Module 6 grief and personal growth part b 30.4.13

Module 6
Grief and Personal Growth Part B
(Strategies to help those who are grieving)
CHCCS426B Provide support
and care relating to loss and grief

2
How can we help ourselves feel better?
1. Be real about how you feel.
Express it.
• Even if you have no one you can tell,
write down your thoughts, even your
worst ones or speak these out loud
on a beach. Tell God if you believe in
him.
• Better than this, find a trusted friend
or confidant that you can be real with.
• If you don’t have anyone you can be
honest with, seek out a counsellor.
© Copyright CTA CHCCS426B, MODULE 6 Version Date: 30.4.13

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Steps forward…
2. Don’t feel that you have to ‘cut off’
the past.
• When people do this, it tends to make
the healing process a lot longer.
• You are who you are because of the
past, the precious people in your life
and all of your experiences both good
and bad. To ‘cut it off’ is to cut off part of
yourself. It will make you feel empty.
• Instead… face the pain of talking about
the person or situation you have lost.
This pain will lessen as a result.

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Steps forward…
3. Keep a balance in your
thought life.
• While in the early stages
following a loss, we will be
consumed with past events –
we will want to stay close in
our thoughts to the person or
situation we have lost… this is
only natural.
• Over time, try to concentrate
on the moment you are in and
plan a little for the future.

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Steps forward…
4. Watch guilt or blame… get rid of
it (it’s like a cancer that grows
and consumes)
• When life lets you down, it’s easy to
blame people, God or yourself. This
is a natural stage and provides
‘some’ relief for a time.
• But be careful of vows… ‘I will never
forgive them’, ‘I will never forgive
myself’… even ‘no one
understands’ is a form of blaming
others… and ‘If there is a God, He’s
either making a lot of mistakes or is
obviously disinterested!’

6
Steps forward…
5. Be sensible with self care
• Make sure you eat well, get
lots of sunlight, walk a lot,
keep routine sleep patterns,
reduce workload and laugh as
much as you can.
• The ‘looking after yourself’
body, soul and spirit is really
important.

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Steps forward…
6. Drug Use
• When you experience a
loss, it is better to find
natural ways to cope rather
than use medication.
• Sometimes in extreme
circumstances doctors do
prescribe drugs for the
depression or
sleeplessness than can
occur in grief.

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Steps forward…
• It is really important to stay
clear of alcohol or other non
prescribed drugs if you are
in grief. Individuals in grief
are the most at risk with
going too far with these
things because they are
trying to numb emotional
pain. This is of course far
more dangerous than
carefully prescribed
medication when
legitimately in need.

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Steps forward…
7. Find friendships and
support
• The friends you make in
grief are incredibly special.
They may be completely
different from your normal
friends.
• Get out and get involved
with new aspects of life.
Even if you don’t feel like it,
take baby steps forward.

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Astep UP…
1. Grief can become a time
of spiritual awakening
• Many people find their
limitations through a
significant loss. They can no
longer do what they once
did, or protect themselves in
the same way. They will
often say they have found a
‘higher power’ when all their
strength fails.

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Astep UP…
2. People can find new
purpose for their lives
• Many people experience a
newfound love for helping
others, and a sense of
peace about material
things.
• Things don’t matter like they
used to.
• We realise the real value of
life.

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Astep UP…
3. Becoming more grounded… helps you fly
• It is true: smelling the roses, knowing what counts in life,
helps you prioritise and achieve greatness in this life.

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Astep UP…
• 4. Suffering is
everywhere… none of
us has a monopoly
• Unfortunately this planet
is less than perfect.
• However, the suffering we
experience can make us
greater people, with
greater empathy, greater
resourcefulness, and a
passion to extinguish pain
wherever we see it.

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Lessons of life from children - 1
• Author and lecturer Leo
Buscaglia once talked about
a contest he was asked to
judge. The purpose of the
contest was to find the most
caring child.
• The winner was a four year
old boy whose next door
neighbour was an elderly
gentleman who had recently
lost his wife.

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Another example
• Upon seeing the man cry,
the little boy went into the
old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and
just sat there.
• When his mother asked him
what he had said to the
neighbour, the little boy
said, “Nothing. I just helped
him cry.”

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Lessons of life from children 2
• Whenever I’m disappointed
with my lot in life, I stop and
think about little Jamie
Scott.
• Jamie was trying out for a
part in a school play. His
mother told me that he had
set his heart on being in it,
though she feared he would
not be chosen.

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Another example
• On the day the parts were
awarded, I went with her to
collect him after school.
• Jamie rushed up to her,
eyes shining with pride and
excitement. “Guess what,
mom!” he shouted, and then
said those words that will
remain a lesson to me…
• “I’ve been chosen to clap
and cheer!”

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Exercises for times of grief
1. Map of life
• Goal setting is an important part of beating depression.
– Draw a map of your life – include each separate domain.
– Add one new goal for each area for the new year. For example,
exercise, relationships, nutrition, recreation, work etc. Put yourself in
the middle.

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2. Write to the one you have
lost
• Connectedness is central to
emotional wellbeing.
– Write a letter or journal to the
one you have lost or the part
of yourself that you have
lost. Say goodbye, express
your regrets and sadness
and also your gratefulness.
– End on a positive note about
your goal for the future as a
result of your loss.

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3. Stretching and rocking
• Stress and trauma which is
part and parcel of grief builds
up tension in the body.
• The body keeps bracing itself
for disaster.
– Do lots of stretching and
rocking exercises as well
as cross lateral patterning
to release tension.

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4. Laughing
• Laughing has been shown in
research to release serotonin, or
the happy hormone, into the brain.
• It improves the immune function,
flushes the face, and provides a
sense of well-being.
• We can fool our brain into thinking
we are happy with fake laughing.
– Make laughing noises i.e ha ha,
hee hee, ho ho and make them
loud, move up and down and smile
widely while doing this… do it for 2
minutes 3 times a day, whether you
feel like it or not!

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5. Examine all your senses
again.
• Get in touch with “the
moment”.
– Have an excursion to
particularly exercise your
sense of smell…
– The same for hearing…
– Sight…
– Touch, and
– Taste
– Get adventurous!

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6. Try to enjoy people and their
differences
• There are many different types
of people in the world.
• Take a new perspective, notice
people, their expressions, their
features, their voices.
– In your appreciation of
people, you may find the
favour is returned yielding
unexpected friendships and
joy.

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7. Take a big pillow to bed.
• Hold it close to your chest.
– In loss we can feel like
children again, needing
holding and comfort. If we
have lost the one who held
us, it will be important to have
as much touch as possible.
This doesn’t always happen.
– Take a pillow to bed and
cuddle it. No matter how old
you are… this can feel great
and relieve the internal ache.

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8. Hold your forehead and
back of the head, and
cross your feet together.
• This position brings a lot of
comfort quickly and
provides a sense of well-
being.
• Maybe our parents did it for
us when we were babies…
who knows why it works,
but it works!

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Sensible emotional first aid
• Good education
• Good friends
• Good food
• Good rest
• Good work
• Good exercise
• Good fun
• Good touch
• Good drink
• Good faith
• These are the first ports of
call for any emotional
distress, including any
losses including the death
of someone close to us.

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Thoughts to ponder
Quote…
“It's only when we truly know
and understand that we have a
limited time on earth -- and
that we have no way of
knowing when our time is up,
we will then begin to live each
day to the fullest, as if it was
the only one we had.”
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Module 6 grief and personal growth part b 30.4.13

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