This lecture was delivered as part of Welcome Week at JIBS. It is a PRANK unaware first-year students were subjected to with the complicity of the student organizations. The students were only told this was all a joke at the end, when they were "liberated" by their elders/seniors. Enjoy.

1. GLOBAL MANAGEMENT
WHAT IS IT?
JÖNKÖPING INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS SCHOOL
ANDREA @RESMINI

2. GLOBAL MANAGEMENT
WHAT IS IT?
JÖNKÖPING INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS SCHOOL
ANDREA @RESMINI
(NOTE: This lecture was delivered as part of
Welcome Week at JIBS. It is a prank unaware
first­year students were subjected to with the
complicity of the student organizations. The
students were only told this was all a joke at
the end when they were liberated by their
elders/seniors)
Welcome. I was told to prepare an introductory
lecture on global management, but I’d like to ask
you a couple of things first. (speaks to class)
Who is not from Sweden? Why? Who speaks sanskrit?
Anyone who paraglides? Who is going to win the
Premier League in 2019?

3. You see, difficult questions to answer, if not
for a couple of know­it­all. Just like global
management. But what is global management really?
It’s a mess.

4. IT’S A GIGANTIC MESS
It’s a gigantic mess.

5. All of that stuff that we have to move around the
world, right? Just because we want bananas in the
winter ...

6. ... or that new gadget for taking selfies of your
posterior they just released on the market in
Korea or somewhere.

7. R U FINISHD?R U FINISHD?
Wouldn't that be easier if we just focused on the
important things? Like say, digital services.
Like say, lolcatz. Or grumpy cats pics.

8. iPhone Blower App
Or the iPhone Blower app, so that you won’t miss
a single candle ever again.

9. Think about it. Nothing moves. No need to move
trucks around and pollute the earth even more,
right?

10. No reason for us to go around either, which is
even better. We save on gas and avoid unpleasant
social situations, like, being in class, for
example. Just saying.

11. Wombat cub
And if we have to move something around, let it
be something really useful and meaningful to
society, something that can have an impact, such
as wombat cubs. Who doesn’t like wombats? And
cubs of course.

12. IT’S HARD TOPICS
So, that's the hard topics we want to tackle in
Global Management. What is that we are actually
doing here? Why do we drive big trucks? Are
wombats cuddly? You can see that these problems
we face are not easily solved, and the scale at
which they occur – global – makes them even
harder to tackle.

13. Lucky for you, we came up with a good way to sell
all of this with a nicely drawn model that even
gives you fancy buzzwords you can adopt and
reuse. JIBS is entrepreneurship, ownership,
renewal.

14. ENTREPRENEURENSHIPS
We will teach you to be as entrepreneurial, so
that maybe you'll be the ones coming up with
say ...

15. Wombat cubDOG
.. an app that can call your dog for you.
Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be
entrepreneurial? Wouldn't that be terribly
global? How many dogs can such an app manage?
Dozens. Probably hundreds. (sorry about the
slide. Couldn’t find a suitable pic of a dog as I
was in a pinch)

16. OWNERSHIP
We will teach you to favor ownership over
anything else.

17. This is business after all. You’ll know exactly
how to reclaim it. What is mine is mine, an eye
for an eye, all that stuff that is very important
to making lots of money. Somebody put this
picture up for grabbing for example. Now it’s
mine and I can use it in this lecture. That’s
ownership.

18. RENEWAL
And we will teach also about renewal, because
it's part of the mission, but that's boring stuff
which has to do with sustainability and
environmental protection, yadda­yadda­yadda, save
the whale harvest the land in flip­flops using
your pinkies no gas in your hairspray kind­of­
stuff, you know, somebody else will deal with it
in detail.

19. ANDREA RESMINI © 2015
But this picture, I played this game hard, I took
this pic, so I own it, and it has my name written
above it. That’s still ownership. I placed it on
Pinterest. By doing this, I’m managing it
globally. I was all over Mordor. And I managed to
kill quite a lot of orcs. So there’s renewal
there as they will have to be replaced. Please
note the copyright sign. Ownership.

20. HOW WILL WE TEACH YOU?
How will we teach you entrepreneurship,
ownership, and renewal in a global context? You
probably heard quite a few different theories of
business that supposedly tackle the complexity of
global management.
So have I. Say, Miles’ theory of management
through incompetence? Or Santapaola’s model of
family ties? Frank’s? Billy’s? Pelle’s? Have you?
Could you explain them to me? (PAUSE. NO ANSWER)
Exactly, that’s the point. Nobody can. They are
worthless.

21. THEORY-THROUGH-ENACTMENT
So, following Wayne and Pennyworth, we will
engage in an exercise of theory­through­enactment
and global manage a compelling case through
practice. We’ll make groups and work on it by
becoming the different actors and players and
weighing their choices. Living their choices.
Ever played RPGs? (ASKS AUDIENCE. SOME HANDS
RAISED) You did. Losers.
Anyway, since we want to stay close to what most
business practice is today, we decided to have
you manage ...

22. Zombie Apocalypse
.. the zombie apocalypse. The first lectures will
allow us to start talking about reports,
interviews, eating habits, and such, but
meanwhile here's a few instructions to get you
going.

23. 4th floor for props
The guys at marketing on the 4th floor should
provide you with materials, like clothing and
make­up. If you can get sick a bit it will
definitely help you get your bearing but it’s not
required. Please note that the severing of limbs
is discouraged, especially if performed on others
than yourself, and might negatively impact your
final results.

24. Class of 2014
I suggest two­thirds of you try being zombies for
the next week, while the rest of the class comes
up with a plan to exterminate you, profit from
whatever crazy stuff they have to make up to
solve this global crisis, and hence also foster
renewal. You playing the zombies, jou just have
to shamble a bit and moan. Can you actually do
that? (AUDIENCE MOANS). Not good enough. Practice
practice practice.
Last year we switched roles on the second week
but it didn’t really work out because the group
playing the humans first didn’t really get the
concept of "enactment". We had half the class by
then and not because we failed them. So I suggest
you find some way to decide who’s going to be on
the suck team in case somebody loves their
baseball bats too much again. Like, say, those of
you who can’t spell ...

25. Spårvagnsaktiebolagsskensmutsskjutarefackföreningspersonalbeklädnadsmagasinsförrådsförvaltarens
.. this word. Or those smartasses who know
sanskrit or paraglide.

26. MANDATORY READINGS
This is it, we see each other next week, but
here’s a couple of books you are supposed to read
to get started:

27. FISHBURNE, L. (2008). MACHETES AND A
BASEBALL BAT: MANAGING GLOBALLY IN THE
AFTERMATH OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
HARVARD PRESS.
THOMAS, M. & THOMAS, N. S. (2009). ZOMPOC:
HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
SWORDWORK PUBLISHING.
BROOKS, M. (2003). THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE:
COMPLETE PROTECTION FROM THE LIVING DEAD.
BROADWAY BOOKS.
BROOKS, M. (2007). WORLD WAR Z. THREE RIVERS
PRESS.
KLEPINSKI, G. (2011). SURVIVING THE ZOMBIE
OUTBREAK: THE OFFICIAL ZOMBIE SURVIVAL
FIELD MANUAL. AQUARIUS.

28. MURPHY, D. P. (2009). ZOMBIES FOR ZOMBIES:
ADVICE AND ETIQUETTE FOR THE LIVING DEAD.
SOURCEBOOKS.
AUSTIN, J. (2010). SO NOW YOU'RE A ZOMBIE: A
HANDBOOK FOR THE NEWLY UNDEAD. CHICAGO
REVIEW PRESS.
SHAFFER, A. (2014). HOW TO SURVIVE A
SHARKNADO AND OTHER UNNATURAL
DISASTERS: FIGHT BACK WHEN MONSTERS AND
MOTHER NATURE ATTACK. THREE RIVERS PRESS.
OUELLETTE, J. (2010). THE CALCULUS DIARIES:
HOW MATH CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WIN IN
VEGAS, AND SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
PENGUIN BOOKS.
Also mandatory and focusing on zombie management.
Note that the third and fourth book provide a
systemic perspective and a holistic approach to
the undead situation.

29. BALL, A., RAO, D., HAUSSMAN, R., & ROBINSON, S.
P. (2013). THE RANDOM WALKING DEAD: EFFECTS
OF URBAN STREET NETWORK TOPOLOGY ON
RATES OF INFECTION SPREADING IN ZOMBIE
EPIDEMICS. COMPLEX SYSTEMS MODELING AND
NETWORKS.
HARMAN, C. (2006). ZOMBIE CAPITALISM -
GLOBAL CRISIS AND THE RELEVANCE OF MARX
And finally, slightly more academic but still
necessary reading, you slackers:

30. FOR NEXT WEEK: READ AND
REPORT IN WRITING
Final bit: I want a report, but keep it short. No
more than 6 pages for each book and your personal
reflections ...

31. MANAGING THE UNDEAD:
IS IT GLOBAL OR LOCAL?
... on “managing the undead: do it global, or
local?”, uploaded to the personal mail of the
program director no later than this Friday at
23:00 hours.

32. THAT’S ALL. SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
Any questions?
(STUDENT FREEDOM MOB BREAKS INTO THE CLASS AND
INTERRUPTS WITH MUSIC AND STUFF)
Well, too bad we don’t have the time. See you
next time. File your reports! Friday!
IMAGE CREDITS (COPYRIGHT OWNERS ETC ETC)
Truck ­ http://fleetowner.com
Complexity ­ nerovivo, https://www.flickr.com/photos/dominik99/384027019
Bananas ­ http://beforeitsnews.com
Belfie stick ­ http://businessinsider.com
Grumpy cat ­ http://www.ehiyo.com/wp­content/uploads/2015/01/grumpy­cat­
6q4n2.jpg
Blower app ­ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei0­rBgF­5Y
Pollution ­ http://www.jodutt.com/wp­content/uploads/2014/12/o­POLLUTED­BEACH­
facebook.jpg
Sleeping in class ­ http://www.theprospect.net/wp­
content/uploads/2013/12/staying­awake.jpg
Running wombat ­
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01754/womat_1754995i.jpg
It's mine ­ https://leadershipfreak.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/its­mine.jpg
Walking dead ­ http://walkingdead.wikia.com
Call center ­ http://jobopportunitiessanantoniotx.com
Zombies ­ http://thenerdsofcolor.org