Slides from 2011 Preparing Your Child for Success seminar hosted by The Bear Creek School annually in Redmond, WA. Slides are excerpts from the presentation "Raising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic Approach" by Karen Wright, Ph.D. Lower School Division Head at The Bear Creek School.

1. Raising Responsible
Children using the
Love and Logic
Approach
Karen K. Wright
The Bear Creek School
karen.wright@tbcs.org

2. What do you want
for your child?

3. What About You?
 How do you want to be perceived?
 Parent
 Teacher
 Three types of parents
 Drill sergeant
 Helicopter
 Consultant

4. Love and Logic
 The technique is:
 proactive
 respectful
 loving

5. Why Parent with
Love and Logic?
 Raise responsible children
 Raise ethical, caring children
 Raise children who are prepared to
make positive contributions
 See Handout A

6. The Misbehavior Cycle
 Anger and frustration feed misbehavior
1. The misbehavior occurs
2. The adult shows anger or frustration
3. The child perceives authority figure
4. Negative self-concept ensues
5. Misbehavior occurs again

7. Ending the Misbehavior Cycle
 Our response to a child‟s misbehavior
provides a learning opportunity
 “The most powerful people in my life can‟t make be
behave.”
 “The most powerful people in my life have to sweat
to make me behave.”
 “It‟s entertaining to make adults mad!”
 Or…
 “I learned a lesson.”

8. The Two Rules of
Love and Logic
 Adults set firm limits in loving ways
without anger, lecture, or threats.
 When a child causes a problem, the
adult hands it back in loving ways.

9. How it works…
 What first?
 Love and Logic parents make great coaches—
they over-learn their plays so they avoid
having to improvise under pressure.
 Love and Logic is not a cure for misbehavior;
rather, it gives children the opportunity to
learn from consequences.
 Handout B
 Know thyself

10. One Play at a Time
 Strategy 1: Empathy
 Always lead with empathy:
 “I know you are hungry, dear. I am starving
too, and it‟s tough. Dinner will be ready in 10
minutes.”
 Employ the broken record technique: “I know you
are hungry, and dinner will be ready in 10
minutes.”
 Strategy 2: Hint Phrase
 Oh, Oh Song
 “Oh, Oh, looks as if you are whining/fitting/talking
back”
 “Oh dear!”

11. One Play at a Time
 Strategy 3: Neutralize Arguing
 One-liner
 “Probably so” or “Nice try” (loving, not sarcastic)
 Handout C
 One Sentence Intervention
 I love you too much to argue…..I love you too much
to argue….”
 Handout D

12. One Play at a Time
 Strategy 4: Enforceable Statements
 “You may join us for dinner once you are as calm
as I am.”
 “I‟ll start the movie as soon as your room is tidy.”
 (Handouts E & F)
 Strategy 5: Choices
 “You may have water or milk.”
 “Would you like to carry the diaper bag or the
grocery bag?”
 (Handout G)

13. Enforceable Statements
and Choices
 Both help children understand what we will
allow rather than telling them what to do.
 Choices give our children the opportunity to
wrestle with the problem and come to their
own conclusion about the best solution. The
lesson is more likely to stick with them.
 When we tell them what to do, we are sending
the message, “You are too fragile to make it
without me,” or “You can‟t think for
yourself, so I‟ll do it for you.”
 Choices help children regain control.

14. It’s Not Working!
 Strategy 6: Consequences
 Given with empathy and encouragement
 “I feel sad when I miss out Grandma‟s special
brownies too. Don‟t worry. I feel sure you‟ll
be able to join us for brownies the next time
she brings them.”
 “Hmmm…this really stumps me. I‟ll get back
to you. Try not to worry about it.”
 Handouts H & I

15. Resolution
 Reconnect after the consequence
 For parents, this should include hugs, kisses,
and assuring your child that you love him,
forgive him, and know he has learned from his
mistake.
 For teachers, this should include telling the
students they love them unconditionally and
are confident they will not repeat the same
mistakes again.

16. Love and Logic Pearls
 Guiding Children to Solve Their Own
Problems (Handout J)
 Praise, praise, praise
 Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact
 At the end of the school day
 Practice the Golden Rule
 Hug your children before you ask them about
their day.
 Review homework only once or twice per week.
Have the child point out his/her strengths rather
than focus on the mistakes.

17. The Power of You
 You are the Heartbeat of the Home
 Mary and Martha (Luke 10:40-42)
 “…But Martha was distracted by all the preparations
that had to be made. She came to Jesus and
asked, „Lord, don‟t you care that my sister has left me
to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!‟”
 “„ Martha, Martha,‟ the Lord answered, „you are
worried and upset about many things, but only one
thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and
it will not be taken away from her.‟”
 Slow down, use your eyes and your words thoughtfully.

18. Raising Responsible
Children using the
Love and Logic
Approach
Karen K. Wright
The Bear Creek School
karen.wright@tbcs.org