese
List what happened.
Be clear and firm about the suffering
Be prepared to name the bully
If persists – WHO, WHAT, WHERE & WHEN
Follow school policy and procedures
Collaborate with school on a plan of action
Keep in contact until bullying or harassing stops