2. Sharing
Toddlers find it difficult to share as they don't have a strong
sense of self or of possession yet.
Think about it this way:
3. Sharing
We suggest to our toddler that we go to the playground and take
with us our toddler's favourite toy of the moment - his truck, or
cycle, or scooter. When we arrive a friend is there with her
toddler. Immediately this toddler sees our child's toy and grabs
for it while our toddler screams loudly and holds on tight. "You
must learn to share your toys", we tell our little one, taking it
from him and handing it to our friend's child to play with. Now
here we are at the playground with our screaming and
unhappy toddler while our friend's child is playing happily.
What's wrong in this?
4. Sharing
We have arranged the outing to the park and chosen
which toy our child will have fun with, and yet we take it
from him because someone else wants it instead.
How does this teach toddler sharing behaviour?
5. Sharing
Let's look at the same scenario again:
Off we go to the playground taking with us a chosen
toy of the moment. When we arrive we meet with
our friends and their toddlers.
6. Sharing
We tell our child,
"You have brought your truck to play with. It's yours and you
can have fun playing with it. When you have finished with
it you can choose to share it with Jai and maybe have a
turn with his ball when he has finished with it".
Result: Contented children doing just as we had suggested
when we left home.
7. Sharing
Our toddlers need to learn that yes, that toy "is mine"
first before they can learn how to share it.
8. Sharing
Let’s describe it like this: When I go to visit a friend and
she offers me coffee and cake, I expect her to give
it to me if I say yes to the offer. I would be rather
surprised if she handed it to me and then removed it
before I had taken a bite, offering it to someone
else instead. And yet this is what we do often with
our toddlers and children when we are around
others.
9. Sharing
We suggest they take their toy with them to play with
and then we tell them they cannot play with it
because another child wants it instead.
If we gave them the time to play with it first, to really
understand and experience their ownership of it,
then they will learn how to share it much more easily.
Our children learn to trust us, to understand self
respect, and to see the value of sharing when we
model sharing to them in this way.
10. Sharing
Can you imagine how your child would feel if you say,
"That's your scooter and you can ride it at the moment. When you have
finished with riding it you can choose to share it with your friends."
Then you can say to the other child,
"Rohan is riding his scooter just now. When he has finished with it we would
love for you to have a turn".
11. Sharing
Your child would feel you care for him, he would know
you understand and he would learn that he can trust
his own feelings about possession.
As his experience and understanding around empathy
grows, sharing will become a more natural activity.
12. As a Parent
First, model sharing to your child as often as you can,
giving the language that goes with the actions.
"I'm really enjoying playing with this little car. When I'm
finished I'm going to share it with you".
13. As a Parent
Kids learn by imitating what they see, so take every
opportunity to show your child how to share. Offer
him a bite of your meal or a chance to assist in the
fun of decorating a cake. As you do, use the word
"share" to describe your behaviour.
"I'm eating a really good sandwich, and I'd love to
share it with you. Would you like some?"
14. As a Parent
Second, teach your child about ownership by showing
them consistently how you experience it.
"This makeup is mine. It belongs to me and it is
important that I trust you not to touch it."
15. As a Parent
Third, be aware of making the most of the moments
when your child shows understanding about sharing
through positive reinforcement. Toddlers can be
surprisingly empathetic and loving in their
interactions with others and learn best by having this
reported back to them.
"I loved watching you share your doll with your friend.
That is very kind and loving."
16. As a Parent
Toddlers do lots of "proto-sharing" — showing an object to other
people and allowing them to manipulate it without quite letting
go. Though it doesn't look like it, it's a big step toward sharing,
so reinforce it.
"How nice of you to show Aanya your telephone," you might say.
Later, when he's started playing with something else, you could
suggest he pass the phone to his friend, and praise him for
doing so.
Whether the other child wants the toy at this point is not as
important as practicing the act of sharing and being rewarded
for it.
17. As a Parent
You should never punish a child, especially one this age, for not
sharing. You can let him know you're disappointed and sad
when he doesn't share, but that's it.
Don't make a big deal out of it. Some of these struggles should be
ignored — you don't want sharing to become a parent-child
battleground.
Let him work this out with other children. When he doesn't share, his
friends will let him know in no uncertain terms how unhappy
they are, and he'll learn that sometimes it takes hard work to be
a good friend!
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