How to flirt

How to Flirt
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Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to get to
know people you might be interested in dating.
It might seem nerve-wracking to start flirting
and put yourself out there, but fear not—it's
normal to be nervous around someone you
really like, and there are ways to seem
confident and pull off a successful flirtation.
Here are some pointers for flirting with
someone over text, as well as in-person.

Method 1 of 2: Flirting via Text or Chat
1) Keep your approach casual. Don't let
yourself get so nervous that you forget basic
conversational skills. Instead, try to stay calm
and open the conversation with a low-pressure
way. Here are some possible openers:
"Hey, how's it going?"
"Did you see/hear [insert event you both
know about here]?"

2) Don't talk about yourself too much. Here's a
fundamental tenet of talking to people you can
keep in mind: The majority of people are most
comfortable talking about themselves because
it's a topic they know well. Instead of taking the
easy way out and discussing you endlessly,
encourage the other person to talk about
themselves. However, you can and should
occasionally throw some personal facts in the
person's direction to help them to in turn ask
questions about you. The key is to leave it up to
them to pursue an interest in things relevant to
yourself.
This tactic actually serves two purposes: Not
only does it keep the conversation going, but it
allows you to find out more about your crush.

You don't have to possess prior information about the
other person to do this step. If you don't know him or her
very well yet, you can ask:
"How'd your day go?"
"So, what do you do with your free time?"
If you do know the other person a bit, focus on a hobby or
interest you're already aware of. For instance, maybe he's
really into basketball, or you know she loves to read. "Did
you see the game last night?" or "Have you read any good
books lately?" would be great starts.
Know when to press for more information. You can keep
the discussion lively and interesting without probing too
deeply on personal topics. For instance, asking your crush
what exactly he or she likes about running cross-country
would be a great idea; asking him or her for more details
on family relationships or close friendships would be too
much, too soon.

3) Compliment your crush early in the conversation.
Don't chicken out and skip this step — it might seem
difficult, but it's incredibly important. A compliment
communicates that you're potentially interested in
dating, and steers you away from the dreaded friend-
zone. If you skip paying your crush a compliment and
simply keep the conversation on a friendly level, it might
be too late next time. Here are some basic compliments
you could use:
If you don't know your crush very well yet, but you're
working on it, use a compliment oriented in this
direction. Something like:
"You're fascinating. I LOVE talking with you."
"I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know someone
as gorgeous and interesting as you."

Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If you
know this person is dating (or interested in) someone else,
you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.
Say something like, "I hope [other person] knows how
lucky he/she is to be dating you."
Or, if that person comes up in the conversation, you could
jokingly throw out something like "I'm super jealous of
[name], he/she has something I REALLY want ;)". If your
crush presses and asks what it is, play coy and say
something like, "I can't tell you, but it's about someone
beautiful/amazing/talented/[other adjective]."
Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For
instance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had a
terrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeing
someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I do
to help?"

Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it
if you notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if
you say she has a nice figure too soon. Play it safe and
stick to these physical features:
Eyes
Smile
Lips
Hair
Hands
Be bold. If none of the suggestions above appeal to you,
go for broke and pay your crush a bold compliment. Try
these possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crush
best or substituting your own:
"I hope you know you're
gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talk
to/etc."
"Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you're
incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc."

Avoid loading compliments with feelings too early. Leaving a
person slightly uncertain of the extent of your feelings for
them can increase your attractiveness, giving you a bit of a
mysterious edge. The point is not to make the person
question whether you like them at all, but to make them
wonder how much you like them. This will encourage them
to interact with you more in order to find out, in essence,
making them pursue you rather than the other way around.
This is similar to the practice of "negging" in that the goal is
too convince the other person to pursue you instead of the
opposite way around, however this method does not revolve
around negatively manipulating the target's self-esteem, and
as such is much more ethical. To achieve this, try phrasing
compliments objectively rather than subjectively. Here are
examples of objective vs subjective compliments:

"I really like your eyes, they're so pretty.". On the surface
this compliment may seem fine, and it probably would be
appreciated. However a common flaw in phrasing a romantic
compliment is to constantly use the words "I like/love *insert
trait here*". They tell the person that they've succeeded in
winning your heart. This is great if you've already built up a
solid relationship, but early on it can make you seem "too
easy".
"You have great eyes, they're very pretty". Although
technically both sentences are you conveying that you like the
person's eyes, this one makes it more of an observation than a
personal opinion. It implies that you find the person attractive
but does not confirm it outright. As such, the receiver will feel
both flattered and drawn to figure out how much attractive
you find them.

4) Tease gently. Because you can't use body language to
communicate over text or chat, you'll have to rely on your
words to keep the mood light and fun. Rely on inside jokes
(based on events you were both present for), sarcasm
("Yeah, I'm SURE you look like an ogre in the morning ;)"),
and exaggeration ("You're probably a million times better at
this than I am") in the beginning.
Make it clear that you're kidding. The drawback of using
text to communicate is that you can't always read the
emotion behind the words. If you're going to flirt with
someone by teasing them, make extra sure that you're
implying it's a joke. You can use winking smiley faces, all
caps, or exclamation points to communicate this.
If you've already sent something that could be
interpreted the wrong way, make your meaning crystal clear.
Say something like "(joke)" or "jk" to make a quick save.

5) Always leave them wanting more. As much as you might
want to text this person forever, it's best to bow out before
the conversation goes stale (as all conversations are bound
to do at some point). The best way to avoid an awkward
pause is to leave before one happens.
Set up your next interaction before you go. Throw out
something like "Hey, so I'll see you around tomorrow?" or
"Text me again sometime."
Note that you enjoyed the conversation just before you
leave. It doesn't have to be complicated — a simple "This
was awesome" or "I had a good time talking to you" is
enough.
Be careful not to over-compliment them. Your
compliments will have a lot less meaning if you bestow them
for every single positive trait the person has. Instead reserve
them for meaningful things that are important to the person,
such as complimenting a skill they take pride in.

Method 2 of 2: Flirting In-Person
1) Make eye contact. Eye contact is the best and
easiest thing you can do to start flirting.
Consider using it in these ways:
Get caught looking. Don't stare, but do throw
small glances at someone. Keep doing it until he
or she catches you. Hold the gaze for a second,
smile, and look away.
Look into his or her eyes when you talk,
particularly at meaningful points in the
conversation (for example, while you're paying a
compliment).
Wink. It's cheesy, but it works if used
sparingly. Do it when you're looking at someone
from across a room, or if you're talking in a
group and say something really meant for him or
her.

2) Smile. You'll probably smile automatically if
you're talking to someone you like, but you can
use your pearly whites to your advantage before
the conversation even starts. Try these variations:
Smile slowly. If you're looking at someone but
not talking to them, try letting a slow smile
spread over your face instead of breaking into an
insta-grin. It's hard to say why, but slow, languid
smiles are generally considered sexy.
Smile when you make eye contact. If you're
suddenly looking into someone's eyes, toss in a
smile for extra appeal. (If it's a genuine smile, the
other person will see it without even looking at
your mouth — it will crinkle your eyes, and is
known as a Duchenne smile.)

3) Start talking. Take the next opportunity to
casually say hello next time you see this person.
You don't have to commit to a full conversation —
acknowledging him or her in passing as you walk
by can be sufficient for a first contact.
Make a habit of verbally acknowledging your
crush. This can lead to conversation later.

4) Introduce yourself — or maintain the mystery
(optional). If you don't already know the person
you're flirting with, an introduction (or lack of one)
can be a great thing to build flirting around.
If your crush doesn't know your name and you're
a naturally gregarious person, try introducing
yourself at some point. It can be as simple as, "Hi,
I'm [name]. And you are...?" Make sure you get the
other person's name. To help yourself remember it,
try repeating it after he or she says it to you. (Such
as "Lily. I love that name.")
Or, if you want to make yourself seem like a bit of
a challenge, work to keep your identity a mystery for
a little while. If the other person really wants to
know, he or she will ask around or keep pursuing
you.

5) Initiate a conversation. Whether you already know
the other person or not, a conversation is the best way
to move the flirtation forward. Here are a few
guidelines:
Talk to someone you don't already know. Perhaps the
best way to strike up a conversation is to start with an
observation which ends with a question: "Nice day, isn't
it?" or "This place sure is packed, eh?" What you say
isn't important — you are simply inviting the person to
talk with you.
Find common ground with someone you do know. If
you've already met the other person, strike up a
conversation based on a shared experience or interest.
For instance, you might talk about a class you're taking
together, or the train you both take to work. Again, the
topic itself doesn't matter — what matters is that you're
inviting him or her to interact with you.

Gauge the response. If the person responds
pleasantly, continue the conversation. If the
person doesn't respond or seems preoccupied
or disinterested, he or she probably isn't
interested in flirting with you.
Keep it light. Don't bring up anything too
personal when you're talking. Talk about the
environment around you, the show you just
saw, etc. Keep personal information (such as
religion, money, relationships, education, and
so on) out of it, unless the person enjoys
intellectual debates without becoming over-
emotional. Generally, it's best to avoid
debating topics personally relevant to either of
you (such as either yours or their religion), and
to rather discuss topics you both don't have a
personal stake in.

6) Use body language to communicate your
intentions. Non-verbal cues can say a lot more
about how you feel than what's actually
coming out of your mouth, so make sure
you're communicating how you feel. Try the
following:
Keep your stance "open." Don't cross your
arms or legs, as these are generally signs that
you wish to isolate yourself from the other
person.
Turn your body toward the other person.
Stand or sit so that you're facing the person
you're flirting up. Angle your torso toward him
or her, or point your feet in that direction.

Break the "touch barrier". Casually initiate physical
contact by touching him or her on the forearm as you
talk, or by "accidentally" walking too close and
brushing up against the other person.
The first few times you touch your crush, be careful
not to "trap" them. Depending on the area the
contact should be long enough to be more than
accidental, but no more. Avoid grasping a hand or
arm, and instead try gestures such as brushing an
imaginary speck of dirt off of their arm, or
"accidentally" touching feet or knees without pulling
away. All of these touches can be rejected without
humiliation or offense, so if your crush is not ready
for that kind of contact, you will not be forcing them
to reject you entirely.

Play with your hair (girls). Playing with your
hair is usually a sign of nervousness, which is a
good thing if you like the other person — you
almost want him or her to know you're
nervous, because it means you're interested.
To consciously communicate this, slowly twirl a
strand of hair around your finger as you talk.

7) Compliment the other person early in the
conversation. It might seem too forward, but
letting him or her know you're interested in
dating before a solid friendship begins is the
easiest way to detour around the friend-zone.
Get confident, and don't let the opportunity
slip by — you never know when you'll get
another one. Here are some techniques to try:
Maintain eye contact while you're
complimenting. Looking away might
accidentally make you seem insincere.

Lower the tone and volume of your voice
slightly. Paying a compliment in a slightly lower
register than your usual speaking voice makes
it seem intimate and sexy. Plus, it might also
coax the other person to come closer to hear
you.
If you don't know your crush very well yet, but
you're working on it, use a compliment
oriented in this direction. Something like:
"You're fascinating. I LOVE talking with you."
"I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know
someone as gorgeous and interesting as you."

Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If you
know this person is dating (or interested in) someone else,
you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.
Say something like, "I hope [other person] knows how
lucky he/she is to be dating you."
Or, if that person comes up in the conversation, you could
jokingly throw out something like "I'm super jealous of
[name], he/she has something I REALLY want." If your crush
presses and asks what it is, play coy and say something like,
"I can't tell you, but it's about someone
beautiful/amazing/talented/[other adjective]."
Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For
instance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had a
terrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeing
someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I do
to help?"

Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it
if you notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if
you say she has a nice figure too soon. Play it safe and
stick to these physical features:
Eyes
Smile
Lips
Hair
Hands
Be bold. If none of the suggestions above appeal to you,
go for broke and pay your crush a bold compliment. Try
these possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crush
best or substituting your own:
"I hope you know you're
gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talk
to/etc."
"Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you're
incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc."

8) Keep your interactions short and sweet. Remember
that the key to creating demand is making supply
scarce, so try to limit your interactions with the object
of your flirtations. Consider these limits:
Don't talk to him or her every single day. Make it a
special event and save it for a few times a week.
Don't let conversations drag on for more than 5 or
10 minutes. The longer they go on, the higher your
odds of running into an awkward silence.
Let the other person come to you. After you've put
in the work of starting up the interaction and sparking
an interest, pull back a bit and see if he or she seeks
you out for an interaction. This can be a good way to
gauge interest, as well as build tension.

9) Close the deal. If your flirting has been successful
so far, and you want to get to know the other person
better, it's time to see if you can turn it into a date.
Here are a few approaches:
Ask if the other person has plans at a later date.
For instance, you might say, "So, what are you up to
on Saturday night?" Try to keep this an open
question, instead of one that requires a yes or no
answer — you'll get more information that way.
Don't ask someone what he or she is doing
tonight, or even tomorrow. Try to schedule the date a
few days out so that you don't come off as overly
desperate.

Suggest a specific event, and ask if he or she
would like to come along. This is the best
approach if you're trying to arrange a group
date. You could say something like, "So a
bunch of us were going to see a movie on
Friday, and I'd really like it if you came with us.“
Be straightforward. If you're feeling extra
confident, go in for the kill without any
pretense. For instance, you could say
something like, "I'd really love to take you on a
date. When are you free?"

10) Don't take it too seriously. Keep in
mind that flirting is supposed to be fun,
and try not to be crushed if your efforts
aren't successful — not every
interaction will be a perfect 10. Stay
positive, and try again with someone
else. As with anything else, flirting
improves with practice.

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How to flirt

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