VPLD Hot Seat session 26th October 2011 Fiona White Mediation Matters

1. The Compassionate
Classroom
- open communication
VPLD session
26th October 2011
with Fiona White
of Mediation Matters
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

2. Teacher Tube video
• What do you think is the intention of the principal in using this
demonstration? What are they hoping will be the effect on the students?
• What do you think might be the actual effect on the students? What
might be the consequences of such a demonstration?
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

3. Rules & Values
Values exercise:
• What words would you use to describe the
classroom/school you would like to be a part of?
• What does ‘respectful communication’ look like for you?
• What obstacles might get in the way of you living up to
these values?
• What might you do when you perceive that someone’s
behaviour doesn’t match these values?
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

4. Our brain in conflict
Picture from www.nccr-neuro.uzh.ch
Mirror Neurons:
Mirror neurons fire in the brains of observers watching a given action, and
replicate to some extent the experience of the one being observed.
These neurons fire when we observe someone else angry, suffering or
frightened, reproducing those experiences in the form of empathy.
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

5. Our brain in conflict
The Limbic System:
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

6. List of feelings/emotions
When needs are met: When needs are not met:
Comfortable, full, satisfied, easy, content, Uncomfortable, pained, uneasy, hurt,
relaxed, fulfilled, safe miserable, embarrassed
Glad, happy, excited, hopeful, joyful, Sad, unhappy, troubled, disheartened,
delighted, grateful, encouraged, confident, heavy, lonely, anguished, gloomy,
cheerful, elated, enthusiastic despairing, depressed
Grateful, appreciative, thankful Annoyed, disappointed, bitter
Interested, curious, engaged, intent, Uninterested, aloof, bored, distant,
involved, absorbed apathetic, disinterested, withdrawn
Loving, connected, touched, warm, Mad, angry, furious, aggravated, irritated,
affectionate, tender, open, friendly, enraged, hostile, bitter, upset, frustrated
compassionate, nurtured Tired, exhausted, fatigued, lethargic, weary,
sleepy, dull, overwhelmed, discouraged
Rested, refreshed, rejuvenated, energized,
strong, invigorated, alive, alert, relaxed Scared, fearful, afraid, anxious, hesitant,
reluctant, shocked, terrified, horrified,
Peaceful, calm, serene, trusting, tranquil,
unsettled
clear, composed, secure, at ease, content
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

7. List of Needs
Space Belonging Fairness Integrity Trust
Choice Celebration Growth Appreciation Hope
Respect Community Purpose Efficiency Order
Progress Patience Nourishment Inclusion Compassion
Equality Honesty Play Consideration To be heard
Keeping
Co-operation Rest Connection Joy
agreements
Acceptance Empowerment Clarity Support Transparency
Independence Safety/security Authenticity Understanding/be understood
The Compassionate Classroom –
26/10/11

8. What would you like this student to do?
Specific positive action request
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

9. List of feelings/emotions
When needs are met: When needs are not met:
Comfortable, full, satisfied, easy, content, Uncomfortable, pained, uneasy, hurt,
relaxed, fulfilled, safe miserable, embarrassed
Glad, happy, excited, hopeful, joyful, Sad, unhappy, troubled, disheartened,
delighted, grateful, encouraged, confident, heavy, lonely, anguished, gloomy,
cheerful, elated, enthusiastic despairing, depressed
Grateful, appreciative, thankful Annoyed, disappointed, bitter
Interested, curious, engaged, intent, Uninterested, aloof, bored, distant,
involved, absorbed apathetic, disinterested, withdrawn
Loving, connected, touched, warm, Mad, angry, furious, aggravated, irritated,
affectionate, tender, open, friendly, enraged, hostile, bitter, upset, frustrated
compassionate, nurtured Tired, exhausted, fatigued, lethargic, weary,
sleepy, dull, overwhelmed, discouraged
Rested, refreshed, rejuvenated, energized,
strong, invigorated, alive, alert, relaxed Scared, fearful, afraid, anxious, hesitant,
reluctant, shocked, terrified, horrified,
Peaceful, calm, serene, trusting, tranquil,
unsettled
clear, composed, secure, at ease, content
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

10. List of Needs
Space Belonging Fairness Integrity Trust
Choice Celebration Growth Appreciation Hope
Respect Community Purpose Efficiency Order
Progress Patience Nourishment Inclusion Compassion
Equality Honesty Play Consideration To be heard
Keeping
Co-operation Rest Connection Joy
agreements
Acceptance Empowerment Clarity Support Transparency
Independence Safety/security Authenticity Understanding/be understood
The Compassionate Classroom –
26/10/11

11. Nonviolent Communication 4-part strategy
Observation: When you say ...
(without I see ...
evaluation) ‘x’ happens.
Feelings: Are you (feeling) ...
I feel ...
Needs: because you’re needing ...
I’m needing ...
Request: Would you like to …
I would like to …
Would you be willing to ...
(must be a clear message of what you want to happen)
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

12. What are you taking away from today’s VPLD session?
Fiona White’s contact details
Mobile: (+64) 021 232 6805
Email: fiona@mediationmatters.co.nz
Website: www.mediationmatters.co.nz
Facebook ID: Mediation matters NZ
Blog: www.theconflicttoolbox.wordpress.com
Other topics to consider:
• The power of empathy – for self and others.
• Rules & values - Values exercise for behavioural expectations.
• Four uses of the 4-part strategy: for self-empathy, empathy for others, expressing
own needs, & expressing gratitude.
• How the labels we use limit our connections with others – teacher, student,
principal.
• How we behave towards authority, and as an authority – the choices we make.
• Reward & Punishment and their effects – performance appraisals that work.
The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11