1. RELATIONSHIPS
Samantha Pingitore

2. RELATIONSHIPS: TABLE OF CONTENTS
 Relationship Statistics
 Match.com Study
 Marriage, maybe?
 Independent Partnerships
 Older and Happier
 Changing attitudes about marriage
 Interracial Marriages
 Teen Dating Violence
 Discussion Questions
 Introduction : Women learning from other Women
 Participant responses & Personal feedback
 Facebook Discussion Question

3. MARRIAGE, MAYBE?
Ages 21-34
want to
marry
do not
want to
marry
unsure
Ages 35-44
want to
marry
do not
want to
marry
unsure
A 2011 match.com study of single men and women

4. INDEPENDENT PARTNERSHIPS
Statistics show that women, in all age groups, now want more
personal space in committed relationships
 More nights out
with girlfriends!
 Keeping a
separate bank
account
 Increase in solo
getaway trips

5. OLDER AND HAPPIER: SINGLES OVER 65
 Report the highest level of
happiness over the past 12
months
 Lead less stressful lives
 Sex is still important

6. INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE
Adult Interracial
Marriages in 2008
White
Black
Hispanic
Aisian
* 3.8 million Americans
Gender Patterns
 22% black males v.
9% black females
Would marry interracially
 40% Asian females v. 20%
Asian Males
 There were no found gender
differences among white and
Hispanic Americans

7. CHANGING ATTITUDES ABOUT MARRIAGE
OVER TIME
1960 68% people in their twenties were
married
2005 Unmarried households became
the majority of all U.S.
households
2007 more than a million unmarried
partners were living together

8. TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
 1 in 3 teenagers report
knowing a friend that
has been physically hurt
by a partner
 1 in 4 teenage girls in
relationships reported
being pressured to have
intercourse (including
oral)
 26% teenage girls
reported enduring
repeated verbal abuse
 73% teens would turn to
a friend for help if ever
in an abusive
relationship; only 33%
of those who were
actually told someone

9. SINGLISM
Society and our families often pressure us to believe that we
need to be involved in a long time relationship that will
one day lead to marriage. This common assumption leaves
many people to become targets of Singlism
Singlism is…
Prejudice
Stereotyping
Interpersonal exclusion
Discrimination
Targeting all those who
are single
Stereotypes:
Singles are miserable and lonely;
They are only interested in finding a partner;
Often excluded from social events which are usually
organized around couples

10. WOMEN LEARNING FROM OTHER WOMEN
Chapter 5 of Our Bodies, Ourselves follows a group of women discussing
their lives with one another through an online conversation. These
women represent different identities, sexual experiences , and age
groups. The women discuss what they enjoy most about their sexuality
and their experience in relationships. In addition, the group reflects
upon the media, it’s images and representations of popular culture, and
how it has influenced their views on relationships.

11. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
 What are you looking for in a relationship?
 How do you define and express intimacy?
 What do you enjoy about being sexual?
 What role has love played, or not played, in your relationships?
 What is it like to be in a relationship when you don’t like some or all of your body?
 How do media images and portrayals of relationships affect your idea of an “ideal"
relationship?
 How does it affect your relationships when you are with someone whom the world
gives more or less power than you have, because of race, income, gender, or
disability?
 What are your experiences in relationships that span racial differences?
 Have you or your partner discussed having children? If you had differing opinions,
how did it affect your relationship?
 What effect do children have on dating or staying in a relationship?
 When did you realize that a relationship you intended to stay in was going to be
work, and what are some obstacles that can get in the way of relationships?
 How has sexual abuse and/or physical violence affected your relationships?
 What has helped the process of healing from sexual or other abuse?
 How has growing older affected your relationships or what you look for in a
relationship?
 Do you feel affected by relationship time lines?

12. “love
Courageo
usly”
 Mutual respect
 Trust; loyalty
 Sexual compatibility
 Confidence
 “Love courageously,” having the courage to love
someone and be loved in return
 Equal responsibility
 Ambition
 Fun and funny
 Patience: “relationships are one of the hardest things
we do”
 Unconditional love
 Being with a partner that it supportive, and brings
out your best
 Independence: maintaining other relationships
 Co-conspirator; partner in crime; work together
toward common goals
What Are You Looking for in a
Relationship?
(A Women’s Common Response)

13. “love
courageously”:
Personal Response
Just like one of the women in this discussion, I also
believe that you must “love courageously;” it is the
key to having a relationship. To be able to have a
relationship consisting of mutual respect and
responsibility where you share secrets, goals, and
inside jokes you first have to overcome the fear of
loving someone and being loved in return.

14. HOW DO YOU DEFINE INTIMACY?
A WOMEN'S COMMON RESPONSE
“Laughter, li
ke any
emotional
expression, r
equires the
safety to
express that
joy”
 Knowing what the other one is about to say and
how they are feeling just by looking at them
 Having the feeling of safety; being able to sleep
soundly next to the other every night
 Close physically and emotionally; emotional
honesty
 Sharing secrets
 Vulnerability and trust: “knowledge of each
other grounded in spirit”
 Sharing true laughter with someone:
“laughter, like an emotional expression, requires
the safety to express that joy”
 No boundaries

15. “laughter,
like any
emotional
expression,
requires the
safety to
express that
joy”:
personal Response
“Laughter ,like any emotional expression, requires the
safety to express that joy” This quote, taken from the
discussion, made a lot of sense to me. To truly be able to
laugh with someone, no matter what its about, is a way
of expressing comfort with that person. You shouldn’t
have to worry about judgment and feeling insecure
around the one you are intimate with. Its about being
yourself, as well being comfortable with yourself. You
should feel safe to emotionally express yourself to your
partner, especially to truly laugh with them.

16. WHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST ABOUT BEING
SEXUAL?
(A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE)
 Sexual intimacy preserves
nonverbal expression
 It’s a way to explore each other
physically
 Appreciating the time and effort
involved
 It’s a way to develop a positive
relationship with your own body;
You discover that sex is better
when you feel better about yourself
 Brings “clearheaded focus” and
calmness
 Even with no partner
(masturbation) it is a way to
nurture yourself, it relieves
tension

17. WHAT ROLE HAS LOVE PLAYED OR NOT PLAYED IN
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE
“i don’t want to
think of love as
a solid, assumed
foundation, but
rather as a
praxis, as the
place where
ideas, emotions
verbalizations
meet practice
and action.”
 Love doesn’t need to play a role in sex, it is
about being in the moment;
 Different experiences allows you to learn
more about your sexuality, with out having
to be in love
 When it come to "making love,” you usually
make love with someone you had some
form of love for
 Love enhances the sex
 “Love as action”

18. WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHEN
YOU DON’T LIKE SOME OR ALL YOUR OWN BODY?
A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE
You Need to
reject the
shame and
guilt you
internalize
and begin to
feel more
comfortable
with your own
sexuality and
sexual desire
 Not liking your own body affects the intimacy in the
relationship as well as other aspects of life
 Media images decide on what body type is acceptable
and attractive
 Reassurance from partner helps you find enjoyment in
your own body; telling you, you are beautiful,
attractive, sexy, and desirable
 You need to start unlearning cultural stereotypes and
socialized messages
 Double standard: women’s bodies are more scrutinized
than men’s; When you are jealous of your partner’s
body it hard to feel comfortable naked with them
 Fear of rejection
 Sex is about appreciating one another’s bodies and
feeling truly comfortable in your own
 When your partner takes some active role in helping
you overcome things that make you feel insecure it
helps you gain more confidence in yourself

19. You Need to
reject the
shame and
guilt you
internalize
and begin to
feel more
comfortable
with your own
sexuality and
sexual desire:
Personal
Response
For me, being in a relationship has helped me become
more comfortable with myself. You do need to reject
the shame you feel towards who you are and ignore
the images of “beauty” that appear in the media.
Being in the relationship I am in now helps me
overcome my insecurities because he is constantly
reminding me of the qualities that he loves about
me, which in turn helps me build my self esteem.

20. HOW DO MEDIA IMAGES AND PORTRAYALS OF
RELATIONSHIPS AFFECT YOUR IDEA OF AN “IDEAL”
RELATIONSHIP?
A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE
The
“beautiful”
women of the
media are
mostly
thinner and
prettier
than
ourselves
 Sitcom couples (good looking woman, corky husband); doesn’t
display a positive, lasting relationship
 The media doesn’t represent non-monogamy, non- binary
trans people, single mothers, asexual, the disabled, or
“bigger” girls; makes those who are feel “erased” from society
 Internet and books offer more options: feminist blogs where
they often talk about relationships; only place, in media, that
you see the variety of different kinds of relationships
 Ideal relationships are shaped by individual beliefs
 Television and Disney movies influence you towards a
heteronormative ideal of relationships, it depicts the “typical
middle-class white-picket-fence life
 TV emphasizes sexuality and “hookup culture” making
asexuality abnormal
 Double standard between men and women
 Lack of interracial relationships in the media may deters
people from accepting it
 Media often depicts trans women as a sexual fetish or
deviancy; creates stereotypes, seen as something
threatening, immoral, dangerous to both themselves and
others
 Music sometimes depicts women in a bad way; lyrics are

21. Media &
Relationships:
Personal Response
Media has a huge roll in how women view
relationships. We are constantly judging and
being judge based on how similar, or
dissimilar, we are to the relationships we see on
TV. I think that the media needs to be open to
all forms of relationships that span all the
differences that exist in our society. If people
had a better understanding of the different
relationships that exist maybe there would be
less judgment towards them; people will no
longer consider their relations as straying from
the norm.

22. HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU ARE WITH
SOMEONE WHOM THE WORLD GIVES MORE OR LESS POWER THAN YOU
HAVE, BECAUSE OF RACE, INCOME, GENDER, OR DISABILITY?
A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE
 Stay at home dads may lead to power struggles as they take on the opposite
parental role ( the doctor usually talks directly to the mother; the child is
naturally more attached to mother because of breast feeding)
 Many books of advice are geared toward the mother and baby which may
cause the father to feel left out and mother to feel like she’s not being a
good parent
 Women tend to have more doubts about their capabilities because of being
a woman especially when it comes to applying for jobs, don’t feel as
confident
 Relationship are harder when you and your partner have different financial
incomes or different levels of education
 Open communication makes it easier to deal with differences
 Support from partner is important

23. WHAT ARE YOUR EXPERIENCES IN RELATIONSHIPS
THAT SPAN RACIAL DIFFERENCES?
A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE
“when you
have two
cultures
that do not
understand
each other, it
is definitely
an uphill
battle
 Having to overcome stereotypes ,especially
those that are believed by partner’s parents or
family
 Makes you feel like you should be defensive -
while in public you feel you have to try not to
appear attractive to one another to avoid being
judged by others
 Have to adjust because of different cultures also
means different dating cultures;

24. HAVE YOU OR YOUR PARTNER DUSCUSSED HAVING CHILDREN?
IF YOU HAD DIFFEREING OPINONS, HOW DID IT AFFECT YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS?
(A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE)
 Choosing not to have a child because the other
partner doesn’t want one may cause regret
 Often feel pressure from your culture or family to
have children
 The decision to have children is easier when you
feel open with a lack of pressure from your partner
 Discussion about children is a “tool for
fantasizing” and testing the future
 Stability in income and living situations impacts
the decision of having a child
 Age between partnerships can play a role in the
decision to have a child or not

25. WHAT EFFECT DO CHILDREN HAVE ON DATING OR
STAYING IN A RELATIONSHIP?
(A WOMEN’S RESPONSE)
Date men
that have
children
and is an
active
parent
because
they are
more
understan
ding about
balancing
dating
with
parenting
 Women often feel they need to protect their children
especially from having people in and out of their lives
 Single mothers may feel lonely without another adult
around, no one to vent too
 Children can make it hard to fit anyone else in your
life
 Dating and relationships are more of a challenge
when you are younger because others your age aren’t
at that point in their lives to have children
 Having children with someone might cause you to try
to make a relationship work even if its not going well
 Mothers often want to model proper dating behaviors
for children: “I wont date a person I wouldn’t want my
children to date someday”
 Not being able to afford a babysitter makes it difficult
to have a life outside the home and to meet new people
 Partners have to work together on dealing with
conflicts so children learn from it and not impact
their views on relationships negatively
 Divorce may cause your child to think its okay to “cut
and run”

26. Children
& Dating:
Personal Response
This discussion question caught my attention because I
have a friend who has a four year old son. Due to the
fact that she is still young, she still wants to go out and
meet new people but now she has a new responsibility. I
see her struggle with being a single mother, although she
is a great one! She wants to protect her child from
having people coming in and out of her life and its hard
to find someone in their twenties ready to help her be a
parent.

27. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT A RELATIONSHIP YOU INTENDED TO
STAY IN WAS GOING TO BE WORK? WHAT ARE SOME OBSTACLES THAT
CAN GET IN THE WAY OF RELATIONSHIPS?
(A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE)
“it only makes
sense that its
twice as difficult
when two or more
people decide to
combine their
experiences, fina
nces, living
space, food
choices, and
whatever else to
coexist without
undoing
everything
they’ve done to
become distinct
individuals who
are trying to
establish some
identity away
from their
families and
particular
upbringing.
Compromise, uncon
ditional love, and
acceptance are
the hardest
things to realize
and exercise in
relationships.”
 It is important to have good communication: explaining what
is being said between each other and what it means to the
both of you
 Major obstacle can be issues over money (especially if you
have differences in income)
 Issues on maintaining the task of housekeeping; how you
were socialized in understanding gender roles
 Work often takes up most of your time and energy; not
enough time together
 Its sometimes hard to remember that you are partners not
just roommates
 Sometimes partners have a different view or understanding
on important social issues

28. Personal
Response
Relationships are one of the harder things in
life, and at time can be a lot of work. From
my experience, the key to overcoming these
obstacles is communication. Being able to
talk with my partner and hearing each
other out completely helps the both us to
compromise and talk through what is
burdening us.

29. HOW HAS SEXUAL ABUSE AND/OR PHYISICAL
VIOLENCE AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
(A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE)
 It can make you feel like you need to hide part of yourself in your
relationship therefore, you can’t really invest on an emotional level
 No one to talk with without feeling judged or asked a bunch of questions
 You’re constantly trying to forget
 Seeking help from a therapist can help you recover
 Time can heal; with age you become less vulnerable and more able to
enjoy you relationships and sex again
 Makes you constantly scared and nervous; always afraid that they will
come back to hurt you again
 People make you feel like it was you fault; asked questions concerned
with what they were wearing that night or why they were walking alone.
 Causes you to have trouble trusting people
 You feel disgusting and violated afterward
 Trouble being intimate with partners

30. WHAT HAS HELPED THE PROCESS OF HEALING FROM
SEXUAL OR OTHER ABUSE?
A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE
 Learning to love yourself and who you are
 Reading or listening to other people who
experienced similar problems and how they
have coped
 Listening to positive music
 Therapy; helps hearing an outside perspective
 Having positive relationships
 Self-defense classes, boosts self confidence
 Easier to confide in the internet (feminist
sites), anonymity makes it easier; don’t feel so
alone
 Time
 Being open with people that you are close with

31. HOW HAS GROWING OLDER AFFECTED YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS OR WHAT YOU LOOK FOR IN A
RELATIONSHIP?
A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE
 Age brought with it a better job of valuing oneself
 You begin to not feel so bad when you have to say
no; “it is better to be single and look carefully for a
good partner than to just have any partner at all.”
 More interested in making intimate connections
that have nothing to do with sex
 Start to care less about what people think, and
won’t make compromises for anyone
 More choosy about partnerships
 You grow into yourself more the older you get. You
feel more comfortable with being alone, it’s better
than not being happy
 With age you are not so afraid to explore outside
the norm when it comes to relationships
 As you grow old with your partner you rediscover
each other in different ways

32. DO YOU FEEL AFFECTED BY
RELATIONSHIP TIME LINES?
(A WOMEN’S COMMON RESPONSE)
 Its all up to the individual to determine
what their time line is; when to marry or
when to have children not culture or family
pressure
 Recently there has been a change from
traditional dating, now it more like
“hanging out ”
 Sexual time line is usually in you teens and
relationship time lines fall in you twenties

33. Relation-
ship Time
Lines:
Personal
response
Like another women stated in this chapter’s discussion, it is
up to the individual to choose their relationship time
line. I find that the hard part, however, is not listening
and accepting what other people want or think you
should do. You shouldn’t always have to feel like you
need to do what everyone else is doing, its our own
relationships and therefore we should determine our
time line: whether its sex, dating, marriage, or children.

34. FACEBOOK DISCUSSION QUESTION:
Discuss some of the opinions that you shared with
the women of this chapter and how it has
impacted your views on relationships.