1. SCREEN
FUNSPACE
t8 I MONDAY 4 OCTOBER 2010
AS ENDHIRAN FEVER GRIPS THE COUNTRY — LET’S REMIND
OURSELVES ONCE AGAIN WHY THERE IS WONLY VUN RAJINI!
● When Rajinikanth does
push-ups, he isn’t lifting him-
self up. He is pushing the
earth down.
● There is no such thing as
evolution, it’s just a list of
creatures that Rajinikanth
allowed to live.
● Rajinikanth can divide by
zero.
● Rajinikanth can judge a
book by its cover.
● Rajinikanth can delete the
Recycle Bin.
● Rajinikanth can slam a
revolving door.
● Rajinikanth once kicked a
horse in the chin. Its descen-
dants are today called
giraffes.
● Rajinikanth can make
onions cry.
● Rajinikanth destroyed
the periodic table, because
he only recognises the
element of surprise.
● Rajinikanth once got
into a knife-fight. The
knife lost.
● Rajinikanth never
wet his bed as a
child. The bed wet
itself in fear.
● Rajinikanth does
not own a stove,
oven, or
microwave,
because revenge is
a dish best served
cold.
● Rajinikanth has
already been to
Mars, that’s why
there is no sign of life
there.
● Rajinikanth doesn’t
move at the speed of
light. Light moves at the
speed of Rajinikanth.
● When you say ‘no one is
perfect’, Rajinikant
takes this as a person-
al insult.
● Google won’t
find Rajinikanth
because you don’t
find Rajinikanth;
Rajinikanth finds
you.
● Rajinikanth
leaves messages
before the beep.
● Rajinikanth calls
Voldemort by his name.
● Rajinikanth is so fast,
he can run around the world
and punch himself in the
back of the head.
● Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a
watch. He decides what time
it is.
● In an average living room
there are 1,242 objects
Rajinikanth could use to kill
you, including the room itself.
● When Rajinikanth is asked
to kill someone he doesn’t
know, he shoots the bullet and
directs it the day he finds out.
● Rajinikanth has counted to
infinity, twice.
● There are no weapons of
mass destruction in Iraq.
Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.
● Water boils faster when
Rajinikanth stares at it.
● Rajinikanth kills two
stones with one bird.
● Rajinikanth killed the Dead
Sea.
● Rajinikanth gave Mona
Lisa that smile.
● Rajinikanth can drown a
fish.
● Rajinikanth once got into a
fight with a VCR player. Now
it plays DVDs.
● Rajinikanth once
ordered a plate of idli
in McDonald’s, and got it.
● Rajinikanth can win at
Solitaire with only 18 cards.
● The Bermuda Triangle
used to be the Bermuda
Square, until Rajinikanth
kicked one of the corners off.
● Rajinikanth can build a
snowman out of rain.
● Rajinikanth can watch the
show 60 Minutes in 20 min-
utes.
● Rajinikanth will
attain separate state-
hood in 2013.
● Rajinikanth did, in
fact, build Rome in a
day.
● Rajinikanth can
play the violin with a
piano.
● Rajinikanth kills
Harry Potter in the eighth
book.
● Rajinikanth gave the Joker
those scars.
● Rajinikanth once warned a
young girl to be good “or
else”. The result? Mother
Teresa.
● Rajinikanth electrocuted
Iron Man.
● Rajinikanth killed
Spiderman using Baygon
Anti Bug Spray.
● Rajinikanth puts the
‘laughter’ in manslaughter.
● Rajinikanth goes to court
and sentences the judge.
● Rajinikanth can handle the
truth.
● Rajinikanth can teach an
old dog new tricks.
● Rajinikanth grinds his cof-
fee with his teeth and boils
the water with his own rage.
● The last time Rajinikanth
killed someone, he slapped
himself to do it. The other
guy just disintegrated.
Resonance.
● Rajinikanth can lick his
elbows.
● Rajinikanth once ate an
entire bottle of sleeping
pills. They made him
blink.
● Rajinikanth does
not get frostbite.
Rajinikanth bites
frost.
● Rajinikanth got his
drivers licence at the
age of 16 seconds.
● The statement
“nobody can cheat death”,
is a personal insult to
Rajinikanth. He cheats and
fools death everyday.
● Rajinikanth can give pain
to painkillers and headache
to Anacin.
● Rajinikanth knows what
women really want.
● Time and tide wait for
Rajinikanth.
● As a child when
Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he
simply re-scripted the alpha-
bet.
● Rajinikanth doesn’t need a
visa to travel abroad, he just
jumps from the tallest build-
ing in Chennai and holds
himself in the air while the
earth rotates.
● Rajinikanth’s brain works
faster than Chacha
Chaudhary’s.
● Rajinikanth doesn’t shower.
He only takes blood baths.
● To be or not to be? That is
the question. The answer?
Rajinikanth.
● The quickest way to a
man’s heart is with
Rajinikanth’s fist.
● Where there is a will, there
is a way. Where there is
Rajinikanth, there is no other
way.
● Rajinikanth doesn’t bowl
strikes, he just knocks down
one pin and the other nine
faint out of fear.
● Archaeologists unearthed
an old English dictionary dat-
ing back to the year 1236. It
defined “victim” as “one
who has encountered
Rajinikanth”.
● Once a cobra bit
Rajinikanth’s leg.
After five days of
excruciating
pain, the cobra
died.
● Rajinikanth is
a champion in
the game hide-n-
seek, as no one can
hide from
Rajinikanth.
● Rajinikanth proves
Newton wrong all the time.
Every time he performs an
action, he simply elimi-
nates anything and
everything that can
provide the reaction.
● Rajinikanth is a
weapon created by god
to use on doomsday to
end the world.
● Aliens do indeed exist.
They just know better than
to visit a planet that
Rajinikanth is on.
● Rajinikanth does not style
his hair. It lays perfectly in
place out of sheer terror.
● When Rajinikanth plays
Monopoly, it affects the world
economy.
● Rajinikanth is the only
man to ever defeat a brick
wall in a game of tennis.
● Rajinikanth’s house has no
doors, only walls that he
walks through.
Add to this list.
Tell t2@abpmail.com
RAJINIKANTH’S
CALENDAR GOES
STRAIGHT FROM
MARCH 31 TO
APRIL 2. NO ONE
FOOLS
RAJINIKANTH
RAJINIKANTH
CAN STRANGLE
YOU WITH A
CORDLESS
PHONE
WORDS LIKE
AWESOMENESS,
BRILLIANCE,
LEGENDARY ETC WERE
ADDED TO THE
DICTIONARY IN THE
YEAR 1949. THAT WAS
THE YEAR
RAJINIKANTH
WAS BORN
RAJINIKANTH
KNOWS
VICTORIA’S
SECRET
RAJINIKANTH
DOESN’T
BREATHE. AIR
HIDES IN HIS
LUNGS FOR
PROTECTION
THERE IS NO SUCH
THING AS GLOBAL
WARMING. RAJINIKANTH
WAS FEELING COLD, SO
HE BROUGHTTHE SUN
CLOSERTO HEATTHE
EARTH UP
HIS EMAIL
ID IS GMAIL@
RAJINIKANTH.
COM
RAJINIKANTH’S
NEXT FILM IS
CALLED TWITTER
— HE PLAYS 140
CHARACTERS
RAJINIKANTH
CAN ANSWER A
MISSED CALL
RAJINIKANTH
KNOWS WHICH
CAME FIRST,
THE CHICKEN
OR THE EGG