House M.D. and SEO

1. All
SEO specialists
lie.

2. All SEO specialists
promise to elevate your
website to the top
positions in Yandex and
Google search result lists,
fast and cheaply.
It’s clear to me
they are lying.
What can you say
about it?

3. Stop making eyes at our
viewers!
They won’t help you!
Answer in turn.

4. I think SEOs don’t lie.
I think one can increase
website traffic fast and
cheaply!

5. This is obviously
a blonde speaking!
You’re fired!

6. Please don’t fire me, House!
Look what I can do!!

7. I can do this, and that, and that too…

8. Cameron!
Read my lips!
You’re F-I-R-E-D!
Go to the Emergency
Room and help
the victims of “black”
SEO specialists!

9. Who’s Next?!

10. House is always right!
It’s just that SEOs are
great guys and each of
them deserves
a chance!
Even if this means that
the clients’ money will go
down the drain…

11. I’ve always
known you’re
a brownnoser.
But I’ve never
suspected
you’re an idiot!
You’re fired!

12. • Cuddy, these idiots are driving me crazy!
• Hang in there, House! You have only one person
left on your team, an African-American. Don’t fire
him, you know who our President is now…

13. I hate “black” SEOs!
They start with petty thefts
and carjacking and end up
“optimizing” the websites of
trusting white folk!
Real optimization means
web analytics, setting up
partnership programs,
improving website usability
and increasing sales as a
result!

14. ОК! You stay on the team!
But we need to find a replacement now…

15. Hey, what the hell is this?
Who’s writing the script??
It’s not House who needs
replacement, it’s the
Australian and the
softhearted blonde!
Hugh Laurie will continue
as House!

16. Hello, my name is David Shore,
I’m a writer of House M.D.
I’ve always been against
slashing the show’s budget and
adding a cross-eyed girl, a short
guy and a national minority
representative to the cast.
I even went on strike to protest
against this (remember how the
previous season was cut short!)
I think we must fire the girl at
least, she’s too expensive!

19. Don’t worry guys,
Olivia will continue as
Thirteen.
David Shore will never
bother us again.
Never ever…

20. ОК, guys.
Let’s return to our
muttons…
While we were
reducing the
show’s
optimization
budgets, we
suffered some
losses.
The first clients of
“black” optimizers
are going out of
business…

21. What should we
prescribe our
clients so they can
use their website to
raise sales?

22. I know!
First, we should
analyze the buying
cycle of the product
or service and the
website visitors!

23. Voiceover:
Why didn’t you say
before that you had
such a swimsuit??
I would have agreed
to sleep with you…
It’s a good idea!
Go on!

24. We should
also make the
website
visitor-
friendly.
When 99% of
visitors leave
the site it
means that
nobody thinks
about the
patient, that is,
the visitor!

25. Voiceover:
Oh God, she’s so
plain. Why do these
writers want me to
pretend I care about
her??
All right, I already tore
Shore’s heart out!
It’s a good idea!
Go on!

26. And we must
develop
partnership
programs to
stop being
dependent on
search engine
results!

27. Voiceover:
Baby! We’re keeping
you on the show
anyway (after seeing
your pics in your
underwear)
Thirteen! You talk
sense when you
don’t sleep with
Foreman!

28. Voiceover:
I wonder if the writers
will ever put one good
idea into Wilson’s
head!
Hey, you! What do
YOU think we must
do to increase sales
online?

29. Oh my God, what
do I say to him?
Those idiot writers
didn’t say anything
about SEO!
And House will
make a laughing
stock out of me!

30. House, I think
we should also
work on
website content
so that search
engine robots
can find all the
necessary info!

31. The answer is right!
But this is the
wrong man!
I’m scared!
I don’t know who to
blame – the writers
or Wilson himself.
Good-bye, loser!

32. Honey, I’m coming to you! I’ll pick up your mug…
See, it’s so bad when you don’t know the first thing about SEO!

33. Let’s sum it up! To use
the Internet to
increase sales, one
should:
1) Constantly improve
website visibility to
search engine
robots. This
should be done
regularly and
insightfully, while
most SEO
specialists just
scratch the surface
now and then.

34. 2) Keep on making the
website more user-
friendly.
3) Constantly improve
the site’s textual
content. You can
make visitors
choose your
product or place it
on their short list
just after they read
your product
description.

35. 4) Constantly analyze
all (!) of the
Internet users’
inquiries related
directly or
indirectly (!) to
your product.
And tailor the site
to potential buyers’
demands rather
than make them
buy what you have
in stock.

36. 5) Always look out for
websites that are
similar to yours in
terms of subject
matter and
direction and to set
up partnership
programs with
them that will bring
in buyers

37. You can do all that yourself or hire at least four expensive Internet specialists.
But there’s a better option: contact Optimaza,
the creator of Natural Optimization product.

38. Natural Optimization helps
you use your website to
increase sales. You can find
out more at
http://optimaza.com/
or send a letter (make a call)
to the guys at Optimaza:
Mikhail Voznyuk,
+380 (68) 351-09-78,
m.voznyuk@optimaza.com
Valentin Pertsiya,
+380 (67) 220-20-67,
v.pertsiya@optimaza.com

39. Guys from Optimaza lie like everyone else. But only about their diagnoses!
You can trust what they say about the Internet!
Optimaza will help you use your website to increase sales!