Talitha cumi

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DEDICATIONS
To my late mom, Meiki and to my dad, Thomani.

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BLESSINGS AND PRAISES
I wrote this to someone—someone who once told us of ROSES.
For the flowers, they are colorful and smells divine; many show
their devotion to their loved ones by buying them and having they
sent.---many times, many moments the devil and his associates
thought you were done with, but you made it to your feet. You
rose from ashes like a phoenix because you are a winning
champion. You are not only the pretty face, you are a miracle
from GOD……Thabelo Mamphodo
All blessings for it and may our Lord God anoint it for its words
to be more powerful and touch hearts of many….Thabelo
Ganndini
Make history in a written material in Jesus name---Pedrito dos
Santos Nhatave
Let all who read this rise in every aspect in JESUS name.
proverbs 1:7---Dr. A Sikhosana
I bless it in the name of Jesus. I want to have an effect and
change peoples lives---Dr. Vandu
God has given us different talents through His Spirit and this
book is your GOD given talent and it is going to touch many
hearts. 1 Corinthians 15:58---Dr DM Mphari
Your book will be read all over the world and you will be known
in Jesus name.---Dr. S Ubisi
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior I stand
as a heavenly priest saying you shall be blessed going in and
going out---Lennox Hlungwane

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Roses, the definition.
Before I thought of writing, I felt like I wasnt good enough. But
then again, I realized that I have the privilege of receiving this
wonderful revelation when I needed it most. And I am quite
sure somebody will pick a few pointers, and will receive life out
of these words. Amen, that’s my prayer.
I know most people will probably think about red thorny roses,
they received on valentines. Or what they really expected on
special occasions of love like valentines. But I beg to differ,
roses for me, it’s not just the flowers but a figure of speech or
rather a rape of English grammar. In simple English, rose is
the past tense of rise; yet when it becomes roses I am trying to
signify that I have rose so many times; and that it is not even
appropriate to call that “rising” but roses coz I have done it
before, again and again.
A simple testimony though, I have been scared of losing breath
a thousand times; messed up countless times; earned so many
names some good but some uncalled for; I have received much
appreciation below my curses and mockery; been loved but
hated more; been out there trying to find where I fit in; been
dated and dated a few girls that had few dresses no wonder
most of them lasted not that long…..; been hustling since the
day I was born; been winning all along but so many times I
lose and failed where most have succeeded.
I believe ROSES is not just this simple pdf file, it is something
to inspire others to rise up whenever they are down.
It is a story which everybody had, and as such I would like to
make it known to my sister or brother out there that “you are
what you are because you refused to stay down”. As for those
that are still struggling with low self-esteem, okay you may
think you don’t look good enough, bad in academics, bad in
public affairs but to tell you the truth if I had to testify in those
lines. Everybody would just realize that all the greatest people
in the world have that weakness that had tried to pull them

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down. I do struggle too, I am not even sure if people will
receive my message but through faith which is the substance of
things hoped for, I am hoping the message would reach out as
far as it could-even beyond people I know.
Because after everything has been said and done, love, faith
and hope, will always remain. This is the love story of
rising….MUTA

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And when he was come in, he saith unto them, Why make ye this
ado, and weep? the damsel is not dead, but sleepeth.And they
laughed him to scorn. But when he had put them all out, he taketh
the father and the mother of the damsel, and them that were with
him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying. And he took the
damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise.And straightway
the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve
years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment.
Mark 5:39-42, KJV BIBLE
You may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise----Maya Angelou, Still I rise
QOUTES

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There are a lot of things going on me with me, and to be honest
I have never felt so good about waking up every morning to do
what I was born to be. I am not really into having specifics, I
just do what I am doing right now. I am tired of talking about
what I am doing but instead I'm doing what I am talking about.
I am rising. Yesterday I rose, and all the times I have risen call
it, ROSES.
I would like to continue from where I have left of, and
surprisingly I am working on a novel which is almost done.
And my best friend, Nnditsheni is very excited to read it. I just
believe it would be received the same way as these poetic
versions. I am stressed or let me rather say, I can sense of
feeling of doubt trying to take control. Hard luck, not today or
tomorrow, I fed my doubts yesterday. I am going through. The
writer in me, want to pour it out all without remorse. I want to
write like I am writing my last.
It is in my spirit that I stand so loud and proclaim, talitha
comu-I say unto thee, arise. I say, arise and be what you are.
You are nothing. you are a beggar, a cripple and dead but
arise for the glory of the Lord is upon thee. You have been
quite, are you dead? What's wrong?, that’s exactly the words
from my mom, Caroline, if she realized that I am not sharing
any jokes or making her laugh in any way.
The world is waiting, with cups and plates, to feast in your
banquets. Heaven can’t wait to rejoice, the heavenly choirs and
bands are ready to perform. And as a friend, I am waiting for a
better you, I am tired of seeing the same failure, sluggard
dreamless and boring friend you are. Wake up, and prepare
your ways. Stand up and walk. Arise and shine. This is your
time.
INTRODUCING TALITHA CUMI

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I wrote every little bit of word for you, even though I didn’t
know you but I am realizing that we share the same struggles. I
wrote this, even though I didn’t know what I am really doing,
but I continued anyway because something in me, tells me. This
is your shot. This is your spark for your light. This is your
moment. This is your medicine, and I prophesy in Aramaic,
Talitha Comu. I ROSE, and I need you to do the same….MUTA

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DEAR DEATH
Look what you have done, you played me like a guitar. Then
you made sure I danced to your rhythm. With my emotions, you
danced with me. You led me into the darkness, of my own
insecurities, fears and doubts. You brought me to my knees,
humbled me and me swore not to succeed even though I was
born to prosper. Rolled me like a roll-up as you smoke away
my dreams. I gave you my world, you gave me worries. I gave
you my words, you told your stories of those that died peaceful
without being anything. Like a shadow, which disappeared. So
that I give up, while others are doing something. And you give
me the drinks, so that I would drink and look opposite of who I
am. Be a coward and runaway from my life which you deemed
pathetic. I hid, did nothing and I am sure you were happy. But
listen now, I am speaking not in my accord, I stay no longer
with you. I refuse to be down, give up and frown. I rise up with
a face like of a sun, for GOD has redeemed me. Took me to his
right hand of glory with JESUS, all has been paid for. What
more do you want. I suggest you runway now, because I am
sure you cant stand me. I am not even fighting because there
isn’t any contest. I am alive, because Jesus gave me life. Don’t
tell me my past, before I embarrass you. Do you remember
when you thought you took my JESUS. I am sure you were even
boastful about it. Unfortunately he rose, from your bellies and
me too. So don’t come with your cheap tactics, before I
embarrass you. I am what god says, I am not what you wish I
could be. I refuse to die, for my lord is saying, Talita Comu-
ARISE. So I step out of my tomb like Lazarus, for my Lord has
a purpose for me…MUTA

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Every story is a legend
I roar like a lion after realizing that a few people have received
other versions of Roses, and they are waiting for this one. I
have personally shared the pdf file with more than 100 people,
but to my surprise I have heard a lot of people asking me about
it. To be fair, some of them have critics and all of those lousy
comments which would definitely discourage one from writing
and GIVING THIS LIFE. Some of the people are calling me,
ROSES and some are calling me a “perverted mind”, “prince
charming” and almost anything which came to their minds. I
am glad for everything though, I cant stop anyone from
commenting unless if I am willing to quit and never create
anything, then they would stop.
Enough about my blabbers, back to the story here. The last
compilation was called ROSES, A LEGEND or EVERY STORY,
A LEGEND reminding myself of my childhood memories when
I used to watch legendary stories like of ROBIN HOOD,
HERCULES, TARZAN and many others. Fast forward 2016, all
those stories still exist but with different storylines, actors,
costume designs and so forth. But still, their legend never
stopped. And all those legends, they have things in common
like for example, in all of them, a hero struggles to defeat
his/her adversary which is depicted in different figures, but at
the end he emerge a hero. In my simple terms, all heroes in all
legends, they have FAILED AND ROSE, again and again.
Unfortunately most of us, got no story to tell cause we have not
done anything. LOL I am not talking about doing what your
friends saw fit for you, I am talking about doing things which
are weird in the eyes of a spectator of replays. I am referring to
dancing, singing, writing and any other thing you can do, but
this time add some little bit of love to it. And by the way, you
might be ridiculed for being you but would you rather be
praised for being a better someone you are not.
I am opening yet another page of my life, telling my story with
an open mind to an open mind which would read through, and

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admire two things I am trying to display about me. MUTA as a
writer, and MUTA as a dreamer. And this is more like me,
stepping to the podium with the chance of being booed but
anyway if I don’t write I will never know how to improve and
be better at it LOL. I don’t want to write anymore, just that the
concept of ROSES is a legend, I am willing to spread with the
help of everybody who read through.
ROSES is a story which is going to be retold in different ways.
That’s why I took poems that I have wrote a couple of years
ago and hoping that they inspire me to feel like going on, and
also keep the legend of ROSES spreading. I am not spreading
my writings but I am spreading the resilient, fall and rise kind
of spirit and I am hoping to look around and seeing friends that
don’t quit, never give up no matter the circumstances.
I know this might be weird but it is the very words that gave me
comfort, inspiration and without my intension, I thought I
wouldn’t publish all these poems until I met this wonderful girl
who is best writer, singer and guitarist in my whole life, had
inspired me to publish. Beside that I had other people who had
encourage me to publish but they were not that inspiring since
they were not writers. At some point, most of the writings are
replies to what she had sent to me, and a couple of self
inspiring writings, but in all that I am trying to portray a story
of a human being who knows how it feels like to struggle and
succeed at some point. And how it feels like to be loved or to be
appreciated for who you are.
From now onwards, you are my friend if you refuse failure as
your last resort….MUTA

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AUTHOR NOTES
• In the Bible, the word “RISE” has been used more than four
hundred times, with different variations like ARISE, ROSE,
RISEN
• The name of my biological mother is Magret OR Meiki but I
have referred to her as Rose, so many times. Caroline is my
mother, or my loving mother.
• The first name of my dad is Thomani, which means BE THE
FIRST and it can also be used to refer to a command, START
in my mother tongue, Venda of South Africa. BE THE FIRST
is dedicated to my dad.
• Poems and proses in this book, were written from 2010, and
have been rewritten and edited to fit the concept of ROSES.
• This is my seventh compilation as a writer, all unpublished
Things we tell papers 2014
Women 2014
Got2say 2014
Roses, a love story of rising 2015
Roses, every story a legend 2015
Roses, I am talking to myself 2015
Roses, Talitha Comu 2016
• I am self publishing a novel in 2016, after 30 May. The name
of the novel is not yet decided, but it is part of the series
ROSES. 100% profit goes to my philanthropic projects
• I am 25 years old, from 30 May 2016, which is part of the
references in the writing, like I am a twenty five year old
version of my dad.
MUTA

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One day I was led to the gardens of roses, I heard them
whispering unto my ears. And the exact words I was given by a
messenger who never knew what she was doing,
White rose said: You are worthy of me. Very passionate , isn't
it? But aren't all roses like that?
Yellow rose said: You are my star, light.
Black rose said: A rare gem, not known to many but just like
the white rose you possess a passionate resemblance
Red rose said: Of course the very 'popular' I love you rose.
prologue

And my life, a garden of roses.
before they flower wearing into themselves
a plethora of proses.
people be buzzing bees;
busy buzzing with my busy business.
And My passion my golden gees,
easy gazing with my easy success.
fake compliments, fake gestures
on a fake smile never impressed me.
I looked through to breakthrough.
Even when roses are with thorns
pricked me with delicacy, gave me a valentine
that almost chased my cupid away.
My life, she asked for a love back
damn, I never refused
she asked for a lip kiss
I closed my eyes and kissed
she opened my little two eyes
and I saw a figment of nothing
just a long hurdleful road with no one
as I looked back, I saw beautiful roses
Roses 1
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six falls seven roses
A thousand picture poses
With shadows shattered on the floor
opportunities coming knocking at my door
my life a story of dusted robes
Dreams covered in microbes
bleeding scars and a torn heart
when I am loose, broken apart
in my dreams
she removed her purity ring Into a mess
I disliked it, I stepped out of that curse
I married myself to rising
gave birth to bars that I am raising
even when the ghost of my past tackle me
feeling like I am lost
I cant hangout with her on hangover
I pull-out of her like a pullover
I anticipate the rain of inspiration
For the seed I have planted out of desperation
Is the scent of success ahead
That drives the dogs of my impulse
To make me rise again
To live to tell my love story of rising
Roses 2
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Like a seed dried up by the sun
Jesus died on the cross
Buried for three days
Into the deep rocky ground
The seedling protruded
Like it had drills
Yet weak soft but pointy
I pray you keep that focus
After the heavenly showers
You will rise. Like Jesus,
Like joseph from pit, prison & Potiphar's wife
Yet he became the prime minister
Like job who lost everything
Yet god restored everything seven times
Like Lazarus
who had already died for so many days
Even bound and his body starting to stink
Jesus rose him, and unbound him
Like in the valley of skulls and bones
Dead bones came alive
And you will rise too
And whatever happened before
Will be a reason you praise and worship God
Roses 3
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A Story of my life,
a day in a minute.
while I’m counting with you;
how many times I fell,
went straight to hell with you.
but let me go on dreaming,
with beasts in the dark.
let me sleepwalk,
how I be the spark that sparkle;
how I rose like the sun in the morning.
let me do it with no warning.
when I rise again to the next level;
when I fly high like an eagle;
when I protrude my shells
with my weak empty punches
Throw away my crutches
coz I’m too big to be contained
And only my shadows can be down
to be trampled
as for me, I am not yet crippled
After a mile that knows my case
I praise after every raise
I rise, and I call it roses
Roses 4
21

on my day, life came to me
She told me I could have her once
In my mom’s womb, I thought I was alive
But when I stepped out
I cried when I saw them glow in smiles
I tried to speak but they didn’t understand
I was about to tell them, my story
Then the doctor gave me to my mom
And my mom gave me her breast
And to her breast, I said nothing
I understood love. From that moment
Even though we spoke different languages
I had to learn her language
To write her poetry and be romantic
Roses are red, the sky is blue
And I am not trying to be romantic
I just want to say in life
You have to be willing to bleed sweat and blood
To make it and everything is possible
But along the way, she want me to be romantic
And when I look back at her curves and edges
When I wanted to give up
I realized I have been through a lot with her
Roses 5
22

She has been loyal to me
So I gave her roses
Coz I believe in our love, it will never end
23

This is a manifesto
Of a life without limit
About last night nightmares
Of wannabees and gimmicks
Their passions and flares
And their dying dreams
This is a poem
About legends and a myth
Of old times and new times
The people they were with
And their pardoned crimes
This is a strategy
About breaking legs and records
Of Messi’s and you
To the kings and the lords
Living above the sky blue
And their adversary with no teeth
Roses 6
24

This is love
About skyscrapers and flying birds
Of shooting stars
Spectacles for nerds
And their bleeding scars
Before rising
25

It were stairs, stairs and stares
We thanked the man from the upstairs
We were up, down, left, right and repeat
Like rehearsals, only that we had no scripts
Yet mutually, we never knew what we’re doing
Running and rushing in circles
With one goal: flying……….
So many things that one bares
The voice over that breathed toxic words
The kind that made ears run away
With speed that only found you
With nothing to understand
You hear but what you heard
Left with the left ear
Almost everybody got caught in our snares
It were green and grey
With smiles impossible
That looked like a rainbow in the sky
The kind that blasted like Indian spices
Call it, high end explosion feelings in a weekend.
Roses 7
26

Everybody looked but nobody cares
Rushing hours
The day we called ours
Ours, hours that felt like not counting
We were what we saw in movies
What we never dreamt of
A huge blow when it took off.
We were airborne.
The day, with what it wears
Here, they got a switch and they turn you up
Maximum voltage, your impulses are racing
They got that food
They got those stockings and leggings
They turn you down times
27

Though life at times might be tough
To make you feel like you have had enough
Sometimes throw you dirt
Expecting you to be hurt
It wont hurt if you take all the lemons it gave you
To make grape juice
Around you there might be strange clouds
Bearing into themselves hailstones and thunderstorms
And it would make you wonder, will it rain?
Or who will reign?
But gather yourself rain clouds
And bring it home
We are expected to cry or whine
To devout ourselves in beers and wine
Or atleast have it for a while
While our faces long to see a smile
For it didn’t turn out the way we expected
Cursed
Father’s daughters are his wife
Infants constantly beg for their life
Roses 8
28

They live to die before they live
Baby’s babies who never had a chance
Gone too soon before they saw the sun
And their soulful melodies we will never dance
But you seek life
not by going to church
But by believing in Jesus Christ
Who wiped all our curses
And brought rain to wash away
All the memories of yesterday
29

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Women are roses
And I quote, my words in 2013, for those looking for a fiction,
this ain't one but poems and proses in my heart, watch out I
will write one. For those looking for fairy tales, this ain't one;
find the story teller of the land to tell you the elephant and
rabbit stories. For those in search of history, look no further I
am making one or else go to the liars of this world. For those in
search of politics, this ain't one, open a book of unfulfilled
promises and console yourself.
In honor of women's month, in 2014, I compiled poems and
proses about women, which are very instrumental in this piece
of work. I wanted to tell everybody my struggles and triumph
with women. The first, and foremost are my moms, they are the
ones that keep up with me every day. I see them as a real
source of inspiration. Why not? I owe them everything about
me.
Then, I have had exes, I don't even know if they even call me
'ex' or just a guy they knew. Anyway I am glad that those
cameos and caprice moments, taught me a lot. I am sorry for
making your lives look so dull. I was not even perfect. I
couldn't. I am glad I am out of that misery, or let me say your
paradises. You are the best, only if I am the worst.
Then, there are those women that inspire me to be better. Like
my sisters, aunts and a couple of wonderful ladies I know. I
have a sincere heart towards them. I am sure as you read on,
you will realise that women are our best inspiration. I call
myself inspired because of those wonderful women in my life. If
I had to mention names, it would be another book.
I would like also to acknowledge my future wife. I know this is
a shock but I wrote this, with one girl in my mind. Sorry for not
mentioning her name, I would love to but I am very scared. She
is one those girls take my breath away. She is shy and never
says much. Enough about the blabber, this book has parts
which appreciate women. Women in my life, after all, I am of
women…MUTA

I thought,
Love never loved me
Love never cared about me
Love never bothered in my case
Until I read about love
Which wasn’t selfish and not seeking my selfish desires
I thought,
Love songs were insipid, stupid and boring
Sometimes a waste
Until I heard John Legend
Who played both happy & sad love songs
I thought,
Love was just another word in the dictionary
Which has been redefined over the centuries
Until I saw a smile on my mom’s face
That gave me a warmth
A few girls would give me
I thought,
Love notes and quotes were useless and almost nonsense
‘coz no one knew my words
Roses 9
31

Until I realized that people have been loving
And I felt like writing this note
To reveal how I felt about love
I thought,
Id never fall in love
Id never write love notes
Or even listen to love songs
Until I rose out of my thought
To fill up my empty heart
32

There is
No sound without silence
No word without meaning
No story without ending
but I refuse to be the man without legends
I know out there is dangerous
And people there, are mysterious
They never take you serious
Unless you rise out of mediocrity
But they plot again, to pull you down
If you are to rise,
You are disturbing their peace
But I imitate the volcano that erupted
And my daily devotion is to all the man who rose heroes
Like superman, batman, zorro
And the God who walked with us, JESUS
Just because I am the light
That light lighter than the lighthouse
Whiter than the Whitehouse
I don’t chase the darkness
Roses 10
33

coz when I appear, it runs away with its vampires
Who suck blood and dreams
Even my shadow cant face me
But it lies down for me to step on it
Coz I got the power
To trample on snakes and scorpions
The same power that rose JESUS
I live in the future, coz my present is my past
And my life, a garden of roses
34

To yesterday and her friends,
the look in your eyes
that strips me naked and dissect through my morrow
I had already believed but I was still imitating God
When He created man out of dust
But I was looking at you with lust
Then the look in your eyes
Told me that you want me
and I smiled from the inside
But I was still hiding
When you open your lips, to tell me of whatever I failed
in my mind, I was holding your hips.
Came with a mix of June and December
A lot happened, but I don’t remember
I recall myself wanting to say words, to scream and shout my joy
But words wouldn’t come out, my mouth was dry
But in my mind, it was soaked, soaked with your deep kiss
And my boy was happy to see you
Made me fell in love but when I fell,
I hope you felt the same
Coz I love you, yesterday and your friends
I love you my roses
Coz you are my nightmares and dreams
Roses 11
35

I sat down with myself,
looked afar from the top of the cliff.
Felt the breeze,
the scent of my sweat and the sounds of it all.
The cheers from the birds.
Then I looked afar, I saw nothing,
but they promised me it all.
Took me, kicked-to-give all the kingdoms
as far as I could stretch.
Yet it were a desolate, a barren and a burden.
Mixed it all in one cup, a holy grail,
and I humbly drank without knowing, gullible.
Told me, I'd amount to nothing.
My writing are as bad as spoiled cheese.
Stupidly, but now flustered....
I am going write my heart out,
put it on display like any grotesque.
Pour it out like a drink, fill every thirst.
For that cup I drank made me a cellar.
I will give the tree the leaves, the rivers the waters
and wash the sun clean.
With the pen, I made it green,
look like the paradise with flowers, roses
that will bless the day.
Roses 12
36

At twenty five
the bullets of words slung out
of my decimating mouthpiece.
And the words I said were not mine
Made one wonder and ponder.
Who is this mouthpiece?, they asked.
What is his secret?, they never knew
if not from the son of celebrities.
The son of my mom and dad,
and they were never learned
Born and raised
trying to duck, escape poverty
and aiming to own a property
if not, wallpapers are newspapers in my house
then windows are covered in headlines
history it were, I had to be part of.
no one has to read through the life of struggling
and learn hustling,
it has to be my life, as a book
And I rose
Roses 13
37

I want to put my lifetime in between the paper's line.
I am going to be a history, you are about to tell
A wonder you are about to name
A king who stepped down to serve
But for now, I search for words
Mimic the sounds of birds
I walk in different places
I talk to different people
Trying to get inspired to know what it feels like
To live beyond your limits, imaginations
Beyond your nightmares, setbacks
Trials and tribulations
And to find joy, in it all.
I want to tell the story of rising
With more than seventy five thousand words
Seventy five thousand ways
And let it resonate to that boy
Who was about to quit or give up,
That he may rise up to be something
To be a superhero if he must
For the rest of the world.
Roses 14
38

Stories of rising
Wish you knew, at least
That I am not a writer
I am just an angry boy
Trying to speak his mind
To those that feel like giving up in life.
Do me but don't overdo me
Love me but don't over love me
it's all confusing to me
I feel like I owe myself a lot to the world
For I came for the world
And the world doesn't know me
They say I am a writer,
But the world never read my writings
I know one thing though
Today I am starting to write like my last
And I am not here to please
I am here to be humble and decrease
For I have always been,
To a house burning
I try to quench the fire instead
Roses 15
39

Sometimes I cry to catch a dream
Because within me there is a burning desire
And I am here armed with myself to burn
That's why where I come from
Kids look at me, and make a wish
I guess I am a shooting star.
I am not afraid of the dark
Instead I run straight towards it with my closed eyes
Closed fists and a persisting heart.
I am not afraid anymore
I am not afraid of being wrong coz I can never be right
Except at being myself., I am right
Look, you see me shining
And you're thinking, I had it easy
Now you look at me smile
Now you think you know me
You think you know my praise
Yet you don't know my raise
You think you know what I tell
Yet you don't know my hell
Of all the story I will live to tell
None can be compared to my love story of rising
40

Roses are beautiful
Beautiful but yet they are thorny
Thorny and hurtful.
They represent love yet hardship,
When I think of roses
I think about my mom
Rose was her name
She was beautiful
Yet strong like a rose
She represent a women
Beautiful yet thorny
But mostly beautiful and tender
In her, you find the essence of love
Yet of strength and hardship
She endured a lot
Just like roses
Even when the storms comes by
She endures
Through the storm
But when the sun glows
She glows too
Roses 16
41

Before I wrote;
I went to Abraham and borrowed his faith
I went to Joseph and borrowed his coat
I went to Moses and borrowed his staff
I went Joshua and I asked if he could impart his knowledge
I went David, I asked for his lyrics
And to his son Solomon, I borrowed his wisdom
I went to Elijah, and I took his eyes
And I started to see a small cloud.
I smiled, and went to Elisha,
I asked for the double portion of his double portion
Then I went to Job, who felt I needed nothing
But I asked if I could share his pain
And I went to Jeremiah to lament
And when I was with Isaiah who said,
ARISE AND SHINE
Then I went to Jesus, and I said,
CAN I GO WITH YOU?
Roses 17
42

43
And one day, I prayed to my Lord that I may honor my dad but
he answered with a revelation on his name, and I was taken in
the realms to testify of the deep secrets. And I saw, a dark black
man who is me in the fifties. And the reason I say that, its
because we look the same. And I later wrote, BE THE FIRST .
Be the first

Lord in your word, you said
"I am not the tail but the head not the last but the first"
And when I remember my biological dad
I hear a soft voice of his name
Reciting a poem of hope and he said, be the first.
You are the first in the family to be abroad
To be a doctor and to be everything great.
And I thought,
Oh lord can you tell me stories of interest
Make my bank interest interesting.
It is my heart, you judge OH Lord
But I shoot it to you that you make in me, a new one
So that when his name whispers
And his face reflect in the mirrors
I be him, of twenty five years and be the first.
I remember Lord, for my father.
You spoke with him in wonders and dreams
You revealed your secrets and you let him know my future
Before I could conceive it
For you have place a life in him
No wonder I was born of him
Took me twenty four years to reflect myself in his forehead
And every time I look at his picture,
It is written, be the first
Be the first 1
44

A voice said;
Be the first
To unwrap your petals in the morning
Bless the day with your smile
Make soulful melody as you walk
Greet with grace
And your face,
Out of nowhere let it glow with glory
And your life,
Flows with victory.
And everything you touch,
Turns into gold.
You feel forever young, you never get old
Cause you live for a moment
Forgetting yesterdays and tomorrows
For all of them are just setbacks to your present
Sometimes are thieves and daylight robbers
Sometimes are magicians
Who made happy moments disappear into fears,
Nightmares, wishful thinking, regrets and all their friends.
Be the first 2
45

My dad,
He'd draft me a lovely love poem
Yet he left school,
Before they taught him how to write poetry.
Yet he never told me that he loved me
But he told everyone around me.
And almost everyone said,
"He'd almost cry when he express concern about your life"
Melt down in his knees
And ask if there could something that could be done
"My son, my son, I just want to see him like other kids"
"I don't need a penny o cent, I want him to prosper"
Like Jesus in Gethsemane
He'd conclude, "But let your will be done"
And when I look at his wrinkled face,
His name whispers, Be the first
Like Christopher Columbus, Neil Armstrong,
Be the first 3
46

You can take a sip of my life
Marry yourself to my wife
Raise my kids, graduate
Fail my attempts(to fly) and be me again
You can be a story to my life, not a story of my life
Not the whole of it
Kids had to be feeling me
Instead everything I do, they'd be filming me
Posted, tweeted and said that much
More than a stammerer who never finished
Yet they said nothing about me rising.
I woke up yesterday
Only to find out it was tomorrow
Then I unwrapped the present,
mixed the good and the bad and I felt joy.
I got stuck in the mirror,
To my surprise I wasn't the man in the mirror
I looked again, until I saw a man who my dad is proud of.
I started to realize why they call me, dog
I pardoned their blurred eyes
I might be a god, they worship
But I worship God above all gods
Be the first 4
47

And my dad never ran away
He went to my mom
And told her that she was a girl of his dreams.
With the few, they became butterflies and rainbows
And she blushed of-course.
She had just met, one rare moment she never had.
The kind she wouldn't wait to tell her friends
And her friends would tell their friends.
I wonder if she had said no,
Then everything about me
would just be a dream never been realized
Two virginities were broken, I was born.
And the face of my dad, she never forgot
For it was her first love,
and I was the symbol Of their love.
He never ran away.
So about my dreams,
What do you expect?
I can't run away from my dreams
I can't run away from myself
Like my father.
I am a father to my dreams.
Be the first 5
48

Begin is three words
The first is the reason I started
The second
I realized that begin starts with BE to remind me to be myself
The third
a product of breaking it into two, beg and in
BEG-iN for me draw from my inner man
And that's the reason I am standing,
talking hoping that I remember
As I re member to put myself together
This image of this best friend of mine appears
As I look, he looks like my brother
And he is my dad, the reason I was born
And now, I want to tell you a story of his name
Be the first 6
49

50
And I heard a voice from a distance asking, “what if no one
reads what you write? Then what?” I couldn’t reply at that
moment, and the Lord led me to reread what I had wrote five
years ago. I started reading, but it wasn’t the same as reading
but it was as if I was drinking an apple juice, and as I was
drinking, I smelled the roses. If no one reads, then I am talking
to myself, and my spirit was made well. Like what was written
by the prophet, you are well as your spirit-3John v2. And I
wrote to you again, I am muta, I represent all the young
dreamers, believers and believers.
Then this book became for ‘both of us. “You read it”, He said,
“while I call other readers who are going to read. I want my
brothers to rise, since I was the first born of the SPIRIT.”
I ask, but the title is my other name muta. And He replied,
“Mutakalo is not your name. I gave it to you for its meaning.
“I am joy, then? I asked if I could change it.”
“No, I am muta. Those who read will know that I am the one
speaking through you. Remember the book of Daniel or let me
remind you of the verse in Songs of Solomon, “I am the rose of
Sharon. Those are the words I gave to Solomon to pronounce
my people of Joy. You are my prophet speak without fear, my
sheeps will listen. Write, my readers will read.”
And I knew I had to write everything.
I am talking to myself

give me the sky,
as you look up high you will see me twinkle more than a star
I'm more like aurora borealis,
looking at me
Is like looking at a light from a lighthouse,
as I shine whiter than the Whitehouse.
I thought I had to give my own definition in style
as I'm doing that I'm keeping a good smile.
I know its a prose, or free verses
but I'm picking a rose
(writing to you is like that),
that's just something special from me
as I write I light up every face
and I wont be drought like river Nile.
its like being the light makes every word be a raylet
which throbs into the grey dark as it shine.
let it glow I must.
I AM THE LIGHT, my LORD said
I am muta 1
51

as the rain drops clashes before hitting the ground,
such that my mind keeps on vibrating
with unstable words
as the shivers take control of my heart
and when the wind open up to free my voice
as it utter sound. its like a rainy day,
and a stormy day
which sends pilots to be on a mayday.
as the waves of my voice transcends
to knock out eardrums and cerebrums,
them pilot of dreams are left with tantrums and crumbs of birth.
how can they survive the effect of a booming system
which is to be compared to a nuclear weapon.
class don't classify me in classes,
clauses never pause to cause an effect
I wish there could be another way,
but I am wisdom, my LORD said.
I SOUND LIKE SOUND ON THE SOUND MIND
I am muta 2
52

before the stage was set, and the drum roll,
I was already in the stage.
trying to say, before they gave me a chance,
I had already given myself a chance to blaze my trail.
my pace maybe of a snail
but I wouldn't chameleon into somebody I'm not.
I am a writer,
and that's what I'm trying to tell
As I write I will never be on a dry spell.
I have this touch I know which is English in a MUTA WAY.
I am overjoyed with you
Dankie for appreciating me as a writer
I felt I had to say, but I thank you for being in love
You are in love with the truth
And I AM THE TRUTH, my LORD said.
I am muta 3
53

54
And I was asked to open my eyes, and I saw a women who was
praying without ceasing who was wearing a coat of different
colours. And I ask, why is she always praying like this?”
“she is Rahab, but I tell you, she is Rosahn. And the colours that
you see, are all the woman in your life that you may call your
moms. I heard the prayer of your mom, and I made sure you had
all the colours of Rosahn, I wanted you to write for you. I
wanted you to write for ME, and I might as well, you are
writing for us. You see Meiki, Caroline, Tendani, Diana and all
of them, they pray for you day and night. They say, I should do
something with your life. Even though I gave them you, the
words in their lips, I manifest what they say. Since I gave them
the power, I don’t want to do everything. I want to show love by
giving you the power, to prophesy into your life as I have given
them the power to prophesy your life. I love the way, they put in
their prayers and I am giving you that joy, listen I will tell you
more”
And when I listened more, there was just a sound of joy and in
the face of all the women I call moms, I see roses, that I have to
appreciate. And I asked if I could do something for them.
And HE said, “SPEAK THE WORD IN THEIR LIVES” but I
was surprised for I had already written, then I had to read what
was written. Again, I looked in my scribblers, I found a lot.
I see roses

She CARE, and she puts me in LINE.
And I am trying my best to make her proud.
With all my delinquencies,
she created in her faith, hope
and the reason I stand still.
I am never hideous,
she combs my hair
and fix my shirts
and make sure that I wear
in a way that sends a statement of class.
She has taught a lot of principles,
but all of them are woven in faith.
In every trial and tribulation, I win or lose.
I know I am the best
coz my mom always tell me so.
And her name is Caroline
Caroline
55

Humming birds got that melody,
the kind that slaps the soul
into interceding vibrations.
The sounds I hear in my sleep
are not from that humming bird,
but the ones deep in my soul.
I draw them unconscious,
and before I knew it.
I understand
This woman is like a humming bird.
She goes hmmm hmmmhmmmmhmmm
and a lot of confusing murmurs and bickering.
I overheard her,
praising God a few times yet this time,
she play a song in me telepathically.
I know this was war only her knew.
She looks at me and told me everything with a stare.
I felt it deep in my heart,
SHE KNITS
she has a crochet and wools, trying to keep us warm.
CROTCHET AND WOOLS
56

As she knits, and hums.
And tell me to be good, make her proud.
In her prayers,
she breaks into pieces and gushes with tears.
With the pieces, she knits herself back.
And with the tears, she baptize herself.
Her words are murmurs and bickering
like a crochet and a wool,
trying weave our lives with her lips.
57

Just because
Cockroaches came for fasting
And rats to commit suicide
At my place.
Doesn't mean I never ate
I drank water,
smelled stews from neighbours
And I ate the ambulance
Sometimes we eat like herbivores
We sleep and wake up
Smiling, share jokes
Promised each other a better day.
And loved.
No breakfast, No lunch.
All the same.
Dished up with pap.
My mom loves me
That's all that matters.
MY MOM LOVES ME
58

Some girls though,
But this one, I'd rather speak with the whole day
And the whole day is an hour with her
And there is no one like her
I am glad, she is my lovely little sister
Who got a life that only, living knows.
As for the rest, they live
When she smiled.
I swear I saw the sick get well,
Call it a prophesy but I saw it.
For once, I learned to smile
When she was with me.
I was sick, didn't have it
I am glad my sister is a medicine
Since they are looking for cures
I suggest you take my sister to them
She can cure AIDS, I saw it
She cured it before
And I can wait for you to know her
I am like, "can you be me"
She smiles, and I knew she could say, yes
VERONICA
59

For she is always available to care.
If this doesn't mean I care,
Then I would write a thousand more
For there is none like my beautiful lovely sister
Veronica
60

When I disappointed her
She always has
That look that flashed unto mine,
and those stagnant blinks
that gave me a search warrant.
That look of disappointment on her face,
and that way of taking a deep breath
felt like a needle throbs.
Each second,
I felt more guilty not as charged.
I look down and shoot straight to her eyes
Til she sees what I am hiding,
throw them back like I lost something on the floor.
She was like, I can see you.
Only the guilty of me coming home late, told me so.
And my mom never said a thing
When I disappoint her
61

This is one of those poem
That got nothing to do with the title
I am just reminded of the women that inspires
Lebo Mashile, Bessi Head and my moms
I know of women who inspires wisdom
Courage, love and knowledge
But poem got nothing to do with love
I am reminded of the women that never give up
Mistresses, nurses and my moms
Everything may seem impossible
But I know that women carry a baby
Delivered, raised and cared
But this poem is not about the baby.
It about wives, midwives and my moms.
This got nothing to do with talent
I wrote because I started to
Understand women, not as useless
But as the ones who inspires man to dream
And this is about, them.
Lebo mashile
62

This is my sister's dream
To wear stilettos and wedges
She said she want to look tall
Her face looking like new pages
As she stroll
Taller than the giraffe
With her chest and main
Sometimes posing for a selfie
Looking like a perfect design.
On top, even though it hurts
Wearing kgs of make ups
Doing the maths
Doing all the wrap ups
Like she owns everything.
She said, she looks so short
Making her so looked upon
Like her dreams so dwarf of some sort
She will live up, turned up on
Like she is ready to face every beast of man
And find a way, in this life of mazes
From inside she burn and amazes
Stilettos and wedges
63

A woman carried me
but women raised me
Long long ago,
a woman carried me for nine months
And she delivered me
Like a gift wrapped in white sheets
In that cold day, my mom recalls
She immediately gave me a name, Pfano
So that nobody will call me nobody
Taught me to read between the lines
And to never wet my mat
After 8 years, the tragic happened
She passed on and I was left
With these women that came like angels
Raised me, and loved me like their own
I am simply of women.
Of women
64

65
Then the Lord waited for me to sleep so that he could show me a
vision. He said, “FEAR NOT”. I started to see myself standing
in front of a dark black beast with a head of something like an
eagle, and the body which resembled the snake, but it had legs
but I could measure how big the beast was. Then when I looked
back, I saw a lot of people who were cheering, “PFANO, dud it
for us”. I was so troubled since I never understood what had
happened. “you killed the beast” I kept on asking myself, how?
And I wanted to write it down, I had a pen and paper to write it
down. And the Lord said, “it is with the words I have placed in
you, write them. Write them, he repeated. I knew I had to write
more but I wasn’t yet fully convinced, then HE came back with
two spirits from the devil and they were talking.
“We should take his pen away, he is getting intelligent again.
He shouldn’t write what the Lord tells him. We should bring
doubt in him that he may question if God would say such, blah
blah blah,” they couldn’t say the word for it was too sharp that
if they spoke it, they might be arrest or cut into pieces.
I continued to sleep since I knew what GOD wanted me to do. I
overheard myself worshiping GOD, then I knew it was my spirit.
I woke up to listen to his sweet songs.
This pen is the new staff

Once upon a line, there was a pen and a person. And the person
said, "I want to let my words be known to the world". The pen
smiled and said, "wow, you must be a writer". Then the person
looked at the pen, felt compassion and said, "maybe". Then the
pen said, we can go together through all those white lanes.
A writer, and a pen
66

Writing poems has,
Jet me through into the space of infinity
get me some sort of charity and affinity
yet forget not that I’m not yet full in totality
vet me out of my sanity and vanity
wet(ted) and dried, cold and warmed in the majority
met odds with sensuality and sentimentality
bet at sometimes with my own mentality
fret less about my ability and availability
regret(ted) nothing about my agility
magnet-pointed to the normality and anonymity
net(ted) in without endurability
let me to metamorphose from enmity and enormity
pet(ted) with lest my forgotten reasoning capacity
set and calibrate my capillarity and clarity
Writing poems has
67

Everybody has a story.
Trust me on this one.
If not, then we are all living corpse.
It is something we were born with,
it is a way we say what we had to say.
Before we could even hold the pencil,
believe me we were story tellers.
Started when we were fascinated by the world
And how we saw things
It’s a pity though,
what our stories meant
was just what we only understood..
Nobody knew our meaning
until we were standardized into the alphabets.
With me,
they became a source of healing, some sort of tablets.
Now that everybody can write,
everybody has something to say.
Now that everybody has Facebook,
everybody has something to say.
Every story is a legend
68

Some of us,
chose to tell scribblers, diaries and walls
I did that too.
But I would like to do it differently
I am drawing from my scribblers, walls what I had to say
With personal messages to my girlfriend, friends
and generally to everybody who stops
and listen to my stories.
69

I don't know who you are
What you have been
What you are going through
And what you are going to be
I don't know, what you have done
what you have not done
What you are about to do
What you have and what you don't have
I don't know how much
How high, or how low you are willing to go
And how exactly you will do it
But I know and I confess
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
I know
What came to destroy you made you
you know nothing about yourself
You don't know how strong you are
But adversity advertise "you"
It comes to you like a thief of time
And steals your moments of glory
Just when you think of success and victory
It comes and wipeout the idea of victory out of your memory
Adversity Advertise "you"
70

I suggest stop crying and start trying
The reason you were challenged
You were fit enough
And I said nothing
Because i know you better
And the adversity you face doesn't matter
Adversity advertise "you"
You are not measured with a ruler of failure
Or counted as coins and papers
You are better and the bibles says
"You are more than a conqueror"
More than any tyrant that ever lived in this world
Alexander, Goliath, Pharaoh and so forth
But your war is not canal but in spirit
Stop and imagine, you are more than Hitler
to the demons you face
To the Giants, walls, snakes and scorpions
Let them know who you are.
Let them know I am with you
71

I want to go to bed with two girls
The other on the right and the other on the left
The other would probably kiss me good night
While the other, I would tell her "honey, good night"
That would be my family, my lovely wife and my daughter Jezreel.
I want to be caught gossiping with almost neveryone.
I have a lot of gossip and I have a crush on a man, oh God.
Some will call it obsession yet I am in crazy in love.
But I won't be talking about others or even myself
I will talk about Jesus, the one I love
the one I know who talks about me better
I will gossip everything he had told me.
I wont be faithful to my friends, family,everyone, Him, and myself.
I will love my neighbours as I have loved myself
But I won't promise them the moon and the stars
Silver and gold, which I don't have
Or break a leg for them and limp into their dreams
But I give them what I have,
What I have is a command to the crippled
sleeping and dead dreams
RISE UP AND WALK in Jesus name
Don't Want To Be Faithful
72

I cant be faithful
And do what I am expected to do like a slave
Live my life within the "DOs" and the "DONTs"
Like Pharisee and Sadducees who lived through the laws
Yet they failed to see the Messiah, Himself
When He came 2015 years ago.
In their eyes they were holy but they failed to strengthen the weak.
I'd rather live freely out of the DOs and DONTs
Like a bird controlled by the winds
For me, it is the spirit of God which gave me life.
I don't want to be faithful
like those man blessed with talents
One of them being afraid of what the Lord might do,
he never invested his talent he kept it as it is
I want to be the man who multiply
For the first words directed to man says
"BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY"
I wont be like my friend who struggles with low self esteem
Do what he is expected, or what is considered normal.
I say, NO. God gave me the power
Instead of being faithful, I want to have faith
I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me
73

a story of two ladies who passed on
the other had high heels,
lovely dress, red lipstick,
bracelets, earrings, necklaces
and the ability to turn the men on.
but the other, no one looked at her
coz the other said
“she is dressed for sucksex
you can tell she suck in bed
and her sex was bad.”
yet the truth, everything she had
she worked for,
and that man she had
really loved her.
but the other who dressed for success,
bought everything by widening her legs
and received the whole world
together with HIV & AIDS
known to recite a rhythm as she walk
with her curves that turned heads.
Sucksex or success
74

her thighs that locked man
her eyes that smiled her face
shooting every man with her two breasts
and her voice of a summer rain
which was softer than jazz or blues
she succeeded but no one remembers her.
she was sucksexful,
as for the other, she was a mother of two
and she was successful too.
75

Tryin to escape
At war, smokes and gunpowder's everywhere
The bullets leave me wounded
Teargas left me blinded by Your beauty
And myself the villain with flesh and blood
Every time the stars tell their story of twinkle
Each day passing with minutes counting
Maybe the war will over soon
Your love is a sweet grenade
Thrown out or let free like a bird
I felt like dead in a moment
Only to wake up a better man
Your love is amazing
Makes me grow up
Like a dead seed into a plant
You are God who said to Meiki;
You are blessed and in you, there is a miracle.
Even though I could’ve been born in an instant
You chose that I fall in love, within nine months
your love is like a grenade 1
76

whenever I try to runaway
in this war of spirit,
and attention I try to pay
my mind is blasted off
heart into pieces
and my body left for dead
yet it felt like hypnosis
I woke up feeling sad
I am the villain
and You are armoured
with sweet love grenades like an Indian
pin removed goes ka-boom ferricle fervored
I die 100 times but rise up 101
but id choose to die in Your love
know that, there is a loving someone
looking beyond and above.
You are my God
Who told my Lord
To die for love
your love is like a grenade 2
77

Those lonely islands with no one.
Those mountain tops with everyone striving.
That got me thinking,
Will I make it?
Those potions and charms buried under my skin.
Swallowed with my mouth and spread on my lips.
Makes me wonder,
Will I make it?
Those words, sometimes I say them
Honestly to impress
And at times like any babble
I swore and I saw, but I am still asking
Will I make it?
That faith
My moms have
Maybe its surrogate or it diffused to me
With that umbilical cord.
"This is love, honey“, they said
Yet will I make it is what I wonder.
Will I?
Will I?
78

To all the times
All the crimes
Which were all jealous
And all the caprice of zealous
Time is too lazy
Might be crazy
Stole all the moments
Wasted our compliments
Time is a thief
Might be a chief
Only in the kingdom of desolate
So we would blame it on fate
Time is stupid
Might be cunning like cupid
Yet we felt its romance
Felt as if we knew the rhythm and dance
To all the times
All the crimes
Which were all jealous
And all the caprice of zealous
time
79

80
And I asked,”Lord, my friends are getting married, what about
me?”
And HE said, “You are already married but you are too busy
worried about what I had already set before. Rosahn has
already prayed, most especially Caroline who is expecting a
grandchild this year. She told me she would want to cook at
your wedding. So how can I deny my daughter what she desires.
I am preparing a wedding for you, and don’t interfere with my
ways. I don’t want you to look for a girlfriend. You don’t need a
girlfriend by the way. I have found you a wife, and have told her
that, you are for her. Yet she doesn’t know your face yet, once
she sees you. She will know you, now that she doesn’t
understand the things of love. I am teaching her.
And HE looked at me, when He realised that my face was
turning grey. He said, “Hey Pfano, I don’t like your face. Agree
with me here, I love you.”
And I said, “I love you too”
Then He said without even thinking, “BIRDS HAVE NESTS,
AND YOU, LIKE ADAM I MADE YOU A WIFE BECAUSE I
LOVE YOU.
I started to understand the scriptures, and I started to reread my
sad and love poems, which had a prophecy in them.
A wife

When you're with me
Don't be fantasying
About those two you saw in the park
Kissing and doing all those things
Which you wish I could do for you
Or don't be stuck
In that Romeo and Juliet love affair
And expect that I'd die for you
As much as I love you
Even though I am not that kind of person
Who mention those three words
Every time I have ran out of words
Or trying to get back to you
Forget movies,
I won't say them like they do
Cause I don't want them to lose their value
I want them to mean what I meant
And I won't have that public affair
Oh please, I can't breath in that
But I promise to love you
Dear next girlfriend
81

A light complexion,
from a distant,
she is a sun with the golden short hair.
She walks carelessly hoping that no one notices,
then all of sudden,
they all notice.
And now she pretends
she is not shy about it
and walks more carefully,
minding her steps
sharon
82

I tried. I failed.
I almost ran out of gastric juices,
cooking inside my livers and intestines.
And after all,
my digestion couldn't help me understand.
A real man will always stand up for what he believes.
I looked at you and smiled from the inside.
Talked to everybody else
but dodged to say a few with you.
I kept it zipped. Locked.
I have not stood like a man.
Maybe a mute this time.
Out of sight, I slapped myself to connect myself with reality.
Came back to my confidence,
and I realized I could have, I should have.
All that, don't matter anymore.
Like startled waves, I try to calm down.
Sighed. Took a breath.
Came back to square one.
I tell myself to talk to you,
but something keeps me back.
Some sort of cords made
out of past experience, fear and doubt.
Because, of that I remain a parted lips
Parted lips
83

As I try to listen as my eyes wont sleep,
feels like I'm rolling into the deep, singing along ADELE
As I think not to think about you, I end up in wishful thinking,
and this melodrama becomes more dramatically sewed.
Before my mind get scribbled as I get skewed,
I think about what I don't want to think about.
Nightmares, worries and fears of doubt
leave my brain drained after washing.
Beside that it's in the middle of the night,
it's like I'm trying to make things right.
Yet loneliness strikes
like a match to shine darkness as it gets nighty,
As I get lost as well as being found sleepless.
Writing to you feels like my refuge,
as music plays for nobody to listen
and this TV as it watches me snore wishing.
I get blank only to be sketched with the thoughts of you.
I'm trying to sleep out of it, to wake up in dreams
Coz this imaginations have painted
a beautiful portrait about you
that I admire so bad and shamelessly
Tonight, I want to sleep
84

Look, but don’t look at me
‘cause I’d be trying to help you find the words ,
for the words will explain you.
Likes flowers for the day,
and my days filled and blossomed by those tunes.
With the guitar you tremble the heavens,
with the voice you uncrippled souls
and with the pen you draw the stars.
You are the best thing happening.
From the voice,
the messenger sent that I wont kill
and her messages that I will always keep,
you unchain those feelings untapped
and send them out like hunting dogs, and my heart beats carefully
but this times, it graduates with a feeling
only your song can explain.
I sleep to wake up from dreaming,
and I dream to make up my mind cause I am filled with misbelief.
As for my love, it longs but I run away
like mad in an opposite direction.
Only because of the music that came and visited me from the guitar,
travelling with those wise words.
I gotta see you
85

Eyelids close for me
sleep for me coz if you don't
I might wakeup without dreams
I'm trying to fish out mystery into my bed
if I close my eyes would I happen to wakeup in sleep
want to see where I send my baits,
where I reel my dreams and nightmares
and please don't make dream about her
coz she is sleeping maybe dreaming about him...
Sleeping dilemma
86

It's game on
I blame you, and you blame me
I guess we're playing a blame game
And you might have called me a lame name
It ain't my fault, it's just your thought
The one that spends time thinking about me
Your face which opens up to me like a book
And the way you look if I noticed
I feel like giving up on you
But you always find a way to set me on overdrive
With my sex drive, I watch you jealous
And I am thinking, you're worried about us
Well I might be with them
but I am thinking about you
From your poker face I see through
And your fighting words I listen
As they punch me out of my reason
And I wonder why don't you give up
I don't want you to give up
OGEST
87

I want you to win
But I act like I don't want you
Because I love you
And I am scared that if I tell you
You'd stop playing our crazy game
Me the coward, who stirred your feelings
And you the coward,
who never told me how you felt
All the times we had
I must've looked at you in that look of love
Approached you bold with love
And you responded by laughing to my lousy jokes
Faked a few postures, smiled when I approached
Yet I told my friend that I loved you
And told your friend that I liked you
88

as my eyes had seen,
and the days that I have been
coupled to witness
of this moment
that sends a chill into my soul
and raise me out of my foul.
Still something knocks me down,
as I gasp.
Still in the fast lane
with nothing to grasp
before this bewilderment.
And these words that wont leave me;
its like a thunderstorm, tossing and turning
leave me with nothing to feel gaining..
As everything gets blown away
like the first day I talked to you,
I was blown away by your kindness.
Is it insanity or vanity,
I ponder and wonder.
I felt by writing this,
when I got knocked by the feelings
and I LOVE YOU
Knocks me down
89

DYNAMO
I am a bad boy
I told the girls that loved me
I got no feelings
They were mad, and said to their friends
“He is rude”
I became their enemy
They started to spit as I pass
And I remembered when I could've been their friends
I was glad I wasn’t their friends
Too scared that, all rivers end in the sea
I don’t fall in love
I just want to be used
Then I fulfill my dynamite purpose
Not with my heart, don’t
I am scared, it is with a dynamo
A girl that took my breath way, can beat me
And I believe she was made for me
And she exploded in my face, into a rose
That I only appreciate.
90

91
Wake up
He said, “Pfano, Pfano”. And I asked, “Can you see that it is
late, my Lord?” And the Lord placed love upon me before He
said, “Aren't you troubled with your brothers and sisters when
they don’t succeed?”. I started to feel like crying and I said,
“Tell me, I am ready to serve You”. Then I was moved to South
Africa in the realm of the spirit, I found myself laying hands and
casting demons on most of my brothers. I wanted to ask why
send me, but He knew what was troubling me. Then He blew His
Spirit, and I knew, it was because He want me to understand
that He is interested in a relationship with His people. And He
had already blessed me with what belonged to His people.

two eyes of the sky,
one pale and one gale looking down,
they behold humorous sulking
with so much delinquency
to scope the light frequency
only if the sulking knew the eclipse of religion
not to be mistuned with the light rays from the sun
if the day wasn't scotching with anger
the night will pace up to wake up
the witches so to bewitch the cursed to die poor
yet the cursed is hanged on the tree
glory to God. Jesus died on the tree.
Parted lips and halted hips,
not to squirm and not to spell.
Thoughts so glaciated into the cold
mind so frozen.
Sun and the moon kissing,
the good and the bad marrying.
Oh Jesus where are you?
Why this?
Why now?
They cried and wept.
A complete vagary
92

Liars lie luminously, living lies leverage.
Gospel prostituting the devil,
and illuminati is theirs.
Not to be messed with,
and not be contested with.
Eyes may be dazzled with amazement,
stifled by tears.
Or ears may be deceived by sound of fears.
Yet we know that the world has shifted from above
now that Jesus rule the world.
93

Swallow that pride
Taste that sweetened bitter
Make that out of guide
Fickledlike strings of a guitar
As the teeth gnash
And the saliva ooze
Remember the dance as fresh
Like a strong percolated taste of juice
This life is a tongue
tongue
94

Looked to the left and right,
left again and right again,
then I'm sure nobody will see me
thinking about this thoughts,
this is how it goes...
Fly the skies
and umbrella the kites of dreams
look for the space
and rest your case
try grateful for its just dung creams
look for the trace
and test your pace
note :try to miss the ground
Believe not what they said mad
and drunk they are few
and they are like dew
relieve yourself for they are sad
and punk it is not new,
and it is not only you
note: forget the ground
How to fly
95

*Let me go, in vain and insane
live up to that peak, reach that
let them sore ,
in pain and in shame give up all to be meek, preach that
let them fall more,
in rain and in strain
note: wont hit the ground
*This verse, let me go, was inspired by my friend, Nnditsheni
96

To those who came all of a sudden
I pray for them all over Sunday
I say, "oh Lord bless them, for they see nothing"
Open their eyes, army of angels with me
Going back and forth, up and down the stairs
Ministering into my affairs.
You dare tell me, "Give up on this God of yours"
To day. When they blaze their trails
Point me fingers, talk about me
Oh Lord bless me now.
To day. I know today might not be
Can you stop the sun for me?
Give me a chance to win all my lost battles
Oh Lord you knew me
To day. Behave to my word
I am a prophet with God
Let it rain of blessing
And I be blessings
Oh Lord.
To day not today
97

98
CAN I SPEAK TO DAVID
And one day in a prayer meeting, I was speaking in tongues and
the words could be translated as, ”Can I speak to David. I want
to join his music group”. And the Lord replied, “He is writing
you a poem” And I asked “where is it?”. His face glowed and I
knew, it was already in my spirit. And He said, “Can you
rewrite Psalm 23? Id love to hear you sing”
I asked, “But how come Psalm 23 was written a long time ago,
and now tell me that David is writing for me, and you want me
to rewrite it?”
“fair enough”, He said, “I don’t have time here. Everything
happens now, but you there, you look at the moon, sun and the
stars. Do you remember that day I stopped the sun, in the times
of Joshua?” And I said, “Yes, Lord”. Then He continued and
said, “Imagine that, there wont be time. And everything
happens at once. The Psalms written, or which are going to be
written or you are writing, are already written. Do you
understand?” “Not really”, “okay, David who you regard as
the greatest musician. He is a man after My heart, and I have
revealed to him all those spiritual songs. And since you want to
speak with him, I knew what you wanted. Since I placed that
desire to praise Me like David. Listen I am giving the words to
write for Psalm 23”
And I stopped speaking in tongues, I didn’t catch the words. I
wanted for them to reveal themselves. I was told to declare
more than seven days while David is rewriting. It was so
strange but I had to believe. “Can I call you David?”, He
asked.
I smiled and HE continued, “You are Mutakalo, You are Joy.
And even if you want Me to call you David. I love Mutakalo
more. Pfano, how are you?”. “I am blessed, my Lord”, I said.

The Lord is My writer;
The Author and Finisher of my faith;
The Word in my lips and with Him, I shall not want.
He makes me read through His sweet poems;
Renews and restores my soul in His garden of roses.
No wonder I quote from the Songs of Songs
For I am a rose of Sharon, a rose in his gardens
And He leads me in the path of righteousness
for His name sake.
Even when I talk in the middle of crowds against me,
I fear none, for He is with me;
His Pen and His paper, they comfort me.
And when He prepares a banquet in front of my enemies.
He anoint me before He plays me His favorite spiritual songs,
and my heart is filled with His Joy.
Surely goodness and mercy is following me,
Surely birds and animals are following me, for I am their lord
For I rule as a king in the house of the Lord.
For He is the Lord.
Psalm 23, remake
99

Comes alive in the movies
Life make us leave the truth
Scanned and barcoded like groovies
We are like Elizabeth and Ruth
In a pageant
Too less to know, yet schooled
“know this, know that”
You are spooned and fooled
You’re always aren't right in your heart
Yet you compete
Here comes the beast of your ignorance
It comes with a fake smile
So sweet yet compelling like romance
You’d wish it take you for a while
Watch out, your life is a pawn
This is a pageant, everybody is welcome
Pageantry
100

I was in love but my heart got broken,
and I am lying,
I am still alive.
I was in love with someone that I loved so bad,
I love so bad.
That kept me awake when I was supposed to be asleep,
the dates, the breaks, and all the roller coaster kept me awake.
I never thought there was life out there,
yet I was living in this dark twisted fantasy
and the world was my shell.
I was trapped, and I was in “love”.
Yet it wasn't love , for God is love but it was lust
no wonder it never dared to last.
However it is broken,
the chains that kept me tied,
like a women about to give birth,
the placenta of my days is broken loose.
I am screaming and shouting,
and you might be thinking out of pain
but I got joy in my heart.
Like Lazarus, dead and buried,
stinking and bound,
Jesus stepped to the scene and broke the chains
BROKEN
101

I just stood by
to talk to the man sitting at the corner,
about the train which was going where I was going.
The man never knew the train
but he was waiting for a train
to somewhere opposite to where I was going.
He said to me
"only the chosen one ride on that train
better ride with me where I was going“
he continued to say, "I think it passed
but I never dared to STOP THE TRAIN.
I met her and with the poems
I tried to pave a way into her heart,
But she told me that better I'm off
for the safety and welfare of the journey.
I yelled with anger, STOP THE TRAIN
and I want to catch another one.
I thought it was the one
I only want my friends to be better than me
anything less, I walk out to catch the next train
Stop the train
102

I cant stand for a moment without being impatient,
Impatiented by the train
yet I don't know the train but I know where I am going.
it seems to be impossi-CANT, and just because they cant
they told me its impossi-DONT.
Yet my God said everything is possible.
What about my imaginations! Id scream
If you imagine then you are mad,
they said it already more than I could count.
Dismissed me out of the train, while they preach to go to heaven.
Which I despised by preaching heaven coming to earth.
Yep I saw them, looking to the skys expecting an escalator to heaven
and they told me I have nothing in my pockets
as if what I have, fits into my pockets.
If only, they knew who am I.
I asked them about the train to where I am going,
none knew, for it was beyond the circumference of their reality.
To them, pilots where from heaven and them from earth.
Pilots of dreams. I saw a train passed by and most hustled to get in,
To where most have a chance in making it.
Another came, with few and few chances.
I screamed STOP THE TRAIN, I know it will take me there.
Stop the train 2
103

104
I AM WRITING
I want to write like
my stories to be
through text, motion pictures and sound effects.
Along the way, I am talking to different kinds of
people, writers, directors, different artists who are
helping me tell the stories of failing and rising.
like legends;
MY LAST.

107
I had a few words to remind you
That we are one, a human race
Where we win together, struggle together
And share stories of hope.
I am just the one standing
But I will be sitting down soon---for the man
As the true essence of life begins at the dawn,
as proportions of sunrays strike at the fore of that man.
Soon he will be capping
his fore with eyes completely shone to the light,
mysteriously as the sun rise up to usher a good day.
I believe when the sun rise up,
he will rise like dew to the clouds
while trying his hearts to sing psalms and hymns like birds
And that man, might remind me of this day
When I saidly bodly to the world, ROSES
Hoping he takes one to his loved ones
And let them rise too. I ROSE
I believe you are that man….MUTA
epilogue

I AM WRITING
I want to write like
my stories to be
through text, motion pictures and sound effects.
Along the way, I am talking to different kinds of
people, writers, directors, different artists who are
helping me tell the stories of failing and rising.
like legends;
MY LAST.
108

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