Sister -who_are_you_really

A look into who we are
as individuals in Jesus
and how the Word of
God is meant to
improve us in Christ.
John 10:10 The thief
cometh not, but for to steal,
and to kill, and to destroy: I
am come that they might
have life, and that they
might have it more
abundantly.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in
Christ, he is a new
creature: old things are
passed away; behold, all
things are become new.
By Sister Alissa Lynne
Author of ‘The Truth of
Alissa Lynne I’ & ‘The
Truth of Alissa Lynne II’
Sister – Who Are You Really?

Sister – Who Are You Really Page 2
Copyright
Title: Sister – Who Are You Really
Author: Sister Alissa Lynne
Published by: Alissa Lynne – Pittsburgh, PA
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and
retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for
the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
Copyright © 2008 Sister Alissa Lynne - All rights reserved
First Edition, 2008
Published in the United States of America
“Sisters” graphic provided by GroovySmurf a/k/a Nita
(www.angelfire.com/on2/groovysmurf)
Disclaimer: The names in this book are fictitious names, changed to protect the innocent.
I am not responsible for your actions after reading this book. If you do not wish to be
bound to the above statements, return the book to me. God Bless

Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements Page 4
Chapter 1 – Introduction Page 5
Chapter 2 – Content Sister Page 9
Chapter 3 – Attention Sister Page 12
Chapter 4 – Bitter Sister Page 15
Chapter 5 – Busy Sister Page 21
Chapter 6 – Busy Body Sister Page 24
Chapter 7 – Co-Dependency Sister Page 27
Chapter 8 – Demand/Do It Myself Sister Page 30
Chapter 9 – Don’t Do Anything Sister Page 33
Chapter 10 – Fantasyland Sister Page 35
Chapter 11 – Homebody Sister Page 38
Chapter 12 – Hunting Sister Page 42
Chapter 13 – Low Self - Worth Sister Page 47
Chapter 14 – Mother May I Sister Page 52
Chapter 15 – Mother Mode Sister Page 55
Chapter 16 – Plain Jane Sister Page 59
Chapter 17 – Sneaking Sister Page 62
Chapter 18 – Conclusion Page 68
Author’s Last Words Page 69
Interesting Links and WL4J Information Page 70
About the Author Page 74

Acknowledgements
Praise the Lord for Jesus is so worthy of all our Praises! I am thanking God this day for
His love, grace, and mercy that He has granted me despite all that I was, am and still yet
to be. God is so awesome to all of us.
I want to thank my sisters in Christ who took the time to help me with this project and
providing feedback on the different sisters/women mentioned in this book. I am so
blessed to be able to be in the company of such awesome women of God.
I wanted to extend a special thank you to my sister in Christ and heart, Sister Michele
Nesbitt, whom along with Minister Merv proofread the book for me prior to sending out to
all to read. I thank God for my sister who keeps my mind where it needs to be when I
start to talk silly and outside of the word of God!
I wanted to thank the Lord for my son, my first born, my munchkin, and my joy. He has a
heart of gold and a spirit of happiness in him that I pray stays forever. Jonathan, know
that mommy loves you for who you are and we will always be together no matter where
life takes either one of us. You are always and forever my son! I love you my son!
I wanted to take the time to thank the Lord for my husband! I thank God for his support
even when I did not think I wanted it or wanted him. I thank God for Minister Merv’s
strength and spirit that he gives to me each and every day! The Lord has blessed me
with a man who truly loves God first and knows how to do his part to have an Ephesians
5 marriage. Thank you baby for being the man that I need in my life and loving me as
God has given you to love me, I am eternally thankful to the Lord for you. I love you and
looking forward to many more years together.
Praise the Lord for all that He is doing in my life and I am thankful to the Lord for the life
that I have led. It did not seem that great at times, but because of it, I am can see the
blessings on my life from the Lord! We are blessed; let us never forget to thank the Lord
for all that He is doing in our lives!
Thank you for taking the time to read this book too and may it bless your walk in Jesus!
Have a blessed and a wonderful day in the Lord!
Love your sister in Christ,
Sister Alissa Lynne

Chapter One - Introduction
John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am
come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old
things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Isaiah 64:8 But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our
potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.
Praise the Lord! We are blessed to be here this day to have an opportunity to be in the
land of the Living and to live for Jesus Christ Our Savior. We are blessed with new grace
and mercy this day and every single day of our lives, not because of what we have done
but because of His love for us!
I am so excited to present to you this book, as it is truly a blessing to me to be able to dig
deep into the word of God and other resources to encourage my sisters in Christ to
improve their lives in Jesus. It is truly the Lord who is doing the molding, but we must be
open to hear what Jesus is telling us to do.
This book started as an online workshop, originally called, “Where is My Man – I have
waited long enough – Haven’t I?”, that has been expanded into more than preparation
for marriage to a man but into the aspect of becoming more Christ-like. Most of us hear
the stereotypes of women and some of us even fall into those different categories from
time to time. This book is to address some of those categories that we find in ourselves
and help us see through the word of God that we are no longer those women in Christ.
This book is not just geared towards single women, or even “broken” women, but it is
geared to all women no matter what stage of life they find themselves in. The word of
God says we are all one body in Christ, with many jobs and duties that are given unto
us. None of us are the same in all aspects and have so many different things to offer the
world in our walk with Jesus because of our uniqueness. Yet there is one thing that is
universal if you walk this life long enough, that is you can change who you are and what
you can become and this unique thing is the pain and hurt of life. Some of us are walking
with such despair in our thoughts that we do not know how to hold on much longer,
some of us are just making it through each day and while some of us are actually living
the life God has called us to live in Him. We can live our lives abundantly and free from
all things of this world. This book is to encourage each of us to look within who we are
and come to see who we really are.
As always, I am a writer who writes from the heart, past experiences and always the
word of God as I feel He is leading me to do. With this said, sometimes the grammar is
not all that it should be so please forgive me, to those who take grammar seriously know
that I do not mean to offend your eyes with my lack of grammar skills. (Smile) The Lord
is awesome and I pray that I am getting better at this with each book I write.

This book covers a variety of sisters that I have been at one point in my life, known
someone like it, or come close to being her myself. As you are reading this book, there
are a few factors that you need to remember as you go through this book.
First, I am in no way an expert; I am just taking what the Lord has blessed me with and
passing it along. It is up to you as your own woman to do soul searching within you to
see if the sister is truly who you are, and if so what aspects you can take from what is
written and apply it to your life. If the outcome is bad, I am not responsible, if the
outcome is good, I am still not responsible. We have to come to realize that some
choices we have made in our lives have caused us to be who we are this day. This book
is to get your brain to dig below the surface and dig into your heart to see yourself for
who you truly are so in turn you will be more open to hear what the Lord is saying to you.
We have to remember that it is the Lord who we are to listen to, not our selves and not
even Sister Alissa Lynne; it is truly the word of Jesus that will change our lives. This
book is just here to help you see that Jesus is the way to change.
More importantly, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. You can not read this or move forward in your
life without the guidance of the Lord in all that you do. If you are not walking with the
Lord and you are not living your life according to His words and will for your life, let me
extend this book to you as a chance to change in Jesus. Sure becoming a better person
in Jesus and life is great but you have to know Jesus for yourself and you have to come
to see His calling on your life. You can not do this without a relationship with the Lord.
So if you are not saved, know that Jesus is the way to go, open your heart to hear the
Lord’s calling on your life and contact us at 1-877-205-4524 to talk about your salvation
in Christ, it is essential to know the Lord as your personal savior.
To those that are struggling with your walk, look to the Lord, pray, fast and seek the
direction of the Lord for your life. You have to be in His will for your life, there is no other
way to live happy in this life without Jesus. Our direction in life is depended on our
choices and sometimes we make the wrong choices and it is always because we are not
following the direction of the Lord for our lives. If you want to talk or pray with a sister in
Christ, please call us at 1-877-205-4524, do not wait, give us a call today, for Jesus has
done so much for you that you can not ignore His call on your life.
Next, this is a process, as in all things, it is a process in Jesus. To come to the point of
not only understanding but the actual changing within us is a process. We did not
become this way over night and we are not going to change all things over night either.
Even in our changing, there are trials and tribulations that we must go through to get
where we need to be in Jesus. We have to keep our hearts open to the process itself.
None of us are perfect and it is not always going to be a pleasant walk changing from
our old ways to our new ways in Jesus but with the Lord in our lives, it will be so much
better than it was before. Trust in the Lord and have faith in your walk and watch what
the Lord does in your life for His glory which is always a blessing to whom you are as a
person. The process is a lifelong, every changing process that can be challenging at
times but in the end of it all, truly worth it when we see His face and see His love for us
in His eyes. Praise the Lord for the molding and shaping He does in us.
In addition, honesty starts at home with us. We can not start to tackle the things in our
lives and not be honest with ourselves. Many times it is hard to remove that mask that
we place on us as we face the world each day. Many of us get used to having the mask
on that we do not know how to see who we are without it. We start to believe our own

hype instead of seeing who we are deep down inside. We have to open our hearts to the
truth and really commit to some serious soul searching within us. We can not turn over
things to the Lord if we have no idea what we are turning over to Him. We must know
ourselves for who we truly are so that we can let it go and know Jesus for ourselves.
With all that said, in this book, we are going to go over eighteen different types of
women, some of these sisters intertwine with each other and some stand all alone, each
sister is unique in one manner from the others. You will see that each sister has a
scripture related to her personality along with tips, words of encouragement, truly
thoughts of truth to help direct us in the manner of seeking the Lord’s direction along
with exercises to help us drill in the things learned in that chapter. As you go over each
sister, open your heart to the Lord and truly hear what He is speaking to you about
yourself in Him.
The Sisters that we are going to go over are:
Content Sister – This is the sister we all want to be, this sister is our goal as women in
God.
Attention Sister – This sister does things to get attention including making things up
Bitter Sister – This sister is bitter and angry at the entire world
Busy Sister – This sister is never home or alone
Busybody Sister – Everyone’s business is in her mouth, while her own home is a mess
Co-Dependency Sister – This sister thrives on the bad of others and has a need to help
others to the point of her own destruction
Demand/Do It Myself Sister – This sister is demanding – she puts up with NOTHING
from no one, she does not accept help from anyone, she does it all for herself, major
attitude sister
Don’t Do Anything Sister – This sister does nothing at all, no job, no education, no
nothing, but wants the world
Fantasyland Sister – This sister is waiting for Mr. Perfect, there is no accepting anyone
but Mr. Perfect
Homebody Sister – This sister is always at home, she goes nowhere but church, work,
and grocery store, then back home she goes.
Hunting Sister – This sister is “hunting” down her husband or next man of the hour
Low Self-Worth Sister – This sister does not think highly of herself as in not holding
herself in high regard, she feels she is unworthy
Mother May I Sister – This sister does not move without the advice of others

Mother Mode Sister – This sister places her children above everything in her life,
everything revolves around her children, along with the sister who is an overbearing
mother, she smoothers those that are in her life
Plain Jane Sister – This sister is in need of fashion help
Sneaking Sister – This sister is sneaking around with men that are not her husband
Well with all that said, it is time to move forward in the book. This is just the beginning of
the stories, may you continue to keep your heart open to what the Lord is speaking to
you and hear nothing but Jesus talking to you in all that you do.
Onward to Chapter 2 – the Content Sister – living this life is really possible in Jesus
only.

Chapter Two – Content Sister
The Content Sister Scripture:
Philippians 4:10-12 10But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of
me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. 11Not
that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to
be content. 12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where
and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to
suffer need.
Let us discuss the ever so sought after and sometimes faked but not for long Content
Sister. The Content Sister is just that Content. She is truly striving to live what the word
says in Philippians 4:10-12. The Content Sister is where we all want to be in Jesus. We
cannot be truly happy and content in our lives if Jesus is not the center of our lives. It is
important to understand that Jesus is to be the center. Some of us are faking that we are
this sister when inside we are screaming out like the other sisters in this book. The Lord
will bring you to the point of understanding who you truly are so that you can be this
sister.
A Content Sister is truly living the word of God, and she is trusting in God to bring her to
the point of understanding. She is not stressed about being where she is in her life, she
does long/want for things, as she has her own heart’s desires, but it does not control any
aspect of her days and nights. When she has a need to release anything she releases it
all to the Lord. She goes to the Lord when the ‘moods’ hit her, which is any mood that
could trigger her back to being any of the sisters in this book. She knows that she is
precious and when she falters from the truth, she goes to Jesus as her source of
comfort, strength, and guidance.
She takes comfort in knowing that the Lord is truly walking with her daily and that she
can just call on the Lord for direction in her life. She relies on the Lord regardless of what
is going on in her life. She is striving to live according to the word of God. She reaches
out to other sisters and lets them know that God is there for them too.
If she is a single sister, she devotes all her time to the Lord doing the will of the Lord for
others and her. She has Jesus as her husband and has come to terms with being single
and actually enjoying her singleness. She is taking this time as a single sister to ensure
that she is the woman of God that He wants her to be. She has changed her focus to be
on the Lord and His will for her life. She has started to or has accepted the fact that she
may have been called to be single and serve the Lord with all of her. She enjoys her life.
She does not envy or make her married sister feel guilty for being married, although she
has not ruled out marriage, she is just waiting on the Lord.
The married Content sister places the Lord first before all things, and takes her direction
from the Lord to continue to walk according to His word. She is an Ephesians 5 wife and
a Proverbs 31 woman. She takes joy in her life to be both of those sisters. She does not
relish in the world’s concept of a great mother, wife and sister in Christ, but takes to the
word of God for all her direction in her life.
The married Content sister stands tall in the Lord even when she is the only one in her
family that is standing in the word of God. She does not belittle her husband because of

his unbelief but lifts him up in prayer to the Lord and stands before her husband as
Jesus says she should. She knows that the believing wife can sanctify the unbelieving
husband and knows in her very being that her actions can determine whether or not her
husband will come to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 13And the woman which hath an
husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is
sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
If her husband is saved, she knows that he is the head of the house and submission is
not a nasty word but a comforting action in her marriage to her husband. Colossians
3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
The Content Sister is not just in the word, she lives the word. She seeks the Lord to kill
her flesh every day. She surrounds herself with likeminded sisters in Christ. She does
not limit herself to way the world sees her life but looks to the Lord with no limits or
boundaries on Him in her life. She strives to draw closer to the Lord and to encourage all
those that she meets.
The Content Sister acknowledges the fact that it only takes one to make the difference in
the lives of others. She does not wait on someone else to join her to do what is needed;
she walks by faith and not by sight. She understands that the Lord is her strength and
that she has authority in Jesus over the enemy. She has learned that she is to be
separated from the world, but yet still able to do outreach to the world so that those she
is reaching see the truth in the words that she speaks. She does not condemn or judge
those that she meets and always thankful to the Lord for the blessings that He has
bestowed upon her every day.
The Content Sister does not forget where the Lord has brought her from but she does
not relish in it either. She has learned to stand tall in the Lord and keep moving forward
in Him regardless of what the picture looks like around her. She has learned to live
Proverbs 3:5-7 5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. 6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7Be not
wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. She knows that the Lord is
her direction in all things and though she does not always understand it, she knows that
she is to trust in it!
The Content Sister has faults, room for improvement and she knows that it is in Jesus
that these areas will change and become more like the woman of God that she is to be
in Jesus. This is the Content Sister!
Is this you? Are you this sister? If so, are you sure? Share with others your walk and let
them know that God is keeping you! Is this where you want to be, well you are not alone!
Tips to being The Content Sister:
• Trust in the Lord for all things in your life. Too many times we say we trust the
Lord but then question everything that the Lord places in front of us. We are to
trust in Him, acknowledge Him and allow His will to be done in our lives. It is the
Lord who molds us and changes us, but we have to trust Him in what He is doing
in our lives.
• Seek the Lord in all things in your life. We are to seek the Lord’s direction on
every single aspect of our lives. We are quick to go with what we want to do and

how we want to be but being in the Lord’s direction and will is better than ours
and keeps us in joy, peace and happiness for all eternity.
• Read the word of God daily. How can we know the Lord and His will for our lives
if we do not read His word and understand what His direction is for His people?
To be able to be content and happy in Jesus, you have to know what He has
done for us and how He is to be always in our lives.
• Pray to the Lord daily. Prayer is our way of releasing and talking with the Lord.
The word of the Lord says to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) We
are to pray continuously because this keeps the enemy away from us for when
we are in the spirit, we are not in our flesh which is where the mess begins.
• Walk with the Lord daily. When we are walking with the Lord we are praying,
fasting, talking, loving, trusting, have faith in the Lord and when the world is going
nuts, we are blessed to be calm in Jesus.
• Build a relationship with the Lord. Well if you do not know the Lord, how can you
follow His will? We need to know that the Lord is the only way to live our lives
and we can not get though this life without building a relationship with Him, just
as we build relationships with our friends and family, we need a strong
relationship with the Lord too.
• Understand that this is a process and nothing worth having is easy. We are
striving to hear “Well done” from the Lord and this is a daily fight within ourselves
to kill the flesh and walk in the Spirit but it is worth the fight. Some times we will
succeed in turning it over and sometimes we will fail. The awesome thing is that
the Lord knows this too. We are to just keep trusting in the Lord and know that
He is molding us into what He wants us to be. Sometimes that process is a
process that hurts but the Lord blesses us to know that He is with us and even in
the process – We are blessed! Letting the Lord make us over is a blessing as we
will be more Christ like when He is done with us!
Thinks to ponder:
How much are you living the following verses?
Proverbs 3:5-7; Matthew 6:32-34; 1 Corinthians 7:34
Exercises:
Single Sisters: If you have been praying for God to send you a mate and He has not
done so yet, stop praying for God to send you a mate, and start praying for God to make
you the wife He would have you to be. This will allow your focus to be not on what you
do not have, but who you are in Jesus and how to become a better woman in God.
Courting Sisters: You have been blessed with your future mate, continue to pray to the
Lord to show you how to prepare you prior to marriage for being married to the man He
has selected for you.
Married Sisters: You are married and regardless if this season in your marriage is a
good one or a rough one, continue to seek the Lord in prayer to make you the wife that
you need to be in Him for your husband. You should never cease to please the Lord in
your walk or you husband in your marriage.

Chapter Three – Attention Sister
The Attention Sister Scripture:
Luke 14:11 (KJV) For whosoever exalteth himself shall
be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.
Luke 14:11 (NIV) For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who
humbles himself will be exalted.
The Attention Sister is not hard to recognize once you get to know her, but she is hard to
recognize in yourself. Most times she is twins with the Co Dependency Sister, even
though she does not want to admit to it. To some she is considered a “know it all”. She is
sometimes considered by others a person that is always having something tragic going
on with them or with someone that they know, always something tragic and in such a
frequency that it is overly noticeable. She is either never happy in her conversations or
she is overly happy, it alters based on the kind of attention that she receives.
There is a term for this and it is helplessness. The reasoning behind this is you have
learned to get people to care for you, to nurture you. This is truly something that has
been with you for a long time as the need continues to grow inside for acceptance,
approval and fitting into life. More sisters are seeing these behaviors in themselves but
allowing the enemy to deceive her into thinking it is okay to be this way.
Sometimes this is used in such negative ways such as we have seen on cases in court
where the mother has killed her children in aspect of getting attention, or have faked
terminal ill diseases to gain attention from others. In even some cases, this sister will
make up things that have happened to them to fit the group that they are in; for example,
lying about having cancer to be a part of cancer support groups, or claiming to be an
abused spouse to gain attention from others. It not only breaks down the trust that others
have for her, but also hurts those that she has lied too.
Other aspects of this sister are manipulating people into things so that you can remain
dependant on them and not be alone. Most times this sister uses the sympathy role to
act out so that others will show support and compassion, but in reality it is so that others
will do what she wants them to do that she does not want to do for herself.
Most of her life she has played the victim, never seeming to over come anything that has
happened in her life, but yet and still stating how she wants to “help others” over come
what she has yet to overcome. Whenever anyone tries to give her the bright side of her
life, or encourage her to stand on her own, she always has an excuse or disappears for
a while in their life, only to come back explaining how she was going through so much
that she did not want to be a bother to anyone.
This is really a sister that has control issues as she has no control in her own life, so she
makes things up to appear as if she can’t have control instead of standing on her own to
make a difference in her life.
My personal walk as this sister:
I would love to sit here and tell you that I was not this sister ever in my life, but I would
be lying if I said I was not. I was this sister for a time in my life until I opened my heart to

hear what God had for me. The only difference with me is that I did not make things up, I
just harped on those things that already happened to me.
I truly am a survivor of all of things and used that to get attention or to get affection or
just to be noticed. I was loved by my mother and around a lot of attention growing up,
but the affects of the abuse sent me to places I never understood within myself. As I
started to come out of my pain and hurt, I relished on being able to survive all of that and
still be here, to the point of making it the center of my life, my survival.
It was not until I came to know the Lord with my whole heart did I understand that I did
not go through what I went through for my own glory but for the glory of the Lord. It is
something how the Lord will bring you out of those kinds of situations, yet the enemy will
try to blind you with the fact that you did it, not God.
I can see this kind of sister a mile away in other sisters and pray for them as it is a self
destruction trait that can kill us before we even get started. I have to say that I took this
sister to the level of pride and lifting myself up before men instead of lifting the Lord up
before men. I prayed for forgiveness and have come to forgive myself. I was very hard
on myself and when the Lord gave me the vision for Women Living 4 Jesus, I ran from it
for I did not feel myself worthy to be the founder of the group. I thank God for His love
and compassion that He has for us for He sees more in me than I am able to see and I
trust Him with my life.
My sisters this is all a process and though this sister may be you, you are still a child of
God and do not be hard on yourself. I know it might sound silly but knowing who you are
is half the battle, the rest is giving it to Jesus and letting Him direct you into being who
He wants you to be in Him.
Tips to defeat the Attention Sister:
(Tips from www.coping.org – Control/Helpless)
• Pray and fast on the needs being the center of attention or to appear needy
• Speak to a counselor or professional if you believe that you can not stop this
behavior
• Get more into the word of God and truly go before Him for help
• Identify your problems
• Face those problems
• Realize that healing from your problems is a process
• Inform a friend what you have been doing, explain what is going on and come
open with the truth
• Stop using your excuses for why you can’t do something
Things to ponder:
• If this sister is related to you or you are this sister, you are most likely also a Co
Dependency sister, please read that chapter also.
• Why allow yourself to look as if others have control over you instead of you
making the effort and take responsibility for your own life
• This is a learned trait and the only one that can change this is yourself
• The Lord has made us in His image and He depends on no one and we should
depend on Him.
• Making stories up is nothing but a lie and it is not of God

• One day someone is going to find out the truth and friendships can be lost
• This behavior is draining on your friends and support people in your life
• It is really an addiction, just as drugs except it is an attention junkie
• The world does not revolve around your life and situations
Exercises:
1. A great exercise for this is to take the Self-Help Skills and Behaviors Inventory
located at Coping.org site under Tools for handling Control Issues – Overcoming
Helplessness. This is a great self help tool that will open the door to doing some
serious soul searching which is what is needed in this case.
2. Take the time to spend some time within yourself and begin to know who you are
in the Lord. The focus has to come off of you and more onto the Lord in you!
Trust Jesus.

Chapter Four – Bitter Sister
The Bitter Sister Scripture:
Hebrews 12:14-16 (NIV) 14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be
holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace
of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no
one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his
inheritance rights as the oldest son.
Hebrews 12:14-16 (KJV) 14Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no
man shall see the Lord: 15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest
any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; 16Lest
there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his
birthright.
As you read over this sister, let me say that this sister is not always one that we want to
deal with or see in ourselves because of how harsh she can be. She is truly a sister who
is hard to kill and die. It is only in Jesus can she die that death of no return! If you do see
some of her in you or all of her in you, remember that this is a process and some things
are just who we are and the Lord will mold us into whom He wants us to be.
The Bitter Sister is very evident to those that she is close to and those that just meet her
for one moment depending on her bitterness. This sister has been hurt by others in her
life and has not learned to let it go before it destroys who she is. She is holding onto the
hurts and pains in her life, striving to never allow anyone to hurt her again.
This sister can also be relishing in her pain and hurt, because it is what is comfortable to
her. It is what drives her day and nights; it is what makes her think she is unique. She
has not yet learned that holding onto all that pain/hurt/mistrust is not allowing her to be
free in the Lord with whom she is in Jesus, or she knows that it is holding her in bondage
and does not know how to come out of it.
This sister can be mean, direct, not putting up with anything anyone says or does, but
she is truly a hard core sister who wants love but can not allow herself to have real love
because of the fears and pain inside of her.
As being a former bitter sister myself, who is still working on letting go of the past and
looking forward, this is a long process for some and a short one for others. For me
personally, it took over a year and still working on it daily. The bitterness that we hold
onto can destroy us and our relationships that we have in our lives with our families, our
friends, and our intended mates.
The only thing that worked for me was to truly look to the Lord and see who I am in Him.
We really need to look to the Lord, pray/fast that the Lord will show us how to release
things unto Him so that we can live free in Him.
For my own personal release, I found writing was a way to express how I was feeling
and how to let things go inside of me. In my writing, I was able to release things that

were holding me back from allowing the Lord to fill me with His love and joy. I would
spend hours on end writing things down that came to my mind and helped me to let
some things in my past go. As a child of molestation, I was unaware of the fact that it
was holding me back as much as it was. I was angry at the entire world and did not see
it in that manner. I kept a diary since I was thirteen years old, but not until my adult years
did I release that pain penned up in those dairies. The Lord lead me to writing one day to
let things go and I have been writing strong about Him ever since. He has a way for all of
us to release the anger that is inside of us, calling on Him and seeking His direction is
the way.
To know how to and what to do, prayer is an important aspect of it all. It will help you
know how to start letting things go. There are many who do not even know where to
begin when praying to the Lord, Our Father. It is as simple as talking to the Lord and
expressing yourself just as you talk to your friends. Your prayer life is where you are
honest and open to the Lord will direct your steps, by giving over your thoughts to the
Lord, you will see that nothing will hold you bounded. The enemy wants us to think that if
we keep things bottled up inside of us that we are better off this way. He wants us to
think if we bury it all inside that it will disappear – this is a lie. We need to release it to the
Lord. We need to get it out of us because when we do, there is more room for Him to
come into our hearts and our lives. When we let go of some of that bitterness, here
comes more love from the Lord. I know that sisters have said to me that they will be
praying and their minds start to wonder away from their prayers. I used to have that
same problem until I started praying aloud, I started conditioning my mind to know that
when I am praying it is to shut down and let my heart speak to the Lord. I still most
nights pray aloud because I want my focus to stay on Jesus, if the Holy Spirit wants me
to speak something to the Lord only, then I start praying in tongues, which to me is the
special language that only God understands. It calms my spirit and I know that God
understands what I am saying, the Lord blessings my praying time as I am able to sleep
soundly, peacefully and to arise with a new thought in life dwelling on Him, as I begin
my day with prayer.
When we are faced with all that bitterness and pain, going to the word of God is the next
thing to do. We have came to His throne now we have to go to His word and be fed from
the word of God so that you can continue to strive to live the life He has called you to
live. It is in His word that you will find healing and peace within yourself. It is in building
your relationship with the Lord that is going to bring you to the peace that you need. It is
not until you get closer to the Lord are you able to release all that is within you.
Praising the Lord is another aspect of letting things go. After you have prayed to the Lord
to help you let it go, stand wherever you are and just praise Him. Block out everything
and everyone, just talk to the Lord thanking Him for His love and understanding. Thank
the Lord for bringing you through your life and always being there. If you find you can not
get a praise thought, just sit still and look over your life and see how bless you truly are.
Basically, we need to pray to God, read his word and praise Him, which is building our
relationship with Him.
My own personal walk as this sister: I wanted to share with you, my own personal
walk as this sister. Growing up, I was pretty much laid back, whatever anyone asked me
to do, I would do. I started having a “bossy” type personality when I was a young girl and
I had my siblings around me. I was always told by them that I thought I was our mother. I
was the big sister and I was large and in charge. My words were what I used to hurt

people; I did not get into fights too much as a child or while growing into a teenager. I did
not like confrontation but I would speak my mind when pushed to it.
To those that I did not know, I was quiet and just did not say much, but once I got to
know you, I was direct, straightforward and did not care if you did not like what I said. I
would just give it to you as I saw it and if you did not like it, well you need to go figure it
out alone. As I became an adult, it got worse.
I had a lot of bitterness and pain harvesting inside of me, a playing field for the enemy to
run my life and that is exactly what I let him do. I wanted to be loved, but did not want to
love anyone for fear that they would hurt me. It in turn meant I would not let anyone love
me because they had to get to know me. I was not having any of that. I did not ruin my
marriages alone, but I did not help to stop the failure of them either. The Lord released
unto me such a strong pain that I had to turn to Him, He allowed me to feel that pain full
force. I was scared to care or start to see me for me.
When I finally committed my ears and heart to hear the Lord calling my life, I became
really content in my single life in Jesus. I was enjoying going to prayer meeting and
church services. I was truly enjoying teaching the word of God to my son. I enjoyed my
life. Well the Lord had other plans for me, the biggest struggle of my life was yet to come
and I did not know how to deal with it at all. What was that struggle? My biggest struggle
yet of my life was meeting Minister Merv and realizing that I was falling in love with him.
What is so wrong with that? Well I had not yet dealt with the pain and hurt of my past, I
was just coasting through my life, not really thinking about it. The more I opened my
heart to Jesus the more comfortable I was in being single. In my case, that meant a life
of solitude which I thought was the best thing ever. I loved being alone and it did not
bother me too much that there was no one there to hold me. I figured I was a good
Christian woman and I could do without that! Well God had other plans for me.
Minister Merv came in and the reminders of all the pain that I had prior to his entrance
into my life come flooding down on me. I was in such pain and such hurt, I did not even
want to discuss it with a living soul. God knew this and sent Minister Merv to talk to me
about it. I did not want to hear from him or anyone else about why I was so mean all the
time. I did not want to know why I was and I did not want to deal with it. It hurt too much
to face all that mess within me. It hurt too much to allow someone to get to know me. So
what did I do…I ran!!
I became the running girlfriend, every time things got good between Minister Merv and
myself, I ran! I ran out the door and did not look back. I will never forget how I would yell
at him and scream on him, all out of the pain in my heart and very soul. He would take it
and love me back and each time he did, he did it with the love of Jesus. He taught me
how to be loved and how to love. He said some things to me that just melts my heart
now although then I thought he was nuts.
I used to push him so hard and wonder why he would not walk away, after much fighting
and yelling at him, I did the yelling and fighting, he most times just sat there in silence. I
remember always asking him, why are you even still talking to me – his response was
always – God said to love you and I am going to love you – get used to it. I do what
Jesus tells me to do! Sometimes he would add ….woman! It took a long time before I
could accept that answer because of the bitterness that I had within me.

I know that the plan from the Lord all along was to have me come out of that stage of my
life with Minister Merv by my side because Our Father knows us and He knew that I
needed Merv so that I would come out of that stage. He knew if I would have stayed
single for the rest of my life, I would end up one day a bitter and unloved woman of God.
He also knew that I was not going to go “looking” or opening myself up to be able to
accept a man in my life because of my thinking at that time. God knows His children just
as we know our children. In one aspect, He sent His love for me in Minister Merv.
Now, we all do not have the same walk in life though we have the same ending goals for
our lives, but let me encourage you my sisters to not wait until the Lord sends a man into
your life to get your heart ready, open your mind and heart to hear what the Lord has to
say for you. If you are already married, there could be issues within your marriage that
you are causing and not even know that you are doing it. If you are in a courtship, you
could be as I was or you could not have reached that step yet. Just keep seeking the
Lord’s direction no matter what is going on so that you will do as He wants you to do.
Letting go of the bitterness and pains of life are not easy but once we do it, it is a
blessing. I am still struggling with letting things go now that Minister Merv and myself are
married, but the Lord is working on me still this day and each day it is getting a little
easier to let go of the pain that I still have and turn on the love for my family and to enjoy
life.
Tips to defeat the Bitter Sister:
Let I go – know that what happened was in the past, you cannot change it but
you can grow from it. To do this - know that whatever
he/she/they/them/whomever did is holding you back. Every time you are sitting
there angry at something someone did, think about whether or not it is worth the
anger. For example, in the mornings I have to get on the parkway/expressway. It
is always bunched up with cars, no one really following the road and doing what
is right to get on. I make sure that I drive up and make room for others but
sometimes others will cut me off. Well one guy started fussing at me and I felt
that boiling up in me and at first, I was fussing right back, but then the Holy Spirit
spoke to me about how that is becoming, so I started praying for the man. It is
really a process. I have found some things get to me and some things do not, so
we have to know ourselves
Pay attention to what makes you angry, what sets your mouth to going, what
makes you frustrated and focus on making yourself aware of this issues so that
you can address them before the set you off. For example, I was so bad that
every time my son peed on the floor instead of the toilet because of bad aim, I
would just get so angry that I would go off. Now before I walk into the bathroom, I
tell myself, you know he has peed on the floor – tell him to come clean it up as
calmly as you can – breathe my sister breathe. I am not joking, I had to tell
myself that so that I would not flip out over something so trivial.
Do not accept the fact that you are built this way and people have to get used to
you. You are making those around you just as miserable as you are and
eventually they will not want to be bothered.
Focus and pray – Focus and pray – Focus and pray
Stay in the word of God and allow His words to penetrate your heart

There are so many of us that are going through so much and wondering why we are still
not yet free and find ourselves in bondage of our bodies, our minds, and even our spirits.
We need to release and let the Lord move in our lives and know that you are not alone!
Things to ponder:
• The Lord says that we can live life abundantly, victorious and free in Him, being a
bitter sister binds you to the things of your life that have hurt you and keeps you
in bondage until you release it unto the Lord.
• Do you find that you are having problems trusting men, believing people or even
opening up to the simplest thing? Are you holding onto the past and not believing
that there is a good guy out there because you have met so many bad ones?
• How fair is it that you bring in so much bitter and pain into a relationship but if he
was to do the same you would leave him without thinking twice?
• If you are married, are you starting fights just for silly things, how about if you are
single or courting, you could be doing the same with those that you love?
• If you find yourself in a relationship, and after even the littlest offence, you kick
him to the curb and look for the next guy?
• If you are holding onto all this bitterness, all this pain, all this mistrust, all this
hurt, all this malice, how can the Lord truly penetrate your heart to give you more
love, joy, peace, understanding, patience and all the other fruits of the Spirit?
• Are you walking around and some of the slightest stuff “sets you off” or angers
you with no reason that makes sense to anyone but you?
• Are people telling you that you are angry all the time; you may have some
bitterness still in you.
• How can you truly be free indeed when you are allowing those things to keep you
bounded in the Lord?
• What about your family, how can you expect them to love you and accept you for
who you are when you are mean and evil all the time?
• Are you consistently yelling, do you know that you will give that same spirit to
your children so that if they do not break that habit, they will be yelling at their
children and walking around in the same bitterness that you are because that is
all they know? Our children are their environment!
• Are you always waiting for the bad to happen because the good is just too good?
• Jesus promised abundance in life, we can have it, do you believe it?
Exercises:
1. To all sisters going through this stage – read of the tips to help change and start
placing them into practice. If you find that you can not do those tips because they
are not working for you. Seek the Lord in all that you do and allow Him to direct
how you are to address your issues.
2. When we find that we are slipping out of where we should be – remind yourself
that this is a process and the only way to succeed is to look to the Lord. We need
to surround ourselves with things of God. I tell anyone who will ask me this is
how I do it and it works for me; try to find something that works for you. Sure I
slip and mess up but I know how to get back on track, most times sing a song or
sing a praise. I tell you it is so awesome, so I just keep doing it until it becomes
2nd
nature to sing a song or praise to God. I know if I keep that up – I stay in the
spirit and not in the flesh. It keeps my mind steadfast on Him. We want to ignore

the enemy – we have to focus on Jesus – it is NOT easy by any means but it
what we need to do so that we keep our mouths shut, to keep our tempers under
control and beat the bitterness.
I remember one time I fussed at Merv for being a man. He was trying to tell me what to
do – I can’t stand that when I am not tired but I can pretty much ignore it then, but
because I was so tired – I fell into that trap. I had to say sorry, if I would have sang my
song “Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so” I would have ignored the
enemy and kept doing what I was doing without snapping Merv into silence. I could have
sung him into silence which is what I normally do. It is all a process and a way of life –
being molded in Jesus. If we stay in Him all the time, we will get better at walking like
Him more often!
Why do I say this, I say this because we have the victory. What the enemy counts on is
the fact that you do not know that you have the victory and that you will not act on the
fact that you have the victory in Jesus. He (satan) is counting on you falling down and
not wanting to get up. He is counting on when he has you up late due to a family
situation that you will not finish reading your word that night which can start a daily trend
of you not reading your word every day. He gets your mind to thinking, I missed Tuesday
night and the world did not cave in and tonight I am so tired, I will just read double
tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and he throws something else in your path. Now
the Holy Spirit will tell you that you need to read, but it is our choice on what we do. We
have to fight our flesh and ignore the enemy. If you have to stomp on him, then do so,
but remember to turn your mind over to Jesus.
The enemy will send people to hinder us, he will send situations to slow us down, and he
will send obstacles that will try to make you fall down, oh yes, temptations that really
knock you back. Remember that all the enemy means to hurt or harm you, the Lord will
use to bless you. With each situation that comes and you over come that situation, you
will find that you are moving forward in Jesus and receive more in Him because of it.
Sometimes it is the baby steps that matter the most. We can not expect to RUN, when
we can not even CRAWL first! Think of the process of a child learning to walk and
compare it with our walk with the Lord. There is a process in all things, Praise God for
that, so as we learn to scoot closer to Him, know that eventually you will be running to
Jesus and never looking back! AMEN!

Chapter Five – Busy Sister
The Busy Sister Scripture: Psalm 27:13-14 13I had
fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
14Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I
say, on the LORD.
Once again, this sister can be married or single, does not really matter as she fits the
mold in so many ways. This sister whether she is married or single keeps busy so that
she does not allow herself to be “idle”. She does not allow much time for her to slow
down. She is running for herself and for others. She sometimes falls into bed exhausted
because she passes out so that she does not have to think about things that are going
on within her. Sometimes for the single sisters it is so she does not have to think about
being in bed alone, and sometimes for the married women it is because she is not in bed
alone.
So what is the issue with being busy? I am doing things in the name of Jesus, I am
taking care of my children, I am reaching out to others, what is wrong with that?
Well…are you avoiding things in this manner? Are you facing things in your life? How
are you doing so when you continually running, when do you take time out to face
yourself and to do self-examination of yourself? What things are you running to do that
keep you busy? This sister does not spend time at all thinking on things going on with
her; she is not dealing with things in her life.
There is a thin line with this, sometimes a sister in type of Christ thinks she is a busy
sister but she is really not a busy sister, she is a different sister or she is a content sister
who has not accepted a few points in her life and avoiding them for a minute. This is not
to get confused with sisters who are going to school, working, and raising a family, this is
not the sister that we are talking about.
This sister is so busy, always on the go because she can not sit still. This is the kind of
sister that does not even know the meaning of the word “relax”, because when she does
relax, it makes her face things she does not want to face. Sometimes the sister will say
that the enemy will bring things to her mind, when in essence it is the Lord bringing
things to her to deal with.
What is the downfall with a sister as such; this sister is not able to deal with the issues in
her mind. She is shutting down before she has to deal with things in her past or just
some areas in her life that need improvement. The damage is that a busy sister can
eventually turn into any other sisters such as Bitter, Busy Body, Fantasyland Sister and
this is not a good thing.
This sister has to come to understand that “hiding” from oneself is not always the best
thing especially when the Lord is trying to bring it to your mind to deal with. It is truly up
to you to understand what He is calling you to do. It is your walk with the Lord that will
improve when you allow yourself to sit and be still in the Lord.

I spent most of my life as this sister. I was so into not sitting still as I did not want to think
about the things of my past life. The really funny thing is at the same time being the Busy
Sister; I was the Homebody Sister, Co-Dependency Sister, and the Attention Sister.
I would do whatever anyone needed done. My sister needed someone to watch her kids,
no problem; my mom needed someone to take her somewhere, no problem. A friend
needed this or that, no problem. It meant that I was not sitting around thinking about
things that I just did not want to think about.
It is something how our minds will work, we will suppress things for years but when the
Lord feels it is time to deal with the situation, He will bring it to our minds and we will do
whatever we can to fight it off.
I was not saved when I was being this sister, and eventually to avoid the thinking as
much as I can, I became more of the Homebody and Bitter Sister to avoid doing
anything at all for anyone. It was a process for me to go through and it enabled me to
learn to enjoy when I have moments of being busy but yet remembering always to spend
time with myself and deal with the one person who needs Jesus the most in my life and
that is me!
My sisters, remember no matter what, this is a process and this is something that you
have to do within yourself, you need to spend that time alone and allow the Lord to
speak to you and bring you to where you need to be in Him. It is only in Jesus that you
will have joy and peace in your life.
Remember all things are possible in Jesus Christ – Philippians 4:13
Tips to defeat the Busy Sister:
Some of us are so used to running around all the time, that they are a PDA
person, or a person whose life runs by a calendar, so schedule some time for
you to just allow yourself to think
Focus, Focus, Focus - it is a blessing to do all that you do, you are organized,
time to organize your mind.
Cancel one thing that you were going to do at the drop of the hat, and lay in your
bed and just veg-out – in your vegging – listen to your heart, mind, body and
soul to see where you truly are.
Spend time with the family doing nothing but vegging with them
Spend quality time with hubby, doing whatever it is that he wants to do
If you cancel something that you were going to do, are you a wreck because you
“missed” something? Why not take a look at that aspect of your life?
FOCUS! The key to it all is the focus of being mindful of what we are doing and
why we are doing it.
Allow yourself time to sit and just think – think and think some more. Allow
yourself to do self examination and to really look at your strengthens and
weaknesses
Strengthen your prayer and bible reading life
Slow down my sister, enjoying life is great but don’t lose contact with those
around you.
Learn how to tell people NO!

Things to ponder:
One thing that is serious to consider is that you can alienate yourself from others
by never being available, especially for your family because you are doing so
much for the church.
Married sisters – remember this…Ephesians 5:22 and I Corinthians 7:34, as a
married woman, your first priority is your home, husband and family after your
relationship with God
You can get into a habit of running so much, that when you are blessed to meet a
man that you find you have no time for him as you have a full schedule
In your alienation, you become bitter, fool yourself into waiting for Mr. Perfect not
Mr. Right for me, or you make it so no one can even begin to get close to you.
If you are married, are you causing more issues in your marriage because you
are so busy and not available for the family
Are you meeting the needs of your relationship with the Lord
Are you meeting the needs of your family/spouse
Exercises:
1. Really look inside of who you are, spend about 1 hour at least with no one talking
to you, for a lot of us that is in our bedroom after the kids are in bed. Do not go
right to sleep allow yourself to relax and talk to the Lord and hear what He is
saying to you this day! The Lord always has a word for us – all we need to do is
to be still to hear it.
2. Take an organizational tips class or look on line for organizational tips on how to
be organized, sometimes our busyness is due to poor planning

Chapter Six – Busy Body Sister
The Busy Body Sister Scripture: I Peter 4:15-16
15But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a
thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's
matters. 16Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him
glorify God on this behalf.
The Busy Body sister is very active in the church today along with the world. It is
something when you think about it, as she is very cunning sometimes and other times
very open with her busy self. There are many sisters who think what they are doing is
not being a busy body but “helping” or encouraging others, when in essence, if they took
the time to listen to what they are saying and reading more of the word of God to line up
with it, they would notice that they are truly against the Lord. A busybody does not love
those that she meets but in yet destroying those that she is “helping”
Look at things and see how you are, do you line up with being a busybody? Are you
giving your thoughts/opinions when they are not wanted? Many times we try to be
helpful but are not truly helpful because we are not listening to the direction of the Lord
in what we are saying. We need to pray and think about what we are saying and why we
are saying it prior to doing what WE think will help.
We need to take the time to make sure what we are saying not only lines up with the
word of God, but the tone we use, the delivery method that we say it in and truly in the
direction that we receive from the Holy Spirit. So many times we are so quick to not deal
with things in the manner that the Lord allows us to do things and take it upon ourselves
to give someone the word of God.
This sister needs to take into consideration what she is doing to the person that she is
helping, if you do not have words from God or direction from God to give to someone, it
is best to keep your mouth shut because you can set them down the wrong path in their
life. In doing so, you can lead the person to hell instead of heaven. Yes, you can lead
them to hell by not being the Christian God has called you to be, you can lead them to
hell because what you can say can set them to listening to the wrong doctrine. Now
should they be studied and know the word of God for themselves, yes they should, but
most times busy body sisters do not talk with those that are in the word of God because
they are not easily tempted to listen to them.
This sister’s own personal life most times is in shambles. She will prey on others
weaknesses to feel better about her own situation. She does not confide in others about
her situations as she tries to get others to confide in her. She often times does not
discuss her family at all unless it is in a positive light unless she is also the “Attention”
sister who thrives on being the center of all things.
We have to really do some self evaluation to ensure that we are not falling into the trap
of being a Busy Body sister. The word is clear on this issue for it is tearing down the
body of Christ not uplifting the body of Christ.
My personal walk as this sister: Praise the Lord, I was a busy body sister when I was
not saved and in the beginning of my walk with the Lord. When I came to the Lord, I

wanted everyone to know about the Lord so I got busy giving my advice to others on
what was wrong with their life, and trying to get them to see the light as I did.
I learned that you can not only offend but hurt people’s feelings by doing that and truly
not winning them over to the Lord or encouraging them to stay in the Lord. It is truly what
the Lord does not want us to do.
In time the closer I got to the Lord, the less I did it and now, it is about spreading the love
of the Lord, not my thought on what others should do but to spread the love of the Lord.
Yet there are times even now, the Lord directs my words to give as a response to a
sister’s statement which appears to dispense unwanted advice, but when the Lord
directs what you say it maybe unwanted by them buy necessary for them to hear.
Discernment and wisdom is truly necessary in our walk with the Lord when dealing with
others.
Tips to defeat the Busy Body Sister:
• Be mindful of your surroundings and what is being spoken to you. Listen first to
what a person is saying before you respond. Some times people are just seeking
to be heard and not asking for advice
• Listen to what the word of God is says, we are to love each other as ourselves,
would you want someone to do to you what you are doing to them.
• We all know a person who is a busy body, and they flock together. If you find
yourself surrounded by busy bodies, could it be that you are one too?
Things to ponder:
• No one is perfect, so when hearing things of others, why not pray instead of prey.
• When people approached Jesus with this kind of stuff, He gave the word and
ministered to them, never jumping in with their mess. We need to do more of
What Did Jesus Do instead of jumping in with others when they are talking about
others.
• If power of life and death is in the tongue, how many people did you kill today?
• Do you realize that the same judgment that you use on someone else is going to
be used on you? You have to answer for everything you do in the Lord – every
single thing, so what is the real deal with yourself, where are you sitting in the
Lord…more concentration on your walk and less on others walks will be a huge
benefit to whether you hear “Well done” or “I knew you not”
Exercises:
1. Search whom you are and allow the Lord to speak to you, allow the Lord to move
in your heart so that you have compassion and love for those that are going
through things
2. Pray for those that are coming to you to vent and learn to listen to them. Less is
more so many more times than saying something at all to them.
3. If you are finding it hard to flee gossip, stop talking to those that are always
talking about others

4. If you find that you have to be around them, change the subject to the love of the
Lord. Speak about Jesus all the time to make the conversation about Him.
5. When you hear things…start praying for the person that is being talked about
and the person who is doing the talking
6. Use your boldness in the Lord and gently in love correct the one who is speaking
about another sister or brother in Christ in a negative way

Chapter Seven – Co Dependency
Sister
The Co-Dependency Sister Scripture: Psalm 37:3-
5 3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt
be fed. 4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine
heart. 5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass
The Co Dependency sister most times goes hand and hand with the Attention sister,
though she is also related to the Low Self Worth sister along with the Mother May I and
Mother Mode sisters. This sister takes her level of caring to an extreme point of caring
for people who depend on her, as it is usually a one sided relationship. These sisters
tend to have friends, family, companions and even husbands who often exhibit
neediness for support emotionally, physically, financially, or have addictions such as
drugs and alcohol.
Co-Dependency can be passed down from generation to generation; it is an emotional
and behavior condition. In some circles, it is know as a relationship addiction because
the relationships are one sided most times with destructive behaviors. It has been said
by authorities that most women who are in some kind of abusive relationship is this
sister. She will do what she can to control, make excuses for, fell sorry for the person
who is in need because of her own desire to be needed and her fear of doing anything
that would jeopardize the relationship.
A sister who is a codependency sister will make excuses for the ones she loves to cover
up or might light of their downfall. She will excuse away why her son is stealing to pay
for drugs, she will make up stories as to why she has a black eye instead of admitting
that her husband is beating on her. She will try to make things all right even though they
are failing miserably.
This sister is truly not alone, millions of people are in this situation on a daily basis and if
you know someone who is this sister, reach out to her in love and give her as much
support as you can but remember to use tough love too. She is most times soft spoken
on the subjects at hand and really has a hard time admitting to the full picture of what is
going on even when faced with the entire picture at hand.
It takes the love of Jesus within you to be able to be what this sister needs to help her.
She needs encouraged to face the truth with some tough love at times. She needs to be
encouraged to call on God and listen to Him when He speaks to her.
One aspect that we really want to touch is if this sister is in an abusive situation, she
may not leave no matter what you tell her. You are to encourage her to see her worth in
life and see how special she is by giving her the word of God. You want to be a friend
that she will come to in her time of need yet you want to not become co dependant
yourself. Keep in mind that there are many factors underlying these situations and it is
necessary to keep an open mind and heart when dealing with this kind of sister.
Since most times this sister can not see this in herself, this chapter was written as a help
source for those that are related to, friends with, or even witnessing to sisters who are in
this category. If you recognize yourself in this sister, please go to the Lord and talk with

Him and feel free to contact us at WL4J (Women Living 4 Jesus Ministries) 1-877-205-
4524
My personal walk as this sister was not a pretty picture but God brought me through it
all. My mother was this kind of sister, she spent about 20 years in an abusive
relationship that left her beaten down for the rest of her life. She was never truly free
from the affects of that abusive relationship or the outcome of it either.
I was a product of her not handling that situation in the manner that it should have been
dealt with. My mother was very much aware of the abuse that was going on with me but
denied it due to her own insecurities and life. I was abused sexually from the age of six
to the age of sixteen by my step father. My life went on a downward spiral for a long
time, BUT GOD! He saved me and changed me. But I had to go through some things in
my life before that point.
My mother passed on that spirit to me and I married a drug addict, alcoholic for my first
husband. Everyone told me not to do it, but I had to do it, for I loved him. I wanted to
save him and all he needed was love and all I needed was someone to love me. It was a
mess from the door. After a few months of being beaten up and just taken advantage of
in all manners, we finally separated after a fight that left my insides like mush.
I ended up leaving him never to look back, as I saw my mother’s life ahead of me in that
manner and did not want to go down that road that I had been down with her. I am to this
day thankful to the Lord for steering me out of that relationship and bringing me to this
point in my life.
I allowed myself to be degraded to the point of being abused and put down on a daily
basis, never telling a single person, just telling myself it was the drugs, until it was not
just when he was not high but when he was high too. It was time to leave and after one
drawn out fight and a look in the mirror, I was blessed to get out of that relationship. My
second husband was not physically abusive but verbally and emotionally. Nothing I did
was good enough most times, but he would toss out a bone that would get me hoping
only to be down trodden yet again. I had got so used to the pain and hurt that I believed I
could not live without him. I had allowed my mind to tell me to end it all. BUT GOD
stopped me and I am here! Praise the Lord for His grace and mercy.
Many of our sisters are not listening to the Lord and I encourage any sister who is an
abusive relationship to take it to the Lord with their whole heart and find someone to talk
to. Women Living 4 Jesus Ministries has a toll free number and if you call us, we will call
you back. Please do not stay in that relationship, even if you are married to him. Let him
get the help he needs without you being around or involved as you need to get the help
you need to recover from it. (WL4J 1-877-205-4524)
God has blessed me and He has bless you too.
Tips to help identify a Co-Dependency Sister: (from the National Mental Health
Association)
• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can
pity and rescue

• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to
hold onto a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
• Poor communication
• Difficulty making decisions
• Avoids arguments/disagreements
• Worries about what others think
• Lives with or subjected to different forms of abuse
Exercises:
No exercises provided in this chapter as this chapter is not for those that are faced with
Co-Dependency. For more information and help try doing a search on line for Co-
Dependency issues and learn as much as you can so that you will be able to be an
effective help to those sisters in need.

Chapter Eight – Demand/Do It
Myself Sister
The Demand/Do It Myself Sister Scripture: Psalm
121:1-2 1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. 2My help
cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
The Demanding/I’ll Do It Myself sister can kill relationships that we have in Christ and
outside of Christ. This sister has a serious situation that needs to be dealt with. This
sister walks around saying how she can do it, she needs no one at all to help her
because she has everything under control, even when her life is spinning out of control.
She could be walking around saying that no one does it right or that it is just easier to do
it herself instead of letting others do it for her. She is that strong independent sister that
needs no one to do a thing for her. She can be single, she can be married, she can be
any woman at all, all backgrounds and life situations. She is can be a real close sister to
the Bitter Sister in many situations. This sister is truly not trying to get help from anyone
about anything.
This sister can also be one who is all about herself and not about helping others, along
with not allowing others to help her. What she does not realize is that she is being selfish
in this stance. How is doing things yourself being selfish? You are not learning to trust
others to be there for you…the ones that God is sending you to help you.
Do you remember the story about a man who is in a sinking boat, and prayed to Jesus to
come down and save Him? He prayed to the Lord to come and save Him because He
needed Jesus to come right then, his prayer went forth. The man sat and waited. As he
was waiting, three boats came past and told him to come aboard; he declined them and
said he would be fine. In his mind, he saying I am waiting on Jesus to come. Well after
the 3rd
boat begged him to come aboard, and he declined, they left and 20 minutes later
he drowned.
When he met Jesus, he asked Jesus why did He allow him to drown, and Jesus told him
that He sent 3 boats to save him with the last one begging him to get on, but yet he
refused. The entire point is that sometimes the Lord sends people our way to help us
and if we do not accept the help, we are denying the Lord the opportunity to bless us in
the manner that He chooses to do so.
We can not sit around asking God to bless us and then reject that blessing because we
did not like the form that it came in. It is a slap to the grace of God to do so.
Oh my, my personal walk with this sister is still a struggle to this day. The Board of
Directors of WL4J will agree with me whole heartily on this topic. I can sympathize with
any woman who has this kind of personality because even as I type this I still struggle
with her. Praise the Lord, not as bad as I used to do, but yet and still I struggle with her.
It is truly through the prayers of those close to me along with my own prayers that I have
come this far. Let me explain…I was married twice to men who were not strong men so

to speak, they did not stand up to the over bearing spirit in me. I wanted things my way
and only my way. I did not accept any other manner of anything that they done.
I wanted it my way or the highway. I believe this all steamed from not being in control of
my life for so long that when I did take control, I took complete control. It was not a good
thing at all.
As I moved closer to the Lord, He started sending people in my life to tell me that I was
doing that and showing me how it was destroying relationships that had at that time and
past relationship. It was not a pretty picture, but self examination or soul searching most
times is not.
Even still I have issues with handing things over for WL4J along with giving things over
to the hubby. The biggest struggle that I have is the financial piece, I am so used to
doing it alone, but now need to turn it over to the Lord and my husband. It is not easy but
when I find myself struggling with it, I start to pray to the Lord to help me not think of it as
a negative thing but as a growing experience. As I want to grow in Jesus.
This is still a process that is in the works and may the Lord continue to bless the growth
in me to come completely out of it.
Tips to defeat the Demanding Sister:
• Pray and talk to Jesus before turning anyone down
• Realize that you are NOT superwoman and by acting in this manner, everyone
will always expect you to be this way
• Pray some more because to change this kind of personality trait, it is going to
take some serious prayer and fasting
Things to ponder:
• Are you tired at the end of your days because you have so much going on, have
you ever thought that giving some of that stuff over to others to do would help
you in that situation
• Jesus will use whomever He wants to use, why not allow Him to help you in the
manner that you need help
• You could be entertaining an angel that is offering to help you and not only
offending God, but refusing a blessing
Exercises:
1. The first step is to understand that accepting help from others is accepting help
from the Lord.
2. Listen to the Holy Spirit directing you, pray for discernment on this subject so that
you can tell who is sent by God to help and who is sent by the enemy to destroy,
which means to build your relationship with the Lord
3. When faced with challenges and things that need to be done, start out by
reaching out to those that are closest to you, if they are used to you saying no,
they will be overjoyed that you asked them for help

4. Remember sometimes the Lord sends angels in disguise to us to do things for us
and to have us to do things, you maybe entertaining an angel and to deny them
is like denying Jesus.
Remember that no matter what – God is with you. This is a process and you can come
through this in the manner that the Lord wants you to as long as you are seeking Him. It
is okay to start off with small tasks and recognize that you are not superwoman. Some
things are not going to be the way you want it done, breathe and move on. This is a
control behavior and we must come to the understanding that Jesus is in control and
follow His lead in all aspects of our lives. The more we submit to Him, the more He
increases in our lives and we decrease. The key is more Jesus and less self.

Chapter Nine – Don’t Do
Anything Sister
Don’t Do Anything Sister Scripture: Proverbs
21:24-26 24Proud and haughty scorner is his name, who dealeth in proud wrath. 25The
desire of the slothful killeth him; for his hands refuse to labour. 26He coveteth greedily all
the day long: but the righteous giveth and spareth not.
The Don’t Do Anything is lazy, and slothful. This sister is a straightforward, cut and dry
sister as this sister literally does nothing. She is either waiting on the Lord to send her a
man who will do everything for her as she wants him to take care of her because she
considers herself high maintenance and worth the cash, or she is married to a man who
does everything for her and he wants her to go back to work, volunteer or just do
something constructive.
We are not talking about stay at home moms and their very purpose is to be that. We
are not talking about women who are disabled and receiving financial help from the state
or a sister who was blessed with money that enables her to not work. We are talking
about women who refuse to take care of themselves, and there are the two types of
sisters who fall under this category, one whom works and one who does not.
This sister can be a sister who has gone as far as not even working, living off the system
or past pension. This sister can say that she is disabled and not receiving an SSI check
but she will not work. She feels that she is entitled to a good life and has nothing to offer
a man at all except for sex.
This sister can be a sister who works, but states when she is married, she is done, she
is not working and if she continues to work, HE is paying for everything because her
money is her money.
This sister is considered also a “gold digger” and truly not living the Proverbs 31 Virtuous
woman motto but rather the motto of another sort that is truly not of God. “Use what I
have to get what I want” and this is not always a lasting relationship with a man whether
married or single.
This sister does not take pride in whom she is and in some cases has the opportunity to
improve herself such as returning back to school but prefers not to miss her soap
operas. Some of these sisters hide behind having children, yet and still does not do
anything with her children either. She will do whatever she can to get out of work. Her
financial status in life is not based on anything that she has done, she either has a
husband who works or she is collecting a check.
This does include the sisters who are blessed not having to work to take care of
themselves but yet and still not giving back to the community or those around them. The
Lord has a service for all of us to do and for those that are blessed to be in the financial
status to no longer have to work, they should be doing a service for those around them
in the name of Jesus for the word says we are to help each other.

These kinds of sisters are never one to help out in anything that is going on but are
really close to the Busy Body sister who is either themselves or their best friends. These
sisters are in serious need of our prayers. The Lord has called us out of laziness and we
are to break that mold and get to work for Jesus.
Praise the Lord – the Don’t Do Anything Sister. Let me say this, this sister I was/am not.
I was not this sister to this degree but I was starting to have her mentality and thank you
Jesus for a saved mother who did not allow me to go here in this manner, but I was
headed here my sister. Some sisters are this sister and some sisters headed to be this
sister, let us be in the word of God and praying for our sisters like this.
Tips to defeat the Don’t Do Anything Sister:
Change your focus from you to Jesus
Focus on Jesus
Focus on Jesus
Focus on Jesus – Focus on Jesus
If you are not working – get a job, find a job, watch someone’s children for pay,
do something besides watching television all day and telling working sisters how
bored you are
Come to know the Lord with you whole heart and know that living life abundantly
in Him is true but it is not all about the money either
Stop telling your working friends how bored you are, if you are bored do
something about it
Things to ponder:
A marriage is not one way – it takes two to work at it and build it and selfishness
is NOT going to help any
We are all made with the capabilities to go to work and do a job until the Lord
sees fit for things to be different
Notice that the last comment said “until the Lord” sees different
It is not about you but Jesus
Where is your walk with the Lord that you are full of so much self wanting and not
enough giving
There is more to life than the couch, shopping, and your friends
Exercises:
Soul Searching…look within yourself and see what God has for you in Him

Chapter Ten – Fantasyland Sister
Fantasyland Sister Scripture: Deuteronomy 13:2-4
2And the sign or the wonder come to pass, whereof he
spake unto thee, saying, Let us go after other gods,
which thou hast not known, and let us serve them; 3Thou shalt not hearken unto the
words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to
know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. 4Ye
shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and
obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.
This chapter is geared more towards are single sisters but yet our married sister may
remember and learn a thing or two also.
This sister is living in a dream that there is a perfect man for her and that all the men that
she has met had too much wrong with him to be the one sent by God.
This sister is so specific in her request for a man, though we are to be specific in our
requests to the Lord, that she has an illusion of thinking that this man exists. She has
placed more “I will not have” on the list than there are “I will accept”.
This sister relaxes in the fact that it is NOT her, as there is nothing wrong with being
specific and knowing what she wants in a man. No there is nothing wrong with being
specific and knowing what you want in a man as long as your expectations are realistic
in Jesus and grounded in the Lord and not your own thinking.
If this sister is a married sister, she has this fantasy that her husband is to be one
specific way, never stopping to think that it could be her that needs to be changed. She
believes that she is the one that is doing all the right and if he would just get this one
thing straight, their marriage would be fine.
My personal walk as this sister: As a single sister, I had put so many limitations on the
Lord when I was available to start seeing people again. Because of all the pain and hurt
in my life, when I was not saved, I did not have a standard, but as I started to accept the
love of the Lord, I started to raise the bar, but then started raising the bar just a little too
high. I wanted to have a man who had it all meanwhile, I did not have it all. As I started
listening to the Lord more, I heard His voice telling me to let go, so I did. I figured if I
could not have a man with all that I had on that list, that I did not want a man at all.
Well that was not what the Lord meant for me to do, and boy did I learn the hard way to
listen to His direction in relationships. He sent Minister Merv who did not possess
anything that I thought I wanted in a man, but yet he did as I did not see it right away
because my list was not the list God had for me. As I came closer to the Lord, I saw that
my list changed and Minister Merv fit that list. Praise the Lord! I did not make it easy on
him during our courtship, but the Lord knew I would not do so and made sure that
Minister Merv had the qualities that I needed from a man during that time.
Now that we are married, the Lord has reminded me on several occasions that I still
want to go by “my list” in our marriage instead of by God’s list. As time moves forward in
our marriage, I am seeing the God’s list is the most important list and not my own list. By
going by God’s list, I am able to love my husband in the manner that he needs along

with in the manner that I need. It is truly the love of the Lord that molds us which makes
the difference in our lives.
Tips to defeat the Fantasyland Sister:
• Has it ever come across your mind that you cannot ask for what you are not.
There is a story of a man who was waiting on a woman sent from God but for this
writing, we are going to flip the switch to a woman waiting on a man sent from
God. This sister prayed for God to bless her with a man that was kind, open
minded, patience, loving, active, handsome and outgoing. As she prayed daily to
God for this man to come, each day she added yet another trait that she thought
she needed to have in a man.
One day after many years of praying, she finally asked God why she was still
single. The Lord answered her by saying to her; you want a man who is patience
when you are not. You want a man who is kind when you are not. You want a
man who is active when you are not, you want a man who loves when you do not
and you want me to send him to you when a man like this is praying for a woman
who has those same qualities. As soon as a man is available that is all that you
want and requesting a woman who is unloving, uncaring, not patience, and
unkind, you will receive your man. The point of this is we are busy trying to get
what we want instead of being what we need to be in the first place.
• Has it crossed your mind that you are putting unnecessary stipulations in place
that are not needed. I remember asking sending out a request from sisters in
Christ about what they wanted in a man and what they would not accept. I
wanted to see what sisters were looking for in a man. I was even more interested
in seeing what they would not accept. It is something how we are quick to cut
things to the bone and wonder why we are still waiting.
Now yes, we can be specific in our prayers to the Lord and He will give us our
heart’s desires when we doing His will but yet my sisters I wonder on a regular
basis if some of what we want is truly His will for us. Some sisters will not accept
a man who is NOT a Pastor or Minister. Some sisters will not accept a man
because he is too tall or too short. Some sisters will not accept a man because
he is too big or too skinny. Some sisters have gone as far as not accepting a
brother if he does not make so much money a year.
Well there is one thing I have learned, if God blesses you with a man that comes
in your life who is too short, too tall, too thin, too fat, too this or that and God
blesses you with that man accept him because he is all that you need. Too many
sisters are not open with their thoughts on what they should have in a man. This
does not mean you have to run out and find the worse man ever and wait for God
to bless you, it just means to remain open and not closing your mind to different
aspects that maybe presented to you.
Things to ponder:
Listen to the Lord in all that you do, hear what He is directing you to do in your
life

Open-mindedness – keep your mind open and available to possibilities in the
Lord. By keeping your mind open, you will not put limitations on the Lord in your
life
To change is also a thought process, some times reminding ourselves of who we
are and where we came from is even more important than where we are in our
lives to help us focus on where we are going
Remember that you are not perfect and cannot expect to have a man who is
perfect. This does not mean that he cannot excel at some areas better than you
can. For example, you have poor money management skills and he does not, or
even the fact that he is more patience than you are for some of his good qualities
will bless you to increase in those areas too. What the issue comes in is when he
can have no faults whatsoever. This is a conception that some sisters fall into.
They find the negative in everything.
Start looking at things in a positive manner, seeing a persons faults as an
opportunity to help them or be a blessing to them and not as a hindrance to
yourself
Exercises:
1. This exercise can be done by single and married sister, for our married sisters,
this exercise is a little longer for you are going to add a list of qualities in your
husband and rate them as things you have a problem with, then you are going to
pray to the Lord to show you how to deal with those areas that you have issues
with in him. Pray that the Lord shows you what you can do to make a difference
in the relationship in a positive manner.
2. This exercise is to make reality list. The reality list is a list of things qualities you
like about yourself, qualities you dislike about yourself, qualities you will not
accept in a spouse, qualities you want in a spouse, and things about him you
could careless about.
Now look over the list, what do you see? Is the list of what you could careless
about bigger than the list of what you want in a spouse, even that is somewhat
uneven and is it very honest? When you are looking at your lists, you should see
some kind of a balance. If any list is bigger than the other, reevaluate and see
why you are putting qualities where you are placing them.
This is yet again more searching of oneself and really importantly listening to the
Lord. Pray before doing this list, open your heart and mind to the truth and hear
what the Lord is saying to you while you are doing this exercise. It is the Lord
who will direct you in what needs to be changed, what needs to be altered from
the list and how to grow more in Jesus.
3. As always being in Jesus and listening to His direction is where we want to be.
We do not want what we want but what He wants for us. Most times what we
think we want is not as good as we think it will be for when we get it, we no
longer want it or it is not what we think it is. We sure do not want to make that
mistake in marriage for a Christian marriage is until death due us part.

Chapter Eleven – Homebody
Sister
Homebody Sister Scripture: 1 John 1:6-7 6If we say
that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: 7But
if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the
blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
The Homebody sister is found in any sister, single or married, it does not matter, the trait
is a trait that is hard to break but it will be very rewarding when it is broken.
This sister goes to work, goes home, and goes to church. She has no social life outside
of her home. She can have children or not have children. Even if she has children, she is
still a homebody. Her children play outside but she rarely takes them anywhere outside
of the home. She can have a husband or not have a husband, either way she is still a
homebody.
This sister if single believes that her future husband will approach her in church, work or
even the grocery store. This sister feels that since women are not to “search” for her
husband, she is better off just being at home. This sister is uncomfortable in crowds and
being in unfamiliar places. If she is married, she could cause problems with her husband
if he is not a homebody, she could be opening a door of infidelity by not supporting her
spouse by attending functions with him.
Some of these sisters do not do anything alone besides errands such as dinner, movies,
nail salon or things of that sort. Some of these sisters will do some of these things but
not often because comfort comes from the home. She will use the excuse of not having
the time, being tired or not having the money to do anything on a regular basis.
These sisters hide behind the word of God as a shield to the outside world, believing that
saved sisters do not go to the movies, or do not go out to eat alone. Some believe that
they cannot do anything out in the real world because of the dangers of the world. Some
have found solace on the internet and some shun the internet as a major sin.
The key to all of this for the homebody sister is to get out the house. If a sister starts out
doing little things to get out the house, in time, she will no longer be a homebody, but do
not do so much that you become a busy sister.
Some sisters are really shy or unsure of themselves; you cannot make a difference in
that area of your life if you do not get out the house and do something.
There are tons of opportunities to break the mold, by doing things for you and getting out
of the house.
As much as I do not like to admit to it, I was this sister and sometimes still get in the
mood and fall into being a homebody sister. When I was growing up, I spent all my time
alone. Due to my upbringing, I kept away from other people, to keep them from finding
out what was happening to me in my household. I did not want people to find out as I

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