Examine some of the ways your mental health can suffer working on long term passion projects (with a particular focus on Indie Games). Topics covered include crunch and the way in which success might not bring you the happiness you expect.

1. Staying Sane
Whilst
Making Things

2. On Being Passionate
Passion is absolutely non-negotiable in any
successfully creative endeavour.
This is particular true of indie developers, who
risk poverty and extreme odds to follow their
dreams.

3. On Being Passionate
Passionately pursuing our dreams has the power
to blind us the detrimental situations we put
ourselves in.
In some cases causing significant harm to our
mental health.

4. Crunch-a-holics Anonymous
Crunch krʌn(t)ʃ/ :
What happens when otherwise sensible
people allow themselves the be abused in the
name of passion.

5. Crunch-a-holics Anonymous
Crunch, it doesn’t work.

6. Crunch-a-holics Anonymous
Things Crunch is good for:
• Wrecking your physical health
• Mental breakdowns (Burnout)
• Ruining personal relationships
• Poisoning your success stories

7. Crunch-a-holics Anonymous
Burnout:
• Inevitable when you’re not looking after
yourself.
• Turns you into a bit of a dick.
• Unable to regulate emotions (e.g. crying)
• Your body’s last gasp effort to force you to
take it easy. (e.g. Panic attacks )

8. Crunch-a-holics Anonymous
The little lie we tell ourselves:
It’s all going to be worth it in the end.

9. Crunch-a-holics Anonymous
So how about the guys at Irrational Games?
Spent months crunching hard making one of
the highest rated video games of the year -
Bioshock Infinite.
They were handsomely rewarded with:
• More Crunch (DLC)
• Being Fired

10. Crunch-a-holics Anonymous
Boss not required: Matt Gilgenbach spent four
years crunching on his game Retro/Grade.
Only to enjoy:
• A lukewarm reception
• The realization he’d missed out on his
relationship with his wife.

11. Don’t care, I’m gonna be famous!
We have a great deal of respect and admiration
for those that have followed their
passions, elevating them to cult status – the
cult of celebrity

12. Don’t care, I’m gonna be famous!
Why do we aspire to be these people?

13. Don’t care, I’m gonna be famous!
Yeah sure, it’s about spending the better part of
your life doing something you actually care
about and believe in.

14. Don’t care, I’m gonna be famous!
But, that has nothing to do with why we crave
recognition for our creative endeavours:
It’s about Happiness.

15. Don’t care, I’m gonna be HAPPY!
It’s very seductive to believe that when we have
everything we want we’ll be happy.
We also like to believe that having scores of
adoring fans will be immensely validating.

16. The dark side of success:
Success does bring with it elation.
Elation fades. Quickly.

17. The dark side of success:
Our enormous capacity to normalize means we
only ever compare ourselves upwards.

18. The dark side of success:
“The most significant and direct outcome of
being nominated (for Game of the Year) is that
I become more deeply unsettled by being
omitted on subsequent lists”
- Davey Wreden (The Stanley Parable)

19. The dark side of success:
Some super successful indies who suffered post
release depression:
• Davey Wreden (The Stanley Parable)
• Alexander Bruce (Antichamber)
• Jonathan Blow (Braid)

20. The dark side of success:
The truth is that success is an enormous
emotional burden. You now feel responsible
for the opinions of thousands or millions of
people.
Outsourcing your validation to this many people
is a pretty good way to feel miserable.

21. The dark side of success:
Especially because people on the internet can
be absolute total slimy irreprehensible
arseholes spewing immense amounts of bull
faeces from their mouth holes.
No matter how thick your skin - they cut deep.

22. The dark side of success:
How many people who find sudden and wild
success crash and burn spectacularly:
Flappy Bird Much?
We struggle to comprehend this and tend to
regard them as ungrateful bastards.

23. The dark side of success:
The adoration of fans, whilst rewarding, is not
real connection.
Connection and a sense of belonging is the only
antidote for loneliness.

24. The lonely path of an Indie
Perusing your indie dreams often means turning
away from comfort and safety nets to swim
through storms of anxiety and a seas of doubt.
This is particularly brutal if you’re doing it by
yourself.

25. The lonely path of an Indie
"In 2011 I was dealing with a bunch of
depression, and by 2012 I was going batshit
crazy. I work in a bedroom by myself. I would
drink a bunch of alcohol because that would
make me switch my mind off and I could focus
on getting work done. ”
- Alexander Bruce (Antichamber)

26. Isolation and Depression
Humans aren’t very well designed for loneliness
and feelings of isolation.
This can lead to depression. Or in the case’s of
people already predisposed to depression, the
consequences can be tragic.

27. Isolation and Depression
Depression isn’t a choice.
It’s not simply a matter of hardening the fuck up
choosing to be happy.

28. Isolation and Depression
Depression is far too big for me to cover here,
But I want you to be aware so you can stay out
of situations that put you at risk:

29. Please, Please, Please!
Please don’t trade away your current happiness
• Sacrificing your physical fitness
• Working unrealistic hours
• Neglecting your relationships
• Beating yourself for not being successful yet.

30. Please, Please, Please!
If you’re struggling for validation, success isn’t
going to change that.

31. Please, Please, Please!
The best way to find happiness is to look in your
current circumstances, and foster connection
with people you care about.

32. Fin
If you need someone to talk to:
peter@thefuntastic.com