If you want your ideas to be stickier, you’ve got to break someone’s guessing machine and then fix it. But in surprising people, in breaking their guessing machines, how do we avoid gimmicky surprise. Common sense is the enemy of sticky messages. When messages sound like common sense, they float gently in one ear and out the other.

1. Paint your stories
with humor
1

2. 2

3. Paint your stories
With humor
3

4. How do I get people‟s attention? Just as crucially, how do I keep it?
The most basic way to get someone‟s attention is this: Break a pattern.
We can’t succeed if our messages don’t break through the clutter to
get people’s attention.
Humans adapt incredibly quickly to consistent patterns. Our brain is
designed to be keenly aware of changes. Smart product designers are
well aware of this tendency. They make sure that, when products require
users to pay attention, something changes.
If you want your ideas to be stickier, you’ve got to break someone’s
guessing machine and then fix it. But in surprising people, in
breaking their guessing machines, how do we avoid gimmicky
surprise.
Common sense is the enemy of sticky messages. When messages
sound like common sense, they float gently in one ear and out the other.
If I already intuitively “get” what you‟re trying to tell me, why
should I obsess about remembering it? The danger, of course, is that
what sounds like common sense often isn‟t. It‟s your job, as a
communicator, to expose the parts of your message that are uncommon
sense.
Humor and jokes are part of the aspect that can always used to break the
audience guessing machine and make the message sticker. 4

5. Now,
Allow Geniustribes to present you the
humorous moral of the story so that you will be
able to break your audience guessing machines
and make your idea sticky.
5

6. A priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead
of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt,
leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to
admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not ?
The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken
robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming
voice: I am Pope's Assistant so , Head Priest of the so Church for the last
40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe
& enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed,
rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a
Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has
to make do with a Cotton robe?!'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people
really PRAYED'
It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
Moral of story : Performance is the ultimate consideration.
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
6

7. A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs..
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour..
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your share holders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
7

8. A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
8

9. Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now.
You got nice house."
Moral of the story:
Precision of communication is important, more important
than ever.
9

10. A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East
assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was
very confident that I would make a good sales pitch in rural areas. But, I
had a problem I didn't know how to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey
the message through three posters...
First poster- A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and
fainting.
Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied "I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"
Moral of the story :
Understand your customer and spend sometime to do your
research. Do not assume.
10

11. Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.
Moral of the story :
If you say what you think don't expect to hear only what
you like. In management, be sure and clear with the
question.
11

12. Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids
already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally
retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have
an abortion?
Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote
counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with
astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and
drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used
opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't
smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital
affairs.
Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no
peeking, then scroll down for the answer.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler
And by the way: Answer to the abortion question …..if you said yes,
you just killed Beethoven..
Moral of the story :
Pretty interesting isn't it. Think, before judging someone.
12

13. One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into
the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make
his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord
asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord
asked..
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and
the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his
wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why
are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angeline Jolie "Is this your wife?"
the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I
had said 'no' to Angeline Jolie , You would have come up with Megan Fox . Then if I said
'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have
given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all
three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Angeline Jolie ."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and
honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONOURABLE MEN!!!!!
13

14. This is scenario where a manager trying to explain about the
different type of marketing field in memorable way.
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich.
"Marry me!" - That's ''Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your
friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's
Advertising“
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing“
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you
walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her
bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:
"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations.
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are
very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry
me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback“
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry
me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap“
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything,
another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with
him - "That's competition eating into your market share“
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich,
Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"
Moral of the story :
When you’re presenting a complex or unfamiliar concept, an analogy can be a
very effective communication tool
14

15. People say there is no difference between COMPLETE &
FINISH.
But there is a difference.
When you love the right one you are COMPLETE.
&
When you love the wrong one you are FINISHED!
Moral of the story :
Certain things seems to be no difference, By then
look again.
15

16. Bankers are the Best in Business Management .
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged
to someone else.
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said,
"I'll give you a £100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up .
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult
her boyfriend..So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he
won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the
boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Moral of the story :
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its
entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
16

17. The employees of a Company are all worried. Some are
roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office
time.
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire
about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's
going on?“
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss" They're asking for USD.10
million ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol
and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
"About 1 litre."
Moral of the story :
Be a good boss anyway.
17

18. This is situation when a presenter trying to explain between
confident, trust and hope. The important factor is to make it
sticky by some humor and jokes.
CONFIDENCE
Once, all village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of
prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an
Umbrella, that's Confidence
TRUST
Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you
throw him in the air, he laughs......because he knows you will
catch him; that's Trust
HOPE
Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive
in the next morning but still you have plans for the coming day ;
that's Hope
Moral of the story
Have confident, trust and never lose hope in life.
18

19. Nice distinction between the two states of mind:
A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of
Mental Health).
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home.
He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre off.
When he was about to fix the tyre, he accidentally dropped all
the bolts into the drain..
As he could not fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
A mental patient happened to walk past and asked the driver
what happened.
Helpless, the driver told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him and said,
"You can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are
destined to be a truck driver...
Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3
tyres and fix it to this tyre.
Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing
ones. Easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart ...so
why are you here in the Mental Institute?"
The Patient replied:
"Hellooo, I'm here because I'm crazy, not STUPID!“
Moral of the story : There is a great different between being
crazy and stupid
19

20. Moral of the story
Communication is an art. Good communication does not mean that you
have to speak in perfectly formed sentences and paragraphs. It isn't about
slickness. Simple and clear go a long way
20

21. 21

22. Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope.
There were ten HR people and one engineer.
Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven,
they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the
others.
They could not decide who should be the volunteer. Finally the
engineer said he would let go of the rope since engineers are
used to do everything for the company. They forsake their
family, don‟t claim all of their expenses and do a lot of overtime
without getting anything in return
When he finished his moving speech all the HR people began to
clap…
Moral of the story :
Don’t underestimate the power of engineer
22

23. A group of engineers and a group of HR people take a train to a
conference. Each HR person holds a ticket. But the entire
group of engineers has bought only one ticket for a single
passenger. The HR people are just shaking their heads and are
secretly pleased that the arrogant engineers will finally get what
they deserve .
Suddenly one of the engineers calls out: “The conductor is
coming!”. At once, all the engineers jump up and squeeze into
one of the toilets. The conductor checks the tickets of the HR
people. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks
on the door and says: “Ticket, please!” One of the engineers
slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor
continues merrily on his round.
For the return trip the HR people decide to use the same trick.
They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled
as they realize that the engineers didn‟t buy any tickets at all.
After a while one of the engineers announces again: “The
conductor is coming!” Immediately all the HR people race to a
toilet and lock themselves in.
All the engineers leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the
last engineer enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied
by the HR people and says: “Ticket, please!”
Moral of the story :
HR people like to use the methods of the engineers, but
they don’t really understand them.
23

24. Once upon a time three HR people were walking through the
woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild
river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But
how, with such a raging torrent? The first HR guy knelt down
and prayed to the Lord: “Lord, please give me the strength to
cross this river! "
*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*
The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could
swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he
almost drowned several times.
BUT… he was successful!
The second HR guy, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and
said: “Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary
tools to cross this river!”
*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*
The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river
despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.
BUT… he was successful!
The third HR man who observed all this kneeled down and
prayed: “Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the
intelligence to cross this river!”
*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*
The Lord converted the HR man into an engineer. He took a
quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream and
crossed the bridge.
Moral of the story
You have to be an engineer to think intelligent…
24

25. Moral of the story.
A good manager set the appraisal standard according to
an employee’s strength. 25

26. Moral of the story.
A good manager set the appraisal standard according to an
employee’s strength. As Einstein quoted before …. Refer to next 26
page

27. 27

28. A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
28

29. A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.„
Moral of the story…life is full of unexpected answer, we just
have to live with it.
29

30. A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming
alcohol which is a serious offense in Saudi Arabia. For this
terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik
announced:"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has
asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.
The German was first in line. He thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the
pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried
away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror
he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even
two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also
led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say
anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a
most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the
finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar
replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give
me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable,
handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the
Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is
what you desire, then so be it. And what is your second wish?"
the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back” !!!!!
30

31. A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post
in the Afghan Desert . During his first inspection of the outfit, he
noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the
Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant
said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and
no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we
have Molly The Camel.„
The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can
understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges'.
Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel
to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain
stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and
insane sex with the camel.
When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men
do it?„ 'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's
where the girls are.
Moral of the story :-
If you are not sure of doing things, don't be ashamed to ask
for clarification before doing it ... not after you have done it
wrongly!!!
31

32. John missed his final exam due to the flu, but he‟d done so well
during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they
give him an oral exam to make up for the tests that he missed.
The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and
explain about the Theorell test.
First, the teacher asks, “Johnny, what does the cow have four
of, that i only two of?” Johnny replies, “Legs”.
So the teacher asks, “Johnny, what do you have in pants that I
don't have in my pants?” “Pockets” he replies.
Finally the teacher asks, “And Johnny, what is the capital of
Italy? “Rome” is his answer.
With that the teacher turns to principal and asked, “ Well, shall
we pass him?” “Better not ask me,” the principal says, “ I got the
first two wrong!”
Moral of the story :-
Not everyone have the same thought. We are just unique in
the way we think.
32

33. A Sunday school teacher asked her first graders. “ Where is
God?” The room was filled with children that raised their hands
to respond.
”Okay, Mary, Where is God?” “He is everywhere?” “Very good,
that‟s right” the teacher said.
“ But still there were two children that didn‟t put their hands
down, so the teacher continued.
“Okay Michael, Where is God?” God is inside me. “Very good,
that‟s right” the teacher said again.
Now there was one boy sitting at the back of the class waiving
his hand up, so the teacher called on him. “Okay, Danny. Where
is God?” He is in our bathroom.
Well the teacher just had to ask, “ How do you know he is in the
bathroom?”
The answer came, “Every morning my father knocks on the
bathroom and says, My God are you still in there?”
Moral of the story :
Words create perception and perception creates belief.
.
33

34. 34

35. .
35

36. PAUSE…. THINK…. AND JUDGE…
36

37. Moral of the story… you can be thankful cause
thorns have roses or you can be miserable cause
roses have thorns.
37

38. Level of STRESS!
You give a lift to a beautiful girl.
She faints inside your car and you take her to hospital.
Now that's stressful,
But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant
& congratulate you that you are going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting very stressful,
To prove......
Then you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the
father.
After the tests the doctor says that you are infertile.
You are extremely stressed but relieved.
On your way back home, you start remembering that you have
3 kids at home.
NOW THAT'S STRESS!!!
.
38

39. Divorce for this Christmas
A man in Chicago calls his son in New York the day before
Christmas and says, “I hate to ruin Christmas this year, but I
have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five
years of misery is enough.
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can‟t
stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We‟re
sick of each other, and I‟m sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Atlanta and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they‟re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I‟ll take care of
this.”
She calls Chicago immediately, and screams at her father, “You
are NOT getting divorced. Don‟t do a single thing until I get
there. I‟m calling my brother back, and we‟ll both be there
tomorrow. Until then, don‟t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and
hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,”
he says, “they‟re coming for Christmas and paying their own
way.”
.
39

40. A committed atheist (that's someone who steadfastly does not believe in a god of any
sort) was on a trekking holiday when he became lost in some dense woods.
A large angry bear, with ten starving cubs back home and claws like kitchen knives,
suddenly emerged from the undergrowth.
The atheist screamed in terror, turned and ran. The bear was quicker however, and
after a long and desperate chase eventually cornered the atheist in a gully.
The exhausted atheist sank to his knees, shaking.
The bear, seeing that its prey was trapped, moved slowly towards the petrified man,
drooling. The bear was drooling too.
The atheist lifted his head, with tears in his eyes, and uttered the words he thought he
would never say in all his life: "God help me..."
With these simple three words, a blinding flash of lightning lit up the sky. There was a
deafening crash of thunder. The clouds parted. A brilliant light shone down. The forest
fell silent. The bear froze still, in a trance. The atheist stood gaping, transfixed.
A voice came loud from above. Louder than twenty AC/DC concerts all happening at
the same time. We can safely assume this voice to have been the voice of a god of
some sort.
"You atheists make me seriously mad," boomed the god, "You deny me all your life.
You tell others to deny me too. You put your faith in all that bloody Darwinian airy-fairy
scientific nonsense, and then what a surprise - you get lost because you can't read
your stupid map, and now you're about to get eaten by an angry bear all of a sudden
you're on your knees snivelling and begging for my help?......... You must be joking..."
The atheist looked down, realising that he was not arguing from a position of strength.
"Okay, I take your point," said the atheist, thinking on his feet, while he still had them,
"I can see it's a bit late for me to convert, but what about the bear?... Maybe you could
convert the bear instead?"
"Hmmn... interesting idea..." said the god, thinking hard, "...Okay. It shall be done." At
which the brilliant light dimmed and vanished; the clouds closed; and the noises of the
forest resumed.
The bear awoke and shook its head, a completely different expression on its face.
Calm, at peace.
The bear closed its eyes, bowed its head, and said, "For what we are about to
receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful, Amen.."
40
.

41. A couple were dining out together celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary.
After the meal, the husband presented his wife romantically with
a beautiful very old gold antique locket on a chain.
Amazingly when his wife opened the locket, a tiny fairy
appeared.
Addressing the astonished couple, the fairy said, "Your forty
years of devotion to each other has released me from this
locket, and in return I can now grant you both one wish each -
anything you want..“
Without hesitating, the wife asked, "Please, can I travel to the
four corners of the world with my husband, as happy and in love
as we've always been?"
The fairy waved her wand with a flourish, and magically there on
the table were two first-class tickets for a round-the-world
holiday.
Staggered, the couple looked at each other, unable to believe
their luck.
"Your turn," said the fairy and the wife to the husband.
The husband thought for a few seconds, and then said, with a
little guilt in his voice, "Forgive me, but to really enjoy that
holiday of a lifetime - I yearn for a younger woman - so I wish
that my wife could be thirty years younger than me."
Shocked, the fairy glanced at the wife, and with a knowing look
in her eye, waved her wand.....
and the husband became ninety-three.
Moral of the story… A man, when he wishes, is the master
of his fate.
41

42. An old lady had a hearing-aid fitted, hidden underneath her hair.
A week later she returned to the doctor for her check-up.
"It's wonderful - I can hear everything now," she reported very happily to
the doctor.
"And is your family pleased too?" asked the doctor.
"Oh I haven't told them yet," said the old lady, "And I've changed my will
twice already..“
Moral of the story.
Tactical advantage
42

43. After twenty-five years in the same parish, Father O'Shaunessey was saying his
farewells at his retirement dinner. An eminent member of the congregation - a leading
politician - had been asked to make a presentation and a short speech, but was late
arriving.
So the priest took it upon himself to fill the time, and stood up to the microphone:
"I remember the first confession I heard here twenty-five years ago and it worried me
as to what sort of place I'd come to...
That first confession remains the worst I've ever heard. The chap confessed that he'd
stolen a TV set from a neighbour and lied to the police when questioned, successfully
blaming it on a local scallywag.
He said that he'd stolen money from his parents and from his employer; that he'd had
affairs with several of his friends' wives; that he'd taken hard drugs, and had slept with
his sister and given her VD.
You can imagine what I thought... However I'm pleased to say that as the days
passed I soon realised that this sad fellow was a frightful exception and that this
parish was indeed a wonderful place full of kind and decent people...“
At this point the politician arrived and apologised for being late, and keen to take the
stage, he immediately stepped up to the microphone and pulled his speech from his
pocket:
"I'll always remember when Father O'Shaunessey first came to our parish," said the
politician, "In fact, I'm pretty certain that I was the first person in the parish that he
heard in confession..“
Moral of the story :
Be punctual and take a good care of your time
management.
43

44. A school head was alerted by the caretaker to a persistent problem in the
girls lavatories: some of the girl students were leaving lipstick kisses on
the mirrors. The caretaker had left notices on the toilet walls asking for
the practice to cease, but to no avail; every evening the caretaker would
wipe away the kisses, and the next day lots more kisses would be planted
on the mirror. It had become a bit of a game. The head teacher usually
took a creative approach to problem solving, and so the next day she
asked a few girl representatives from each class to meet with her in the
lavatory.
"Thank you for coming," said the head, "You will see there are several
lipstick kisses in the mirrors in this washroom..“
Some of the girls grinned at each other.
"As you will understand, modern lipstick is cleverly designed to stay on
the lips, and so the lipstick is not easy at all to clean from the mirrors. We
have therefore had to develop a special cleaning regime, and my hope is
that when you see the effort involved you will help spread the word that
we'd all be better off if those responsible for the kisses use tissue paper
instead of the mirrors in future.."
At this point the caretaker stepped forward with a sponge squeegee,
which he took into one of the toilet cubicles, dipped into the toilet bowl,
and then used to clean one of the lipstick-covered mirrors.
The caretaker smiled. The girls departed. And there were no more lipstick
kisses on the mirrors.
Moral of the story….
Think Different and Be Different….
44

45. A little boy was doing his maths homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in maths?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the
Son Of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
Moral of the story :
Teachers, please ensure your pronunciation is comprehensible to
the young and innocent students whom you teach
45

46. 46

47. Student who obtained 0% in an exam
47

48. 1- Wife & Husband
Wife : "How have you managed to get home so early today?"
Husband : "My boss lost temper with me and shouted "Go to hell". So I
came home."
2- Black guy & A White Girl
A black guy and a white girl met at a nightclub.
She took him to her apartment and said: "Tie me to the bed and do what
black men do best!"
So he ran off with the TV and VCD...
3- Wife & Husband
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so I can have a
NEW ONE every morning!"
4- Something wrong
A Chinese couple got married. When their baby was born, she had big,
blue eyes, curly, blonde hair and brown skin.
They named her ... SAM TING LONG.
5- Wedding nights
Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the first man you are
sleeping with?"
"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"
48

49. 6- Not at all
70 yr old man asks his wife: "Do u feel sad when u see me running
behind young girls?"
Wife replied: "No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it."
7- Don't disgrace your family
A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date.
Her mother warned her.."1st he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your
breasts, you'll enjoy; then he wants to go on top. You must not allow it so
as not to disgrace our family name."
Next day girl told Mom, "Everything happened exactly as you predicted. I
didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family."
8- Baby burnt
A white couple had a black baby..
The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: "Why the baby black?"
Wife: "U hot, I hot, baby burnt..!"
9- Expiry date
Wife: "Honey, what are you looking for?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "Nothing? You have been reading our marriage certificate for
an hour?"
Husband: " I was looking for the expiry date!"
10- Why black?
Boy: "Mom, why am I black and you are white?"
Mom: "Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago,
you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!" 49

50. 9 People Can’t Make a Baby in a
Month
Upper management love to think that a high priority project
will get done faster if they simply throw more people at it.
That is rarely the case and this quote by Fred Brooks
sums it up nicely.
50

51. Sometimes there’s No Need to be Clever
Sometimes I find myself fighting against the decision to
implement the simplest solution. It may make the most sense
but may not be innovative, stylish or as edgy as I want it to be.
By introducing a new innovative method to replace an already
well established convention potentially causes problems, can be
counter productive, and most likely result in damaging your
brand.
It’s difficult because we’re expected to be innovative and
creative but frequently utilization of a web convention just
makes more sense and is better for the user.
Sometimes there’s no need to be clever or original.
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