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The Medol Model: Understanding Shame

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The Medol Model: Understanding Shame

  1. 1. The Medol Model:Understanding Shame The Gift of Anger Workshop November 13, 2011
  2. 2. Shame Is . . . A belief or an attitudethat there is something wrongwith you, or with someone else©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  3. 3. Characteristics of Shame An attitude of disrespect, conditional love and conditional acceptanceAssumptions you make or others make about you or you make about yourself Supposed to messages An unhealthy learned emotion we were taught ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  4. 4. Three Ways to Play the Same Game What I believe should be true of YOU: “Shame on YOU!” What you believe should be true of ME: “Shame on ME!” What I believe should be true of ME: “Shame on ME!” ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  5. 5. If you are supposed to ... then If you are not “whatever” is EXPECTED of YOU, the “shame message” tells you there is something wrong with YOU! ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  6. 6. Players in the Shame Game Do you hear or use the words… Should Always You better Have to Must Never Ought to Supposed to ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  7. 7. Players in the Shame Game Do you feel… Demeaned Devalued Discounted Embarrassed Judged Put down ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  8. 8. Shame Self Test Ask yourself…“Have I done something wrong?” If the answer is “NO” You are experiencing SHAME ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  9. 9. Recognizing a Shaming Message Does it say something is wrong with me or with someone else? Is it an expectation or assumption? Is it a judgment or an opinion? Is it disrespectful or destructive? Is it hurtful or emotionally crippling? Is it a control device? Is it a lie and simply NOT TRUE? ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  10. 10. Emotional Injury from Shame Undermines safety Deprives independence and personal growth Undermines your faith in yourself Deprives you of love Destroys relationshipsUndermines self confidence, self value and self esteem ©2011 Intellectual Proprietary Content | Jerry Medol and Anger Alternatives Inc., Kansas City, MO
  11. 11. Learn More…Let’s Start the Conversation Jerry Medol, Director jmedol@anger.org 816.753.5118 Rusty Fleischer, Program Director rusty@anger.org Website: Anger.org Facebook: facebook.com/AngerAlternatives SlideShare: slideshare.net/AngerAlternatives

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